Buffy ran the stairs to her room in record time even for a slayer. All she wanted at this point was to be the guest of honor at her own pity party. She slammed the door behind her only to find three potentials sit up from their sleeping bag beds on the floor. "You are going to have to find somewhere else to sleep tonight girls." The words came out harsher then she intended.
"Is...Is something wrong? Did we do something?" It was Amanda's sleepy voice posing the question.
Buffy wanted to scream at them to just "get out get out get out!" as she remembered Dawn doing once. But she couldn't, because really they hadn't done anything at all. In fact several of them had died and when she really thought about it.....it was her fault, they would have never been put in this danger if she ...if she had stayed dead. "I'm sorry...girls. Just a bad day. Stay.....I'll go." She grabbed a jacket and lifted the window, the potentials watched in confusion as she quickly climbed down the tree and hit the ground running.
"What was that about?" Kelly asked.
"I don't know, never really seen her like that." Amanda answered as she watched Buffy's back dissappear down the street.
**
She found herself in the cemetary walking towards her mother's grave. She sat down leaning against the side of the stone. Tears rolled down her face as she explained to Joyce all that had happened over the last few months and the news Giles and Wesley had delivered today.
"So now what do I do, Mom? I can't be the slayer and I can't be normal Buffy anymore. I've just found out how much I love being alive and then I'm told that the world would have been safer with me dead. I don't know if I can go back to be an ordinary girl, don't know if I can let Faith take over the fight. It's not fair...." Tears rolled down her face as she turned to trace her mother's name on the tombstone, "All those years you wanted me to be your little girl and I had to be the slayer and now I'm not going to be the slayer and you aren't here to enjoy it."
"She loved you anyway and she was so proud." A soft voice with a familiar accent came from behind her.
She turned to see Spike standing behind her the cigarette dangling from his mouth, hands stuffed in the pockets of his duster. "Did you follow me?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I did. I was on the back porch heard something and lo and behold it's you running down the street." He nodded towards Joyce's stone, "She did love you, you know, slayer or not."
Buffy stood up then and dusted the back of her pants off, "I know....it just seems." She didn't finish her sentence as a frown crossed her face, "You know, don't you?"
He nodded his head as he dropped the cigaretted careful that it didn't land near Joyce's grave, "I overheard the Watchers talking to you. Buffy those girls....the potentials that didnt' make it, it wasn't your fault."
"You say that, but really Spike - this happened because of me. I'm surprised you're not rejoicing tomorrows your one good day - you can bag that third slayer easy by tomorrow night. Or maybe it won't count if it's former slayer?" What started off angry ended in an almost whisper.
Her words stung but he understood where they came from.
He carefully took a step forward and awkwardly put an arm around her shoulders, there had not been a lot of touching between them recently, unless it was Buffy tending to his numerous wounds. He wasn't sure how she would take the gesture, but she leaned into the safety of his arm. "We're beyond that now, Buffy. You know that I would stake myself before I would ever hurt you."
"I know, I'm sorry. I just.....I just don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like a condemned woman, this is my last night of freedom before I become....."
"Before you become normal?" Spike finished for her.
She nodded her head and sighed softly.
"Well if this is your last night then I suggest we go kick some demon ass. Might as well go out in a blaze of glory...well not actually go out but you know what I mean." He smiled down at her, pushing a stray hair behind her ear.
"Yeah, lets do that. I don't really want to think about tomorrow night. So let's just pretend this is a normal patrol." She frowned again, "I think I'm beginning to hate that word - 'normal'."
He laughed soflty as he led her through the cemetary to a nest of vamps he had recently discovered, he had thought he would save them for the Potentials training, but right now his slayer needed a spot of violence.
Buffy charged into the nest stakes in both hands, she took out three quarters of the vamps alone. Spike watched in awe as she swung and kicked and staked as if it was her last time..........it was her last time. When the dust had cleared she was standing in the middle of the storeroom, a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.
The walk home was one of comfortable, companionable silence. Buffy's thoughts filled with the fact that she was the only slayer in history who knew the exact moment she'd fought her last fight as a slayer. Spike worried that the worst was yet to come...Buffy handing the reins over to Faith was going to be heartbreaking for her. And then there was the fact that Giles would have to tell her that she was going to leave the place she had called home for the last seven years. The place where her mother lie buried and her friends lived. The news that she would in essence need a babysitter for awhile would not go over well either, his brow creased as he wondered who Giles would decide was up for that job.
When they reached the back step Buffy put her hand on his shoulder, "Thanks. You...you really helped me tonight."
"Just returning the favor, luv." He gave her a cocky smile, " 'Sides you know I'm always up for the violence. Now go get some beauty rest.......the poof is coming tomorrow and you'll want to look your best." He rolled his eyes at her trying to make it sound like a joke, but inside part of him winced.
She laughed soflty shaking her head at him, "Goodnight, Spike."
TBC
"Is...Is something wrong? Did we do something?" It was Amanda's sleepy voice posing the question.
Buffy wanted to scream at them to just "get out get out get out!" as she remembered Dawn doing once. But she couldn't, because really they hadn't done anything at all. In fact several of them had died and when she really thought about it.....it was her fault, they would have never been put in this danger if she ...if she had stayed dead. "I'm sorry...girls. Just a bad day. Stay.....I'll go." She grabbed a jacket and lifted the window, the potentials watched in confusion as she quickly climbed down the tree and hit the ground running.
"What was that about?" Kelly asked.
"I don't know, never really seen her like that." Amanda answered as she watched Buffy's back dissappear down the street.
**
She found herself in the cemetary walking towards her mother's grave. She sat down leaning against the side of the stone. Tears rolled down her face as she explained to Joyce all that had happened over the last few months and the news Giles and Wesley had delivered today.
"So now what do I do, Mom? I can't be the slayer and I can't be normal Buffy anymore. I've just found out how much I love being alive and then I'm told that the world would have been safer with me dead. I don't know if I can go back to be an ordinary girl, don't know if I can let Faith take over the fight. It's not fair...." Tears rolled down her face as she turned to trace her mother's name on the tombstone, "All those years you wanted me to be your little girl and I had to be the slayer and now I'm not going to be the slayer and you aren't here to enjoy it."
"She loved you anyway and she was so proud." A soft voice with a familiar accent came from behind her.
She turned to see Spike standing behind her the cigarette dangling from his mouth, hands stuffed in the pockets of his duster. "Did you follow me?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I did. I was on the back porch heard something and lo and behold it's you running down the street." He nodded towards Joyce's stone, "She did love you, you know, slayer or not."
Buffy stood up then and dusted the back of her pants off, "I know....it just seems." She didn't finish her sentence as a frown crossed her face, "You know, don't you?"
He nodded his head as he dropped the cigaretted careful that it didn't land near Joyce's grave, "I overheard the Watchers talking to you. Buffy those girls....the potentials that didnt' make it, it wasn't your fault."
"You say that, but really Spike - this happened because of me. I'm surprised you're not rejoicing tomorrows your one good day - you can bag that third slayer easy by tomorrow night. Or maybe it won't count if it's former slayer?" What started off angry ended in an almost whisper.
Her words stung but he understood where they came from.
He carefully took a step forward and awkwardly put an arm around her shoulders, there had not been a lot of touching between them recently, unless it was Buffy tending to his numerous wounds. He wasn't sure how she would take the gesture, but she leaned into the safety of his arm. "We're beyond that now, Buffy. You know that I would stake myself before I would ever hurt you."
"I know, I'm sorry. I just.....I just don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like a condemned woman, this is my last night of freedom before I become....."
"Before you become normal?" Spike finished for her.
She nodded her head and sighed softly.
"Well if this is your last night then I suggest we go kick some demon ass. Might as well go out in a blaze of glory...well not actually go out but you know what I mean." He smiled down at her, pushing a stray hair behind her ear.
"Yeah, lets do that. I don't really want to think about tomorrow night. So let's just pretend this is a normal patrol." She frowned again, "I think I'm beginning to hate that word - 'normal'."
He laughed soflty as he led her through the cemetary to a nest of vamps he had recently discovered, he had thought he would save them for the Potentials training, but right now his slayer needed a spot of violence.
Buffy charged into the nest stakes in both hands, she took out three quarters of the vamps alone. Spike watched in awe as she swung and kicked and staked as if it was her last time..........it was her last time. When the dust had cleared she was standing in the middle of the storeroom, a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.
The walk home was one of comfortable, companionable silence. Buffy's thoughts filled with the fact that she was the only slayer in history who knew the exact moment she'd fought her last fight as a slayer. Spike worried that the worst was yet to come...Buffy handing the reins over to Faith was going to be heartbreaking for her. And then there was the fact that Giles would have to tell her that she was going to leave the place she had called home for the last seven years. The place where her mother lie buried and her friends lived. The news that she would in essence need a babysitter for awhile would not go over well either, his brow creased as he wondered who Giles would decide was up for that job.
When they reached the back step Buffy put her hand on his shoulder, "Thanks. You...you really helped me tonight."
"Just returning the favor, luv." He gave her a cocky smile, " 'Sides you know I'm always up for the violence. Now go get some beauty rest.......the poof is coming tomorrow and you'll want to look your best." He rolled his eyes at her trying to make it sound like a joke, but inside part of him winced.
She laughed soflty shaking her head at him, "Goodnight, Spike."
TBC