Author's Note: Hey…this is my first time writing anything humorous and this chapter's kinda weak but I've already written the next chapter. Give me a chance. This story isn't about a particular couple or person or anything. Everyone's in it. Enjoy.

Cruel Summer

-chapter one-

Eric's Basement, June 9, 3:36pm

Eric Forman was bored. He sat on the couch in his basement, staring at the TV screen blankly. It wasn't anything unusual, especially that summer. That summer, the worst of all his eighteen summers.

The summer without Donna.

He shuddered. "Without Donna." Those two words should never go together in the same sentence, he thought, changing the channel. But what was the use? It wasn't as if Eric was really watching the TV anyway. What he really spent his time watching was the phone, waiting for Donna's call.

How pitiful.

But it was okay. Her mother was getting remarried and she wanted Donna to be her maid of honor. The actually wedding was in ten days, but she wanted Donna in California early to "help out" and "stay a few days" after the wedding. Who knew how long that could be? And Eric couldn't go to California. The summer before, when he went to California to rescue Donna, had been enough of breaking his parents' law to last him a lifetime. So, naturally, Eric was depressed. Anybody would be if they were separated from their Donna, right? Anybody would be waiting day in and day out for their Donna's call, right?

How pitiful.

It wasn't an entire summer, but anything over a week was as close as to an entire summer as anything. Eric sighed and turned off the TV. He stared at the blank screen, propping his feet up on the table in front of him.

Hyde was gone also. His mother was sick in the hospital and even though she had never been there for him, he felt he had to be there for her. It was something that he felt obligated to do.

Kelso, on the other hand, was off doing something less serious. He was with Jackie ("As friends!" he promised her) and his parents on vacation in New York City. They had left that day and would be back in about a week. Eric congratulated Hyde; he didn't know if he would be able to leave Donna alone with someone who was still after her.

But out of all his friends, Fez was having the most "fun." Eric smirked. Fez worked everyday with his foreign exchange parents at a Bible camp. Yes…Fez was definitely having the most fun. Eric could tell by the frown on his face everyday after work.

Eric's parents didn't make things any better. But, one good thing was that his mother was finally coming to grips with her menopause and accepting the fact that she was "slowly dying," as she put it. That opened the door for another problem and instead of the constant yelling, there was crying.

Yup. This summer topped all summers.

"What are you staring at?"

Startled, Eric jumped. He knew the voice. "Jackie! Don't scare me like that!"

"I've been here for five minutes. Didn't you notice me?" She stared down at him, a hand resting on a jutted thigh, with a severe look on her face.

He looked at her, surveying her outfit. It was the one that she had bought especially for the trip and flaunted for two entire days before… "Wait, aren't you supposed to be in New York? With Kelso?"

She sat beside him in a huff, arranging her skirts. "That jerk left me for some whiney, bratty, rich girl."

"But you're right here," noted Eric.

"No, Eric. Some girl that he probably just met." She was frustrated and put her head in her hands. "Man whore," she mumbled to herself.

"So you're saying that he ditched you?"

"Yes! And I packed and packed. He's so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid."

"Well…it is Kelso…"

"Kelso, that stupid…man whore."

Eric thought of something. "Jackie, why are you so upset? It's not like you like him."

"No, it's just that I don't understand him. You don't ask someone to go somewhere like New York City and then replace them with some…some…" Jackie strained to find a word.

"Exact replica of you?" tried Eric.

"Slut!" she exclaimed, not hearing Eric. "And I take it back. He didn't replace me. No one could replace me."

"Oh yes he did," said Eric. "He replaced you and you know it."

"Stop it, Eric. No he didn't. He just…ah, fine. He did."

Eric leaned back into the sofa, thinking about everything that Jackie had just told him. Kelso just managed to surprise him more every day. Eric never thought that he'd do something like ditch Jackie at a time like this.

But it was Kelso. And Eric didn't really care about Jackie's problem…

"Gee, Jackie," started Eric. "That…harsh. Okay, bye now." He gave a little wave and resumed staring at the blank screen.

Jackie leaned back into the sofa and then quickly popped back up. "Eric—"

"Okay, Jackie, I'm not sure if you know this or not, so I'll fill you in," said Eric, talking slowly. "When I say "Bye now," you walk away and I stare at the blank TV alone." He enunciated "alone" extremely. "I said my line already so now it's your turn."

"But Eric, I'm stressed. I need to go shopping."

He just stared at her. "Okay…"

"It'd be great to have somebody to go shopping with, hint, hint."

He continued to stare at her, wondering when she was going to leave.

Jackie sighed, exasperatedly. "Geez, Eric. You really need to know when a hint is being dropped."

Eric ignored her and started to pick up the remote from the coffee table but Jackie stopped him.

"Take me shopping!" she demanded, gripping the top of the remote.

Eric grasped the bottom of the remote and pulled. "No!"

"Take me!"

"No!"

"Take me!"

"No!"

They continued on like this, standing up and desperately trying to pull the remote from the other's grasp.

"TAKE ME!"

"NO!"

Neither of them noticed the clop of heels down the basement stairs. "What is going on?" asked Kitty. She watched Eric and Jackie, who were now behind the couch, wrestling on the floor.

"Ha! Yes, I win!" Eric triumphed, standing up and holding the remote over his head with two hands. "I guess Luke Skywalker won this battle," he said, chuckling.

Jackie stood up, fixing her hair and dress. Then, she pouted and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What just happened here? I could hear you two all the way from upstairs." Kitty said.

"Mrs. Forman, I just wanted Eric to take me shopping."

"Eric, why won't you take Jackie shopping?"

"Yeah, Eric, why won't you take me shopping?"

Eric rolled his eyes and flopped onto the couch. "Jackie, you can go by yourself."

"But people might think I'm single and too lame to have a boyfriend," protested Jackie. "It's summer. I can't have people thinking that I'm single during the summer. You have to have a summer fling."

"Honey, do you really want Eric to pose as your boyfriend?" Kitty had a concerned look on her face.

"Yes." Jackie paused. She had spoken too soon. "Well…"

"Look, why don't you just wait until Fez gets here. He'll go shopping with you," said Eric, overlooking his mother's comment and Jackie's response.

"That could work," said Jackie, thinking. "I mean he does have way better taste than you." She looked him over. "Way better. When is he coming over?"

"About six or seven."

"Oh, but that's too long. Please Eric? I really need to go now. I'm getting even more and more stressed out by the minute."

"For the last time, Jackie—"

"Idea, idea," said Kitty. She flapped her arms about, smiling.

Uh oh, thought Eric.

"Why don't I take you shopping?" she suggested.

"Really Mrs. Forman? You'd go shopping with me?"

"Sure, why not? Eric, you too. We have to get you some fresh undies. Your underwear is full of skid marks."

Even though it was just Jackie, he could feel the slight burn rising on his cheeks from embarrassment. "Hey mom, why don't we just announce that in front of the whole world next time?"

"And I'll even let you pick them out," Kitty went on to say. "You'd think he'd grow out of the skid marks stage by now. But, you have to make them feel independent," she said to Jackie. Jackie just nodded, trying to keep a straight face. "That's the key. I'll just run and get my purse. Oh, Jackie, we're going to have so much fun!" She hopped a bit and ran upstairs.

Jackie rested her arms and head on the back of the couch, looking down at Eric. "Ready to go shopping, skid mark boy?"

Eric put a couch cushion over his face. Maybe if he suffocated himself, he wouldn't have to go.

* * *

"And all I kept hearing was, 'Eric, can you buy me something? Eric, buy me something. Eric, you're here as my boy…buy me something.' So finally, I gave in and bought her this rainbow key chain and when she saw it, she kissed me on the cheek!" Eric looked across the table and through the smoke, waiting for Fez's reaction.

He did not say anything, just stared back at Eric.

"Yeah, I know. It was bad. I didn't know whether to be disgusted or terrified. But, if I remember clearly, I was both."

"I would make her see rainbows," said Fez, dreamily from across the table.

Eric stared at him for a moment and then said, "Fez, it's Jackie we're talking about here. And besides, I thought you didn't have a crush on her anymore."

"I don't," he said defensively. "But I wouldn't mind showing her a rainbow or ten."

 "And then," continued Eric. "When we dropped her off, she said, 'Thank you, Mrs. Forman. Thank you, Eric. I had a lovely time.' Lovely?"

"You know what I think is lovely? Jackie's breasts. And nuts. You cannot forget nuts."

"Lovely?" repeated Eric, laughing to himself. "I mean, come on. Who says lovely?"

"But only certain kinds of nuts are lovely," said Fez. "There is the chestnut, the hazel nut, the Macadamian nut…"

"But the worst part was the drive home. My mom said it made her feel young again going shopping with us and broke down crying. We had to pull over because she couldn't see through her tears and I had to drive the rest of the way home while she kept telling me how she only had a few more years left and we should spend as much time together as possible."

"…the walnut, the beechnut—oh no! Candy! I forgot to mention candy!" Fez pulled out a lollipop from his pocket. "I am sorry for not listing you first as first on my lovelies list," he said while unwrapping it. "Please forgive me. Excuse me Eric. We need some alone time." He ran out of the basement, licking his lollipop.

Eric looked after him and then turned back to where Fez had just been. He laughed to himself. "Who says lovely?"

End Note: Towards the end, they're in that 360 circle. Hope you caught that, if you didn't. Again, this isn't about just Jackie/Eric/Fez. And all types of reviews/criticism is welcome. Just please, don't be too harsh. Thanks for reading.

January 12, 2003

Copyright, theMuse