Author's Note: I seriously doubt Delia's anything like this, but I wanted to have a bit of fun with this idea. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Song of the Lioness series. It wouldn't have been near as good if I owned it. For starters, I might have actually put this in.

Delia of Eldorne fussed with her hair, wanting to look as pretty as possible for the day, or rather, a special someone. The one person who made her swoon (in secret, of course), and filled her daydreams. Today was the day she had resolved to reveal her affections for her one true love-

Alan of Trebond.

As far as Delia was concerned, Jon and Roger could both screw off. She only had to court Jon because of Roger's plan, and she didn't much like how Roger seemed to want to kill Alan. She had begged him out of it, but you could never know with Roger. He was a scheming little – nevermind.

Alright, Delia had to admit that Alan was a bit younger than her. And short. And reluctant to meet ladies. And he didn't seem to like Delia that much, but she pretended that he did. The fact that he avoided her like the plague didn't quite register to her.

Today was the day of Alan's Ordeal. He would be a knight, and she would try to court him. It wasn't considered well for a lady to court a man, but Delia was too beautiful to follow the norm. Oh no, nobody messed with the Queen of Gossip herself!

Delia strode elegantly out of her room and headed to the Chapel of the Ordeal. When she arrived, she found it was empty.

"Fuck! I missed it!" she swore, and spun on her heel to head to the Knighting Hall.

She got there just in time to see the people applauding a bashful looking Alan. He's been knighted! I knew he'd do it! Delia watched as Alan's twin brother stepped out, introduced himself, and presented Alan with his shield. Personally, she thought Dom or whatever his name was had nothing on Alan.

When Ron (or was it Kom?) started to lead Alan to his rooms, Delia followed in true stalker fashion. She planned to corner Alan (though she didn't consciously know she was doing this so he wouldn't be able to flee for his life). But suddenly she was sidetracked.

"De-liii-ahhahhh!" came the voice of a twit behind her. " I haven't talked to aa-yoouuu in a looooonnng time! What's new, gurrrrrrlfriend?" And Delia was dragged off by another buffle brained court lady.

When she was finally able to break free, Alan was at the banquet hall. He had something in his hands, something that looked strangely familiar.

"Majesty, I have done a dishonourable thing," Alan stated. Delia sighed. He looks so good in that outfit! "I broke into a man's chambers tonight." Why not mine? "I knew this was dishonourable, and I did it anyway." If you squint, he looks like he's got a halo. "What I did was wrong." Is there something in my teeth? "What I thought to find – what I did find – was far worse." Alan of Trebond placed a bundle of wax image dolls of everyone that was important on the table, along with a veil. Ohmigods! Roger has a bunch of dolls just like those! Alan looked over at Duke Roger. "Shall I tell them where I found these, Your Grace? Shall I tell them about the little fountain in your private workroom where the Queen's image lay under running water, wasting away little by little? Shall I-"

Then Delia realized exactly what was going on here. "Shit." As it was decided that Alan and Roger would have a duel to either prove or deny Duke Roger's treason, she quickly tried to decide who to root for.

I think I'll vote for Alan. But then again, Duke Roger let me into his plot to kill the Royal family. But then again, I love Alan. But then again, Roger would kill that little prick Jonathan. But then again, he'd probably kill Alan too. But then again-

The duel had started an hour after Delia had given up on who to root for. She watched anxiously as they exchanged blows, their swords clinging and ringing every time they met. Delia thought it looked quite fun, but had a hard time following the moves.

Suddenly, Roger's sword cut through Alan's shirt, and something underneath that looked oddly like – a corset? Delia's eyes went as big as her butt in astonishment as the corset fell on the ground and Alan's chest showed through, revealing that he was not a boy.

"Halt! What is going on here?" the King roared as the crowd began to whisper in shock. Then Ylon (or whatever that guy's name was!) came forward and told them of his twin 'sister' and how she disguised herself to become a knight.

Delia didn't need that explanation, though. Alan's a-a girl! NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Delia ran out of the hall as fast as she could and took haven in what the Court ladies had dubbed 'The Weeping Room'. It was self-explanatory in title, and that's what Delia had gone there to do.

"I *sniff* can't believe it! I fell in love with *sniff* a girl! WAAHHHHH!!!!" Delia beat her fists on the wall, but that hurt too much, so she tugged on her dark hair instead.

Suddenly her pity party was disturbed by the arrival of half of the other unmarried Court ladies, all weeping and wailing.

Delia blinked. "What are you all doing here!?"

One of them spoke up. "We were all in love with Alan! And now he's a girl!" All of them cried loudly when she had finished her sentence. Delia saw an opportunity to get revenge, and more power for hersel- er – Roger.

"Listen up! All of you!" Everyone paid attention. "We have all been tricked by Alan, who led us all on!"

"Yeah!"

"He led us on!"

"That's right!"

"Therefore," Delia continued, "We should get revenge! Join me, and together we shall stomp that little piece of shit!"

"Yeah!"

"Piece o' shit, alrigh'!"

"We'll step all over that shit!"

"Smear it, too!"

Delia smirked. "And now, since you all agree with me, there is a little alliance that I would like you to-" Delia was cut off once more by the other half of the Court ladies rushing into the room, all bawling their eyes out.

"What now!?" Delia barked.

"Roger's dead! And we all loved him!" and those ladies dissolved into tears.

Damn! Delia thought. There goes Plan B!

R&R