It was already past seven o'clock in the morning when Yumi arrived at the meeting place. Ryouske waited for her for almost an hour in his car, while reading the morning paper.
"Gomen, Gomen," Yumi kept on apologizing and bowing her head for the mistake she'd made. "I thought it was only six a.m. so I overslept."
"Don't worry. It's okay." Ryouske managed to say, as he was eyeing her from head to toe. Her long, shoulder-length hair was down and flowing freely. It got caught in the wind earlier while she was running to make it in time, and the scene reminded him of Shizuka, of how her hair used to dance in the wind. His eyes moved down and landed on her rear, which was emphasized by her tight-fitting shirt. He remarked on how well formed they were, like from a sculpture. Yumi turned around a bit, and he saw the shapely buttocks straining against the skimpy shorts she was wearing. The long, muscular legs were also visible to his eyes. God! She's so perfect!
Ryouske's scrutiny of her body was halted when Yumi spoke boldly to him, "Are you finished yet with eyeing me down?" She raised an eyebrow, trying to look nasty. "I know that my body's perfect," she flipped her hair in a really bimbotic way and gave him a boastful look, "but you don't have to praise me for that."
Ryouske laughed in spite of himself. She was making fun of him, but she was the one embarrassed. He saw the light blush slowly creeping on her cheeks, and he laughed even harder. "Hey, there's no need to be abashed!"
Yumi punched his arm in exasperation and laughed uncontrollably, unable to continue the pretension anymore. She thought she looked very convincing in her bitchy act, but Ryouske saw through it all. "How did you know I was just pretending?" She asked him in between gasps for air.
Ryouske tried to protect his arm from further assault. She's surely a strong puncher! I can already feel the bruises growing on my skin! "It's easy," he replied when Yumi stopped hurting him, "I looked into your eyes and saw the eyebrows twitch." He twitched his eyebrows, imitating the way her eyebrows twitched earlier. "You looked like this. It's so artificial!"
"Grrr!!!" Yumi fell back on her seat, with her arms crossed across her chest. She appeared like a whiny kid with her lips pouted and her arms crossed. "You mean-nie! You ruined my act."
"No, I did not!" Ryouske was playing the same bratty kid act. "I was just good at guessing."
They both laughed for another minute or so. The car became filled with jubilation and contentment. After a while, Ryouske started the car, and he hummed while driving.
It feels strange to be able to joke and laugh with Yumi like this. Days ago, I thought that she was just some dumb bimbo singing to the tune of L'arc En Ciel. I wouldn't have thought that I would be a friend to her, since I felt a strong stereotype against her. It wouldn't have occurred to my mind that she would reveal her self to me, that she would tell me things about her past - her life. But look at us now. Don't we look like little kids who have no care in the world? We're laughing like idiots now. I'm sure if Keisuke saw us, he would think I'd gone nuts.
This is a weird feeling, but I still like it. I hadn't been able to feel genuinely happy for months now. Many times, I just pretended to smile. I put on a happy face for my friends and family. I fooled them, made them all think I was contented with my life. But little did they know that I was just a lonely kid hiding inside my shell, protecting myself from further pain and disappointment by pretending to be someone else… to be something else. They thought I already got over Shizuka's loss. They were wrong. I still hadn't. Deep inside of me, I still feel the bitterness and the desolation that her demise opened up in my heart. I could still feel the vast emptiness that was left when she died. They thought I was an extraordinary kid who led a perfectly happy life. I was such a great actor, then.
Yes, I fooled them. I fooled all those stupid people who only saw what they wanted to see. I made fun of them, bitterly enjoying the satisfaction it gave me to see how gullible they are. But I also fooled myself. I made myself think that I would be okay. I studied racing and earned a career for myself. I thought that if people saw me as a happy and successful person, then I would be one. But I was mistaken. I was never able to get out of that protective shell and explore the world around me. I never knew real happiness, never got real success. Until Yumi came and made me really laugh.
Ryouske gave Yumi an elaborate tour around Akagi. They first visited the Tamada Shrine, which was popular for the luck charms they sold. They had many kinds of these charms, including the love charm that Yumi bought for herself. Ryouske was at first perplexed by what she'd done, but she just shrugged and smiled when he asked. Next they went to Lake Park, where the main attraction was the swan boats roaming around the waters. They pedaled around the lake for almost an hour, viewing the beautiful sakura trees bowing down to them. It was such a beautiful sight specially during spring, when the flowers had started to bloom.
"Aren't the sakura trees a beauty, Yumi?" Ryouske silently asked Yumi while they were pedaling the swan boat.
"Yes." She nodded to him. Her voice was a little distant as she said these, "But I'm also sorry for these flowers." Yumi caught a falling flower in her hand, "They are always noticed for their beauty. But only for their beauty and not their purpose in life."
For the second time since they first met, Ryouske felt the sadness emanating from Yumi's soul. It was a depressing experience, but he still wondered what made her feel that way. He'd always known her to be a cheerful person, opposite to his personality. But now, he fully realized that there was also a lonely part of her that she tried so hard to hide behind a happy face! Somehow, he got affected because he was the same way.
Yumi looked at Ryouske when she realized that he'd fallen taciturn all of a sudden. She smiled up at him and suggested, the cheerfulness in her voice returning "I guess it's time for us to leave. The sun's already on our heads. It's getting hot."
After a while Ryouske led Yumi to the dreary cavern located on the outskirts of the park. It was a vast space of darkness, so it was a little creepy. But when Ryouske turned on the flashlight he brought, Yumi was awed by the sight before her. Above her she saw the crystal stalactites that looked like chandeliers due to the reflections of light it caused. Around her the huge stalagmites sprang from the ground. Most of them were shaped like huge shark teeth, while the others where like boulders.
"This place is amazing!" Yumi commented n a whisper. She'd never been inside a cavern before, since she lived in an urban area. "How did you know such a place existed in Akagi?"
"I know because I spend most of my free time here," Ryouske answered matter-of-factly. "I love this place, because only a few people know about it. I have my privacy here."
Ryouske sat down on one of the huge boulder-looking stalagmites and motioned for Yumi to do the same. When they were comfortable enough, they continued their conversation.
"Ryouske-kun," Yumi started, "I realize that I told you many things about myself, but you haven't told me about yours save your racing career." She faced him and expected an answer. When he didn't, she prodded. "How was your childhood? Were you like this when you were younger? Always so cold and unaffectionate?"
Ryouske was startled at her question. He didn't know how to answer it. But much to his surprise, he managed to give an honest reply. "To tell you the truth, I wasn't like this when I was younger." He was playing with the flashlight, turning it in his hands to create a light show. "I was much like you then - so cheerful and full of life." Yumi took time to process what he'd just admitted to her. She was getting a little confused. "But how come you changed a lot ?" She put emphasis on the last two words.
Ryouske was silent at first. He didn't want to answer that query. No. He desperately wanted to forget about his past, about her . He wanted to erase her memory from his life, so he could start a new one. He wanted to skip this question that he'd avoided many times in his life. He wanted to say, next question please , as if on a quiz show. But deep inside, deep inside his heart he knew that he wanted so much to know why he'd changed. He wanted to face the truth and get over it. He knew the answer, but he was too stubborn to admit it. He just didn't want to admit his weakness, his soft spot.
"What made you change, Ryouske?" Yumi repeated the question, unable to hide her curiosity over the subject matter. "Why did you become gloomy?"
Ryouske was holding his head between his hands. He didn't know why, but his head was suddenly hurting. He felt blood pounding too fast in his veins. His brain was hearing a voice - the same voice that had haunted him in his dreams. He wanted to be deaf to the voice, wanted it to disappear. But the more he rejected it, the more it seemed to come to him. It was the voice he knew too well. "Go away!!!" He shouted to the voice. The voice was calling him, urging him to come to her. "Come, Ryouske!" He felt his knees weakening beneath him, felt his body shaking with a mixture of fear and anger. He was convulsing uncontrollably. He tried to focus his vision, but all he saw was black. Then complete darkness followed…
Yumi was scared. The sight before her eyes frightened her. Ryouske was trembling hard and screaming something - Shizuka - over and over again. He acted like his mind was in a different world. He was gripping his head tightly, almost pulling his hair out. He fell to the hard, cold ground and continued shaking and screaming. After a long while, the trembling stopped and Ryouske fell asleep.
Yumi held Ryouske while he slept; his head was on her lap and his hands between hers. She didn't know what happened to him earlier, but she knew it had something to do with her query. What had happened to him in his childhood must have been too tragic for him to react that way. She remembered her Psychology class during Pre-med. The professor used to say something about the subconscious being the memory bank of the mind. Whatever it was that Ryouske tried hard to forget, his subconscious wasn't willing to cooperate. And there was nothing else he could do.
What could it be, Ryouske? What terrible thing happened to your life that made you what you are now?
Yumi tried to reminisce what happened earlier. She remembered seeing Ryouske convulsing on the floor while screaming something - Shizuka . Shizuka… it was a girl's name. Could it be?
Yumi's thoughts were interrupted when she felt Ryouske stirring awake. She looked down on his face and saw that his eyes were slowly opening. "Ryouske, are you awake?" She whispered in the darkness. It seemed that Ryouske lost his flashlight during the commotion.
Ryouske focused his eyes and saw Yumi's silhouetted face above him. She seemed to be worried about him for some reason, but he didn't remember. "What happened?"
"You had a seizure of some sort and fell unconscious." She lightly touched his face and smiled at him, "Don't worry. You're fine now."
When he already found the energy, Ryouske lifted himself and sat up. He felt a little dizzy, but aside from it he felt fine. Seizure? Ryouske's mind was befuddled. He didn't know he had any serious disease, and the last thing he remembered was Yumi's question about his life. "Can you tell me what happened earlier? In detail, please."
Yumi acquiesced and told him the whole story. Ah he heard it, Ryouske remembered part by part what had happened. His unwanted memories were slowly returning to him when Yumi asked him about Shizuka.
"Who is Shizuka, Ryouse?" Yumi asked a while later. "You screamed her name many times."
I guess there's no use trying to forget about her . She always had away to invade my mind. "Shizuka was my best friend since elementary. She became my girlfriend during high school senior. She died before we graduated."
"I'm sorry, Ryouske." Yumi apologized. "I shouldn't have brought it up earlier."
Ryouske felt an unbelievable need to tell Yumi all about Shizuka. He guessed that his heart was already bursting from all those years of trying to forget. "You see, she was my sunlight. She was my source of happiness. When she died, she took away all of those. I felt like I couldn't get on with my life anymore." Ryouske's voice was filled with anguish. "I tried once to take away my life, but Keisuke stopped me before it was too late. That was when my parents sent me to a psychotherapist to heal. They thought I got over Shizuka when I got out of the hospital. Well, we all thought I'd be okay. But we were all wrong. I never forgot her, though I tried so hard." Yumi saw his eyes fill with tears. He'd seen many men cry in front of her, but this kind of crying was different. It seemed like the flashflood of tears from many years of holding back.
"Don't hold back, Ryouske." Yumi was soothing him now while rubbing his back. "You can cry if you want. Don't fight the tears; let them go."
Ryouske cried and cried for a very long time that he had lost count of the hours. All the while, Yumi just held him and lent a shoulder for him to cry on. Ryouske thought it was a shameful thing to be seen crying like a baby, but he didn't care. Yumi was becoming more of a friend to him this way. Their bonding was greater, now that she'd seen so much of him.
When Ryouske couldn't cry anymore, his composure returned. "Thank you, Yumi, for not forsaking me when I was crying like a baby. I know it's embarrassing." He looked down on his shoes; he couldn't look her in the eye.
"It's okay, Ryouske." Yumi reassured him with a pat on the shoulder. "At least now I know you better." She placed her hand in his and continued, "You know what? I know what's keeping you from forgetting her."
Ryouske looked up and saw the smile in her eyes. "What?"
"You forgot to accept . Before you forget, you must first learn to accept." She squeezed his hand to make him listen and continued, "You cannot just bury her memories inside your heart, because you're heart still hasn't admitted the fact that she's gone forever. She'll keep haunting you in your dreams, because your mind still does not acknowledge her death."
Ryouske fell silent. He contemplated on what she'd said to him. Maybe she was right. Maybe all he needed was acceptance. But he wasn't sure.
It was already one in the afternoon when the pair was able to get out of the park. It seemed that they spent a lot of time inside the cavern. Ryouske pulled the car to a stop in the parking area of Akagi National Park, where they would have lunch. Yumi was already complaining of hunger. Well, not really Yumi but her stomach. They were in the middle of a debate about the possibility of establishing an Asian Currency like the Euro for Europe, when Yumi's stomach decided that it wanted its views to be heard as well. At first, Yumi got embarrassed. She didn't mean to be rude to him. But then, Ryouske laughed heartily at her discomfort, so she laughed as well and got over her embarrassment.
"Where are we going to eat, Ryo?" Yumi asked while putting on her sunglasses. The sun was well above the horizon and ready to scorch some flawless skin.
"Getting really hungry, eh?" He teased her about the incident earlier. "I'll treat you to some traditional Japanese restaurant." He led her out of the car and into the park. "I know a good one out here."
Ryouske led Yumi inside a traditional Japanese house, which was the restaurant. Its door was a white sliding paper screen, as most traditional Japanese houses have. They stepped inside, and she saw the elaborate decorative scrolls with a flower arrangement in front of it hanging on the walls. The floors were covered with tatami . Many people were eating their late lunches in the restaurant. As they were being led to their low table, what greeted them were unfriendly stares from the other guests. Most of them came from females who were eyeing Yumi from head to toe. It seemed like this was the first time they'd seen Ryouske with a girl in this restaurant. There were also some adoring glances from the waitresses directed to Ryouske and his gorgeous friend.
Ryouske sensed Yumi's uneasiness under all those eyes. It seemed like she's not used to scrutiny from people she didn't even know. Ryouske put a protective arm around her shoulders and smiled up at her. That simple gesture made the people mind their own business.
"Your orders, please." A young waitress came over to their table. She was wearing a red kimono with an obi around her waist. Her hair was styled like in the old times with chopsticks poking out of her hair bun. Her feet were clad in flat sandals or zori .
"I'll have sashimi , tempura, and sake ." Ryouske said to the waitress. When Yumi didn't say anything, he asked, "How about you, Yumi?"
"Well," she seemed to have a hard time choosing which food to eat. "I'm not so sure about these, but I think I'll try the house special for today - Yakitori with miso, sukiyaki, and sake ." She smiled at the waitress and handed her back the menu.
When the waitress had gone, Ryouske teased Yumi. "You surely are hungry, Yumi. You ordered for a meal for two people!" "Hehe," Yumi laughed at his joke, "Yeah, I'm really hungry. But I usually eat heavy meals, though it doesn't show."
When the two could not find a suitable topic of conversation, Yumi looked around the restaurant and saw many pairs of eyes watching them. She commented, "I guess you're really popular around here, Ryouske. Many people are staring at you."
Ryouske shrugged it off and replied, "They're not looking at me. They're watching you . Apparently, they're curious why I have such a beautiful lady with me today."
Yumi blushed at his compliment. She still wasn't used to it. "But you know, I still get a little shy around people."
"I can see that." And he laughed at her, though not in a mocking way.
After a while, their meals arrived, and the pair started eating greedily. Yumi dug through her noodles, unmindful of Ryouske's eyes on her. When she'd realized what was happening, she was embarrassed of her behavior.
"What?" Yumi asked abashed. "Why are you staring at me?"
"Nothing." Ryouske finally answered. "I'm just fascinated by the idea that we're friends now. I didn't really expect it." He drank some sake and wiped his mouth dry.
"Actually, I feel the same." She confessed. "I never thought that I would warm up with you." She gave him a friendly smile and resumed her feast.
Ryouske, on the other hand, felt the need to have a conversation over food. "You said you live in USA, but why are you here?" He managed to ask.
Yumi finished swallowing her food first before she could reply, "For vacation." She popped a piece of beef into her mouth. "You know, work could get very stressful. So I decided to take a break. And besides, it's been five years since I last visited Japan."
"Really," Ryouske said more to himself than to her. "So tell me." He finished off the last pieces of tempura from his plate and continued, "how did you find this restaurant?" He really was interested to hear her views about his favorite restaurant.
"Actually," Yumi said with a little laugh in her voice, "this is the first time I've been inside a traditional Japanese house. I think it's a great place. There's an airy feel to this pace and I feel comfortable especially in these low tables and makeshift pillows." She wiggled in her seat to show how at-home she felt. "And these chopsticks," she picked up the noodles with her utensil, "I thought I've forgotten how to use them. I'm really glad you took me here, Ryouske."
Ryouske shy self made itself known. A tinge of red crept over his cheeks and he gave an embarrassed smile. "You're welcome." He scratched his head in bashfulness. "Say, Yumi, what do you do for a living?"
Now it was Yumi's turn to be in the spotlight. She was being asked these questions that she didn't feel comfortable in answering. I don't want to lose this moment. Not yet . She wanted desperately to extend this happy instant, and she knew that the answer to that question would just steer their conversation to a tense one. "Hey, Ryouske," she tried to digress and escape the question, "can I have some of your sashimi? It looks good." She hoped her tactic worked.
Ryouske realized that Yumi was trying to change the subject. If her work is not a good topic for her, then I will not prod anymore . He pushed the plate to her and watched her take some of the delicious fish into her mouth. She looked really famished earlier, and now some of the glow had returned to her face. He smiled at her, silently understanding her situation, "How does it taste?"
"Mmmmm…. Oishi!" She made a thumbs-up sign and returned the smile while chewing. "Why don't you have some?" She returned the plat to him, but he shook his head.
"No. I'm already full." He just finished his sake while watching her finish her food.
After lunch, they went to take a stroll around the national park. Yumi said earlier that she'd been too full she felt like a stout pig. Ryouske suggested that they take a stroll to digest some of traces of their gluttony earlier.
"I didn't know you could be so voracious, Yumi-chan" Ryouske joked as he took the lead in their leisurely walk.
"No, I'm not voracious," Yumi lightly punched him on the shoulder. "I was just very hungry. And besides, it didn't exceed my normal meal capacity!"
Ryouske chuckled to himself. He was thinking of how much he'd changed since he'd met her. It felt like the old humdrum of his life was over. It was a good thing, since he renewed his real self - the normal and happy one. And now I think I'm genuinely happy. Thanks to this kindred soul.
Ryouske stared at the sky and realized that the sun was already exiting the horizon. He'd just spent almost a whole day of his life with this newly met friend of his. Even though he skipped a racing practice without telling his teammates, he wasn't regretful. In fact, he was even happy that he was able to break the monotonous cycle of his cold life. He glanced at his watch. Five fifteen .
Yumi caught Ryouske glancing at his watch from the corner of her eyes. "Ano, mada nanji desu ka?" Ryouske smiled at her and replied, "mo osoi." He led her to the parking lot without word and opened the car door for her. Obviously, he'd been thinking on the way there. He was thinking of how to ask her out again tomorrow. Luckily, Yumi broke the silence and the tension between them lessened.
"Hey, Ryouske," she started with a jokingly demanding voice. "You didn't keep your promise to me." She looked up at him and saw the haze in his eyes. Apparently, he wasn't following her train of thoughts. "You said you'd give me an elaborate tour around Akagi. So far, we'd been to just half of it." She made way for a dramatic pause and made her voice softer, "When will continue the road trip"
Ryouske could not believe what he was hearing. A while ago, he was racking his brain for a decent way of asking her out again. And now here she was, making the first move. He knew it was ain indirect way of asking him out. "Actually, any day is fine with me."
"Great!" Yumi's face was slowly filling with happiness. "Then tomorrow would be fine?" She looked up at him expectantly and saw him nod his head.
Ryouske pulled the car to a stop in front of the blue gate of Yumi's apartment. The rest of the trip was made in silence, since Yumi fell asleep. She looked tired to him. "Hey, Yumi," Ryouske was lightly shaking her to wake up.
"Mm?" Yumi's eyes slowly opened, and there was perplexity in her eyes. She forgot where she was. And then she saw Ryouske's caring eyes in the dark. She was mesmerized.
"We're here already." Ryouske was removing her seatbelt and trying to wake her up completely.
Yumi laughed low in her throat and commented, "You really want to get rid of me, huh?" She was referring to Ryouske's hasty removal of her protective belt.
"No. I just thought you wanted to sleep well on a soft bed." He said almost without emotion. It was hard to read through his eyes now, since he put again that mask of calculation.
"You're so thoughtful, boy." Yumi managed to compliment him when she regained control of herself. She was already stepping out of the car when Ryouske spoke.
"I have a race tomorrow night. Wanna come?" He said it so straight that she couldn't guess whether he was asking her out of politeness or what. Yumi decided that she wanted to know what he thought.
"Do you really want me to come?" She asked silently.
There was a moment of silence between them. Neither spoke. Yumi waited for the answer, which Ryouske still couldn't give. After a while or so, he answered.
"Of course I do." Ryouske paused and stared into the deep green emeralds before him. "I really had so much fun with you today. I hope tomorrow would be the same."
"Thank you," she took it as a compliment. She opened the car door and stepped outside. She looked back for a while to said goodbye and said, "I also had fun. See you tomorrow."
Yosh! This is the end of the fourth chapter. To be continued, though...
So how was it? The date is so cute. kawaii!!!!!!!!!
Watch out for the next chapters. The conclusion to our story is near