A/N: I'm so happy from all the responses! Even collected more newbies...did
I mention how much I love them? And how much I hate all the grammatical
errors I made in the last three chapters? Oh, well, no one gives a fig but
me. I'm just so excited to post, I don't edit! The main reaction I got from
you all was "DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!! Well, yeah, I did, but I didn't
expect you to USE it!". I KNEW the rose thing would be a major clue. I'm
not so subtle lol. So I was surfing for Miranda fics, and I read like five,
and I realized...THEY ARE ALL THE FREAKING SAME. To be honest, I had never
read a M/G fic when I started mine, because I didn't bother searching for a
particular kind. But MAN. Miranda ALWAYS has family issues and ALWAYS cuts
herself. This is why I'm apologizing to Joe, in case he (she?) is still
reading this. I can TOTALLY see where you were coming from, my friend. I
guess Miranda IS the perfect angst-y character (female, at least). And I'm
so close to 60 reviews!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!! 60 is close to 70 and 70 is
close to 80 and 80 is close to 90 and 90 is close to 100!!!!! YAY!!!!
PinkPrincess (Joanne): Didn't catch yours, you sneaky little devil! Yes, kisses and running. Ah, so beautiful. SO sad. I loved that chapter. Mini golf and Gordo-kissing. ::zones out thinking about it:: oh, yes, you. Heh. Thanks for the review, and..::stops dead:: IS THIS YOUR FIFTH REVIEW. YES. LORD, IT IS. TIME TO NAME YOU!!!!! ::thinks hard:: okay you are as of now..GROOVY LEMON SLIPPPERS. Now THAT..is the coolest thing EVER. You are SO LUCKY. Kisses and hugs!
Love-fool: Amazing, isn't it? How can you NOT love the Larry-ness that is...Larry. It's like, the LAW. I know I love Larry more than Miranda! Will continue, my Amy-ness shoe sister.
Elfin1: Heh, Heh, Heh. I KNOW you. Well, not in person (or do I? ::creepy look::: gnaw, I'm too tired to stalk people) but I do know the elfish-ness that is YOU. You weren't being stupid, it was ALL ME. BWA HA HA!!! You KNEW. You are a smart banana, and well on your way to becoming part of our little shoe sisterhood (did I mention even guys can be in the sisterhood? Even a feminist like me would like to welcome the male community and embrace it..god, Gordo makes up for a lot of slack). Thank you MUCHO for reviewing and have fun!!
See the light: Thank you bunches!!!! I'm glad you enjoy reading my imaginary Miranda views. I love to write them. I KNEW you would know. Well, not you personally, I don't know you, but people who like my fic are SMART people. I was trying to make it interesting, especially after the sense of making-it-better-well-not-really in chapter 9 (was it chapter 9? I think. I don't KNOW.). Thanks for reviewing!!! Update I will (I just did.)
Caley: I'd LOVE to talk to you sometime. Lots o' loving coming form YOUR direction. I was hoping SOMEONE would be surprised, and I'm glad its you, as someone who has read it before. MUCHO love!! PS Would you rather be magenta or burgundy?
Belle: Ooh, Belle.I like. You know it means beauty? ::nods knowingly:: uh huh. You knew that, didn't you. Oh, drumsticks! Well, anyway, thanks bunches for reviewing. I'm gathering a lot o' Larry lovers 'round these parts (why, in God's name, am I talking like a cowboy?) and I'm enjoying it. Lizzie loving Miranda kind of freaks me out too, but HEY! I'm the author; what are you going to do. Much love.
PinkPrincess: Smart bananas, these ones. Groovy lemon slippers, you are. I'm sorry you couldn't be pink, lovie, but LEMON is like, the coolest. Feeding your addiction is what I do. And don't worry about being wrong. Everyone was sort of like "Ooh, maybe...nah, she wouldn't do that!". I did, I'm evil, I've been. Thank you MUCHO.
A numb sort of ringing filled my body. I needed to think. I NEEDED to think. Think, not do.
She didn't run. She didn't run like I did. She sat calmly, watching me as an ocean of emotions cascaded down my brain. She DIDN'T say that. No, I misheard. But what was I supposed to say? "Excuse me, did you just say you were a lesbian?" No. No chance in hell.
"Wha-I-heh..," I swallowed and thought of what to say.
"I'm sorry, Miranda, I just HAD to tell you!," She cried. Don't say my NAME, Lizzie! "It's been like this for a little while now. I guess I sort of knew after all this..this crap between me and guys came! I just knew...knew I wasn't right for guys. And then you. Remember that night when Gordo and I broke up? Remember, I said I could only love someone who loved me. And you told me it didn't always work out that way? But you DO love me, Miranda. Just..differently, I think. I just..." She trailed off as I put my hand up.
"Just please...go away," I whispered, a horrible sinking feeling coating my stomach. She closed her eyes and swallowed, standing up.
"Bye, Miranda," She walked out the door. I slammed it as her footsteps faded.
"Don't say my name," I said quietly, and then shouted, "DON'T SAY MY GOD DAMN NAME!!" It was then I completely crumbled as a person.
March 20
My aunt told me about this moment in time all of us realized who we are. She said it wasn't dramatic at first, and you didn't know it was that moment until it passes completely. She described it as scary, but miraculous. I think my moment in time passed. And I don't like what I saw.
So, like myself, I ran. Well, drove actually. I drove and drove and drove, with no real aim, just the hope of salvation from my own thoughts. There are few a times a person can honestly say they hate themselves..this is one of those times.
I ended up, on a sick twist, at the beach. The ran to the ocean like it could drink me in and suck me out of this crap. The sand was warm on my bare feet. I was almost happy as I plunged into the water fully clothed. I floated on the surface, listening to the water block my ears in a blissful cluelessness. Thoughts of Lizzie and Gordo and my father and my mother and, oddly enough, Larry, washed into the ocean and almost left me, lazily floating around my skull.
In my dull sense of numbness, I started fingering the scarred heart on my wrist. Wearing my heart on my sleeve, I thought amusedly. A bloody valentine.
"Getting good at running away, are you?" A voice came, causing me to jump up out of the water.
"Jesus, Parker," I snapped. "Are you some insane stalker or something?"
"I've been watching you around, yes," She said curtly. "Only because I have nothing better to do." She sat on the sand as I somewhat reluctantly got out of the water. My clothes, clinging to my body, were soaking wet. "So..Lizzie tell you?" I looked at her in surprise.
"You KNEW?"
"I know people," She lit a cigarette lazily. "So..let me guess. You freaked out and blew up at her."
"No. I just told her to leave me alone," I replied, feeling the horrible sinking feeling again. She blew smoke out, letting it curl around her face.
"You really don't know how good you have it, Sanchez," She shook her head bitterly.
"What the hell are you TALKING about?"
"Lizzie's a good girl," Parker shrugged.
"Yeah, I just have no...feelings for her!," I cried.
"Yeah, well, sucks for you," She rolled her eyes. "Someone finally likes oyu and you have to be picky."
"Parker, she's a GIRL," I said witheringly.
"I know THAT," She said, annoyed. "But does it really MATTER?"
"Yes!," I said indignantly.
"Why?"
"Because," I struggled for the answer. "The..the thing."
"What..THING?"
"Attraction. Love. Whatever."
"Who gives a shit about any of that anymore?"
I do!," I cried. I then realized what I just said. I CARE about love. Wow. When did THAT happen?
"Well, well," Parker said, amused. Damn it. "So...what's going on in the Gordo department?"
"I kissed him. And then I ran," I sighed.
"Ah, the old kiss and run," She smiled. "I get it. What did he say?"
"He asked me what he did," I tried to remember. "And then I told him..I told him I kissed him not because I liked him, but because I was jealous of what a good relationship he had with Lizzie."
"Bad move, amiga," Parker tutted. "Now you're in some kind of sick love triangle." That I was. Great. "Can I make a suggestion? Cut the bull! Tell Gordo and get on with your life. The way I see it, if you tell him, you have a 50/50 chance of getting your guy. But if you don't..try zip, girl." She had a point.
"I guess I'm more afraid," I admitted. "I'm not usually afraid of stuff so stupid, but...what do I do if he says no?"
"You always have Lizzie to fall back on," She laughed.
"Sick," I mumbled.
"Hey, Lizzie AND Gordo are great people," Parker replied.
"Is everyone in this whole freaking town homosexual?," I cried.
"Better hope Gordo isn't."
"You're kind of stupid, Parker."
"No, Miranda...I'm just opinionated." She stood up. "Of course, that could be the same thing in some people's eyes." She winked at me. "I guess this would make a good exit. See you later, Randy." Now, the question is...Is this what emptiness feels like? Because I felt pretty full right then.
So Parker was a little insane. Big deal. She knew what she was talking about...
Go for the kill. Go for Gordo, Miranda. Full to the brim.
PinkPrincess (Joanne): Didn't catch yours, you sneaky little devil! Yes, kisses and running. Ah, so beautiful. SO sad. I loved that chapter. Mini golf and Gordo-kissing. ::zones out thinking about it:: oh, yes, you. Heh. Thanks for the review, and..::stops dead:: IS THIS YOUR FIFTH REVIEW. YES. LORD, IT IS. TIME TO NAME YOU!!!!! ::thinks hard:: okay you are as of now..GROOVY LEMON SLIPPPERS. Now THAT..is the coolest thing EVER. You are SO LUCKY. Kisses and hugs!
Love-fool: Amazing, isn't it? How can you NOT love the Larry-ness that is...Larry. It's like, the LAW. I know I love Larry more than Miranda! Will continue, my Amy-ness shoe sister.
Elfin1: Heh, Heh, Heh. I KNOW you. Well, not in person (or do I? ::creepy look::: gnaw, I'm too tired to stalk people) but I do know the elfish-ness that is YOU. You weren't being stupid, it was ALL ME. BWA HA HA!!! You KNEW. You are a smart banana, and well on your way to becoming part of our little shoe sisterhood (did I mention even guys can be in the sisterhood? Even a feminist like me would like to welcome the male community and embrace it..god, Gordo makes up for a lot of slack). Thank you MUCHO for reviewing and have fun!!
See the light: Thank you bunches!!!! I'm glad you enjoy reading my imaginary Miranda views. I love to write them. I KNEW you would know. Well, not you personally, I don't know you, but people who like my fic are SMART people. I was trying to make it interesting, especially after the sense of making-it-better-well-not-really in chapter 9 (was it chapter 9? I think. I don't KNOW.). Thanks for reviewing!!! Update I will (I just did.)
Caley: I'd LOVE to talk to you sometime. Lots o' loving coming form YOUR direction. I was hoping SOMEONE would be surprised, and I'm glad its you, as someone who has read it before. MUCHO love!! PS Would you rather be magenta or burgundy?
Belle: Ooh, Belle.I like. You know it means beauty? ::nods knowingly:: uh huh. You knew that, didn't you. Oh, drumsticks! Well, anyway, thanks bunches for reviewing. I'm gathering a lot o' Larry lovers 'round these parts (why, in God's name, am I talking like a cowboy?) and I'm enjoying it. Lizzie loving Miranda kind of freaks me out too, but HEY! I'm the author; what are you going to do. Much love.
PinkPrincess: Smart bananas, these ones. Groovy lemon slippers, you are. I'm sorry you couldn't be pink, lovie, but LEMON is like, the coolest. Feeding your addiction is what I do. And don't worry about being wrong. Everyone was sort of like "Ooh, maybe...nah, she wouldn't do that!". I did, I'm evil, I've been. Thank you MUCHO.
A numb sort of ringing filled my body. I needed to think. I NEEDED to think. Think, not do.
She didn't run. She didn't run like I did. She sat calmly, watching me as an ocean of emotions cascaded down my brain. She DIDN'T say that. No, I misheard. But what was I supposed to say? "Excuse me, did you just say you were a lesbian?" No. No chance in hell.
"Wha-I-heh..," I swallowed and thought of what to say.
"I'm sorry, Miranda, I just HAD to tell you!," She cried. Don't say my NAME, Lizzie! "It's been like this for a little while now. I guess I sort of knew after all this..this crap between me and guys came! I just knew...knew I wasn't right for guys. And then you. Remember that night when Gordo and I broke up? Remember, I said I could only love someone who loved me. And you told me it didn't always work out that way? But you DO love me, Miranda. Just..differently, I think. I just..." She trailed off as I put my hand up.
"Just please...go away," I whispered, a horrible sinking feeling coating my stomach. She closed her eyes and swallowed, standing up.
"Bye, Miranda," She walked out the door. I slammed it as her footsteps faded.
"Don't say my name," I said quietly, and then shouted, "DON'T SAY MY GOD DAMN NAME!!" It was then I completely crumbled as a person.
March 20
My aunt told me about this moment in time all of us realized who we are. She said it wasn't dramatic at first, and you didn't know it was that moment until it passes completely. She described it as scary, but miraculous. I think my moment in time passed. And I don't like what I saw.
So, like myself, I ran. Well, drove actually. I drove and drove and drove, with no real aim, just the hope of salvation from my own thoughts. There are few a times a person can honestly say they hate themselves..this is one of those times.
I ended up, on a sick twist, at the beach. The ran to the ocean like it could drink me in and suck me out of this crap. The sand was warm on my bare feet. I was almost happy as I plunged into the water fully clothed. I floated on the surface, listening to the water block my ears in a blissful cluelessness. Thoughts of Lizzie and Gordo and my father and my mother and, oddly enough, Larry, washed into the ocean and almost left me, lazily floating around my skull.
In my dull sense of numbness, I started fingering the scarred heart on my wrist. Wearing my heart on my sleeve, I thought amusedly. A bloody valentine.
"Getting good at running away, are you?" A voice came, causing me to jump up out of the water.
"Jesus, Parker," I snapped. "Are you some insane stalker or something?"
"I've been watching you around, yes," She said curtly. "Only because I have nothing better to do." She sat on the sand as I somewhat reluctantly got out of the water. My clothes, clinging to my body, were soaking wet. "So..Lizzie tell you?" I looked at her in surprise.
"You KNEW?"
"I know people," She lit a cigarette lazily. "So..let me guess. You freaked out and blew up at her."
"No. I just told her to leave me alone," I replied, feeling the horrible sinking feeling again. She blew smoke out, letting it curl around her face.
"You really don't know how good you have it, Sanchez," She shook her head bitterly.
"What the hell are you TALKING about?"
"Lizzie's a good girl," Parker shrugged.
"Yeah, I just have no...feelings for her!," I cried.
"Yeah, well, sucks for you," She rolled her eyes. "Someone finally likes oyu and you have to be picky."
"Parker, she's a GIRL," I said witheringly.
"I know THAT," She said, annoyed. "But does it really MATTER?"
"Yes!," I said indignantly.
"Why?"
"Because," I struggled for the answer. "The..the thing."
"What..THING?"
"Attraction. Love. Whatever."
"Who gives a shit about any of that anymore?"
I do!," I cried. I then realized what I just said. I CARE about love. Wow. When did THAT happen?
"Well, well," Parker said, amused. Damn it. "So...what's going on in the Gordo department?"
"I kissed him. And then I ran," I sighed.
"Ah, the old kiss and run," She smiled. "I get it. What did he say?"
"He asked me what he did," I tried to remember. "And then I told him..I told him I kissed him not because I liked him, but because I was jealous of what a good relationship he had with Lizzie."
"Bad move, amiga," Parker tutted. "Now you're in some kind of sick love triangle." That I was. Great. "Can I make a suggestion? Cut the bull! Tell Gordo and get on with your life. The way I see it, if you tell him, you have a 50/50 chance of getting your guy. But if you don't..try zip, girl." She had a point.
"I guess I'm more afraid," I admitted. "I'm not usually afraid of stuff so stupid, but...what do I do if he says no?"
"You always have Lizzie to fall back on," She laughed.
"Sick," I mumbled.
"Hey, Lizzie AND Gordo are great people," Parker replied.
"Is everyone in this whole freaking town homosexual?," I cried.
"Better hope Gordo isn't."
"You're kind of stupid, Parker."
"No, Miranda...I'm just opinionated." She stood up. "Of course, that could be the same thing in some people's eyes." She winked at me. "I guess this would make a good exit. See you later, Randy." Now, the question is...Is this what emptiness feels like? Because I felt pretty full right then.
So Parker was a little insane. Big deal. She knew what she was talking about...
Go for the kill. Go for Gordo, Miranda. Full to the brim.