Whisper of Life Conclusion
Disclaimer: JAG is not mine
Author's Note: Okay, this is it guys. One last half of a part. And I've got it all written out too. Just have to type it now. I had hoped to end this a little more strongly but I just don't have the time right now. I think I took on too much for an 17 year old mind on her first fanfic. But, I hoped you guys liked it. It was lots of fun for me. And, again, thanks for all the nice reviews. I didn't know what to expect my first time around. I think I'll be back soon with another fanfic, a one parter I think. So thanks again for all the fun. You guys are awesome!!!
Whisper of Life Conclusion
Harm's Apartment
Two Weeks Later…
" Harm, shove over a little bit so I can get to the silver ware."
"What do you need to get the silverware for, Mac?"
"So I can set the table, Harm."
" Mac, I'll set the table."
" Then hand me the glasses will you. Do you want tea?" Mac asked.
"Mac, I'll set the table and I'll pour the drinks. You just go sit down over there on the couch and I'll be finished with dinner in a minute," Harm said, starting to get annoyed with her persistence. But hey, she was stubborn Jarhead after all.
" Well then, here. Go set the table and go pour our drinks and I'll finish stirring the pasta," Mac said with a persuasive smile.
" Mac, seriously. If you don't sit down, you are not going to like what is going to happen," Harm said as Mac asked for the fifteenth time to try and help with their dinner.
Annoyed, Mac sighed. " Harm…just because I'm injured doesn't mean that I'm an immobile gimp. Let me help," she said as she scooted around the kitchen's island to stand next to him. Exasperated, Harm stopped his stirring of their dinner and turned around to face her. " Mac, do you have any rope?" he questioned, throwing her off track.
She looked at him perplexed, unsure whether to answer him or not, afraid of where this was going. " No… why?"
"Because if you don't sit your six down on that couch in seven seconds, I'm going to pick you up, carry you over, hold you down and tie you to it, " he said as he went back to his cooking.
Okay, this was it. Harm had been at her side 24/7 since the day she found out about Major Benson. And it wasn't that she minded being with him. She didn't mind when he offered for her to stay with him until she fully recovered. Not until he started babying her, bringing her her meals- on the couch- taking her her coffee- on the couch- bringing her books to read- on the couch. What she minded was him hovering over her and irritating her by trying to keep her from breaking. She didn't know why either. She's a Marine, not a China Doll. He was a great encouragement during her physical therapy. She knew he really did care, but it was strange. She noticed that the way he acted toward her and the way that he always seemed o carefully be choosing his words around her… there was something that he was not telling her. " Harm, I don't think you understand that for the past two weeks, I have either been stuck in a bed or glued to your couch," she declared, raising her arms in the air and backing away from him. " I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I don't think that standing on my own two feet and helping you stir noodles is going to kill me. I'm not you Mother's china plate, Harm," she knew she was being harsh, and probably a little moody, but she couldn't stand it anymore. She saw the look of hurt flicker across his face and it confirmed her beliefs. And then it clicked. She knew what was wrong and his next words confirmed it.
He slammed his fist down on the countertop. " You're right Mac. But getting shot three times will. So, forgive me for worrying a little bit about you." He paused for a moment, letting his words sink into his own mind. He had tried to be strong for her and not have her worry about his crap on top of hers. But looking at her face after his outburst and acknowledgment of what he was feeling did him in.
" You're right too, Harm, but I'm not dead. I'm okay. I'm still here," she said.
" I guess I'm just coming to terms with the reality that I can't always be there to keep you from getting hurt," he finally said as he sat his spoon down and turned off the stove top. The noodles had been done for the past five minutes, after all. He turned around and took the noodles over to the sink to drain. He needed to stay preoccupied with something because he knew he'd come apart if he didn't.
Mac sat on the other side of the counter, her anger slowly starting to escalate. His " saint- of-the-world" complex was really grating on her nerves. Why does he always have to carry the whole world on his shoulders, she thought. He can't play God and man at once. " Is that what's wrong, Harm, that you think that if you'd have been there this whole thing could have been prevented? Because I've got news for you. If you had, we would both be dead. He unloaded three on me. What makes you think he wouldn't have used the rest on you?" She was yelling by now, fuming that he could think this was his fault. She also noticed the grimace that passed over his face when she reminded him of her shooting, but she ignored it and pressed on. " When are you going to stop believing that everything bad that happens in the world is somehow your fault?" Screw the gentle approach.
" It's not everything bad that happens to the world, Sarah. It's everything bad that happens to you," he spun around, shouting back at her. He had had enough of controlling his emotions. Who said he had to be the strong one anyway?
She stood there, hands clutching the sides of the counter, stunned at what he had said. Stunned at how he said it. She could see the anger and fury that passed over his face as he yelled at her. She saw the sadness and hurt. But she also saw…relief? So this was what he had been keeping from her, she thought. But she didn't know how to respond to his sudden outburst. So she said the first thing that came to her mind and flew out her mouth. " Harm, do not turn me into one of your obsessions!"
"Dammit, Mac. You know better than that," he warned, his eyes hard as ice.
What? I know better than what? Like hell, and she would make sure he knew it. She was tired of this stupid game they had played for the past seven years. "Do I Harm? I mean, really, when it comes down to it, do I really ever know what you are thinking? No! and you know why Harm? Because maybe unlike some people that you happen to know, I'm not a freaking mind reader," she said, her unresolved feelings of the last seven years getting the better of her. She knew she was being ruthless. No, more than ruthless. Brutal. And after everything Harm had done for her, she knew he didn't deserve this kind of treatment from her. But dammit, why did he have to be so uncommunicative. She could see that she was slowly breaking down the walls he had so carefully constructed around himself though. And if this was the only way of getting him to open up to her, then…I guess…so be it.
They stared at each other for a long moment, all different emotions passing across their faces. Anger, hurt, even desire. But then, suddenly, Harm's face turned into one large mask of guilt and he looked down at his shoes. He knew what this was really about, and she was right. How many times had she laid her heart out to him? And how many times had he pushed her away? But then when she got involved with other men, he selfishly became angry at her, feeling he had any sort of claim on her. But in reality, he didn't. because in reality, he never told her. He turned his back to and put his hands down on the countertop in front of him. He rested his weight on his arms and closed his eyes, resting his chin on his chest. She was right. And he was guilty as charged.
"You're right, Mac," he whispered to the feet. " You're right and I'm sorry." There was silence.
He could feel her staring at his back and could imagine the look on her face. How did they get to this point, he asked himself. He thought back to the time he had asked her that before. It seemed like so many years ago to him.
He felt rather than heard her start to approach him from behind. She took slow, hesitant steps as she draw nearer to him, stopping not two inches from his body. He could feel her warmth radiating off her and encasing his body. Tentatively, she reached her hands up to his shoulder and let them rest there for a moment. She absorbed his tension through her palms and she could tell he was apprehensive of his touch after what had just gone down. She wanted to tell him that she didn't need him to be sorry. She wanted to make him know that she did not want to be right. She wanted him to know that she just needed him to be Harm, her best friend and the man she loved. She ran her hands from his shoulders down along his sides, her fingers feeling the indentions between his ribs and finally resting on his hips. She reached up on her tiptoes and lightly kissed the back of his neck. Her hands slipped around his waist and they grasped each other in the front, pulling him towards her lightly. She rested her forehead between his shoulder blades and inhaled the scent that was uniquely Harm. This is what she needed. And this is what he needed too. " I don't need you to be my protector, Harm. Or my hero," she whispered. She had felt him relax a while ago, but now he actually eased into her embrace. " I just need you."
Harm opened his eyes after he heard what she said. A tear fell from his eye and dropped to her hands resting on his chest. Why did things have to be so bad between them before they could actually force the words out that they'd been trying to say for forever. He was tired of settling for silence and safety. He was tired of all of it and knew she was as well. Se had forgiven him for his past and she was ready to start with the future. With him. This was his chance to get it right and her gentle touch was all the encouragement he needed.
He turned around in her arms and cupped her cheeks with both hands, bringing her forehead to his lips. But instead of kissing her, he just let his lips rest there, thanking her for her unwearied love and patience for him. He relished in the feeling of her being with him here like this, of having her close. She was absently running her hands up and down his back, unconsciously giving him the courage to go on with the moment. He pulled his mouth away from her forehead and kissed the crown of her head. He looked into her eyes, both watering with unshed tears.
"Sarah, I am so cared to give you event he smallest piece of me." She reached her hand up to caress the side of his face, running her fingers along the length of his jaw.
" Why?" She sighed as her other hand settled on the back of his neck, threading her fingertips through the fine hairs.
He let his eyes roam over all the beautiful features of her face. Her eyes that, just the other day it seemed, had a taunting gleam, teasing him about his social life, or lack thereof, now begging him to answer her question. Her expression was pleading with his mind to answer with the truth this time. This is it Rabb, no turning back now. This is your time to tell her before this all ever happened. He took a deep breath and looked her squarely in the eye. " Because I am so in love with you Mac, that if I ever lost you… I'd lose myself.
A sob escaped her throat and she squeezed her eyes shut, letting her head drop to her chest. She couldn't believe what she had finally hear. " Mac?" she heard Harm ask. She looked up to his eyes, sensing the trepidation in his touch and voice. She gave him a watery smile. " You can never lose by loving. You can only lose by holding back." she said. Harm was looking at her, his features clouded with confusion. She gave a little laugh. " It's something my Uncle taught me while I was drying out," she paused for a moment. She reached up to wipe her eyes. " And Harm, I don't want to hold back anymore. I'm too in love with you to hold back anymore." By now, the tears were coming harder for both of them. But at last, they weren't tears of regret, or hurt, or even sadness. They were tears of joy and happiness and a love realized. Harm leaned down and closed the distance between them, kissing her lightly on the nose. Then on her eyelids. And her cheeks and forehead and temple and everywhere his lips could make contact with her skin. And then, as if seeking permission, he drew back and looked at her. But before too much space could come between them, she pulled his head down and smashed her lips onto his, welding her touch and his together as a promise. Her knees buckled and she grabbed his shirt to keep herself from falling. She couldn't think of anything besides the fact that this was the way it was meant to be. Oh boy was this the way it was meant to be. As he began to kiss her with a more passionate need, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer than possible it seemed but not close enough. For them, it would never be close enough. She could feel his urgent desire rampaging through him, coursing through his every nerve ending and finding its home in hers. His hands were tangling themselves in her hair and her hands were… well, it doesn't matter where her hands were. She smiled into his mouth and accidentally let his tongue slip in. But hey, who's complaining? Finally, in desperate need of air, they pulled apart. He was grinning from ear to ear. She loved seeing him smile like that. And until now, she had never seen it quite that brilliant. She knew at that moment that they were going to be okay.
"So, where do we go from here?" he asked.
She thought for a moment, her face contorting into a serious expression. And then her smile turned mischievous and…was that?… Good Lord. Sarah McKenzie was smiling at him, seductively.
" Mmm… I think we could think of a few places," she said playfully as she leaned into kiss him again, pulling him flush to her.
That night their love together created a promise. It promised no more holding back. No more unspoken feelings. No more being alone. They finally knew in their hearts together what they had separately known all along. They were finally, connected like that.
Disclaimer: JAG is not mine
Author's Note: Okay, this is it guys. One last half of a part. And I've got it all written out too. Just have to type it now. I had hoped to end this a little more strongly but I just don't have the time right now. I think I took on too much for an 17 year old mind on her first fanfic. But, I hoped you guys liked it. It was lots of fun for me. And, again, thanks for all the nice reviews. I didn't know what to expect my first time around. I think I'll be back soon with another fanfic, a one parter I think. So thanks again for all the fun. You guys are awesome!!!
Whisper of Life Conclusion
Harm's Apartment
Two Weeks Later…
" Harm, shove over a little bit so I can get to the silver ware."
"What do you need to get the silverware for, Mac?"
"So I can set the table, Harm."
" Mac, I'll set the table."
" Then hand me the glasses will you. Do you want tea?" Mac asked.
"Mac, I'll set the table and I'll pour the drinks. You just go sit down over there on the couch and I'll be finished with dinner in a minute," Harm said, starting to get annoyed with her persistence. But hey, she was stubborn Jarhead after all.
" Well then, here. Go set the table and go pour our drinks and I'll finish stirring the pasta," Mac said with a persuasive smile.
" Mac, seriously. If you don't sit down, you are not going to like what is going to happen," Harm said as Mac asked for the fifteenth time to try and help with their dinner.
Annoyed, Mac sighed. " Harm…just because I'm injured doesn't mean that I'm an immobile gimp. Let me help," she said as she scooted around the kitchen's island to stand next to him. Exasperated, Harm stopped his stirring of their dinner and turned around to face her. " Mac, do you have any rope?" he questioned, throwing her off track.
She looked at him perplexed, unsure whether to answer him or not, afraid of where this was going. " No… why?"
"Because if you don't sit your six down on that couch in seven seconds, I'm going to pick you up, carry you over, hold you down and tie you to it, " he said as he went back to his cooking.
Okay, this was it. Harm had been at her side 24/7 since the day she found out about Major Benson. And it wasn't that she minded being with him. She didn't mind when he offered for her to stay with him until she fully recovered. Not until he started babying her, bringing her her meals- on the couch- taking her her coffee- on the couch- bringing her books to read- on the couch. What she minded was him hovering over her and irritating her by trying to keep her from breaking. She didn't know why either. She's a Marine, not a China Doll. He was a great encouragement during her physical therapy. She knew he really did care, but it was strange. She noticed that the way he acted toward her and the way that he always seemed o carefully be choosing his words around her… there was something that he was not telling her. " Harm, I don't think you understand that for the past two weeks, I have either been stuck in a bed or glued to your couch," she declared, raising her arms in the air and backing away from him. " I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I don't think that standing on my own two feet and helping you stir noodles is going to kill me. I'm not you Mother's china plate, Harm," she knew she was being harsh, and probably a little moody, but she couldn't stand it anymore. She saw the look of hurt flicker across his face and it confirmed her beliefs. And then it clicked. She knew what was wrong and his next words confirmed it.
He slammed his fist down on the countertop. " You're right Mac. But getting shot three times will. So, forgive me for worrying a little bit about you." He paused for a moment, letting his words sink into his own mind. He had tried to be strong for her and not have her worry about his crap on top of hers. But looking at her face after his outburst and acknowledgment of what he was feeling did him in.
" You're right too, Harm, but I'm not dead. I'm okay. I'm still here," she said.
" I guess I'm just coming to terms with the reality that I can't always be there to keep you from getting hurt," he finally said as he sat his spoon down and turned off the stove top. The noodles had been done for the past five minutes, after all. He turned around and took the noodles over to the sink to drain. He needed to stay preoccupied with something because he knew he'd come apart if he didn't.
Mac sat on the other side of the counter, her anger slowly starting to escalate. His " saint- of-the-world" complex was really grating on her nerves. Why does he always have to carry the whole world on his shoulders, she thought. He can't play God and man at once. " Is that what's wrong, Harm, that you think that if you'd have been there this whole thing could have been prevented? Because I've got news for you. If you had, we would both be dead. He unloaded three on me. What makes you think he wouldn't have used the rest on you?" She was yelling by now, fuming that he could think this was his fault. She also noticed the grimace that passed over his face when she reminded him of her shooting, but she ignored it and pressed on. " When are you going to stop believing that everything bad that happens in the world is somehow your fault?" Screw the gentle approach.
" It's not everything bad that happens to the world, Sarah. It's everything bad that happens to you," he spun around, shouting back at her. He had had enough of controlling his emotions. Who said he had to be the strong one anyway?
She stood there, hands clutching the sides of the counter, stunned at what he had said. Stunned at how he said it. She could see the anger and fury that passed over his face as he yelled at her. She saw the sadness and hurt. But she also saw…relief? So this was what he had been keeping from her, she thought. But she didn't know how to respond to his sudden outburst. So she said the first thing that came to her mind and flew out her mouth. " Harm, do not turn me into one of your obsessions!"
"Dammit, Mac. You know better than that," he warned, his eyes hard as ice.
What? I know better than what? Like hell, and she would make sure he knew it. She was tired of this stupid game they had played for the past seven years. "Do I Harm? I mean, really, when it comes down to it, do I really ever know what you are thinking? No! and you know why Harm? Because maybe unlike some people that you happen to know, I'm not a freaking mind reader," she said, her unresolved feelings of the last seven years getting the better of her. She knew she was being ruthless. No, more than ruthless. Brutal. And after everything Harm had done for her, she knew he didn't deserve this kind of treatment from her. But dammit, why did he have to be so uncommunicative. She could see that she was slowly breaking down the walls he had so carefully constructed around himself though. And if this was the only way of getting him to open up to her, then…I guess…so be it.
They stared at each other for a long moment, all different emotions passing across their faces. Anger, hurt, even desire. But then, suddenly, Harm's face turned into one large mask of guilt and he looked down at his shoes. He knew what this was really about, and she was right. How many times had she laid her heart out to him? And how many times had he pushed her away? But then when she got involved with other men, he selfishly became angry at her, feeling he had any sort of claim on her. But in reality, he didn't. because in reality, he never told her. He turned his back to and put his hands down on the countertop in front of him. He rested his weight on his arms and closed his eyes, resting his chin on his chest. She was right. And he was guilty as charged.
"You're right, Mac," he whispered to the feet. " You're right and I'm sorry." There was silence.
He could feel her staring at his back and could imagine the look on her face. How did they get to this point, he asked himself. He thought back to the time he had asked her that before. It seemed like so many years ago to him.
He felt rather than heard her start to approach him from behind. She took slow, hesitant steps as she draw nearer to him, stopping not two inches from his body. He could feel her warmth radiating off her and encasing his body. Tentatively, she reached her hands up to his shoulder and let them rest there for a moment. She absorbed his tension through her palms and she could tell he was apprehensive of his touch after what had just gone down. She wanted to tell him that she didn't need him to be sorry. She wanted to make him know that she did not want to be right. She wanted him to know that she just needed him to be Harm, her best friend and the man she loved. She ran her hands from his shoulders down along his sides, her fingers feeling the indentions between his ribs and finally resting on his hips. She reached up on her tiptoes and lightly kissed the back of his neck. Her hands slipped around his waist and they grasped each other in the front, pulling him towards her lightly. She rested her forehead between his shoulder blades and inhaled the scent that was uniquely Harm. This is what she needed. And this is what he needed too. " I don't need you to be my protector, Harm. Or my hero," she whispered. She had felt him relax a while ago, but now he actually eased into her embrace. " I just need you."
Harm opened his eyes after he heard what she said. A tear fell from his eye and dropped to her hands resting on his chest. Why did things have to be so bad between them before they could actually force the words out that they'd been trying to say for forever. He was tired of settling for silence and safety. He was tired of all of it and knew she was as well. Se had forgiven him for his past and she was ready to start with the future. With him. This was his chance to get it right and her gentle touch was all the encouragement he needed.
He turned around in her arms and cupped her cheeks with both hands, bringing her forehead to his lips. But instead of kissing her, he just let his lips rest there, thanking her for her unwearied love and patience for him. He relished in the feeling of her being with him here like this, of having her close. She was absently running her hands up and down his back, unconsciously giving him the courage to go on with the moment. He pulled his mouth away from her forehead and kissed the crown of her head. He looked into her eyes, both watering with unshed tears.
"Sarah, I am so cared to give you event he smallest piece of me." She reached her hand up to caress the side of his face, running her fingers along the length of his jaw.
" Why?" She sighed as her other hand settled on the back of his neck, threading her fingertips through the fine hairs.
He let his eyes roam over all the beautiful features of her face. Her eyes that, just the other day it seemed, had a taunting gleam, teasing him about his social life, or lack thereof, now begging him to answer her question. Her expression was pleading with his mind to answer with the truth this time. This is it Rabb, no turning back now. This is your time to tell her before this all ever happened. He took a deep breath and looked her squarely in the eye. " Because I am so in love with you Mac, that if I ever lost you… I'd lose myself.
A sob escaped her throat and she squeezed her eyes shut, letting her head drop to her chest. She couldn't believe what she had finally hear. " Mac?" she heard Harm ask. She looked up to his eyes, sensing the trepidation in his touch and voice. She gave him a watery smile. " You can never lose by loving. You can only lose by holding back." she said. Harm was looking at her, his features clouded with confusion. She gave a little laugh. " It's something my Uncle taught me while I was drying out," she paused for a moment. She reached up to wipe her eyes. " And Harm, I don't want to hold back anymore. I'm too in love with you to hold back anymore." By now, the tears were coming harder for both of them. But at last, they weren't tears of regret, or hurt, or even sadness. They were tears of joy and happiness and a love realized. Harm leaned down and closed the distance between them, kissing her lightly on the nose. Then on her eyelids. And her cheeks and forehead and temple and everywhere his lips could make contact with her skin. And then, as if seeking permission, he drew back and looked at her. But before too much space could come between them, she pulled his head down and smashed her lips onto his, welding her touch and his together as a promise. Her knees buckled and she grabbed his shirt to keep herself from falling. She couldn't think of anything besides the fact that this was the way it was meant to be. Oh boy was this the way it was meant to be. As he began to kiss her with a more passionate need, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer than possible it seemed but not close enough. For them, it would never be close enough. She could feel his urgent desire rampaging through him, coursing through his every nerve ending and finding its home in hers. His hands were tangling themselves in her hair and her hands were… well, it doesn't matter where her hands were. She smiled into his mouth and accidentally let his tongue slip in. But hey, who's complaining? Finally, in desperate need of air, they pulled apart. He was grinning from ear to ear. She loved seeing him smile like that. And until now, she had never seen it quite that brilliant. She knew at that moment that they were going to be okay.
"So, where do we go from here?" he asked.
She thought for a moment, her face contorting into a serious expression. And then her smile turned mischievous and…was that?… Good Lord. Sarah McKenzie was smiling at him, seductively.
" Mmm… I think we could think of a few places," she said playfully as she leaned into kiss him again, pulling him flush to her.
That night their love together created a promise. It promised no more holding back. No more unspoken feelings. No more being alone. They finally knew in their hearts together what they had separately known all along. They were finally, connected like that.