Part 4: Facades
From the perspective of Patty Smith
Disclaimer- I did not own Hey Arnold when I wrote part one, two, or three. And, although this may come as a shock, I still do not own it…
Helga Pataki isn't a bad person, and I should have seen it from the start. Because she is so much like me- she is afraid of every weakness and every feeling. She loves Arnold, but she is afraid that he will never love her back, so she goes to every length to cover it up. I don't think she does as good a job as she thinks she does, though. You could see it in her eyes when she threw the tapioca- the guilt hurt her more than she could ever possibly hurt Arnold. And all to cover up feelings she is certain he could never share.
I think that he already loves her. He just doesn't realize it, or if he does, the realization scares him enough to push it away.
I don't suppose most people would think I know anything about love. I am, after all, "Big" Patty, and my reputation is probably speaks louder than anything I could ever do or say does. Sometimes I like that and sometimes I don't. Either way, as soon as I walked in the door to preschool, everyone saw that I was bigger than all the other girls, that I wasn't wearing pink and lace, that I wasn't (openly) crying for my mother. I stood out, and anything that makes you stand out makes you a target for teasing. As soon as people started teasing me, I did the only thing I knew how to- pull out the fists, confirm their suspicions, and pretend that nothing hurts you. But they still tease you, just not to your face, and it hurts every bit as much. Maybe more.
I guess that's what happened to Helga, in some way, and I get the nasty feeling that it was Harold that first teased her. Harold doesn't think much, he just acts. And I think he feels a lot of the same things as I do. He's a great guy, deep down. That's why I like him, the same with Helga.
I always wonder how no one else notices that she loves Arnold- it was pretty obvious to me the first time I saw the two of them together. The way she always bugs and teases him- and usually, only him- was my first instant clue. But if you watch Helga carefully, watch the way she looks at him, the way she reacts to his words, you can just tell.
I don't know how Arnold hasn't snapped yet, but he puts up with Helga, somehow. He gets annoyed with her, but I have never, ever seen him be mean to her, and he always helps her out. He stands up for her, he was the one that helped me understand who she really was. I know he thinks about her, and I know it drives him crazy that she hides her true self underneath that bully facade. Unfortunately, Arnold still seems to be going for those girls that every guy seems to adore, the ones that are pretty and have a charming laugh. Girls like that red-haired ever-so one. I guess people like Helga and I are harder to deal with. Even if Arnold isn't (football) head-over-heels for her yet, when I see Arnold and Helga, I get this feeling that they are meant for each other, that they are destined to be together. It might not happen tomorrow, but it will, someday.
Actually, I'm holding out hope for today- Arnold seems determined to find out whatever is bugging Helga. She looks both very angry and very sad at the same time. Even from that conversation- argument, if you prefer- between the two of them at lunch, I could tell he wanted to get to the bottom of it. I hope he does, and I hope Helga opens up. She needs to know someone cares about her- I seem to be one of the few people that notice her less-than-loving parents. It makes me appreciate mine more.
"Patty? Patty! Are you paying attention?"
The teacher's voice breaks into my thoughts, sending them flying to the back of my brain, where they can be pulled out later. "Oh, um, yeah." I reply, although of course I'm not.
"Then how about you come and do this problem on the board?"
I climb out of my seat and head to the front of the room, anticipating the humiliation of this and promising myself that I will pay more attention.
Someone in the front row says, "Like she'll ever get it right. She's already repeated the sixth grade once. Doesn't that tell you something?"
I glare and shake my fist, my natural reaction, and still all I know how to do. I hope that Helga will be able to break out of her own bully facade, because will all my toughness, I can't seem to find the guts to completely get rid of my own.