Chapter 10

Both Janet and Daniel were mothering her, and Sam was just about sick of it. She had hoped that getting back to her own house would give her a chance to talk to Jack, only to find out that Jack had left and taken most of his stuff with him back to his old house. Blaming tears on the painkillers she had moved on, praying that he would see sense and come over to talk to her. She was still unable to push her own chair very far with her hands still very painful and not seeming to let up very often. As such she was confined to the house and couldn't go and seek Jack out herself. SG1 were on down time and with no response at his house they had no way of knowing where Colonel O'Neill was. She just had to wait.

The gun was comfortable in her hand, a cold presence. It was a familiar shape and reminded her of battles fought, won or lost, lives taken, the pain of the bullet, the recoil in her hand. The sight of blood... the sight of blood.

There was no one to fight her, no alien attacker, no Gou'ald or Jaffa. She was alone.

She flicked the barrel open with practised ease, checking each chamber. A single bullet.

She slid the barrel to, feeling the solid click as it fell into place. She gently eased the safety off and turned the gun towards herself, aiming carefully, not wanting to miss with her only shot. She spent a moment adjusting her grip in the unusual position. It was always the first lesson you were taught when handling guns. The weapon is never pointed towards yourself. The weapon is never pointed towards yourself.

She tensed her finger on the trigger, testing her grip as if it were something she might have to report on in the future. Finally she was ready, pulling down gently and smoothly on the trigger, until...

Her door was unlocked, which was strange because there had been break-ins recently and she'd made a point of locking up each night. He stepped through the door cautiously, aware that he was intruding. The noise he heard drove all such thoughts from his mind.

He'd heard a multitude of gunshots in his life, but none had ever affected him like this one.

The blood was the first thing he was, it was deep and red, flowing freely, gathering in cracks in the lino, marking out the patterning.

Then he saw her, her hands laying loosely by her sides, a gun in one. He fell to his knees at her side, a towel appearing in his hands doing nothing to stop the flow of blood which was still pooling around him.

Sam and Jack both awoke suddenly, looking to each other only to find the other half of the bed empty. This time there was nothing either of them could find to stop the flow of tears.

Teal'c appeared, outlined in Jack's door. "O'Neill, are you OK?"

Daniel appeared, outlined in Sam's door. "Sam, are you OK?"

Together they had only one answer. "No."

Jack bit his lip as he struggled to contain the stream of silent tears that flooded down his face. Teal'c remained stoic as he stood, and Jack was thankful that it was Teal'c with him rather than Daniel. Daniel would press for information until he was more unwilling than ever to give it. Teal'c he could trust to wait until he was ready to talk. Christ he needed to talk.

Daniel was at her side in a moment, wrapping her in his arms.

"Sam, what is it? Talk to me."

"I just had a nightmare, Daniel, go back to bed."

"What was your nightmare about?"

"I really don't want to talk about it, Daniel."

"Please Sam, I just want to know what's upsetting you so much."

"My fiancée has disappeared off the face of the earth and it's probably my fault Daniel. All I want to do is talk to him."

"If I took you over there, and risk Janet's wrath, do you think he'd talk to you if he's home?"

"I don't know Daniel. But it's worth a try."

"OK, get dressed and we'll see what we can do."

"It wasn't long after she was released. We'd made sure her house was all ready for her and everything and she got really upset. Janet said it was all the drugs she was being given, throwing her out of whack emotionally. We weren't so sure. SG1 were called out on a mission and Janet was busy so we left her on her own for that day. We'd been mothering her for the last week, and she said she'd be fine. We all figured she'd need some time alone anyway, she was always one to handle her emotions when she was alone. She found it harder to deal with when she had an audience. We never expected... I mean, it was suggested, by the psychologist... But it was Carter, she didn't do things like that.

"Janet wasn't able to get out of work that evening so she asked me to go and check on her. She would have asked Daniel, but he'd... I don't remember, he'd twisted his ankle or something like that. Anyway, when I got there she'd already..." He drifted for a moment in the memory before bringing himself back. "Shot herself." He choked out. "And she was laid there... And I remember sitting there trying to stop the bleeding, and then I was at the hospital. And I don't remember getting there at all, it's not even like it was a blank, I was there one minute and at the hospital the next, with some Doctor telling me that the gun had misfired, done her some damage, but not killed her. And she was so angry with me, for saving her. She wanted to die and she hated me because I'd saved her life. We had this huge argument in the hospital and we must have resolved something because I moved in with her the day she got back out of hospital and a year and a half after that I proposed. We haven't lived in separate houses since then, Teal'c. Not until now."

"I believe this situation can be rectified."

"How Teal'c. I've messed this up so badly. I should never had left..."

"Dr. Carter is here."

"What?"