Disclaimer: I own no one.
***
Assault on the Priestess of Poopy!
PinkVerse #3
By: omni82
***
Nakago loved teaching his children about stealth. There was something so wholesome about sending them flying over the treetops with gags in their mouths.
True, Soi would disapprove but she wasn't here. As their proximity from camp lessened, Nakago felt more and more comfortable with the idea of chancing his wife's rage and leaving the twins wandering about in the camp of Suzaku. Seiryuu knew they'd fit right in, what with their drooling faces and slow mentalities. To be fair, though, he'd admit that perhaps he had dropped them on their heads once too often when they were infants. There was something so…wiggly about children.
For instance, Amiboshi and Suboshi had somehow managed to slip out of the bonds that held them together at the wrists and ankles. They had then proceeded to get into the worst God-awful messes imaginable. Amiboshi fell into a stream. Suboshi got caught in a briar patch. Both had been chased around by a black bear. It was all Nakago could do to not knock them unconscious and dump them in the enemy's camp.
Hmm… That idea had merit.
But before he could get the pleasure, they arrived. Motioning his fidgety troops to lay on their bellies, the blonde general scouted the encampment. The only one moving about was the third seishi, Nuriko. That was perfect; the super-strong man had never met the twins. He would send the young soldiers into enemy lines to do their worst.
When he rolled over to give Amiboshi and Suboshi their instructions, Nakago found that the pair had decided to be proactive. Hand in hand, they toddled into the Suzaku seishi's bivouac and straight up to the violet haired man.
Nuriko gave a start when he saw them standing there. He had been daydreaming about the day when he and Hotohori-sama would run away together when a demanding hand on his pants leg almost ripped the garment from him. Hovering about his knees were two of the cutest cherubs ever to walk the earth. Squatting down, Nuriko cooed at them.
"Hey, little guys. What are you doing here?"
The twins glanced at each other, their pride almost palpable. Now was their chance to con this Suzaku seishi into bringing them to the Priestess of Poopy!
Scuffing his foot shyly in the dirt, Suboshi didn't quite meet the eye of his victim as he executed stage one. "We're runnin' away. Our daddy beats us."
"With a stick," Amiboshi chimed in.
Nuriko's jaw dropped.
"Your daddy does what?!" He queried in a strangled voice.
"Our daddy likes to beat the devil out of us but it doesn't work too well 'cuz he's always got to do it again." Suboshi explained gravely.
"What about your mother? Surely she doesn't just let this happen?" Nuriko demanded with horror. What kind of beast could possibly hurt such sweet, adorable babies?
"Mama is usually too drunk to stop him," Amiboshi told him solemnly.
"She likes a little hair of the dog," Suboshi supplied with a phrase he had heard from Ashitare. He never quite understood why someone would drink dog hair but he didn't understand a lot of things.
"So can we live with you now?"
"Please pretty lady?"
That clinched it. "Of course you can, sweetlings," Nuriko cooed. Finally a bit of happiness had come to him! He could have the babies he always dreamed of. And even if these children were second hand, he'd love them anyway.
Suboshi and Amiboshi exchanged significant looks. Phase One had worked; a Suzaku seishi had accepted them. They began to wave happily at the brush in which their father was hiding.
"What are you doing?" Nuriko queried, his happy reverie interrupted by his new sons' strange behavior.
"Waving at a skunk," Amiboshi add-libbed quickly.
Oookay. These children were definitely strange. Nuriko didn't mind though. He loved quirky people. Speaking of quirky people…he had to introduce them to Miaka!
"Come with me, my little angels," Nuriko instructed sweetly as he ushered the rose-colored pair into the largest tent in the camp. It was poorly lit and the twins had to squint their eyes in order to make out a large shape in the back. At first they thought it was a mountain until it started moving. With footsteps like an earthquake, it came at them, large and hungry.
"Oh Nuriko, they're adorable! I could just eat them up!" Miaka thundered. Her triple chins quivered and she licked her lips. Confronted with the Priestess of Poopy, the twins had only one rational option available to them; they screamed.
When Nakago heard his sons' shouts he knew something had gone terribly awry and he blamed himself. Setting his only two children in harm's way hadn't been his brightest idea but how else was he to show his love if not to get them involved with his work?
Racing down the steep embankment, he caught Chiriko and Mitsukake with a blast of chi as he went by. The scream were loudest from the large, red tent in the middle of the camp so Nakago burst into it as though entering dangerous and potentially horrifying situations was an everyday occurrence.
As he plowed his fist into Nuriko's face, Nakago was suddenly frozen by the sight before him.
"You're going to eat my children?!" He demanded incredulously of Miaka as he went to retrieve his thrashing sons from her flabby arms. Time had not been kind to the Priestess of Suzaku. Apparently the same cold climate that retarded his wife's powers also slowed the Priestess' incredible metabolism. Unable to burn all the calories that the miniature girl consumed, her body stored them as massive amounts of fat. The result was Nakago's profound relief that Soi was so fixated on marital fidelity.
But Miaka refused to let go of her meal. The harder Nakago pulled on his sons' bony wrists, the tighter she held on. Soon even the twins' whimpers had stopped as the cascading waves of flesh slowly smothered them.
"Dammit woman, let go." Nakago growled. He drew back his balled hand and let it fly at the Priestess of Suzaku's face.
With the speed of a viper, Miaka dodged it and let out a shriek that made Nakago clap his hands over his ears. By Seiryuu, when had the witch gotten such power? She seemed to be screaming some incantation that, in his agony, Nakago failed to recognize until it was too late. Miaka's abrupt silence left the tormented parent momentarily defenseless, a state that Tamahome was only too happy to capitalize on.
The fiendish Suzaku seishi rubbed his knuckles and glared at his fallen counterpart. He felt vindicated somehow. His enemy would never go back to his beautiful, sexy, thin wife so long as Tamahome was stuck with his very large girlfriend. If he had to suffer, everyone else must too.
"My hero!" Miaka squealed as she threw her arms around her beloved's neck. Tamahome bore it stoically as a good warrior of Suzaku must. He only wanted Miaka to be happy, even if it cost him every breath of air in his lungs.
As the priestess pulled away, the twins fell in a heap at Tamahome's feet. He recognized them immediately and was surprised by the spurt of relief that coursed through him as he realized they were unconscious. But as intimidating as the children were, he had use for them. As Nuriko groaned and rose unsteadily to his feet, Tamahome gave him his orders.
"Take the man and kids and secure them. Then send Mitsukake in; I need to know everything he does about kodoku."
Because Tamahome was the absolute dictator of the camp without any sort of moral compass to work by, Nuriko obeyed. The last time he had protested an order, the cross dresser had been on the receiving end of an unwanted haircut. Tamahome would do much worse, Nuriko knew. Hotohori was alone in Konan for a reason. Still, maybe there would be a way to save his babies in the end.
***
When Nakago came to, he was bruised, bloodied, and awfully p.o.ed. Strapped to a stake faintly reminiscent to the one he frequently tied his boys to, the blonde shogun could not get free. He tried to use his abilities to snap the ropes and blow the encampment to hell but it didn't work. For some reason, Nakago couldn't use even an ounce of his Seiryuu-given gifts. He bit down panic.
"Missing something, Nakago-sama?" A familiar voice hissed in the darkness.
"Tamahome." Nakago growled. "You won't get away with this. I swear to Seiryuu, I'll make sure to tear your head off your scrawny neck before I leave."
"Fine words from a man whose been drugged so heavily that he can't even stand." A disembodied hand struck from the darkness, slapping the blonde man soundly across the face. The rest of Tamahome followed.
"You coward," Nakago hissed scathingly. "You couldn't fight me as a man so you drugged me? Pathetic."
The Suzaku seishi's jaw tightened momentarily before breaking into a wide grin. "Well if you don't like that, you'll hate what I have planned for your kids."
Lights flare to life in an unfamiliar tent. Nakago squinted as his eyes adjusted. What he saw made him want the darkness back. Hung by their heels over a large pot were Amiboshi and Suboshi. Neither was awake or responding to their father's cries.
"You sonuvabitch," Nakago declared brokenly. "Take them down from there. How could you even think of feeding them to the Priestess of Suzaku?"
"Feed them to Miaka?" Tamahome queried in dismay. "I would not! She's had enough to eat, I think. No, I'm only going to marinate them a bit before I return them to you."
"What?" Had the first seishi of Suzaku totally lost his marbles? Why would he marinate the boys then return them?
"You see this sauce?" Tamahome casually strolled over to the pot and stuck a finger in it. He did not taste it, only stare at it. "It's made from kodoku. I trust you're familiar with it?"
Nakago was. Kodoku was a potion that, if ingested, caused its victim to suffer an abrupt change in personality. Their traits were reversed and their memories erased. He'd never be able to explain to his wife why his sons were evil! There had to be a way out of this.
Tamahome laughed cruelly as Nakago struggled feebly against his bonds. "I didn't feed you kodoku but a paralyzing agent. I want you to be awake and aware of what's happening as your sons kill you."
Pulling a bottle of smelling salts from inside his coat, Tamahome waved them under the noses of the twins. The boys opened their eyes and stared at their captor in confusion. "Now boys," Tamahome said gently, "I have this big vat of candy for you here. Do you want it?" The twins perked up. Candy? Yeah they wanted it!
Nakago could only gape as his idiot offspring nodded greedily. Hadn't their mother taught them anything about taking candy from deranged strangers? There was no way to break free of his bonds to stop Tamahome from dipping the children in the vat of poisoned candy.
There was also no way of averting his eyes as his sons were pulled from the mixture, sleeping like the innocents they were. If they obeyed Tamahome's command to kill him, he would not fight back. Already having failed in his promise to keep them safe, Nakago would not touch the children he had unexpected come to love in this doomed mission.
"Wake up my little soldiers," Tamahome cooed lovingly. Two pairs of blue eyes blinked sleepily and focused on the man before them.
"Do you want to do your Uncle Tamahome a favor?" He asked sweetly. The pair shrugged their shoulders in apathetic compliance. "Could you kill that bad man for me?"
As the twins stared at him with hard eyes, Nakago felt an overwhelming sense of despair. The time had come for him; he'd never get the second shinzaho, never return to his beautiful home in Kutou, never retire to spend time with his devious wife and demented sons. How could he have been so misguided this whole time about what was important? Hanging his head in shame, Nakago quietly waited for the blows.
But they didn't come. "We can't kill Lord Daddy." Suboshi said, aghast.
"Who would take care of us, play with us, and tell us how to stop the Priestess of Poopy?" Amiboshi echoed with the same horrified expression. Tamahome looked stunned.
Nakago's mind began working furiously. All those things the boys said he did were the things Soi did! Did this mean..?
"YES!! Thank you, Seiryuu!!" Nakago bellowed, a rare grin breaking out on his face.
"Don't you see Tamahome? The children were once securely under the thumb of my scheming wife. They did everything she told them to and were in general, the bane of my existence. But now they work for me and it's all thanks to you!" Breaking out into hysterical laughter, the blonde seishi gave thanks to the dragon god who had so obviously smiled upon him. He had a chance of summoning the beast god and becoming a god himself now that his wife's main minions were neutralized.
Tamahome sank to his knees and buried his face in his hands. He had given his hated enemy an edge. They wouldn't be able to summon Suzaku and Miaka would be here forever! Life wasn't fair!
With the help of his newest, most loyal soldiers, Nakago managed to limp out of the Suzaku encampment where chaos was reigning. Things were about to take a very positive turn in his direction…
TBC
***
Assault on the Priestess of Poopy!
PinkVerse #3
By: omni82
***
Nakago loved teaching his children about stealth. There was something so wholesome about sending them flying over the treetops with gags in their mouths.
True, Soi would disapprove but she wasn't here. As their proximity from camp lessened, Nakago felt more and more comfortable with the idea of chancing his wife's rage and leaving the twins wandering about in the camp of Suzaku. Seiryuu knew they'd fit right in, what with their drooling faces and slow mentalities. To be fair, though, he'd admit that perhaps he had dropped them on their heads once too often when they were infants. There was something so…wiggly about children.
For instance, Amiboshi and Suboshi had somehow managed to slip out of the bonds that held them together at the wrists and ankles. They had then proceeded to get into the worst God-awful messes imaginable. Amiboshi fell into a stream. Suboshi got caught in a briar patch. Both had been chased around by a black bear. It was all Nakago could do to not knock them unconscious and dump them in the enemy's camp.
Hmm… That idea had merit.
But before he could get the pleasure, they arrived. Motioning his fidgety troops to lay on their bellies, the blonde general scouted the encampment. The only one moving about was the third seishi, Nuriko. That was perfect; the super-strong man had never met the twins. He would send the young soldiers into enemy lines to do their worst.
When he rolled over to give Amiboshi and Suboshi their instructions, Nakago found that the pair had decided to be proactive. Hand in hand, they toddled into the Suzaku seishi's bivouac and straight up to the violet haired man.
Nuriko gave a start when he saw them standing there. He had been daydreaming about the day when he and Hotohori-sama would run away together when a demanding hand on his pants leg almost ripped the garment from him. Hovering about his knees were two of the cutest cherubs ever to walk the earth. Squatting down, Nuriko cooed at them.
"Hey, little guys. What are you doing here?"
The twins glanced at each other, their pride almost palpable. Now was their chance to con this Suzaku seishi into bringing them to the Priestess of Poopy!
Scuffing his foot shyly in the dirt, Suboshi didn't quite meet the eye of his victim as he executed stage one. "We're runnin' away. Our daddy beats us."
"With a stick," Amiboshi chimed in.
Nuriko's jaw dropped.
"Your daddy does what?!" He queried in a strangled voice.
"Our daddy likes to beat the devil out of us but it doesn't work too well 'cuz he's always got to do it again." Suboshi explained gravely.
"What about your mother? Surely she doesn't just let this happen?" Nuriko demanded with horror. What kind of beast could possibly hurt such sweet, adorable babies?
"Mama is usually too drunk to stop him," Amiboshi told him solemnly.
"She likes a little hair of the dog," Suboshi supplied with a phrase he had heard from Ashitare. He never quite understood why someone would drink dog hair but he didn't understand a lot of things.
"So can we live with you now?"
"Please pretty lady?"
That clinched it. "Of course you can, sweetlings," Nuriko cooed. Finally a bit of happiness had come to him! He could have the babies he always dreamed of. And even if these children were second hand, he'd love them anyway.
Suboshi and Amiboshi exchanged significant looks. Phase One had worked; a Suzaku seishi had accepted them. They began to wave happily at the brush in which their father was hiding.
"What are you doing?" Nuriko queried, his happy reverie interrupted by his new sons' strange behavior.
"Waving at a skunk," Amiboshi add-libbed quickly.
Oookay. These children were definitely strange. Nuriko didn't mind though. He loved quirky people. Speaking of quirky people…he had to introduce them to Miaka!
"Come with me, my little angels," Nuriko instructed sweetly as he ushered the rose-colored pair into the largest tent in the camp. It was poorly lit and the twins had to squint their eyes in order to make out a large shape in the back. At first they thought it was a mountain until it started moving. With footsteps like an earthquake, it came at them, large and hungry.
"Oh Nuriko, they're adorable! I could just eat them up!" Miaka thundered. Her triple chins quivered and she licked her lips. Confronted with the Priestess of Poopy, the twins had only one rational option available to them; they screamed.
When Nakago heard his sons' shouts he knew something had gone terribly awry and he blamed himself. Setting his only two children in harm's way hadn't been his brightest idea but how else was he to show his love if not to get them involved with his work?
Racing down the steep embankment, he caught Chiriko and Mitsukake with a blast of chi as he went by. The scream were loudest from the large, red tent in the middle of the camp so Nakago burst into it as though entering dangerous and potentially horrifying situations was an everyday occurrence.
As he plowed his fist into Nuriko's face, Nakago was suddenly frozen by the sight before him.
"You're going to eat my children?!" He demanded incredulously of Miaka as he went to retrieve his thrashing sons from her flabby arms. Time had not been kind to the Priestess of Suzaku. Apparently the same cold climate that retarded his wife's powers also slowed the Priestess' incredible metabolism. Unable to burn all the calories that the miniature girl consumed, her body stored them as massive amounts of fat. The result was Nakago's profound relief that Soi was so fixated on marital fidelity.
But Miaka refused to let go of her meal. The harder Nakago pulled on his sons' bony wrists, the tighter she held on. Soon even the twins' whimpers had stopped as the cascading waves of flesh slowly smothered them.
"Dammit woman, let go." Nakago growled. He drew back his balled hand and let it fly at the Priestess of Suzaku's face.
With the speed of a viper, Miaka dodged it and let out a shriek that made Nakago clap his hands over his ears. By Seiryuu, when had the witch gotten such power? She seemed to be screaming some incantation that, in his agony, Nakago failed to recognize until it was too late. Miaka's abrupt silence left the tormented parent momentarily defenseless, a state that Tamahome was only too happy to capitalize on.
The fiendish Suzaku seishi rubbed his knuckles and glared at his fallen counterpart. He felt vindicated somehow. His enemy would never go back to his beautiful, sexy, thin wife so long as Tamahome was stuck with his very large girlfriend. If he had to suffer, everyone else must too.
"My hero!" Miaka squealed as she threw her arms around her beloved's neck. Tamahome bore it stoically as a good warrior of Suzaku must. He only wanted Miaka to be happy, even if it cost him every breath of air in his lungs.
As the priestess pulled away, the twins fell in a heap at Tamahome's feet. He recognized them immediately and was surprised by the spurt of relief that coursed through him as he realized they were unconscious. But as intimidating as the children were, he had use for them. As Nuriko groaned and rose unsteadily to his feet, Tamahome gave him his orders.
"Take the man and kids and secure them. Then send Mitsukake in; I need to know everything he does about kodoku."
Because Tamahome was the absolute dictator of the camp without any sort of moral compass to work by, Nuriko obeyed. The last time he had protested an order, the cross dresser had been on the receiving end of an unwanted haircut. Tamahome would do much worse, Nuriko knew. Hotohori was alone in Konan for a reason. Still, maybe there would be a way to save his babies in the end.
***
When Nakago came to, he was bruised, bloodied, and awfully p.o.ed. Strapped to a stake faintly reminiscent to the one he frequently tied his boys to, the blonde shogun could not get free. He tried to use his abilities to snap the ropes and blow the encampment to hell but it didn't work. For some reason, Nakago couldn't use even an ounce of his Seiryuu-given gifts. He bit down panic.
"Missing something, Nakago-sama?" A familiar voice hissed in the darkness.
"Tamahome." Nakago growled. "You won't get away with this. I swear to Seiryuu, I'll make sure to tear your head off your scrawny neck before I leave."
"Fine words from a man whose been drugged so heavily that he can't even stand." A disembodied hand struck from the darkness, slapping the blonde man soundly across the face. The rest of Tamahome followed.
"You coward," Nakago hissed scathingly. "You couldn't fight me as a man so you drugged me? Pathetic."
The Suzaku seishi's jaw tightened momentarily before breaking into a wide grin. "Well if you don't like that, you'll hate what I have planned for your kids."
Lights flare to life in an unfamiliar tent. Nakago squinted as his eyes adjusted. What he saw made him want the darkness back. Hung by their heels over a large pot were Amiboshi and Suboshi. Neither was awake or responding to their father's cries.
"You sonuvabitch," Nakago declared brokenly. "Take them down from there. How could you even think of feeding them to the Priestess of Suzaku?"
"Feed them to Miaka?" Tamahome queried in dismay. "I would not! She's had enough to eat, I think. No, I'm only going to marinate them a bit before I return them to you."
"What?" Had the first seishi of Suzaku totally lost his marbles? Why would he marinate the boys then return them?
"You see this sauce?" Tamahome casually strolled over to the pot and stuck a finger in it. He did not taste it, only stare at it. "It's made from kodoku. I trust you're familiar with it?"
Nakago was. Kodoku was a potion that, if ingested, caused its victim to suffer an abrupt change in personality. Their traits were reversed and their memories erased. He'd never be able to explain to his wife why his sons were evil! There had to be a way out of this.
Tamahome laughed cruelly as Nakago struggled feebly against his bonds. "I didn't feed you kodoku but a paralyzing agent. I want you to be awake and aware of what's happening as your sons kill you."
Pulling a bottle of smelling salts from inside his coat, Tamahome waved them under the noses of the twins. The boys opened their eyes and stared at their captor in confusion. "Now boys," Tamahome said gently, "I have this big vat of candy for you here. Do you want it?" The twins perked up. Candy? Yeah they wanted it!
Nakago could only gape as his idiot offspring nodded greedily. Hadn't their mother taught them anything about taking candy from deranged strangers? There was no way to break free of his bonds to stop Tamahome from dipping the children in the vat of poisoned candy.
There was also no way of averting his eyes as his sons were pulled from the mixture, sleeping like the innocents they were. If they obeyed Tamahome's command to kill him, he would not fight back. Already having failed in his promise to keep them safe, Nakago would not touch the children he had unexpected come to love in this doomed mission.
"Wake up my little soldiers," Tamahome cooed lovingly. Two pairs of blue eyes blinked sleepily and focused on the man before them.
"Do you want to do your Uncle Tamahome a favor?" He asked sweetly. The pair shrugged their shoulders in apathetic compliance. "Could you kill that bad man for me?"
As the twins stared at him with hard eyes, Nakago felt an overwhelming sense of despair. The time had come for him; he'd never get the second shinzaho, never return to his beautiful home in Kutou, never retire to spend time with his devious wife and demented sons. How could he have been so misguided this whole time about what was important? Hanging his head in shame, Nakago quietly waited for the blows.
But they didn't come. "We can't kill Lord Daddy." Suboshi said, aghast.
"Who would take care of us, play with us, and tell us how to stop the Priestess of Poopy?" Amiboshi echoed with the same horrified expression. Tamahome looked stunned.
Nakago's mind began working furiously. All those things the boys said he did were the things Soi did! Did this mean..?
"YES!! Thank you, Seiryuu!!" Nakago bellowed, a rare grin breaking out on his face.
"Don't you see Tamahome? The children were once securely under the thumb of my scheming wife. They did everything she told them to and were in general, the bane of my existence. But now they work for me and it's all thanks to you!" Breaking out into hysterical laughter, the blonde seishi gave thanks to the dragon god who had so obviously smiled upon him. He had a chance of summoning the beast god and becoming a god himself now that his wife's main minions were neutralized.
Tamahome sank to his knees and buried his face in his hands. He had given his hated enemy an edge. They wouldn't be able to summon Suzaku and Miaka would be here forever! Life wasn't fair!
With the help of his newest, most loyal soldiers, Nakago managed to limp out of the Suzaku encampment where chaos was reigning. Things were about to take a very positive turn in his direction…
TBC