Part 4.
Later that night, Adam lay awake. He and Charlie were curled tightly around each other on the small bed. Legs tangled and arms wrapped tightly around each other. Adam could feel the steady rise and fall of Charlie's chest against his arm. The ghost of his breath on his cheek as their faces lay inches apart. He gazed at Charlie's face, drinking in the peaceful expression he wore. His eyes flickered up to the neat row of stitches that stood out dark against Charlie's skin in the moonlight that tricked in through the window and his mouth tightened.
He unconsciously tightened his grip and felt Charlie shift further against him. Raising his arm, he gently laid his fingers across Charlie's temple, smoothing the dark hair back. Charlie murmured and pressed into the touch. Adam smiled and carefully rested his arm and hand around Charlie's shoulder and neck and closed his eyes, relaxing into the combined warmth and comfort of their embrace.
It was early when Charlie woke. He glanced over towards the clock to see that there was still almost an hour before the alarm was due to go off.
He didn't want to move. He was buried deep inside an 'Adam' cocoon and he didn't want to leave it. His warmth and scent.
He could feel the slight pull in his skin above his eyebrow where the stitches were and he couldn't help the knot of dread that shot through him. With that thought though there also came a warm feeling. at the memory of how angry Adam had become on his behalf. Angry and protective and supportive, as all the Ducks had been. The concern an support that he'd felt coming from them towards he and Adam had been more that he could have dreamed about over a year ago, before he and Adam had told the rest of them about their relationship. As much as they had felt they knew the Ducks, there was no way to guarantee any of their reactions. That all of them had accepted he and Adam had been one of the best days of their lives.
It had perhaps though, lulled them into a false sense of security. Now they would have to face the rest of the world and maybe it wasn't going to be so understanding.
Adam woke to warm, gentle kisses; across his lips, chin, jawbone and cheek. Eyes still closed, a lazy smile broke out across his face.
"Mornin' Charlie."
"Mornin." Charlie whispered in between the tiny butterfly kisses. Latching onto the soft lips, Adam drew him down into a slower, deeper kiss.
Pulling away, Charlie wrapped an arm round Adam's waist, fingers massaging the warm T-shirt covered skin. Looking at Charlie's face in the light, he could see the vivid bruises that had darkened over night and now stood out starkly on Charlie's pale skin. He reached up a finger and trailed it across one gently. Charlie captured it and smiled.
"They'll fade."
"I know." Adam rubbed a thumb across Charlie's bottom lip and pressing another kiss pulled back to get out of bed. He grinned at Charlie's groan of protest and watched as Charlie spread out across the whole bed, stretching in the tangle of bedclothes and had to physically force himself to pick up his towel for the shower and not climb back into bed.
"What are we going to do?" Portman was sat on his bed in his and Fulton's room, watching Fulton dig furiously in his bag, a shower of papers and pens flying in an arc around him. "And what *are* you looking for?"
"My history paper. Its due this morning. I slaved hours over that thing."
Portman glanced around him and then snagged something off the table next to him. "This?"
Fulton turned and with a sigh of relief plucked it from Portman's fingers. "Thanks. And if you're talking about Adam and Charlie, not much." He caught Portman's look. "What can we do?" Other than keep an eye out. If Charlie doesn't want to report it, we can't make him. All we can do is keep an eye on them both as much as we can."
"I agree." Portman nodded. "Keep a look out for anything suspicious. Cause if they can do it once..."
"....they can do it again." Fulton finished for him. "And I've got a horrible feeling we haven't heard the last of it."
On the way to class, Charlie could feel everybody's eyes on him; on his face. He hunched his shoulders, eyes on the floor. Beside him, Adam glared at anybody who had the nerve to actually whisper anything.
"Hey, guys." Connie fell into step beside them. "Whoa, Charlie. Nice colours there." She smiled.
"Thanks, Connie. Going for a new look." He grinned back.
"Can't say it suits you, but there's a certain rough and rugged appeal there. What do you say, Adam?"
Adam blushed. Charlie grinned and Connie laughed. "I think he's noticed." She patted Adam on the shoulder and walked off down the hall chuckling.
Leave it to Connie to lighten the mood, Adam thought. He took a breath and let his fingers brush against Charlie's and tried to grasp them. He frowned as Charlie let his fingers brush his, but then pulled away, preventing Adam from actually taking his hand. He looked at Charlie, but Charlie was avoiding his gaze. Together they walked into their first class.
It was after that class and on their way to a free period that Adam pulled Charlie to one side.
"Charlie, what's wrong?"
"Huh?"
"Before class, when I touched your hand?..."
"What about it?"
"I...." Adam faltered.
"Come on, Adam. We've got to get to study hall." Without waiting, Charlie took off up the hall leaving Adam feeling slightly confused.
It was the same response for the rest of the week. Whenever Adam tried to touch Charlie or get physically close in *any* way when they weren't in their room, Charlie would back off. They'd always been physically close, even before they had got together; pushing, shoving, arms around each other, on each other's shoulders or just plain messing around. Which was one of the reasons that the Ducks had never suspected anything before they were told Charlie and Adam were actually seeing each other. It was just what they were always like. To have that connection taken away and severed was strange to Adam. It made him feel disconnected and isolated in a way that was unnerving. He was hurt and he couldn't understand Charlie's behaviour.
The others had noticed too. Fulton and Portman had shot worried glances at each other while even Averman and Goldberg looked concerned.
Then one night back in the dorms, Adam snapped.
"Charlie, what is *going* on?"
Charlie feigned innocence, but Adam was not to be deterred. Stepping over their abandoned bags he grabbed Charlie's arm.
"What?"
"You know exactly what I mean." Adam looked directly into Charlie's face. "You've been avoiding me the whole week."
"I've been *with* you the whole week, how could I have been avoiding you?"
"Touching me. You've been avoiding touching me. Why?"
"I've been sleeping with you the last four nights. How the *hell* could I have been avoiding *touching* you?"
"In public, Charlie. We made an agreement remember. That we would stop hiding."
"Adam, what is wrong with you?"
"Are you ashamed of me?"
"What?"
"Its okay in private, but in company you don't want to be associated with me?"
"Adam, its not like that."
"Then what is it like?"
"I.....I..it's just..."
"Just what, Charlie?" Hurt shone out of Adam like a beacon. "Just a passing fling? An experimentation? Got a real taste of it last week and decided that its not for you after all?"
"No!" Charlie flinched visibly.
"Then why?"
"Because I don't want people to think that we're together!"
There was silence.
Charlie stood there, eyes wide, staring at Adam who was stood still.
"What?" Adam's voice was quiet.
Charlie swallowed, his eyes closing. "Because if they think we're together, then they'll hurt you too," he said softly.
Adam stared at Charlie, reading the honesty, concern and fear in his eyes. "I don't care" he said evenly.
"I do!" Charlie exploded.
"Charlie, I don't want to hide. We agreed."
"But...."
"No buts. We told our families and we told the Ducks. That was the biggest and most important step. I'm not going to let a bunch of morons who I've never even met, make that not worth a damn. This is who I am; who we are. I'm not afraid of them. Okay that's a lie, I am. I am afraid of them. I'm afraid that they will hurt me and I'm afraid that they'll come after you again, cos that scared the shit out of me, Charlie. But I refuse to let them rule how I live my life or who I choose to be with. And I choose you."
Charlie stared at Adam for a few moments before pressing his hands to his eyes and whispering, "I don't deserve you. How come you're so smart?"
Adam moved nearer. "You're smart Charlie. But you're also afraid; and looking out for me, which, by the way, is a major turn on."
"Yeah?" Charlie grinned.
"Oh yeah" Adam smiled, taking Charlie into a hug. "If you don't want to hold hands in public or around school, I understand, but don't withdraw from me. Please. It hurts and besides, I think people would notice more if we didn't touch, than if we did."
Charlie smiled. "I'm sorry," he whispered into Adam's neck. "God, I'm such a spazway."
"Yeah, but you're my spazway." Adam grinned and dropped a light kiss onto Charlie's lips before leaning back. "I'm sorry for what I accused you of just now. I was angry and frustrated, but I shouldn't have said it."
"Its okay. I deserved it."
"No. You didn't. Neither of us do." He leaned forward into another hug again.
A few moments later he backed away from the embrace. Charlie shot him a questioning look.
"Homework, Charlie."
Charlie groaned and Adam grinned, sitting on the bed and pulling his books out of his bag on the floor. Charlie grabbed his own books and climbed onto the bed next to Adam. A few moments of companionable silence passed, as books were spread and paper shuffled. Most nights, they studied and did their homework together. Contrary to popular belief among the rest of the Ducks, they studied well together, without getting distracted and provided a comforting presence and sounding board for the other.
After several minutes, Adam felt Charlie's hand reach over and take his, fingers twining around his gently.
"Could I.....could I hold your hand tomorrow?" he asked softly.
Adam smiled and nodded, squeezing Charlie's hand. Silently they both went back to their homework.
Later that night, Adam lay awake. He and Charlie were curled tightly around each other on the small bed. Legs tangled and arms wrapped tightly around each other. Adam could feel the steady rise and fall of Charlie's chest against his arm. The ghost of his breath on his cheek as their faces lay inches apart. He gazed at Charlie's face, drinking in the peaceful expression he wore. His eyes flickered up to the neat row of stitches that stood out dark against Charlie's skin in the moonlight that tricked in through the window and his mouth tightened.
He unconsciously tightened his grip and felt Charlie shift further against him. Raising his arm, he gently laid his fingers across Charlie's temple, smoothing the dark hair back. Charlie murmured and pressed into the touch. Adam smiled and carefully rested his arm and hand around Charlie's shoulder and neck and closed his eyes, relaxing into the combined warmth and comfort of their embrace.
It was early when Charlie woke. He glanced over towards the clock to see that there was still almost an hour before the alarm was due to go off.
He didn't want to move. He was buried deep inside an 'Adam' cocoon and he didn't want to leave it. His warmth and scent.
He could feel the slight pull in his skin above his eyebrow where the stitches were and he couldn't help the knot of dread that shot through him. With that thought though there also came a warm feeling. at the memory of how angry Adam had become on his behalf. Angry and protective and supportive, as all the Ducks had been. The concern an support that he'd felt coming from them towards he and Adam had been more that he could have dreamed about over a year ago, before he and Adam had told the rest of them about their relationship. As much as they had felt they knew the Ducks, there was no way to guarantee any of their reactions. That all of them had accepted he and Adam had been one of the best days of their lives.
It had perhaps though, lulled them into a false sense of security. Now they would have to face the rest of the world and maybe it wasn't going to be so understanding.
Adam woke to warm, gentle kisses; across his lips, chin, jawbone and cheek. Eyes still closed, a lazy smile broke out across his face.
"Mornin' Charlie."
"Mornin." Charlie whispered in between the tiny butterfly kisses. Latching onto the soft lips, Adam drew him down into a slower, deeper kiss.
Pulling away, Charlie wrapped an arm round Adam's waist, fingers massaging the warm T-shirt covered skin. Looking at Charlie's face in the light, he could see the vivid bruises that had darkened over night and now stood out starkly on Charlie's pale skin. He reached up a finger and trailed it across one gently. Charlie captured it and smiled.
"They'll fade."
"I know." Adam rubbed a thumb across Charlie's bottom lip and pressing another kiss pulled back to get out of bed. He grinned at Charlie's groan of protest and watched as Charlie spread out across the whole bed, stretching in the tangle of bedclothes and had to physically force himself to pick up his towel for the shower and not climb back into bed.
"What are we going to do?" Portman was sat on his bed in his and Fulton's room, watching Fulton dig furiously in his bag, a shower of papers and pens flying in an arc around him. "And what *are* you looking for?"
"My history paper. Its due this morning. I slaved hours over that thing."
Portman glanced around him and then snagged something off the table next to him. "This?"
Fulton turned and with a sigh of relief plucked it from Portman's fingers. "Thanks. And if you're talking about Adam and Charlie, not much." He caught Portman's look. "What can we do?" Other than keep an eye out. If Charlie doesn't want to report it, we can't make him. All we can do is keep an eye on them both as much as we can."
"I agree." Portman nodded. "Keep a look out for anything suspicious. Cause if they can do it once..."
"....they can do it again." Fulton finished for him. "And I've got a horrible feeling we haven't heard the last of it."
On the way to class, Charlie could feel everybody's eyes on him; on his face. He hunched his shoulders, eyes on the floor. Beside him, Adam glared at anybody who had the nerve to actually whisper anything.
"Hey, guys." Connie fell into step beside them. "Whoa, Charlie. Nice colours there." She smiled.
"Thanks, Connie. Going for a new look." He grinned back.
"Can't say it suits you, but there's a certain rough and rugged appeal there. What do you say, Adam?"
Adam blushed. Charlie grinned and Connie laughed. "I think he's noticed." She patted Adam on the shoulder and walked off down the hall chuckling.
Leave it to Connie to lighten the mood, Adam thought. He took a breath and let his fingers brush against Charlie's and tried to grasp them. He frowned as Charlie let his fingers brush his, but then pulled away, preventing Adam from actually taking his hand. He looked at Charlie, but Charlie was avoiding his gaze. Together they walked into their first class.
It was after that class and on their way to a free period that Adam pulled Charlie to one side.
"Charlie, what's wrong?"
"Huh?"
"Before class, when I touched your hand?..."
"What about it?"
"I...." Adam faltered.
"Come on, Adam. We've got to get to study hall." Without waiting, Charlie took off up the hall leaving Adam feeling slightly confused.
It was the same response for the rest of the week. Whenever Adam tried to touch Charlie or get physically close in *any* way when they weren't in their room, Charlie would back off. They'd always been physically close, even before they had got together; pushing, shoving, arms around each other, on each other's shoulders or just plain messing around. Which was one of the reasons that the Ducks had never suspected anything before they were told Charlie and Adam were actually seeing each other. It was just what they were always like. To have that connection taken away and severed was strange to Adam. It made him feel disconnected and isolated in a way that was unnerving. He was hurt and he couldn't understand Charlie's behaviour.
The others had noticed too. Fulton and Portman had shot worried glances at each other while even Averman and Goldberg looked concerned.
Then one night back in the dorms, Adam snapped.
"Charlie, what is *going* on?"
Charlie feigned innocence, but Adam was not to be deterred. Stepping over their abandoned bags he grabbed Charlie's arm.
"What?"
"You know exactly what I mean." Adam looked directly into Charlie's face. "You've been avoiding me the whole week."
"I've been *with* you the whole week, how could I have been avoiding you?"
"Touching me. You've been avoiding touching me. Why?"
"I've been sleeping with you the last four nights. How the *hell* could I have been avoiding *touching* you?"
"In public, Charlie. We made an agreement remember. That we would stop hiding."
"Adam, what is wrong with you?"
"Are you ashamed of me?"
"What?"
"Its okay in private, but in company you don't want to be associated with me?"
"Adam, its not like that."
"Then what is it like?"
"I.....I..it's just..."
"Just what, Charlie?" Hurt shone out of Adam like a beacon. "Just a passing fling? An experimentation? Got a real taste of it last week and decided that its not for you after all?"
"No!" Charlie flinched visibly.
"Then why?"
"Because I don't want people to think that we're together!"
There was silence.
Charlie stood there, eyes wide, staring at Adam who was stood still.
"What?" Adam's voice was quiet.
Charlie swallowed, his eyes closing. "Because if they think we're together, then they'll hurt you too," he said softly.
Adam stared at Charlie, reading the honesty, concern and fear in his eyes. "I don't care" he said evenly.
"I do!" Charlie exploded.
"Charlie, I don't want to hide. We agreed."
"But...."
"No buts. We told our families and we told the Ducks. That was the biggest and most important step. I'm not going to let a bunch of morons who I've never even met, make that not worth a damn. This is who I am; who we are. I'm not afraid of them. Okay that's a lie, I am. I am afraid of them. I'm afraid that they will hurt me and I'm afraid that they'll come after you again, cos that scared the shit out of me, Charlie. But I refuse to let them rule how I live my life or who I choose to be with. And I choose you."
Charlie stared at Adam for a few moments before pressing his hands to his eyes and whispering, "I don't deserve you. How come you're so smart?"
Adam moved nearer. "You're smart Charlie. But you're also afraid; and looking out for me, which, by the way, is a major turn on."
"Yeah?" Charlie grinned.
"Oh yeah" Adam smiled, taking Charlie into a hug. "If you don't want to hold hands in public or around school, I understand, but don't withdraw from me. Please. It hurts and besides, I think people would notice more if we didn't touch, than if we did."
Charlie smiled. "I'm sorry," he whispered into Adam's neck. "God, I'm such a spazway."
"Yeah, but you're my spazway." Adam grinned and dropped a light kiss onto Charlie's lips before leaning back. "I'm sorry for what I accused you of just now. I was angry and frustrated, but I shouldn't have said it."
"Its okay. I deserved it."
"No. You didn't. Neither of us do." He leaned forward into another hug again.
A few moments later he backed away from the embrace. Charlie shot him a questioning look.
"Homework, Charlie."
Charlie groaned and Adam grinned, sitting on the bed and pulling his books out of his bag on the floor. Charlie grabbed his own books and climbed onto the bed next to Adam. A few moments of companionable silence passed, as books were spread and paper shuffled. Most nights, they studied and did their homework together. Contrary to popular belief among the rest of the Ducks, they studied well together, without getting distracted and provided a comforting presence and sounding board for the other.
After several minutes, Adam felt Charlie's hand reach over and take his, fingers twining around his gently.
"Could I.....could I hold your hand tomorrow?" he asked softly.
Adam smiled and nodded, squeezing Charlie's hand. Silently they both went back to their homework.