Disclaimer: I'm too lazy to write another one of these. See previous
chapters for the disclaimer.
Chapter Five (SSX first the MS):
*Back at Wuffie-Headquarters*
Duo had been made up in flavors of makeup one usually doesn't mix. Not to mention the awful colors!
Think Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. His hair was permed, his legs were waxed [A/N Aki: Don't
laugh! It really really hurts!] he had been forced into a girdle and pointy-toed 6" heels. In simple terms,
Duo looked exactly like a French whore. A French whore screaming bloody murder like an English
washerwoman. [A/N Aki: hahahahah. I'm mean to Duo! I am in control of whether or not
Relena's surgeon can fit him in for those special operations! I am all- powerful! Hahahahahaha!!!!!! Ow!
Ow! Stop hitting me! Ok! Duo stays Duo, just stop hitting me!!!!!! Mika: Who's all-powerful now? Aki:
*whimper*Ow!] Relena was staring at him rapturously.
"It's *perfect*!" She sighed happily.
Duo brightened. "So I get to take it off now?"
Relena shook her head, smiling. "No, silly! I just thought of an even better look for you. We get to start all
over again!" she giggled like the evil little child that she is. By this time, Wufei and Trowa had gone into a
light trance from the boredom of choosing from 50 shades of every conceivable type of cosmetic available
to the public at large. Wufei had drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. Duo passed out. Relena
shrugged and began undoing her handiwork.
Just as Duo was back to normal, Midori's recon. team came on, holding loaded paint ball guns.
"Freeze, Darlain!" Yelled the ranger girl. Anzu sized up the situation.
"Put down the makeup and I won't ruin your wardrobe at home, too." She told Relena, the barrel pressed to
one of her kidneys. "This is loaded with fresh, hot tapioca pudding and a few cheese balls for good measure.
Not only would it permanently ruin any clothing it touches, think of what all that grease and goop will do to
your complexion..." Relena became very pale and began to whimper.
"If I come quietly, will you spare the Chanelle and Donna Karen? Please, at least let me keep the Eddie
Bauer!"
Aki motioned for the motley crew to gather about for a strategy meeting. They were speaking like "De
dobity deeboo dah!" and making hand gestures. (Except for Anzu, who had a gun aimed at Relena.) The
noise terrified Relena and woke up Duo, Wufei, and Trowa.
"Please," said Relena, who thought they were actually hired tribal militant/assassin people from South
America, "No shoot with boom-boom sticks." This is the Great Diplomat's only form of diplomacy.
All of the girls turned and stared at her.
"What the f*** did she just say?" asked Mika.
"I think," began Aki, "The unwarranted violence and unexpectedness of our presence has traumatized her
into such a state of self-preservation that she has regressed to the vocal patterns and speech ability of a much
younger being." Aki pushed up her glasses as she spoke. The others stared at her. She sighed and
rephrased. "We scared her out of her wits and she's talking like she's three again. What she *meant* to say
was 'Don't shoot me.'" The others nodded their understanding. [A/N Mika: Weirdo. Aki: This happens
all the time at lunch, though. Mika: Oh. Yeah, you're right...]
Wufei decided to speak up. "When you onnas are done psychoanalyzing her, will you let *us* handle it?
She's been the worst baka maru teammate ever." [A/N Baka maru = stupid girlie-girl. Aki: Sry, any of
you unaware Sessho-maru luvers. Es cierto!]
An exceedingly evil grin worked it's way across Midori's face. "Heh heh heh..."
Half an hour later, Relena was tied to a chair in a closet three doors down from the Quatquarters, wanting
to scream bloody murder. But *somehow* a gag had been tied so that if she opened her mouth she would
be strangled. [A/N Aki: *whistle**whistle**innocent batting of eyelashes*] The reason why she wanted
to scream was a black snake curling around her throat. It was harmless, but if Black Jack can scare
Brownies, he can terrify Relena. [A/N Aki: Black Jack was a really awesome black snake that was a
year-round resident of the Girl Scout camp we go to. Dude was cool! But he scared the itty-bitty
Brownies, so he was exterminated. This is our tribute to Black Jack - he gets to torture Relena. Mika: Hey
that's not fair!! I don't study types of torture for nothing!] Wufei and
Midori high-fived each other. But Wufei missed her hand, lost his balance, and fell face-first into her chest.
All the others looked away. Trowa was almost blushing, but all the girls just didn't want to see how badly
she would beat up this one. The last guy that did that is still in a body cast.
Trowa heard a strange noise, and was about to turn around, when Aki sidled up to him. "Don't look," she
advised, "It's enough to make you loose your lunch."
"What, the fact that they're making out is gross to you?"
"They're ***WHAT***?" yelled Aki. The group did an about-face, only to turn back around. The
Commando Couple was rolling around on the floor, and Wufei had his hand up Midori's shirt.
"I thought this was a mission to save Duo, not a make-out mission, MIDORI!" Anzu said holding on to
Duo protectively. "Wait, isn't that kinda treason against this team or something like that?" Anzu asked.
"Oh screw them, let's go find something else to do."
"I don't think we're the ones screwing anyone." Mika said matter of factly.
"Eww!" Aki exclaimed.
Heero cocked his head to one side, "How did they get into that posistion?"
"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" Aki yelled.
"Let's go," Anzu said [A/N Mika: Umm.. again.]
Aki, who had just taken her morphine so she wouldn't freak and gouge out her own eyes, began to sing the
"Itsy-bitsy bikini" song, but only sang "It was an itsy-bitsy teenie weenie!" and then laughed hysterically
until she passed out into Trowa's strong, handsome, arms...mmmmm..*droolie droolie* Oops, sorry!
"How much do you want to bet that it's the size of an inch worm?" Mika asked.
"--.....-..---." (translation: You shouldn't have said that!)
"What was that?" Wufei stopped doing something not PG rated therefore it will not be mentioned.
"Maybe you shouldn't dis him like that, Mika. I think he's a bit attached to that part." Duo said.
"You heard me." Mika said.
Wufei tackled Mika and Mika fought back. Anzu started firing the paint ball gun at the traitors, Midori, &
Aki. [A/N Mika: Sad, but true, MoonShine & Sun Shine have been broken up... NOT IN THAT WAY!!!
We could've taken anyone on!!Aki: What? I know Trowa has a voice...and awesome abs... Mika: He never
talks!] Trowa, Heero, and Duo were all fighting each other when a small man came charging in and started
to try to beat up Heero. As Heero was distracted, Trowa started to beat the crap outta Duo. Heero
knocked out the midget and went to help Duo when a loose heating vent knocked him out cold. Duo ran
back to head quarters screaming like a mad two-year-old girl.. Trowa dragged Heero aside and started
towards Anzu. Wufei hauled off a bound and gagged, but still kicking Mika off to "the jail". Aki, Ray, and
Trowa were closing in on Anzu as she still tried to fight them off. It was absolutely impossible for her to
fend them off so she backed out of the room and ran for head quarters.
[MS: I've got a lovely bunch of cocoanuts diddley dee dum there they are a standing in a row. Bum bum bum... Uh... heh heh heh. Hey! You can't blame me! Midori got it stuck in my head!]
Chapter Five (SSX first the MS):
*Back at Wuffie-Headquarters*
Duo had been made up in flavors of makeup one usually doesn't mix. Not to mention the awful colors!
Think Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. His hair was permed, his legs were waxed [A/N Aki: Don't
laugh! It really really hurts!] he had been forced into a girdle and pointy-toed 6" heels. In simple terms,
Duo looked exactly like a French whore. A French whore screaming bloody murder like an English
washerwoman. [A/N Aki: hahahahah. I'm mean to Duo! I am in control of whether or not
Relena's surgeon can fit him in for those special operations! I am all- powerful! Hahahahahaha!!!!!! Ow!
Ow! Stop hitting me! Ok! Duo stays Duo, just stop hitting me!!!!!! Mika: Who's all-powerful now? Aki:
*whimper*Ow!] Relena was staring at him rapturously.
"It's *perfect*!" She sighed happily.
Duo brightened. "So I get to take it off now?"
Relena shook her head, smiling. "No, silly! I just thought of an even better look for you. We get to start all
over again!" she giggled like the evil little child that she is. By this time, Wufei and Trowa had gone into a
light trance from the boredom of choosing from 50 shades of every conceivable type of cosmetic available
to the public at large. Wufei had drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. Duo passed out. Relena
shrugged and began undoing her handiwork.
Just as Duo was back to normal, Midori's recon. team came on, holding loaded paint ball guns.
"Freeze, Darlain!" Yelled the ranger girl. Anzu sized up the situation.
"Put down the makeup and I won't ruin your wardrobe at home, too." She told Relena, the barrel pressed to
one of her kidneys. "This is loaded with fresh, hot tapioca pudding and a few cheese balls for good measure.
Not only would it permanently ruin any clothing it touches, think of what all that grease and goop will do to
your complexion..." Relena became very pale and began to whimper.
"If I come quietly, will you spare the Chanelle and Donna Karen? Please, at least let me keep the Eddie
Bauer!"
Aki motioned for the motley crew to gather about for a strategy meeting. They were speaking like "De
dobity deeboo dah!" and making hand gestures. (Except for Anzu, who had a gun aimed at Relena.) The
noise terrified Relena and woke up Duo, Wufei, and Trowa.
"Please," said Relena, who thought they were actually hired tribal militant/assassin people from South
America, "No shoot with boom-boom sticks." This is the Great Diplomat's only form of diplomacy.
All of the girls turned and stared at her.
"What the f*** did she just say?" asked Mika.
"I think," began Aki, "The unwarranted violence and unexpectedness of our presence has traumatized her
into such a state of self-preservation that she has regressed to the vocal patterns and speech ability of a much
younger being." Aki pushed up her glasses as she spoke. The others stared at her. She sighed and
rephrased. "We scared her out of her wits and she's talking like she's three again. What she *meant* to say
was 'Don't shoot me.'" The others nodded their understanding. [A/N Mika: Weirdo. Aki: This happens
all the time at lunch, though. Mika: Oh. Yeah, you're right...]
Wufei decided to speak up. "When you onnas are done psychoanalyzing her, will you let *us* handle it?
She's been the worst baka maru teammate ever." [A/N Baka maru = stupid girlie-girl. Aki: Sry, any of
you unaware Sessho-maru luvers. Es cierto!]
An exceedingly evil grin worked it's way across Midori's face. "Heh heh heh..."
Half an hour later, Relena was tied to a chair in a closet three doors down from the Quatquarters, wanting
to scream bloody murder. But *somehow* a gag had been tied so that if she opened her mouth she would
be strangled. [A/N Aki: *whistle**whistle**innocent batting of eyelashes*] The reason why she wanted
to scream was a black snake curling around her throat. It was harmless, but if Black Jack can scare
Brownies, he can terrify Relena. [A/N Aki: Black Jack was a really awesome black snake that was a
year-round resident of the Girl Scout camp we go to. Dude was cool! But he scared the itty-bitty
Brownies, so he was exterminated. This is our tribute to Black Jack - he gets to torture Relena. Mika: Hey
that's not fair!! I don't study types of torture for nothing!] Wufei and
Midori high-fived each other. But Wufei missed her hand, lost his balance, and fell face-first into her chest.
All the others looked away. Trowa was almost blushing, but all the girls just didn't want to see how badly
she would beat up this one. The last guy that did that is still in a body cast.
Trowa heard a strange noise, and was about to turn around, when Aki sidled up to him. "Don't look," she
advised, "It's enough to make you loose your lunch."
"What, the fact that they're making out is gross to you?"
"They're ***WHAT***?" yelled Aki. The group did an about-face, only to turn back around. The
Commando Couple was rolling around on the floor, and Wufei had his hand up Midori's shirt.
"I thought this was a mission to save Duo, not a make-out mission, MIDORI!" Anzu said holding on to
Duo protectively. "Wait, isn't that kinda treason against this team or something like that?" Anzu asked.
"Oh screw them, let's go find something else to do."
"I don't think we're the ones screwing anyone." Mika said matter of factly.
"Eww!" Aki exclaimed.
Heero cocked his head to one side, "How did they get into that posistion?"
"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" Aki yelled.
"Let's go," Anzu said [A/N Mika: Umm.. again.]
Aki, who had just taken her morphine so she wouldn't freak and gouge out her own eyes, began to sing the
"Itsy-bitsy bikini" song, but only sang "It was an itsy-bitsy teenie weenie!" and then laughed hysterically
until she passed out into Trowa's strong, handsome, arms...mmmmm..*droolie droolie* Oops, sorry!
"How much do you want to bet that it's the size of an inch worm?" Mika asked.
"--.....-..---." (translation: You shouldn't have said that!)
"What was that?" Wufei stopped doing something not PG rated therefore it will not be mentioned.
"Maybe you shouldn't dis him like that, Mika. I think he's a bit attached to that part." Duo said.
"You heard me." Mika said.
Wufei tackled Mika and Mika fought back. Anzu started firing the paint ball gun at the traitors, Midori, &
Aki. [A/N Mika: Sad, but true, MoonShine & Sun Shine have been broken up... NOT IN THAT WAY!!!
We could've taken anyone on!!Aki: What? I know Trowa has a voice...and awesome abs... Mika: He never
talks!] Trowa, Heero, and Duo were all fighting each other when a small man came charging in and started
to try to beat up Heero. As Heero was distracted, Trowa started to beat the crap outta Duo. Heero
knocked out the midget and went to help Duo when a loose heating vent knocked him out cold. Duo ran
back to head quarters screaming like a mad two-year-old girl.. Trowa dragged Heero aside and started
towards Anzu. Wufei hauled off a bound and gagged, but still kicking Mika off to "the jail". Aki, Ray, and
Trowa were closing in on Anzu as she still tried to fight them off. It was absolutely impossible for her to
fend them off so she backed out of the room and ran for head quarters.
[MS: I've got a lovely bunch of cocoanuts diddley dee dum there they are a standing in a row. Bum bum bum... Uh... heh heh heh. Hey! You can't blame me! Midori got it stuck in my head!]