A/N: Oook this is gonna be infinitely hard for you to read cos I have no
idea how to get bold and italics on here (anyone who can tell me will be my
friend forever btw!) So I'm gonna do it this way speech with ^ ^ round it
is Alex and speech without is Maria. I really hope you can understand this!
Sorry! ummmm and any actions will have * * around it, ie *cough*
CHAPTER 11
Maria and Alex POV
^Alex Whitman here, and I'll be you tour guide today along the vast ironies of Liz Parker's life. To the left we have.^
Alex would you please just shut up and introduce us!
^I'm getting there, so anyway, like I was saying, to the left we have.^
Oh for God's sake! Who ever thought of putting us together was definitely crazy! Right lets make this short and to the point, we have more important things to worry about! I would be Maria DeLuca, all singing, all dancing, wonderful friend. SHUT YOUR MOUTH ALEX! And Liz' number one best friend.
^Hey! I resent that!^
Shut your mouth! Loud mouth over there is Alex Whitman, mad tour guide impersonator and number two best friend. *Sticks out tongue*
^Maria Joelle DeLuca you put that tongue right back in your mouth before I do it for you! That's right, cower! Woooohahaha! So anyway, as birdbrain said, I'm Alex Whitman, founder of 'The Whits', comedian, bass player, amazing best friend and all-round great guy!^
Hey if your head got any bigger it would finally explode and all the jello stored in there would finally go to feeding that third world country that so desperately needs it!
^That's it, you asked for it! You've just been begging for a tickle attack!^
Oh yeah?
^Yeah! You're going down DeLuca!^
We'll just see about that Alexander Charles Clancy Whitman!
^Maria! You promised you'd never call me that in public!^
Well, did I call you 'that? Ha! Never mess with Hurricane DeLuca!
^*Grunt*^
Awww, quit your sulking! You used my middle name!
^Yeah well yours isn't Clancy!^
Aww come on, Clancy is a lovely name, it's the sort of thing I'd name my female goldfish!
^*Turns away*^
Fine! I'm sorry Alex C.C.W! Better? Quit glaring at me! Can we please just get back to Lizzie?
^Fine! But I'm still mad at you! I'm just doing this for Liz! Now, as I was- ^
As Alex was about to say, I'm going to be doing most of the talking, isn't that right Alex?
^I graciously agreed to let Maria speak after she got down on her knees and begged.^
ALEX!
^Fine we flipped a coin and Maria threatened me.^
Thank you Alex! You can shut up now! OK First things first, here's a quick tour of Liz' Life.
21st January 1983 11:38am Alexander Charles Cl- *Alex clears his throat* Fine, fine, Alex Charles Whitman is born. 21st January 1983 10pm Maria Joelle DeLuca, me, is born. 22nd January 1983 12:05am Elizabeth Claudia May Parker is born.
On the 7th September 1986 Liz Parker starts school along with Alex and myself, her trial for perfection begins.
Liz Parker sees Max Evans for the first time on the first day of fourth grade, 9th September 1992.
On the 21st June 1993 Liz Parker collapses from exhaustion in the middle of gym class, she spends the next three weeks off school. Max Evans looks like he might go mad.
December 25th 1997, Claudia Parker, Liz' grandmother, dies. Liz is devastated, Alex and I spend the next week at her house trying to make her feel better. We learn about the book.
Many years pass without much event until 5th April 1998 Kyle Valenti approaches Liz in the corridor and asks her out. 20th April Kyle and Liz go on their first date and share their first kiss, Lizzie is ecstatic, and goes on about it for hours, but the last time she mentions it she says, 'I can't believe I got my first kiss from Max Evans!'
January 10th 1999, Liz Parker makes an idiot out of herself in Biology and the whole school begins to talk.
So that's your quick guide to our Lizzie's life. And not I'm sure you have a hell of a lot of questions flying through your mind so I'm gonna let Alex answer them!
^Oh, gee thanks Maria! Give me the hard job! OK now to review what Maria just said, I'm pretty sure that you can't have any questions about our births apart from what on earth possessed my parent to give me such an awful middle name. Well let's see if we can answer that one. Nope, all I can think of is that my parents had a nasty fixation with torturing their child!
Moving on, the first day of school, I suppose you want to know about Liz' trial for perfection. Well there's not much to tell, she started a quest for straight A's and perfect attendance, she skipped lunches to do extra work, didn't sleep and that's about it. You're probably wondering why we didn't stop her, but come on! We were only three! You can't really expect that much for us!
Next we come to 21st June 1993, god I remember that day all too well! Maria and I had been on at Liz for weeks to go and see a doctor. She was looking so ill, her skin was pail and puffy, her hair was limp and dull and she didn't ever seem to eat! We were half way through a game of basket ball when Maria threw the ball to Liz, she jumped to catch it, missed and just crashed to the floor. She wasn't moving at all, it was a full minute before the teacher even noticed her lying there with Maria and I screaming beside her. She was rushed off to hospital and Maria and I were just left to get on with school. Teachers really have no idea what it's like when a friend gets hurt or they wouldn't expect you to go back to normal. Maria was a shivering wreck for the rest of the day and I just withdrew into myself, all we could think about was Liz. But I wasn't withdraw enough to miss Max Evans, he was walking around school like a zombie, perhaps even worse than us. You see he was there when he collapsed, we weren't in the same gym class but he'd just arrived with a note for the teacher. He arrived just in time to see Liz collapse! It was on that day that Maria and I finally realised how much he likes Liz!
The next big event came four years later on Christmas day. Maria's mom got a phone call from Nancy and Jeff Parker (Liz' parents) at about four o'clock in the afternoon saying that Grandma Claudia had just had a heart attack and could Maria come over and see Liz. Then they phoned me, Maria and I went over straight away of course. Liz was hysterical, she had always been close to Claudia, we all had. She was Maria and my segregate grandma. She was the best, and she cooked the most amazing brownies!
We stayed up all night talking about her and then Liz got out a book that Claudia had written for her. She read it to us so we could all have something solid to remember Grandma by. It was amazing that book, the way it was written made the people in it more than just characters, they were actual people! And although that's physically impossible it seemed like that. The other weird thing about it was that each of the main characters seemed to be written to resemble us. Liara was Liz, Mariane was Maria, light blonde hair, flighty, slightly odd, ring a bell? *Maria hits him* Ow! And Aldran was me, dashing, handsome. OK so he was their best-friend and he was scrawny.^
Thank you Alex!
^Right so that's that sorted, not we move onto 20th April 1998 the day Liz made the biggest mistake of her life. She decided to date a jock! Big no no! But of course, Liz being Liz she was trusting enough to go out with him, but what she couldn't see was that when she did that she left her true happiness behind her! In the form of Max Evans. Now what I have never been able to understand is why Liz can't seem to see what's right in front of her! She's had a crush on him ever since fourth grade and believe me that is a looooooong time ago! But somehow she manages to be blind to the fact that he likes her too! OK so maybe not likes, perhaps, adores, loves, lusts after, praises, stalks! All those kind of things. Even Pam Troy has noticed it! And trust Maria and I when we say that she wouldn't notice something even if it bit her on the ass! She's a bimbo through and through that somehow got into the same science class as Liz the genius but oh well.
So if Pam can notice it then why the hell can't Liz? Or Max for that matter, it's like they're in this dream state where they find it physically impossible to notice the obvious! And well after putting up with Liz day dreaming about Max for seven years we are seriously bored! And we've decided it's time to do something about it! We're gonna pair Liz and Max up! Then at last they'll finally be happy!^
Plus when that happens Alex might finally get to talk to Isabel Evans, Max' sister who he's had a crush on almost as long as Liz has liked Max!
^Hey you can't talk! You with your little Michael Guerin obsession!^
I do not like Michael! That guy has serious attitude problems! He's the most rude, arrogant pig that walks this earth.
^See you like him! You'd only get that worked up if you like him!^
God! You are impossible Alex!
^See I told you she was obsessed with him! Well anyway back to Liz and Max. It's because of our plan that today was so perfect! Our shy little Lizzie actually having fun with Max instead of just moping around!^
But then came lunch time.
^And Kyle!^
Yup, he just had to stick his nose in and ruin everything! I mean everything! He just walks up to us in lunch and drags her off! And she doesn't even resist! I mean who does he think he is? Prince of England? Not that being the Prince of England is bad, cos personally I think William is actually quite attractive in a sort of donkeyish sort of way, and Harry, well he's a bit young for me, but he's cute. And.
^Maria, babbling!^
Oh, yeah.
^Sniff some cypress oil and chill, girlfriend! Let me speak! So Kyle turned up just as we were about to get some food and begin to convince Liz that Max really likes her. He drags her off to the eraser room! I mean does this guy have no heart? His girlfriend is completely depressed, almost suicidal and all he can think about is getting a little somethin' somethin'! Some guys just have a one track mind! But the thing is that I don't think he got any, not from our Lizzie! I'm so proud of her! She came out looking just as depressed as when she went in. And Kyle came out looking like the forlorn little puppy that he is!^
So tomorrow is another day, Saturday and Liz and I are waiting tables together. It's a well known fact that Max Evans will come in for lunch and sit in Liz' section so Alex and I will be there to bring Liz' attention to it! Make sure she realizes what a babe he really is!
^Yup, and we will not accept defeat! Maria can get extremely vicious when she doesn't get her way.^
HEY!
^Well it's true! Remember when I wasn't gonna help you out with Liz you threatened my. Anyway, you don't really need to hear about that. Just watch out! Team Whitman is on Liz' case!^
I thought we settled on team DeLuca!
^Whitman^
DELUCA!
^WHITMAN^
Right that's it! I'm gonna carry out my threat!
^Crap! I'll see you guys later. RUN AWAY!!!^
Hehehe, run you wimp run! Well I'll come by and talk to you as soon as we get a new development! Bye!
A/N: I hope you could understand at least some of that!
CHAPTER 11
Maria and Alex POV
^Alex Whitman here, and I'll be you tour guide today along the vast ironies of Liz Parker's life. To the left we have.^
Alex would you please just shut up and introduce us!
^I'm getting there, so anyway, like I was saying, to the left we have.^
Oh for God's sake! Who ever thought of putting us together was definitely crazy! Right lets make this short and to the point, we have more important things to worry about! I would be Maria DeLuca, all singing, all dancing, wonderful friend. SHUT YOUR MOUTH ALEX! And Liz' number one best friend.
^Hey! I resent that!^
Shut your mouth! Loud mouth over there is Alex Whitman, mad tour guide impersonator and number two best friend. *Sticks out tongue*
^Maria Joelle DeLuca you put that tongue right back in your mouth before I do it for you! That's right, cower! Woooohahaha! So anyway, as birdbrain said, I'm Alex Whitman, founder of 'The Whits', comedian, bass player, amazing best friend and all-round great guy!^
Hey if your head got any bigger it would finally explode and all the jello stored in there would finally go to feeding that third world country that so desperately needs it!
^That's it, you asked for it! You've just been begging for a tickle attack!^
Oh yeah?
^Yeah! You're going down DeLuca!^
We'll just see about that Alexander Charles Clancy Whitman!
^Maria! You promised you'd never call me that in public!^
Well, did I call you 'that? Ha! Never mess with Hurricane DeLuca!
^*Grunt*^
Awww, quit your sulking! You used my middle name!
^Yeah well yours isn't Clancy!^
Aww come on, Clancy is a lovely name, it's the sort of thing I'd name my female goldfish!
^*Turns away*^
Fine! I'm sorry Alex C.C.W! Better? Quit glaring at me! Can we please just get back to Lizzie?
^Fine! But I'm still mad at you! I'm just doing this for Liz! Now, as I was- ^
As Alex was about to say, I'm going to be doing most of the talking, isn't that right Alex?
^I graciously agreed to let Maria speak after she got down on her knees and begged.^
ALEX!
^Fine we flipped a coin and Maria threatened me.^
Thank you Alex! You can shut up now! OK First things first, here's a quick tour of Liz' Life.
21st January 1983 11:38am Alexander Charles Cl- *Alex clears his throat* Fine, fine, Alex Charles Whitman is born. 21st January 1983 10pm Maria Joelle DeLuca, me, is born. 22nd January 1983 12:05am Elizabeth Claudia May Parker is born.
On the 7th September 1986 Liz Parker starts school along with Alex and myself, her trial for perfection begins.
Liz Parker sees Max Evans for the first time on the first day of fourth grade, 9th September 1992.
On the 21st June 1993 Liz Parker collapses from exhaustion in the middle of gym class, she spends the next three weeks off school. Max Evans looks like he might go mad.
December 25th 1997, Claudia Parker, Liz' grandmother, dies. Liz is devastated, Alex and I spend the next week at her house trying to make her feel better. We learn about the book.
Many years pass without much event until 5th April 1998 Kyle Valenti approaches Liz in the corridor and asks her out. 20th April Kyle and Liz go on their first date and share their first kiss, Lizzie is ecstatic, and goes on about it for hours, but the last time she mentions it she says, 'I can't believe I got my first kiss from Max Evans!'
January 10th 1999, Liz Parker makes an idiot out of herself in Biology and the whole school begins to talk.
So that's your quick guide to our Lizzie's life. And not I'm sure you have a hell of a lot of questions flying through your mind so I'm gonna let Alex answer them!
^Oh, gee thanks Maria! Give me the hard job! OK now to review what Maria just said, I'm pretty sure that you can't have any questions about our births apart from what on earth possessed my parent to give me such an awful middle name. Well let's see if we can answer that one. Nope, all I can think of is that my parents had a nasty fixation with torturing their child!
Moving on, the first day of school, I suppose you want to know about Liz' trial for perfection. Well there's not much to tell, she started a quest for straight A's and perfect attendance, she skipped lunches to do extra work, didn't sleep and that's about it. You're probably wondering why we didn't stop her, but come on! We were only three! You can't really expect that much for us!
Next we come to 21st June 1993, god I remember that day all too well! Maria and I had been on at Liz for weeks to go and see a doctor. She was looking so ill, her skin was pail and puffy, her hair was limp and dull and she didn't ever seem to eat! We were half way through a game of basket ball when Maria threw the ball to Liz, she jumped to catch it, missed and just crashed to the floor. She wasn't moving at all, it was a full minute before the teacher even noticed her lying there with Maria and I screaming beside her. She was rushed off to hospital and Maria and I were just left to get on with school. Teachers really have no idea what it's like when a friend gets hurt or they wouldn't expect you to go back to normal. Maria was a shivering wreck for the rest of the day and I just withdrew into myself, all we could think about was Liz. But I wasn't withdraw enough to miss Max Evans, he was walking around school like a zombie, perhaps even worse than us. You see he was there when he collapsed, we weren't in the same gym class but he'd just arrived with a note for the teacher. He arrived just in time to see Liz collapse! It was on that day that Maria and I finally realised how much he likes Liz!
The next big event came four years later on Christmas day. Maria's mom got a phone call from Nancy and Jeff Parker (Liz' parents) at about four o'clock in the afternoon saying that Grandma Claudia had just had a heart attack and could Maria come over and see Liz. Then they phoned me, Maria and I went over straight away of course. Liz was hysterical, she had always been close to Claudia, we all had. She was Maria and my segregate grandma. She was the best, and she cooked the most amazing brownies!
We stayed up all night talking about her and then Liz got out a book that Claudia had written for her. She read it to us so we could all have something solid to remember Grandma by. It was amazing that book, the way it was written made the people in it more than just characters, they were actual people! And although that's physically impossible it seemed like that. The other weird thing about it was that each of the main characters seemed to be written to resemble us. Liara was Liz, Mariane was Maria, light blonde hair, flighty, slightly odd, ring a bell? *Maria hits him* Ow! And Aldran was me, dashing, handsome. OK so he was their best-friend and he was scrawny.^
Thank you Alex!
^Right so that's that sorted, not we move onto 20th April 1998 the day Liz made the biggest mistake of her life. She decided to date a jock! Big no no! But of course, Liz being Liz she was trusting enough to go out with him, but what she couldn't see was that when she did that she left her true happiness behind her! In the form of Max Evans. Now what I have never been able to understand is why Liz can't seem to see what's right in front of her! She's had a crush on him ever since fourth grade and believe me that is a looooooong time ago! But somehow she manages to be blind to the fact that he likes her too! OK so maybe not likes, perhaps, adores, loves, lusts after, praises, stalks! All those kind of things. Even Pam Troy has noticed it! And trust Maria and I when we say that she wouldn't notice something even if it bit her on the ass! She's a bimbo through and through that somehow got into the same science class as Liz the genius but oh well.
So if Pam can notice it then why the hell can't Liz? Or Max for that matter, it's like they're in this dream state where they find it physically impossible to notice the obvious! And well after putting up with Liz day dreaming about Max for seven years we are seriously bored! And we've decided it's time to do something about it! We're gonna pair Liz and Max up! Then at last they'll finally be happy!^
Plus when that happens Alex might finally get to talk to Isabel Evans, Max' sister who he's had a crush on almost as long as Liz has liked Max!
^Hey you can't talk! You with your little Michael Guerin obsession!^
I do not like Michael! That guy has serious attitude problems! He's the most rude, arrogant pig that walks this earth.
^See you like him! You'd only get that worked up if you like him!^
God! You are impossible Alex!
^See I told you she was obsessed with him! Well anyway back to Liz and Max. It's because of our plan that today was so perfect! Our shy little Lizzie actually having fun with Max instead of just moping around!^
But then came lunch time.
^And Kyle!^
Yup, he just had to stick his nose in and ruin everything! I mean everything! He just walks up to us in lunch and drags her off! And she doesn't even resist! I mean who does he think he is? Prince of England? Not that being the Prince of England is bad, cos personally I think William is actually quite attractive in a sort of donkeyish sort of way, and Harry, well he's a bit young for me, but he's cute. And.
^Maria, babbling!^
Oh, yeah.
^Sniff some cypress oil and chill, girlfriend! Let me speak! So Kyle turned up just as we were about to get some food and begin to convince Liz that Max really likes her. He drags her off to the eraser room! I mean does this guy have no heart? His girlfriend is completely depressed, almost suicidal and all he can think about is getting a little somethin' somethin'! Some guys just have a one track mind! But the thing is that I don't think he got any, not from our Lizzie! I'm so proud of her! She came out looking just as depressed as when she went in. And Kyle came out looking like the forlorn little puppy that he is!^
So tomorrow is another day, Saturday and Liz and I are waiting tables together. It's a well known fact that Max Evans will come in for lunch and sit in Liz' section so Alex and I will be there to bring Liz' attention to it! Make sure she realizes what a babe he really is!
^Yup, and we will not accept defeat! Maria can get extremely vicious when she doesn't get her way.^
HEY!
^Well it's true! Remember when I wasn't gonna help you out with Liz you threatened my. Anyway, you don't really need to hear about that. Just watch out! Team Whitman is on Liz' case!^
I thought we settled on team DeLuca!
^Whitman^
DELUCA!
^WHITMAN^
Right that's it! I'm gonna carry out my threat!
^Crap! I'll see you guys later. RUN AWAY!!!^
Hehehe, run you wimp run! Well I'll come by and talk to you as soon as we get a new development! Bye!
A/N: I hope you could understand at least some of that!