DISCLAIMER - I don't own Alias, and I don't own the quote from 1 Corinthians 13.
DEDICATION - This is to my family, for indulging my obsession with this show so much that they didn't blink an eye when I said I wanted to bring my laptop on holidays...although I've been working on it as well....it's also for being a very supportive family and not demanding to read what I've written - although my sister has read it anyway! I love my family very much, and this is for them, although I really hope they never actually read this.

Renewal

Freedom

You can barely sleep the night before it [the release from the prison of lies you've lived in for so long] happens.

You weren't supposed to know ["In order to preserve your cover for those who might escape the destruction, we must treat you as if you are any other SD-6 employee"], but there are no lies between the two of you.

He had pulled you into a little corner before a meeting one day [we have some new recruits from Langley being briefed on SD-6. We'd like you to be there] and told you that it was happening.

"When?" had been your only question.

"Tomorrow. You have to make them believe you know nothing about it though, to protect your cover in case anyone escapes the take-down. When we enter the building, get under your desk, and stay there. I'll find you."

Then you had hugged him, and whispered "Tomorrow...." [not someday....tomorrow.]

Then Weiss had entered the room, and all thoughts of tomorrows and somedays and protecting your cover had gone swiftly out of your head as you sprung apart at his entrance.

["Eric doesn't know much about...us. Or, at least, I haven't told him much. Which means he probably knows everything." "What does he know?" "He doesn't know that we're sleeping together...doesn't know that I like to kiss you here...and here...and here..." That was the point where you stopped talking about how much his best friend knew.]

Your guilty expressions, though, [terrific pair of spies we make, you had thought to yourself amusedly] had quickly alerted him to the fact that he had interrupted something, and he hadn't even had the decency to look in the least abashed.

[What is this, the flirting corner? We have a meeting...you know, national security...for the people?]

But throughout that meeting you watched him [watched the eyes that made you weak at the knees like a school girl...watched the forehead wrinkles that caused you to fight a day to day battle to resist the urge to kiss them smooth...] and you thought about how many times you had whispered into his ear when no one had been watching, your lips against his ear, "Someday..." [someday we'll be free...someday I'll take you away from this twisted life...someday...]

Not someday anymore. Tomorrow.

* * *

You did what he told you to, waited patiently under your desk while all around you the prison bars came tumbling down. You shook, not from fear like so many of your colleagues [fellow prisoners?] did under their own desks, having been told to stay there by your father [Everyone, get under your desks NOW. Everything will be fine, just go.], who having ordered everyone about, had strode off to find Sloane [off to confront the devil in his lair], but instead you shook from anticipation.

It's here. The day of your liberation has arrived, and the beginning of your life [your life with him] begins today.

He made you a promise a little while ago, a promise you like to whisper to yourself before you go to sleep at night. ["When we take down SD-6, I'm going to give you my grandmother's engagement ring, and I'm going to ask you to marry me. That I can promise you."]

You, in turn, had made him a promise as well. ["And I can promise you that I'm going to say yes."]

You waited for what seemed like an eternity while you reassured Dixon and Marshall [Dixon, I'm sure everything will be all right...you heard my father - everything's under control. Marshall, no, don't go and get your latest projects...just stay there, okay?], and then a pair of feet appeared in front of your desk, and a man in black body armour leaned down and popped his head under your desk and asked you to come with him. You resisted the grin that was threatening to break across your face [that would have definitely broken your cover] at the sight of your guardian angel [your salvation...your strength...your everything] and stood up carefully.

Dixon protested ["Who are you? What do you want with Agent Bristow?"] but you calmed him, at least temporarily ["Don't worry, Dixon, I'll be fine."] and you followed him out of the main enclosure. You were handcuffed, but you both knew that if you really wanted to be out of the handcuffs, you could have had them off within seconds. He led you into an elevator out past the scanning room [you hope that will be the last time you see that white blinding light] and before you know it, you're in the garage car park where your father rescued you [Get in the car, Sydney!] so many years ago and then you see your father, bruised and bleeding [a gash on his forehead, a rapidly developing black eye] and with a sling on his right arm, but otherwise in as good a shape as ever. You rush over to him, not noticing as he slips the handcuffs off you [freeing you off your shackles as he always has done], and then you hug your father.

As you break free of him carefully, not wanting to disturb his arm, you ask "Where's Sloane? Are you all right?"

"Sloane...Sloane's dead. I killed him myself, after he shot me first and hit my arm."

His words bring everything to a halt. [Sloane? Dead? Who had thought the old man had enough human in him to die?]

He was dead. And you were free. There would be no witness protection programs, no final mission to capture a Sloane who had slipped through your grasp....he was dead, SD-6 destroyed, the Alliance self-destructing as its member cells were strangled.

Free. Free.

As you grapple with this, try to come to terms with the fact that you finally have what you've wanted for so long, you feel him wrap his arms around you, prop his head on your shoulder, not caring who saw you, not caring that there were dozens of CIA officers everywhere, not caring that the love you had been forced to hide had finally been released and as evident to everyone as the noses on their faces...nothing matters anymore, because you're free [free to love, free to live, free to be true] and it's glorious and it's everything that you hoped for and more....and oh, he's there, and you can barely begin to comprehend it all, because it's all too miraculous, and you're worried that you'll wake up and find it's all been some wonderful dream.

You spin around, wrap your arms around him, and kiss him.

Your kiss is about the death of lies, the fall of prison bars, the removal of shackles, the destruction of evil, and it's about the life you'll have, the future in front of you, the truth that he has brought to your life, and it's about the fact that you finally own your life again, that you are the mistress of your own fate once more. Your kiss is life and death and freedom from chains and the future and the past and the dark hole that you dug yourself that he pulled you out of, and it's about love and pain and emotion and grief and guilt and blood and it's about seeing past these emotions to the love burning like a star underneath.....your pain sent you to him, but your love kept you there [and will keep you there forever]

And he says to you, "I want to get you the hell out of this life," and you can tell it's something that he's wanted to say forever. This day is not just about fulfilling your dreams, you remind yourself. These past few years have been nearly as much of a nightmare for him as they have for you [I don't sleep at night when you're on missions/Syd, how do you live like this, lying to the world?/Would you like to know how your father died, Mr. Vaughn?] and you're not the only one being set free from the lies today.

All you say in return is, "Let's go."

* * *

He blindfolds you and sits you in a car. ["Where are we going?" "It's a surprise." "Vaughn..." "No peeking!"]

He drives for about twenty minutes, but you suspect you've gone in a few circles to throw you off the scent. You have a reasonably good idea where he's taking you though. There's only one place that he could be taking you to if he's about to do what he promised to do.

Sure enough, you pull up outside the warehouse. [This place, this dingy warehouse in one of the worst parts of LA, is more like your home than anywhere else]

He leads you inside, having discarded the blindfold [this place isn't about blindfolds...it's about truth and freedom from the lies].

You look around curiously, wondering if this might be the last time you ever visit this place. Truth be told, you'll be sorry to leave this place...for so long it's been the one location in your life that has been real, true, free from lies [even though it was lies that brought you here]....it holds so many memories for you [the feel of the chain link metal digging into your back, making you bleed, but you didn't care because it was pain and it let you know you were alive and it was real in a world full of fallacy/the feel of his heart next to your ear, beating strong and sure/his lips on yours, conveying all that needed to be said without words/whispered "I love you"'s as you held each other/his arms around you, freedom from the pain, shelter from the rain/the way he let you look at your hands and not see the blood/slowhardfastgentlesoftroughsweetbitter....forty-seven ways to purge the pain, forgive your sins....free you from the lies...make you feel something again...]

He hovers in a corner, watching you look around, almost shy. Then he picks up his courage, walks over to you, and goes down on one knee.

[you're two years in the past. someone is singing. the sun is out, and you're in the middle of a green lawn, people walking between classes, laughing, shouting, watching fascinated. Once again there's a man in front of you on one knee. "Sydney...I can't tell you how much I hope you to marry me." "Yes."]

You shake your head slightly, trying to erase the inevitable memory that always follows that particular flashback

["Danny?" "Danny, are you here?" you walk into your bathroom. there's blood on the walls, blood everywhere, blood in the bathtub, and your stomach turns to ice as you walk over to the bathtub and see him dead....you hold his head in your hands...]

Vaughn sees you, sees the tears begin to flow, and he can tell that they're not tears of happiness. He knows what you're remembering.

"Syd!"

He stands, and shakes you gently.

"Sydney. Look at me. Look at me!" He's nearly shouting, but you can barely hear him, so trapped are you inside the memory. You can smell the almost metallic scent of the blood, feel it clinging to your hands in long strands.........

"It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault!" He's guided you over to a storage crate, and he rocks you back and forth in his arms like he's cradling a child, repeating over and over and over again, a constant mantra hammering itself into you.

"Not everything in this world is your fault, Sydney. You have to know that!"

You suddenly snap out of the memory, finally comprehending the look on his face, the tortured expression in eyes. [He thinks you look at him and wish it was Danny...]

And you're crying even more now, for the pain that you've caused him. How can he do this? He thinks that you look at him and wish that you had never even met him, that Danny had never been killed, that you had never been a spy........he thinks you look at him and wish that you'd never had the chance to meet him.

"I'm sorry," you stutter out. [You've been so selfish....you've never considered the pain you've caused him with your ghosts.]

"For what?"

"For making you think that I look at you and wish that we'd never met."

Today is about freedom. Freedom from lies, yes. Freedom from the prison of lies that you've lived in for so many years...freedom from the life that you hate so much, the life which forces you live by this motto [You live. And you lie. And you breathe.]

But it's also about the freedom from the past, freedom from the pain and the guilt and the hate and the anger and the blood and it's about trying to come to terms with the thought that maybe, just maybe, you're not responsible for everything in this world...

"You're my salvation, Vaughn. And I love you. Don't even think that I look at you and wish that it was someone else's face staring back. No matter how much I loved Danny - thought I loved Danny....there's nothing I have ever loved, nothing I've ever needed so much as you. You asked me once if I knew what it was like to want someone more than life itself. Yes, I know what that's like. I know what it's like to separate my life into the time spent with you, and the time spent waiting for the phone call, for the words 'Joey's Pizza?' Yes, Vaughn, I know what it's like to love someone that much."

"Then marry me."

A slow grin spreads across your face, and you reply simply, "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

You can't stop looking at the ring [my grandmother's ring/it's simple, just a few diamonds in a gold setting/it's classical, antique almost, and you think you'll enjoy wearing it very much] all the way home. Well, not so much the ring as everything it signifies.

[I'm marrying Vaughn. Mrs. Sydney Vaughn. I like the sound of that.]

"So, where exactly are we going?" he asks you.

"I'm going to introduce you to Francie, and to Will, and then we're going to your apartment. I want to see where you live, and exactly how much closet space you have for my clothes..."

He nearly swerves off the road at this last comment, and you giggle.

"No, not really. I just want to see your apartment. And I want to meet Donovan...."

Eventually you pull up outside the house you share with Francie and Will, and you're about to get out of the car when the absurdity of the situation strikes you.

You're getting married, and your two best friends don't even know that you're seeing anyone.

You giggle at this [this certainly has been quite a giggle-worthy day, you think] and Vaughn looks over at you, wanting to know what so funny, and then you explain, and he laughs as well, because....well, his friends [well, Weiss at least] don't know that he's involved [read: sleeping with] anyone either.

You go inside, and there's a soaring feeling inside that makes you feel invincible, because you're free, and this is a moment you've dreamt about for so long. The pieces of your life, all the broken fragments are finally coming together. Vaughn is free to meet your friends, and you can finally stop lying about your job [about your life] to your friends.

The cage of lies that you've been suffocating within for so long is falling apart, and you're emerging triumphant [the phoenix reborn] from within.

You take Vaughn's hand, and you lead him inside to meet the other two most important people in your life.

You take his hand, and you begin to join together the pieces of your life.

* * *

Later, you're lying next to him in his bed [it's nice to have a bed...concrete floors are terrible on your back....], just enjoying the feeling of his heart beating against your ear.

"Vaughn?"

"Hmm?"

"We're getting married."

"Yes, we are."

"I'm going to quit the CIA, Vaughn."

"You know, since we are going to be getting married, why don't you call me Michael?"

[you've honestly never considered this - Vaughn's always been his name to you, after all]

"Michael. Mike."

"Either's fine," he assures you.

"Vaughn....I'm handing in my resignation to Kendall tomorrow morning."

"So am I."

Now this takes you by surprise, and you turn to look at him. "Really?"

"I'm sick of the lies, Syd, almost as much as you are. I want out."

"Good," you reply.

You've nearly fallen asleep when something springs to mind. "Vaughn, what are we going to do?"

"Who cares?" he replies sleepily.

Who cares indeed. You'll be together, and you'll be happy, and you'll be in love, and that's really all that matters.

You love him, and he loves you.

The rest can sort itself out.

You read a quote from the Bible once that you've always liked the sound of, but never really believed it

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Yes, you think to yourself, love rejoices in the truth [is set free by the truth]. Love protects [you held a gun to your head, and he (his love for you) wouldn't let you pull the trigger], love trusts [he's your guardian angel, the one thing that's real in a world of lies], and hopes [a better future together] and perseveres [you lived the life you lived, you fought the way you did, for the life he promised you at the end of the tunnel].

But faith can be broken, can sometime shatter [you had faith once that you were working for your country/and you had faith that your mother was nearly perfect once]....hope can be stained, sullied in the darkest hours of your life [all you wanted was revenge as a form of penance for your sins...and then a quiet death, forgotten by all]....but love endures. When all else fails [when you hold a gun to your head, and start to squeeze the trigger], love remains.

Love remains.