Gundam Wing - Working For A Living
Day 1
Zechs walked into McDonalds. He had just finished screwing Noin, so he was in a good mood. At the counter stood the infamous self-destructive psycho, Heero Yuy. He was dressed in a McDonalds uniform.
"Hello. Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?" Heero said in a dull, bored tone. Zechs placed his elbows on the counter.
"I would like a Big Mac!" Zechs answered, beaming. Heero snatched some old and crusty Big Mac from a box, tossed it into a paper bag and handed it to the blonde pilot.
"That'll be $1.25," Heero said monotonously. The Lightning Baron handed Heero some coins. Gundam Wing Zero's pilot counted them swiftly, then drew his gun, "omae o korosu."
"Wha-Why?" Zechs exclaimed.
"You gave me $1.20, the price was $1.25," Heero explained cooly. Duo, who came in from the back, swiftly ran over and gave Gundam Zero's pilot a nickel. Satisfied, Heero put the coins in the cashier.
"Hey Zechs! Sorry about Heero, he suffers from eternal PMS," Duo said with a laugh. The braided pilot was also dressed in a McDonalds uniform.
"No problemo!" Zechs replied cheerfully.
"Uh…did you just get done screwing Noin?" Duo questioned.
"Why, yes. How did you know? Is it my positive attitude? The cheerful and optimistic air around me?" Zechs asked.
"No…uh…because you forgot to get dressed before coming here…" Deathscythe's pilot pointed out, a tiny sweat drop resting on his brow.
"Wha?!" Zechs looked down and realized that he was in his birthday suit. "Oh shit! ..uh bye!" the blonde pilot darted out of the building, his face beet red.
Day 2
"Um, Duo…" Heero began, eyeing the American pilot who was laying on the counter, his head under the flurry machine. His hand was over the "on" button and icecream was pouring into the giant vacuum which was his mouth.
"Aa," Duo replied. His eyes were closed.
"The manager is coming," Heero finished. The other pilot sat up so fast that he slammed his head on the machine."
"Ow-Damn!" Duo growled, rolling off of the counter. After a minute, the manager walked in.
"You know…I've noticed something strange lately. We would only sell about three or four flurries before the machine runs out," the manager stated.
"The machine must be broken! I'll get to fixing it again at once!" Duo said with a salute. Heero rolled his eyes.
"That's a good boy, Duo! You'll get another raise for your hard work! Heero, you should try to be more like your friend here," the manager said with a vigorous nod. Heero replied with another roll of his eyes. Duo pulled out his toolbox after the manager left.
"I love my job!" Duo declared cheerfully. Heero sighed.
Day 3
Treize walked into the McDonalds and upon entry heard moans emitting from behind the counter. A sweat drop formed over the young Oz general's head and a blush crept into his cheeks. He didn't want to look, but curiosity overwhelmed him and he was compelled to take a peek.
"My God! What are you people doing down there?!" Treize exclaimed. Slowly Wuefei, Quarte and Trowa's heads came up from behind the counter. Quatre was dressed in a McDonalds uniform. Trowa and Wufei on the other hand were…uh…not.
"Don't mind us," Trowa said. "We're just showing Quatre here how it's done."
"Duo!" Wufei called. The American pilot ran in.
"What is it-what the hell?!" Duo cried as his eyes took in the sight.
"Tend to the customers. We're busy showing Quatre something," Trowa commanded.
"I'll say…" Duo commented. He walked over by the counter. The moans started up again and Duo tried not to blush. "May I take your orders?"
"I'd like a whopper--uhh--ah--I-I mean quarter pounder…" Treize mumbled. The moans grew louder and both Treize and Duo were blushing.
"Would you like fries with that?" Duo asked.
"Oh yes! Yes! YES!" Wufei shrieked. A massive sweat drop formed over both Duo and Treize.
"I wasn't asking you!" Duo snapped, casting the three a disgusted glance. Treize nodded slowly. The American pilot scooped some fries and gave them to him. Suddenly, the ground felt as if it was trembling. Heero raced in.
"Is there an earthquake--My God!" Heero cried. "There's a frickin' orgy going on here!" Suddenly, a loud "meow" emitted from the counter.
Treize slammed a twenty dollar bill on the counter. "I got to go. Keep the change. Bye!"
Treize ran out the door.
"But you forgot your burger-" Duo's words fell on deaf ears. Treize was already long gone.
Trowa and Wufei's heads came up from the counter again, their faces flushed.
"What's with him?" Wufei asked.
Day 4
Relena walked in. Wufei was standing at the counter.
"Hello, Wufei!" Relena said, walking over to the Chinese pilot. "I know Heero's here. Could you get him for me?"
"You're even dumber than you look, woman," Wufei snapped. "Heero will only try to kill you, again."
"Heero only says he wants to kill me, but he'd never. He loves me," Relena explained.
"Your funeral…" Wufei said with a shrug. "HEERO! Your stalker is here!"
Hearo walked into the room.
"Relena…" he murmured. Suddenly, he whipped out an AK-47 BOOM-BOOM shotgun and shot her right between the eyes. "I've been wanting to do that for so long…"
Day 5
Lady Une walked in. Quatre was at the counter. She walked up to the tenderhearted boy and smiled sweetly.
"Hello," Lady Une said pleasantly. "I'd like a cheeseburger. Hold the onions."
"Okay…" Quatre typed into the computer. "Would you like fries with that?"
"WHAT DO YOU THINK?!!!! OF COURSE I WANT FRIES WITH THAT!! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?! WEIRD?!!!!!!!!!!" Lady Une shrieked. A sweat drop formed on the boy's head.
"Um…s-small…medium or large…?" Quarte asked nervously.
"Small, please," Lady Une said gently. "I need to watch my petite figure." Sandrock's pilot was utterly baffled.
"Would you like a coke with that as well?" Quatre questioned politely.
"OF COURSE I WANT A COKE!!!! A MEDIUM COKE!!! NOW GIVE ME MY DAMN F---ING BURGER!!" Lady Une screeched, pulling out a shotgun.
"Um…are-are you h-having a ba-bad day, ma-am?" Quatre stammered.
"Why, no sir. Why do you ask?" Lady Une said soothingly.
"Um…n-nothing…" Quatre said. He then promptly placed the McDonalds bag on the counter.
"Thank you, my good man. You deserve a raise for your hard work," Lady Une said as she took the bag and left. Quatre wiped the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand with a sigh of relief. Suddenly, Lady Une marched back in holding a machine gun.
"I TOLD YOU NO F---ING ONIONS!!!!!!!!!!!" Lady Une roared as she opened fire on the room. Quatre dove to the floor.
"I don't get paid enough for this…" Quatre muttered.
Author's Notes: This fic was written in 1999 when I was but a little high school sophomore, along with "Trippin'," "Love, Death and Nonsense," "Blair Dragonball Witch Project Z," "A Day at the Beach," "A Visit to the Shrink" and a few others. As a result, their quality is considerably lower than my recent fics. However, despite their age I still find them reasonably funny, so I thought I would post them anyway. I fixed some of the grammar errors, but for the most part left the fics unchanged. "Working for a Living" never really had an official end, and in a sense is open for any additional days I may want to add. However, this fic has remained as is for the past four years, so I doubt that this writing bug will bite me. I hope you liked it!