Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the original ideas portrayed here poorly or not.
~ 'Cuz it was so much fun the first time, here is the second installment in the "Evil Does Not Wear Pink" series. I'm thinking of calling it PinkVerse. ~
***
Pink Clothes and a Nagging Wife Do Not a Villain Make
PinkVerse#2
By: omni82
***
For her punishment in the incident at the market, Soi was confined to quarters. This was perfectly acceptable by her. She finally was going to get some peace and quiet. No kids getting into scrapes, no fussy, debutante illusionists to soothe, and best of all, no Suzaku seishi. With Seiryuu's blessing, she would get the nap that was four years in the making.
Her eyes were just beginning to close when she heard it. A noise that sounded suspiciously like a hammer hitting metal was emanating from the far corners of the tent. As her mind was drawing scenarios for dealing with Nakago's rage, Soi rolled from her cot and sprinted across the makeshift room. She pulled the hammer out of Suboshi's hand as he went to hit the shinazaho for the third time. He smiled widely at her.
"Hi Mama," her babies crowed, holding their arms out for a hug. Soi had to restrain the urge to smack them with the confiscated tool.
"What were you doing?" She demanded through tightly clenched teeth. God, her jaw hurt. It was a wonder she could still open it after all these years.
"We were hitting the shinazho so the Priestess of Poopy can't use it." Amiboshi explained.
"Priestess of Poopy!" Suboshi echoed gleefully.
"Poopy, poopy, poop!"
"Poopy, poopy, poop!"
Soi sighed and rubbed the sensitive skin at the bridge of her nose. If only they weren't in Hokkan! She could have given the pair a set of mild shocks that would have quieted them for the rest of the day.
But, in their own demented way, the boys were just trying to help. Soi couldn't figure out for the life of her why on Earth Nakago insisted on his stupid plan to bed the Priestess of Suzaku. They had Genbu's shinazho and could be well on their way to Sairou now if not for his plan. What did the Priestess of Suzaku have that she didn't?
Jealousy was what it all boiled down to, Soi realized. She was acting like a jealous wife and with good reason. If Nakago was going to go through with his stupid plan, she would just have to launch a counter-offensive of her own.
"Boys, come sit by Mama for a minute," Soi cooed, patting the soft cushions of azure chaise she now reclined on. The twins eagerly scrambled up to press their adoring faces to her side. Not surprisingly, they were slightly sticky. Being a little gooey seemed to be a requirement of childhood.
"Do you want to help your mama protect Daddy from that evil Priestess of Suzaku?" The boys looked positively flabbergasted that their brave, powerful father needed protection from the 'Priestess of Poopy.'
"Daddy wants our help?" Amiboshi asked with such amazed disbelief that Soi was tempted to throttle her neglectful, dense husband.
"Oh yes," Soi lied. "There isn't anyone better for the job than you. Daddy told me himself." It was true, in a way. Nakago had said that the twins walking examples of Murphy's Law, perfect for ruining schemes with just their presence.
"What do we do?" Amiboshi queried, hopping down from her side. He began pacing around the room, rubbing his chin like he had seen his father do countless times when deep in thought. Not to be outdone, Suboshi joined him.
"Should we tie her shoelaces together?"
"Put snow down her shirt?"
"Throw rocks at her?"
"Steal all her underwear and plant it suspiciously in saddlebags of Suzaku no seishi, Mitsukake?"
"That would be funny," Amiboshi agreed before the pair broke out into giggles.
Soi stared at them, agape. Quickly, she recovered enough to lodge protest. "N-no," she told them and fixed her best 'Mommy Loves You' smile on her face. "All I want is for you to follow Daddy around wherever he goes. If he tries to make you leave, cry. The Priestess of Suzaku can't hurt him if you are always at his side."
The boys looked doubtful. "Follow Daddy around?" Amiboshi echoed.
"Will that really work?" Suboshi queried with identical disbelief.
Soi smiled with a sly satisfaction that her young progeny would not understand until years later. "Yes. It will work perfectly."
***
Nakago nearly growled in his frustration. This was the third time that his wife's minions escaped from their bonds. And though a tiny part of him was proud of their persistent achievements, he had to lay the law down somewhere. It was a little ridiculous for he, the great Kutou shogun, to be tailed by a pair of children.
"Amiboshi, Suboshi," Nakago began as he came to an abrupt halt. The shogun sighed wearily as the pair crashed into the back of his legs and fell to the ground. While they scrambled to attention, he wearily rubbed his face. Seiryuu grant him the patience to overcome this obstacle.
"Go back to your tent and-"
They burst into tears before he even finished his command. His wife was devious indeed, for even as the twins' sobs escalated into wails Nakago was on the receiving end of fatal glares from every woman in camp. If the blonde seishi didn't quiet the pair, he would be dealing with the mutiny of half his contingent.
With a sigh, Nakago tucked the weeping pair under his arm and marched into his tent. Immediately, they settled down as he set them upon his desk and began to pace. So far he had instructed, commanded, and pleaded for them to stay away. He had tied them to a chair, a bedpost, and a stake. He had given them over a dozen mild blasts of chi but they were unusually resistant and kept coming. Each attempt to get a few moments peace resulted with the same hideous shrieking. It was high time he came to the root of their problem and eliminated it.
"Did your mother set you up to this?" Nakago demanded before he could stop to think of a more tactful way of putting it. Luckily, the pair took no offense and stared at each other with puzzlement.
"Set us up to what, Daddy?" Suboshi queried sweetly. He shot his father a smile of such unadulterated sweetness that Nakago lost his train of thought.
"We're just following you because we love you," Amiboshi continued.
"Don't you love us, Daddy?" Suboshi asked with the slightest of trembling on his baby lips.
Nakago was flabbergasted. "Well, of course, I-"
"We love you too," they crowed simultaneously. Launching themselves from the surface of the desk, they pressed sticky kisses on their father's cold cheek.
As the small boys proceeded to heartily buss his cheeks, Nakago knew he was defeated. Somehow, two small children had outmaneuvered him. Perhaps he really was the emotional retard that Soi proclaimed him to be.
Suboshi and Amiboshi exchanged smug smiles from across their father's shoulders. They had successfully saved their father from the Priestess of Poopy. Their mama would be so proud…
And Soi was. The moment Nakago walked into their tent with their boys in his arms, she knew she had won. The unworthy Priestess of Suzaku would remain chaste.
"You don't have to smirk," Nakago instructed irately. He set the boys down and watched as they scampered off to ruin someone else's plans.
"I'm not smirking," Soi replied innocently. Patting a vacant spot on the bed next to her, she motioned for her husband to sit. He did so dejectedly that she was moved to comfort him.
"Forget about it," Soi cooed. "No one could stand up to that kind of emotional blackmail. Even the most dedicated of strategists would have given in."
"That's it!" Nakago sprang to his feet, dislodging his surprised wife.
"That's what?" Soi asked, disgruntled. She had torn a sleeve in her fall.
"We'll set our evil children on the Priestess of Suzaku and the Suzaku seishi. That will slow them down long enough for the rest of us to recover the second shinzaho and summon Seiryuu." Nakago's face was flushed with triumph, his expression one of smug satisfaction.
"That's wrong in so many ways," Soi responded. "First of all, the Suzaku seishi already recognize the boys."
"I'll have Tomo cast an illusion," Nakago replied complacently.
"Secondly, they could be hurt or even killed!"
"We're young; we can have more kids if you like," Nakago said with the same impatient apathy. After he got a look at his wife's face, he soon changed his tune, though. "Er, what I meant was…"
"They can be replaced?!" Soi cried in a strangled voice. "You have ten seconds to get out of my sight, Nakago, before I begin throwing lightning bolts."
"If they really mean that much to you…"
"One, two three…"
"We can send someone with them. Tomo for instance."
"Four, five…"
"Miboshi?"
"Six…"
"Ashitare?"
"Seven, eight, nine…"
"Very well. I will accompany them." Nakago conceded nastily. Soi stopped counting and stared her husband directly in the eye.
"You won't let anything happen to them?"
"I won't."
"Promise me Nakago or else I swear on the head of Seiryuu, I will shave you bald when you sleep."
The blonde shogun paled but held firm under the intense scrutiny of his outraged wife. He knew she was serious and though it put a cramp in his plans, he would keep his sons safe.
For their parts, Amiboshi and Suboshi were thrilled to be going out on a 'real live' mission with their father. They got to wear disguises and costumes and everything! Only one thing puzzled them…
"Mama, why are we wearing pink?" Amiboshi queried innocently as Soi finished lacing up his new magenta boots. She smirked and avoided looking at her husband.
"Well baby, I want the three of you to be as innocent looking as possible. Everyone knows evil doesn't wear pink. Isn't that right, Nakago?"
Across the tent, the defeated shogun was garbed in seven individual shades of the rosy hue. He had learned his lesson and on his way back from this mission, he was going to buy his devious wife a gown in the shade of her new favorite color. Evil really should wear pink, after all.
TBC...
~ 'Cuz it was so much fun the first time, here is the second installment in the "Evil Does Not Wear Pink" series. I'm thinking of calling it PinkVerse. ~
***
Pink Clothes and a Nagging Wife Do Not a Villain Make
PinkVerse#2
By: omni82
***
For her punishment in the incident at the market, Soi was confined to quarters. This was perfectly acceptable by her. She finally was going to get some peace and quiet. No kids getting into scrapes, no fussy, debutante illusionists to soothe, and best of all, no Suzaku seishi. With Seiryuu's blessing, she would get the nap that was four years in the making.
Her eyes were just beginning to close when she heard it. A noise that sounded suspiciously like a hammer hitting metal was emanating from the far corners of the tent. As her mind was drawing scenarios for dealing with Nakago's rage, Soi rolled from her cot and sprinted across the makeshift room. She pulled the hammer out of Suboshi's hand as he went to hit the shinazaho for the third time. He smiled widely at her.
"Hi Mama," her babies crowed, holding their arms out for a hug. Soi had to restrain the urge to smack them with the confiscated tool.
"What were you doing?" She demanded through tightly clenched teeth. God, her jaw hurt. It was a wonder she could still open it after all these years.
"We were hitting the shinazho so the Priestess of Poopy can't use it." Amiboshi explained.
"Priestess of Poopy!" Suboshi echoed gleefully.
"Poopy, poopy, poop!"
"Poopy, poopy, poop!"
Soi sighed and rubbed the sensitive skin at the bridge of her nose. If only they weren't in Hokkan! She could have given the pair a set of mild shocks that would have quieted them for the rest of the day.
But, in their own demented way, the boys were just trying to help. Soi couldn't figure out for the life of her why on Earth Nakago insisted on his stupid plan to bed the Priestess of Suzaku. They had Genbu's shinazho and could be well on their way to Sairou now if not for his plan. What did the Priestess of Suzaku have that she didn't?
Jealousy was what it all boiled down to, Soi realized. She was acting like a jealous wife and with good reason. If Nakago was going to go through with his stupid plan, she would just have to launch a counter-offensive of her own.
"Boys, come sit by Mama for a minute," Soi cooed, patting the soft cushions of azure chaise she now reclined on. The twins eagerly scrambled up to press their adoring faces to her side. Not surprisingly, they were slightly sticky. Being a little gooey seemed to be a requirement of childhood.
"Do you want to help your mama protect Daddy from that evil Priestess of Suzaku?" The boys looked positively flabbergasted that their brave, powerful father needed protection from the 'Priestess of Poopy.'
"Daddy wants our help?" Amiboshi asked with such amazed disbelief that Soi was tempted to throttle her neglectful, dense husband.
"Oh yes," Soi lied. "There isn't anyone better for the job than you. Daddy told me himself." It was true, in a way. Nakago had said that the twins walking examples of Murphy's Law, perfect for ruining schemes with just their presence.
"What do we do?" Amiboshi queried, hopping down from her side. He began pacing around the room, rubbing his chin like he had seen his father do countless times when deep in thought. Not to be outdone, Suboshi joined him.
"Should we tie her shoelaces together?"
"Put snow down her shirt?"
"Throw rocks at her?"
"Steal all her underwear and plant it suspiciously in saddlebags of Suzaku no seishi, Mitsukake?"
"That would be funny," Amiboshi agreed before the pair broke out into giggles.
Soi stared at them, agape. Quickly, she recovered enough to lodge protest. "N-no," she told them and fixed her best 'Mommy Loves You' smile on her face. "All I want is for you to follow Daddy around wherever he goes. If he tries to make you leave, cry. The Priestess of Suzaku can't hurt him if you are always at his side."
The boys looked doubtful. "Follow Daddy around?" Amiboshi echoed.
"Will that really work?" Suboshi queried with identical disbelief.
Soi smiled with a sly satisfaction that her young progeny would not understand until years later. "Yes. It will work perfectly."
***
Nakago nearly growled in his frustration. This was the third time that his wife's minions escaped from their bonds. And though a tiny part of him was proud of their persistent achievements, he had to lay the law down somewhere. It was a little ridiculous for he, the great Kutou shogun, to be tailed by a pair of children.
"Amiboshi, Suboshi," Nakago began as he came to an abrupt halt. The shogun sighed wearily as the pair crashed into the back of his legs and fell to the ground. While they scrambled to attention, he wearily rubbed his face. Seiryuu grant him the patience to overcome this obstacle.
"Go back to your tent and-"
They burst into tears before he even finished his command. His wife was devious indeed, for even as the twins' sobs escalated into wails Nakago was on the receiving end of fatal glares from every woman in camp. If the blonde seishi didn't quiet the pair, he would be dealing with the mutiny of half his contingent.
With a sigh, Nakago tucked the weeping pair under his arm and marched into his tent. Immediately, they settled down as he set them upon his desk and began to pace. So far he had instructed, commanded, and pleaded for them to stay away. He had tied them to a chair, a bedpost, and a stake. He had given them over a dozen mild blasts of chi but they were unusually resistant and kept coming. Each attempt to get a few moments peace resulted with the same hideous shrieking. It was high time he came to the root of their problem and eliminated it.
"Did your mother set you up to this?" Nakago demanded before he could stop to think of a more tactful way of putting it. Luckily, the pair took no offense and stared at each other with puzzlement.
"Set us up to what, Daddy?" Suboshi queried sweetly. He shot his father a smile of such unadulterated sweetness that Nakago lost his train of thought.
"We're just following you because we love you," Amiboshi continued.
"Don't you love us, Daddy?" Suboshi asked with the slightest of trembling on his baby lips.
Nakago was flabbergasted. "Well, of course, I-"
"We love you too," they crowed simultaneously. Launching themselves from the surface of the desk, they pressed sticky kisses on their father's cold cheek.
As the small boys proceeded to heartily buss his cheeks, Nakago knew he was defeated. Somehow, two small children had outmaneuvered him. Perhaps he really was the emotional retard that Soi proclaimed him to be.
Suboshi and Amiboshi exchanged smug smiles from across their father's shoulders. They had successfully saved their father from the Priestess of Poopy. Their mama would be so proud…
And Soi was. The moment Nakago walked into their tent with their boys in his arms, she knew she had won. The unworthy Priestess of Suzaku would remain chaste.
"You don't have to smirk," Nakago instructed irately. He set the boys down and watched as they scampered off to ruin someone else's plans.
"I'm not smirking," Soi replied innocently. Patting a vacant spot on the bed next to her, she motioned for her husband to sit. He did so dejectedly that she was moved to comfort him.
"Forget about it," Soi cooed. "No one could stand up to that kind of emotional blackmail. Even the most dedicated of strategists would have given in."
"That's it!" Nakago sprang to his feet, dislodging his surprised wife.
"That's what?" Soi asked, disgruntled. She had torn a sleeve in her fall.
"We'll set our evil children on the Priestess of Suzaku and the Suzaku seishi. That will slow them down long enough for the rest of us to recover the second shinzaho and summon Seiryuu." Nakago's face was flushed with triumph, his expression one of smug satisfaction.
"That's wrong in so many ways," Soi responded. "First of all, the Suzaku seishi already recognize the boys."
"I'll have Tomo cast an illusion," Nakago replied complacently.
"Secondly, they could be hurt or even killed!"
"We're young; we can have more kids if you like," Nakago said with the same impatient apathy. After he got a look at his wife's face, he soon changed his tune, though. "Er, what I meant was…"
"They can be replaced?!" Soi cried in a strangled voice. "You have ten seconds to get out of my sight, Nakago, before I begin throwing lightning bolts."
"If they really mean that much to you…"
"One, two three…"
"We can send someone with them. Tomo for instance."
"Four, five…"
"Miboshi?"
"Six…"
"Ashitare?"
"Seven, eight, nine…"
"Very well. I will accompany them." Nakago conceded nastily. Soi stopped counting and stared her husband directly in the eye.
"You won't let anything happen to them?"
"I won't."
"Promise me Nakago or else I swear on the head of Seiryuu, I will shave you bald when you sleep."
The blonde shogun paled but held firm under the intense scrutiny of his outraged wife. He knew she was serious and though it put a cramp in his plans, he would keep his sons safe.
For their parts, Amiboshi and Suboshi were thrilled to be going out on a 'real live' mission with their father. They got to wear disguises and costumes and everything! Only one thing puzzled them…
"Mama, why are we wearing pink?" Amiboshi queried innocently as Soi finished lacing up his new magenta boots. She smirked and avoided looking at her husband.
"Well baby, I want the three of you to be as innocent looking as possible. Everyone knows evil doesn't wear pink. Isn't that right, Nakago?"
Across the tent, the defeated shogun was garbed in seven individual shades of the rosy hue. He had learned his lesson and on his way back from this mission, he was going to buy his devious wife a gown in the shade of her new favorite color. Evil really should wear pink, after all.
TBC...