This is just a short, humorous, little thingie that wouldn't let me sleep one day. Thank you to the ladies at Magnifiction, later M7 Challenge, for giving me the courage to post it. Slight language warning. Lyrics taken from "Lola" by The Kinks. No copyright infringement done for profit.
A Day of Reckoning
by Jeanne Marie
Fate, karma, destiny, kismet, the alignment of the planets.
Buck Wilmington cursed all of these forces and then some as he desperately waged what was looking more and more like a losing battle.
"Tracy Wetzel, that cute uniform from the 15th squad?"
"That'd be Tracy Turner now," Vin clarified. "Mrs. Tracy Turner."
"Shoulda known." Buck shook his head. "That one was too good to stay single for long. I mean, hell, she was the only female I ever met who actually followed Nascar racing."
"A quality that will surely induce future citizens to erect a church devoted to her memory," Ezra snorted, sharing an amused glance with Nathan.
"Michelle Astor." Wilmington plowed ahead. "She got that sexy Texas drawl." He grinned suggestively at Vin, who raised an eyebrow.
"I ain't sure how to take that, Bucklin," Tanner said calmly, amid the snickers of his team-mates. "Anyhow, she's down with the flu. Hasn't been to work all week."
Buck had already moved on. "Uh, Jenna Gold...smith, Team five's sharpshooter. That last raid we worked together she insisted on making sure my vest was sound, if you know what I mean."
Josiah and Vin, who--along with the rest of the sane population of the world--*always* knew what he meant, shook their heads at each other.
JD looked up from his computer with a wicked gleam in his eye. "She punched you in the gut?"
"No! Damn, kid!" The other men watched as Buck's face turned deep red from righteous indignation. It was several moments before he could speak again.
"Sorry, Brother Buck, but I just heard that Miss Goldsmith is going back into the military. She's leaving the country at the end of the week. I'm sure she'll be too busy with the arrangements to breathe, much less go to the banquet with you."
"It's like Travis planned this thing knowing that I wouldn't be able to find a date," Buck fumed.
JD, one of the two members of the team who had a guaranteed date for almost any function, snickered but kept the rest of his commentary to himself.
"Why don't you just go stag," Vin asked. "Half the people at the banquet aren't bringing dates."
Buck took a deep, cleansing breath through his nose.
"I am going to forget you said that, Junior," he said in a measured tone. "I got me a rep to protect."
Knowing those words were the only response Buck could have given to Vin's proposal did not stop the other six men from nearly swallowing their tongues.
"What about Inez' new waitress, Pavlina something-or-other?"
Nathan couldn't contain himself any longer. "That little girl just came here from the Czech Republic. She doesn't speak any English--not well, anyway."
Wilmington leaned over, resting his elbows on the desk next to his. "Two words for you," he whispered to a choking Ezra. "Li Pong."
Standish quieted immediately.
"Mary's got to go anyway," JD suggested as innocently as he could. "You could ask her."
A noise that was not quite a growl emanated involuntarily from Chris' throat, causing Vin to fall gasping out of his chair.
Six minutes and a few dozen cleansing breaths later, Buck got back on the horse. "Linda Flores. I know she'd say yes. Last week she saw me rubbing my shoulder and she offered to give me a massage, right out of the blue."
"If you're talking about the computer tech," Chris put in. "I think she's already going--with her *girl*friend, Liz Freid from Team three."
"Well, shit." Buck scrubbed a frustrated hand over his weary face. "Liz would've been my next choice."
"Liz and Linda," JD said. "That's cute for a couple. I bet they look good together too--one blonde, one redhead."
"You consider that red hair?" Nathan asked.
"Well, sure. It is *dark* red, which makes sense with Linda's dark skin, but it's still red."
"True."
Buck continued to search the dusty caches of his memory. It didn't help that he was beginning to hate his entire team.
"What about-" Josiah began. "No, wait, she was transferred to San Francisco."
Wilmington snapped his fingers. "Ada Carey. She was *real* friendly at the Christmas party; slipped me her number even."
"On vacation in the Bahamas," Ezra replied smugly, still stung by Buck's casting aspersions on his relationship with Li Pong.
"Shannon McAllister?"
"You mean Sister Felicity of Our Lady of the Rosary?" Vin, no longer floor-bound, burst out laughing. "She took her vows two months ago. I swear."
This last revelation served as the straw that broke the camel's back. The other men watched as Buck literally dropped out of sight, having collapsed like a badly played game of Jenga.
"If I don't find a date for this banquet right now," his disembodied voice informed the room. "I am never getting off this floor."
Chris looked at his watch and smiled. It was just too perfect too resist. "All right, boys, five p.m., time to shove off."
"Bye, Buck." JD turned off his computer, put on his jacket, and stepped over his roommate on his way out of the room. Five team-members followed close behind, not one containing his amusement.
"Chris," a pathetic figure moaned after them. "Don't expect me in tomorrow. I'm changin' my name and movin' to a Buddhist monastery in Tibet. There's no point to living around them anymore."
"Okay then," Chris answered distractedly, closing the door behind him. "Don't forget to send a post card."
****
"I cannot believe those bastards left me like this," Rosie Wilmington's son said to nobody. On the floor, in the middle of the biggest crisis of his life (Well, maybe not *the* biggest, but pretty damn large) and alone as an ugly teenager on a Saturday night. Some friends were they!
Though, as Buck thought about it, they hadn't been any damn help anyway. The whole frickin' lot of them had just shot down every one of the women he'd named--acting a mite too smug for his taste--and laughed at him in his misery. It was better this way. Yes, he'd find a date for Travis' pointless banquet and he'd do it on his own. As soon as he got off the floor.
Or not.
Sometimes, like when he was with JD the Energizer Bunny, Buck forgot he was pushing forty. Other occasions, now for instance, his body reminded the hell out of him. The pickins had been slim at work lately, so he'd spent the last week or so at the computer reducing Yvette, his soon-to-be talking pile of paperwork. Thirty-eight year-old backs did not appreciate being confined to an office chair for four eight-hour days in a row. Apparently, Buck's was loving the floor. It was the first chance he'd gotten to stretch out in what felt like years.
The ATF agent sighed contentedly as he crossed his ankles. This wasn't too bad. He'd have a little lie-down and join the others at Inez's Saloon by and by. Inez, there was one filly he wouldn't mind taking out, but a deep and abiding desire to keep all of his body parts intact kept Buck from posing the question.
"I met her in a club down in old Soho, where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola, C-O-L-A, cola...
"Well I'm not the world's most masculine man, but I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man. And so is Lola, la la la la Lola, la la la la Lola."
"Great song," a voice affirmed from above. A part of Buck's mind that would never go away or shut down registered the voice as belonging to a female.
"Uh." He sprang to his feet, startled at being caught so unawares. He hadn't even heard the door open. "I always thought so. You like The Kinks?"
"Eh." The thirty-something brunette made a seesaw motion with her hand. "They got chops, but I've always been more a Zeppelin gal."
Buck smiled widely. "Oh yeah?" Taste was always a good sign. Big blue eyes and tanned, toned legs exposed by the brown polyester shorts she wore were also huge plusses in his book.
She blushed slightly and grinned. "I'm supposed to deliver this package to-" She paused to check her clipboard. "C. Larabee. Is that person here?"
"Well-" He sneaked a look at the badge on her uniform. "Valerie, I'm afraid he's left the office for the day. I could take you to where he is now, though. What time do you get off work?"
"Technically, I've been off for ten minutes." She smiled invitingly. "This place Larabee's gone, they serve coffee?"
"Oh yeah." A warm, fuzzy feeling started at the top of Buck's head and spread through his whole body. He couldn't wait to see the guys' faces.
The End
A Day of Reckoning
by Jeanne Marie
Fate, karma, destiny, kismet, the alignment of the planets.
Buck Wilmington cursed all of these forces and then some as he desperately waged what was looking more and more like a losing battle.
"Tracy Wetzel, that cute uniform from the 15th squad?"
"That'd be Tracy Turner now," Vin clarified. "Mrs. Tracy Turner."
"Shoulda known." Buck shook his head. "That one was too good to stay single for long. I mean, hell, she was the only female I ever met who actually followed Nascar racing."
"A quality that will surely induce future citizens to erect a church devoted to her memory," Ezra snorted, sharing an amused glance with Nathan.
"Michelle Astor." Wilmington plowed ahead. "She got that sexy Texas drawl." He grinned suggestively at Vin, who raised an eyebrow.
"I ain't sure how to take that, Bucklin," Tanner said calmly, amid the snickers of his team-mates. "Anyhow, she's down with the flu. Hasn't been to work all week."
Buck had already moved on. "Uh, Jenna Gold...smith, Team five's sharpshooter. That last raid we worked together she insisted on making sure my vest was sound, if you know what I mean."
Josiah and Vin, who--along with the rest of the sane population of the world--*always* knew what he meant, shook their heads at each other.
JD looked up from his computer with a wicked gleam in his eye. "She punched you in the gut?"
"No! Damn, kid!" The other men watched as Buck's face turned deep red from righteous indignation. It was several moments before he could speak again.
"Sorry, Brother Buck, but I just heard that Miss Goldsmith is going back into the military. She's leaving the country at the end of the week. I'm sure she'll be too busy with the arrangements to breathe, much less go to the banquet with you."
"It's like Travis planned this thing knowing that I wouldn't be able to find a date," Buck fumed.
JD, one of the two members of the team who had a guaranteed date for almost any function, snickered but kept the rest of his commentary to himself.
"Why don't you just go stag," Vin asked. "Half the people at the banquet aren't bringing dates."
Buck took a deep, cleansing breath through his nose.
"I am going to forget you said that, Junior," he said in a measured tone. "I got me a rep to protect."
Knowing those words were the only response Buck could have given to Vin's proposal did not stop the other six men from nearly swallowing their tongues.
"What about Inez' new waitress, Pavlina something-or-other?"
Nathan couldn't contain himself any longer. "That little girl just came here from the Czech Republic. She doesn't speak any English--not well, anyway."
Wilmington leaned over, resting his elbows on the desk next to his. "Two words for you," he whispered to a choking Ezra. "Li Pong."
Standish quieted immediately.
"Mary's got to go anyway," JD suggested as innocently as he could. "You could ask her."
A noise that was not quite a growl emanated involuntarily from Chris' throat, causing Vin to fall gasping out of his chair.
Six minutes and a few dozen cleansing breaths later, Buck got back on the horse. "Linda Flores. I know she'd say yes. Last week she saw me rubbing my shoulder and she offered to give me a massage, right out of the blue."
"If you're talking about the computer tech," Chris put in. "I think she's already going--with her *girl*friend, Liz Freid from Team three."
"Well, shit." Buck scrubbed a frustrated hand over his weary face. "Liz would've been my next choice."
"Liz and Linda," JD said. "That's cute for a couple. I bet they look good together too--one blonde, one redhead."
"You consider that red hair?" Nathan asked.
"Well, sure. It is *dark* red, which makes sense with Linda's dark skin, but it's still red."
"True."
Buck continued to search the dusty caches of his memory. It didn't help that he was beginning to hate his entire team.
"What about-" Josiah began. "No, wait, she was transferred to San Francisco."
Wilmington snapped his fingers. "Ada Carey. She was *real* friendly at the Christmas party; slipped me her number even."
"On vacation in the Bahamas," Ezra replied smugly, still stung by Buck's casting aspersions on his relationship with Li Pong.
"Shannon McAllister?"
"You mean Sister Felicity of Our Lady of the Rosary?" Vin, no longer floor-bound, burst out laughing. "She took her vows two months ago. I swear."
This last revelation served as the straw that broke the camel's back. The other men watched as Buck literally dropped out of sight, having collapsed like a badly played game of Jenga.
"If I don't find a date for this banquet right now," his disembodied voice informed the room. "I am never getting off this floor."
Chris looked at his watch and smiled. It was just too perfect too resist. "All right, boys, five p.m., time to shove off."
"Bye, Buck." JD turned off his computer, put on his jacket, and stepped over his roommate on his way out of the room. Five team-members followed close behind, not one containing his amusement.
"Chris," a pathetic figure moaned after them. "Don't expect me in tomorrow. I'm changin' my name and movin' to a Buddhist monastery in Tibet. There's no point to living around them anymore."
"Okay then," Chris answered distractedly, closing the door behind him. "Don't forget to send a post card."
****
"I cannot believe those bastards left me like this," Rosie Wilmington's son said to nobody. On the floor, in the middle of the biggest crisis of his life (Well, maybe not *the* biggest, but pretty damn large) and alone as an ugly teenager on a Saturday night. Some friends were they!
Though, as Buck thought about it, they hadn't been any damn help anyway. The whole frickin' lot of them had just shot down every one of the women he'd named--acting a mite too smug for his taste--and laughed at him in his misery. It was better this way. Yes, he'd find a date for Travis' pointless banquet and he'd do it on his own. As soon as he got off the floor.
Or not.
Sometimes, like when he was with JD the Energizer Bunny, Buck forgot he was pushing forty. Other occasions, now for instance, his body reminded the hell out of him. The pickins had been slim at work lately, so he'd spent the last week or so at the computer reducing Yvette, his soon-to-be talking pile of paperwork. Thirty-eight year-old backs did not appreciate being confined to an office chair for four eight-hour days in a row. Apparently, Buck's was loving the floor. It was the first chance he'd gotten to stretch out in what felt like years.
The ATF agent sighed contentedly as he crossed his ankles. This wasn't too bad. He'd have a little lie-down and join the others at Inez's Saloon by and by. Inez, there was one filly he wouldn't mind taking out, but a deep and abiding desire to keep all of his body parts intact kept Buck from posing the question.
"I met her in a club down in old Soho, where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola, C-O-L-A, cola...
"Well I'm not the world's most masculine man, but I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man. And so is Lola, la la la la Lola, la la la la Lola."
"Great song," a voice affirmed from above. A part of Buck's mind that would never go away or shut down registered the voice as belonging to a female.
"Uh." He sprang to his feet, startled at being caught so unawares. He hadn't even heard the door open. "I always thought so. You like The Kinks?"
"Eh." The thirty-something brunette made a seesaw motion with her hand. "They got chops, but I've always been more a Zeppelin gal."
Buck smiled widely. "Oh yeah?" Taste was always a good sign. Big blue eyes and tanned, toned legs exposed by the brown polyester shorts she wore were also huge plusses in his book.
She blushed slightly and grinned. "I'm supposed to deliver this package to-" She paused to check her clipboard. "C. Larabee. Is that person here?"
"Well-" He sneaked a look at the badge on her uniform. "Valerie, I'm afraid he's left the office for the day. I could take you to where he is now, though. What time do you get off work?"
"Technically, I've been off for ten minutes." She smiled invitingly. "This place Larabee's gone, they serve coffee?"
"Oh yeah." A warm, fuzzy feeling started at the top of Buck's head and spread through his whole body. He couldn't wait to see the guys' faces.
The End