Author's notes- To Sam and Dave for this exchange- the next morning after
waking up after a long night of drinking where in my bro Toph passed out on
the floor because he couldn't get into his top Bunk:
"What was going on on the floor last night?"-Dave
"Oh, well Cary's gay and Toph is experimenting."-Sam
Five minutes later when I actually see Cary:
"Hey, Cary, how was your night?"-me
"I'm no Gay!"-Cary (all night long at the sorority house lesbians questioned his sexuality)
This happened today when I went to see my brother up at Cornell. He told me before I went that I wasn't allowed to like Sam because Sam had decided he wanted to "pull me" from a conversation that we had on the phone wherein I was crying and he thought I sounded "cute and vulnerable". Toph doesn't want us together because "He's dirty, Az." But after speaking to him. . . I really want him. He's so cute and angry and self loathing. On to the story!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey," said James as he wandered down to the lake. "I got tiered of being all by my lonesome. . . now to find a good stick." He said searching for an object to prod the squid with. He found a stick and sat down next to Sirius in the shade of the tree. "Are you ok? It's just if anyone's moping more than me it's you."
Sirius looked up slowly at his friend's face. "Yes, James, you're right, I'm miserable because here you are fawning over Lily Evans when I'm the one who loves you. And it hurts that you can be so blind. I've been sitting right here all along and you blunder from one body to the next looking for some sort of release and it never once occurred to you that I could make you happy. And I make these subtle hints all the time, but the insightful Mr. Potter never picks up on them and I'm feed up. So here it is in big bold letters. I am in love with you." He said softly with a near acrid undertone.
James turned away. "Fine, don't tell me, see if I care. I thought I just might be able to help."
Remus and Peter sat with looks of shock on their faces. Remus managed to keep his jaw shut while Peter's hung down to the floor. Sirius laughed softly and stood up, "You can't help me." He said and kissed the top of James' head. "I'm bored of this sport, I'll see you all at diner." And with that he stalked off.
"So does anyone have any idea what that was about?" asked James as he turned to his companions.
"Why do you obsess over Lily? I mean, yeah. She's pretty, and popular, and pleasant, and smart, and funny. And you're head boy and she's head girl. And she has a great ass. . . But I mean other than that what is there?" asked Peter then he reviewed his words and said. "I just realized I should really gat back to that reading." Said Peter and hurried away as fast as his short legs could carry him.
Remus watched him go and then turned back to his book. James watched him for a moment and said. "Moony, what the hell is going on? Why is Pad in a bad mood? And why does everyone but me know why?"
Remus looked up very slowly. He placed his book aside and crossed his hands in his lap. "James, you're the smart one, Sirius is the volatile one, Peter is the endearing one, and I'm the calm one right?"
"Yeah." Said James sounding lost as he had no idea where Remus was going.
"Well let's up stereotypes aside because you're a fucking moron and I can't deal with it anymore. Does Sirius ever lie when it comes to us?"
"No." said James slowly.
"Then why the fuck did you brush off everything he just said?" said Remus evenly as though explaining it to a child.
"He was joking." Said James as though it should have been obvious.
"Does he usually leave crying after telling a joke?" asked Remus as though it was news to him.
"He was acting."
"Was he?" asked Remus, "Or was he hurt that after spilling out the truth that he's been hiding for four years you brushed him off?"
"I'm such a bastard." Said James as it dawned on him.
"No, you're just a thoughtless little boy." Said Remus as he picked his book back up.
"Wait, you can't go back to reading! I need your help in ratifying this!" said James panicking.
"Just tell him that while you care very deeply for him and he will always be your best friend you do not love him." Said Remus without looking up.
"But what if I do?" asked James.
"Do you?" asked Remus in a lackluster tone without looking up.
"I don't know! Hey, I'm sitting here questioning my sexuality and you can't even be bothered to put your book down."
"Sorry this is no revolution, Jay, for anyone but you." He said putting his book down and trying to look companionate. "Look, whatever you're feeling you should tell Sigh. And if you can't say it articulate it in some other way. Because right now he must feel like he's been kicked in the stomach. And if you even care about him as a person you shouldn't let him go through that. Are you done needing counseling 'cause I'm at a really good part of my book?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Fuck me in the eye." Muttered James as he stood in front of the portrait of the fat lady.
"No, dear, that's not the password." She said.
"Sorry, Plum-rific." He said and the painting swung up. He stepped into the common room and took a deep calming breath before heading up the stairs to the dorm. He had no idea what he was going to say to Sigh but he would cross that bridge when it came time to burn it, he thought but then he realized that made no sense. He opened the door softly. Seeing that Sirius' curtains were closed around his bed instilled a feeling of trepidation in him. Silently he crossed the room straining to hear what Sirius was doing. "Sirius?" he asked softly.
"Go away, James." Came the lifeless reply. "Just leave me alone."
"No," said James as he pulled back the curtains. There lying on his back was Sirius with tears rolling down his face. And he suddenly took Remus' advice and showed Sirius what he was feeling. Looking down at his best friend weeping he felt his chest constrict at the fragile state he had caused. He hated himself for hurting Sirius like that. And he did what he wanted to do, what he felt like doing. He leaned down and kissed his best friend full on the lips. "Don't cry, shhhhh," he said laying down next to him and wrapping his arms around him. "Don't cry, it's alright. I'm here and it's all gonna be fine. So don't cry, 'cause I don't want to hurt you. I love you, it's all ok. Just don't cry now, I'm here."
"What was going on on the floor last night?"-Dave
"Oh, well Cary's gay and Toph is experimenting."-Sam
Five minutes later when I actually see Cary:
"Hey, Cary, how was your night?"-me
"I'm no Gay!"-Cary (all night long at the sorority house lesbians questioned his sexuality)
This happened today when I went to see my brother up at Cornell. He told me before I went that I wasn't allowed to like Sam because Sam had decided he wanted to "pull me" from a conversation that we had on the phone wherein I was crying and he thought I sounded "cute and vulnerable". Toph doesn't want us together because "He's dirty, Az." But after speaking to him. . . I really want him. He's so cute and angry and self loathing. On to the story!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey," said James as he wandered down to the lake. "I got tiered of being all by my lonesome. . . now to find a good stick." He said searching for an object to prod the squid with. He found a stick and sat down next to Sirius in the shade of the tree. "Are you ok? It's just if anyone's moping more than me it's you."
Sirius looked up slowly at his friend's face. "Yes, James, you're right, I'm miserable because here you are fawning over Lily Evans when I'm the one who loves you. And it hurts that you can be so blind. I've been sitting right here all along and you blunder from one body to the next looking for some sort of release and it never once occurred to you that I could make you happy. And I make these subtle hints all the time, but the insightful Mr. Potter never picks up on them and I'm feed up. So here it is in big bold letters. I am in love with you." He said softly with a near acrid undertone.
James turned away. "Fine, don't tell me, see if I care. I thought I just might be able to help."
Remus and Peter sat with looks of shock on their faces. Remus managed to keep his jaw shut while Peter's hung down to the floor. Sirius laughed softly and stood up, "You can't help me." He said and kissed the top of James' head. "I'm bored of this sport, I'll see you all at diner." And with that he stalked off.
"So does anyone have any idea what that was about?" asked James as he turned to his companions.
"Why do you obsess over Lily? I mean, yeah. She's pretty, and popular, and pleasant, and smart, and funny. And you're head boy and she's head girl. And she has a great ass. . . But I mean other than that what is there?" asked Peter then he reviewed his words and said. "I just realized I should really gat back to that reading." Said Peter and hurried away as fast as his short legs could carry him.
Remus watched him go and then turned back to his book. James watched him for a moment and said. "Moony, what the hell is going on? Why is Pad in a bad mood? And why does everyone but me know why?"
Remus looked up very slowly. He placed his book aside and crossed his hands in his lap. "James, you're the smart one, Sirius is the volatile one, Peter is the endearing one, and I'm the calm one right?"
"Yeah." Said James sounding lost as he had no idea where Remus was going.
"Well let's up stereotypes aside because you're a fucking moron and I can't deal with it anymore. Does Sirius ever lie when it comes to us?"
"No." said James slowly.
"Then why the fuck did you brush off everything he just said?" said Remus evenly as though explaining it to a child.
"He was joking." Said James as though it should have been obvious.
"Does he usually leave crying after telling a joke?" asked Remus as though it was news to him.
"He was acting."
"Was he?" asked Remus, "Or was he hurt that after spilling out the truth that he's been hiding for four years you brushed him off?"
"I'm such a bastard." Said James as it dawned on him.
"No, you're just a thoughtless little boy." Said Remus as he picked his book back up.
"Wait, you can't go back to reading! I need your help in ratifying this!" said James panicking.
"Just tell him that while you care very deeply for him and he will always be your best friend you do not love him." Said Remus without looking up.
"But what if I do?" asked James.
"Do you?" asked Remus in a lackluster tone without looking up.
"I don't know! Hey, I'm sitting here questioning my sexuality and you can't even be bothered to put your book down."
"Sorry this is no revolution, Jay, for anyone but you." He said putting his book down and trying to look companionate. "Look, whatever you're feeling you should tell Sigh. And if you can't say it articulate it in some other way. Because right now he must feel like he's been kicked in the stomach. And if you even care about him as a person you shouldn't let him go through that. Are you done needing counseling 'cause I'm at a really good part of my book?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Fuck me in the eye." Muttered James as he stood in front of the portrait of the fat lady.
"No, dear, that's not the password." She said.
"Sorry, Plum-rific." He said and the painting swung up. He stepped into the common room and took a deep calming breath before heading up the stairs to the dorm. He had no idea what he was going to say to Sigh but he would cross that bridge when it came time to burn it, he thought but then he realized that made no sense. He opened the door softly. Seeing that Sirius' curtains were closed around his bed instilled a feeling of trepidation in him. Silently he crossed the room straining to hear what Sirius was doing. "Sirius?" he asked softly.
"Go away, James." Came the lifeless reply. "Just leave me alone."
"No," said James as he pulled back the curtains. There lying on his back was Sirius with tears rolling down his face. And he suddenly took Remus' advice and showed Sirius what he was feeling. Looking down at his best friend weeping he felt his chest constrict at the fragile state he had caused. He hated himself for hurting Sirius like that. And he did what he wanted to do, what he felt like doing. He leaned down and kissed his best friend full on the lips. "Don't cry, shhhhh," he said laying down next to him and wrapping his arms around him. "Don't cry, it's alright. I'm here and it's all gonna be fine. So don't cry, 'cause I don't want to hurt you. I love you, it's all ok. Just don't cry now, I'm here."