Sand and Solemnity

by Briar Eve Sheurmann

A series of Internal monologues/poems from the orphanage gang’s respective perspectives. They take place on the orphanage beach, during time kompression. Illuminations.

3. Expectationwhipped

Sand and Solemnity

By Briar Eve Sheurmann

III.

Expectation-whipped. . .

or

Akin to a doormat

Footprints on the sand lead to where I stand

Staring off toward the dark horizon,

The tide- it coldly caresses my toes

And reminds me of another lifetime

In which I had cold hands, shoulders and feet.

I . . .was a monument to them: idol,

Goddess, teacher, tamer, huntress. . .lover?

Never a lover.

Never. . .Always used and never needed.

Never wanted. . .

I bowed my head more often than I looked to the stars

And I laid my body over puddles. . .I could've been a bridge

But I was a doormat.

Structure without strength and ice with passion

I was always perfect for everyone

but me.

            There was nothing left for that one.

A well greased cog in a well oiled machine

I was like the sea. . .but now, I am sand

Grainy and gravelly, sometimes supple,

Sometimes coarse, sometimes hot, sometimes cold and

sometimes not. Now. . .

Sometimes I will be nothing but myself.

Boss or sis. . .or Quis. . .

. . . someday I will find out just who she is