…and a Little Red Bag

A FF7 Fic

By

Lady Aoi

Summary: Elena accompanies Scarlet on a most unusual shopping trip…

Pairing: Scarlet/Elena.

Rating: R for adult humor, shoujo-ai, language (the Turks are involved, after all)

Disclaimer: I don't own Scarlet, Elena, the rest of the Turks, or Heidegger. Square does. I'm just taking them on a weird sort of field trip. Oh. But I really *did* see the little red bag. It was the inspiration for this story.

Lady Aoi's Notes: NO, really. I did see the little red bag. And the story happened nothing like this…

~*~

            "But – but why?!" a wide-eyed Elena Marshall cried. "Why do I have to do it, Reno?!"

            The red-haired Turk shrugged complacently. "Because you're the rookie, 'Lena. That's why."

            "…and because she's the girl." Rude added, reaching out to tease Elena's hair as he passed, wine bottle in hand.

            "Eeee! Cut it out, Rude! You're such a twit!" Elena's hands flew through her hair, smoothing it back and down into its usual neat bob. "But I don't get it. Why does she need someone to go with her? It's just the mall, for heaven's sake!"

            As Rude yanked the cork out of the bottle with a loud, distinct pop!, Reno shook his head. "Oh, 'Lena, 'Lena, 'Lena," he tsked. "When are you gonna learn to stop asking *why* anyone here does *anything* and just follow orders like a good little girl?"

            Elena sighed. "Sorry. I know. But still… I mean, she needed Tseng to go to that reactor at Gongaga. That's one thing. That's out of the city and it's dangerous out there with all those monsters and things." She shot Rude a dirty look as the laconic Turk nearly choked on his wine. "Shut the hell up, Rude! One of those monsters attacked me last month and where were you and Reno? Half a mile away talking about your crushes like stupid little high school boys. Urgh! I so could've killed you for that!"

            Reno rolled his eyes. "'Lena, let's look at that incident again, okay? A tiny little kimara bug does *not* a monster make. You cast fire3 on it a couplea times and bam. It's all over."

            "Tiny?! Little?! Yeah, easy for you to say, asshole. You 'n' Rude had all the materia on you when the stupid thing attacked me!"

            Reno flushed slightly. "Anyway, to answer yer question, Scarlet's an important chick. Lotsa people know who she is and with all these terrorists roaming around these days –"

            "By 'terrorist' don't you mean six people who were last seen heading for Wutai, Reno? A city that's clear the hell on the OTHER side of the WORLD?!"

            "—And with all these terrorists roaming around these days, lotsa people prob'ly want her dead. So, whenever she or anyone important here goes out –whether they're going to look at a reactor in Gongaga or at a dress in some fancy ass store window, they are followed at all times by a Turk."

            "Humph!" Elena crossed her arms. "I don't see why that qualified Turk can't be you or Rude! I hate shopping!"

            Reno laughed. "Heh. You think we feel any different? And besides, like I said, Scarlet's a chick. And hell if I'm going to stand in the middle of some lingere place while she looks at lacey undies. *I* have a reputation to keep up. Ain't that right, Rude?"

            "….."

            Reno shrugged. "See? Rude agrees with me!"

            "I still don't see why I get all the stupid missions."

            "'Lena, honey, sweety, angel pie," Elena elbowed Reno lightly in the chest as he tried to drape an arm over her shoulder. "Me-owch! That's one helluva right you're packin' these days, you know that?! Anyway, like I was sayin', me, Rude, Tseng… we all got shit jobs as rookies. Just ask Rude. You got shit jobs as a rookie, didn't ya, buddy?"

            "……….and Tseng says Elena talks too much….."

            "See, Rude agrees. He got all the shit jobs when – Hey! Fuck you, you stupid, bald, drunk fuck! I do *not* talk too much!"

            "…….I rest my case."

            "Hey, fuck you!"

            Elena sighed and plopped down on the lounge's couch. "Sometimes I just… I dunno… I just don't think anyone here takes me too seriously is all. You know?"

            But Reno didn't answer. He was too busy wrestling Rude for his wine. Elena sighed again and stood up. "Well, fine. I guess I'll go report to Scarlet, then, for my 'mission'."

            "Fuck you, Rude! I do *not* talk too much!"

            "………chatterbox….."

            "CHATTERBOX?! SUCK MY COCK, WINGNUT!!"

            Elena shrugged and left the room.