First chap=disclaimers
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Steve kicked the offensive bag of sand that he was supposed to use to fix part of the landscaping. It was truly unbearable. The stupid bag just wouldn't stay upright so he could shovel out of it. Annoyed with himself, he plopped down onto the ground. Logically, he knew that the sand had absolutely nothing to do with his mood. The half glimpses of memories that he couldn't quite remember were as torturous as they were hopeful.
The memories though were not the true source of his agitation. Angel was. One tiny kiss, and she avoided him like the plague. At first, he just assumed that she was spending time with her family, which she had been doing, so he wasn't concerned. But, after they finally packed up a left, she wasn't at home. She was working very long hours and sleeping or working when she came home. He had tried to ask her what was wrong at least three times, but she didn't answer.
The problem was, he mused, he knew exactly what the problem was. It was him. Being close friends with an amnesiac was fine. There really wasn't a problem. His "old" friends did not have a claim to him not making any "new" ones. A romantic relationship though, that could cause a myriad of problems. They did not know if he had a wife, an ex-wife, a fiancée, a girlfriend, or anything else about his love life. There was a big risk there.
On the other hand, he couldn't live his life based on what might lurk in his past. He might never regain his memory. Did he truly want to live the rest of his life not doing what he wanted simply because of his past or lack thereof?
Steve gritted his teeth and picked himself up off of the ground. He had to do something about the situation, and he intended to do it right now. He stalked quickly to his apartment to retrieve his wallet and call a taxi.
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Jesse Travis looked over the case file spread out on his coffee table. Usually when he looked at it, he would become totally absorbed and not notice the time. Now though, he felt guilty. He had lied to Mark Sloan. Mark had asked him to go along with him to a new "Family Loss Group." Jesse had declined saying that he had some work to finish and that he needed sleep. Both of which were true, but Jesse had only achieved the first. He had never had an intention of doing the latter
Oh, Jesse Travis knew the signs of a grieving man. He also knew that losing himself in work was one of the "coping" mechanisms that people used that could end up with disastrous effects. At this point, he didn't care. He just could not let go until he solved the whole situation to his satisfaction.
Resolutely, Jesse shoved away all his thoughts and focused on the papers before him. What did Homer Garlin's picture drawing mean? Obviously, the picture was a message. What the message meant was the problem. What did the destruction of Steve's videotape mean? He had been with Steve when the detective purchased the cassette from the local video store. He remembered it specifically because he had asked Steve why he wasn't buying the DVD. As he recalled, Steve was just being stingy. What on earth could a brand new children's video tape have to do with crime families?
The young doctor got up to get himself another cup of coffee. He didn't think he was going anywhere tonight.
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Mark Sloan sighed as he began to go through Steve's belongings. He had put it off for too long. Too many months had passed, enough months for the police to arrest and for the courts to convict a man of murder. Mark shuddered as he piled Steve's clothes into a storage bin. He had spent enough time in denial. Moving Steve's clothes wasn't going to do anything, and it wasn't like Mark was packing it all up at once. He was going to do it gradually until everything was taken care of. A nice methodical pace would do nicely. The bonus being that he didn't need the room. He could enshrine it if he wanted, but Steve would want his father to come to terms with what happened even if he could never move on.
Not move on was exactly what Mark planned to do. He wasn't going to retire. He wasn't going to remodel Steve's section of the house for some other use. He was going to live the rest of his life exactly as he did now. He would live. He would still be the old, loving Dr. Sloan, but he was not about to ever forget. In fact, he didn't even plan on getting rid of any of Steve's possessions. They would be put in storage containers and the furniture would be covered and everything would be stored right in Steve's apartment. It was a fine point as far as the "grief specialists" were concerned, but no-one had ever called Mark Sloan normal.
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Amanda sighed as she plopped down onto her couch. The boys had been particularly aggressive during dinner, and she was for once glad that there was something they wanted to watch on the T.V. Now, she had about fifty-five minutes left to think before they started again. She smiled as they wrestled for the remote. Then a darker thought hit her. What would she do if one of them never came home? What would she do if one of them was shot dead?
Amanda shivered slightly at the prospect. It was not an uncommon thought these days. Ever since Steve had died, a small fear lingered in the back of her mind. The boys had been very fond of their "Uncle Steve." What was she going to do if one or both decided to become a police officer? Wasn't it bad enough that she had lost three of her best friends already?
Steve was dead, but Amanda had lost Mark and Jesse to. Oh, logically she knew that they all would eventually come back to a "normal" state, but until then she was living with a ghost and two zombies. It did not help that she knew she would probably be the same way if she didn't have CJ and Dion. They forced her to keep living. Amanda just hoped that Jesse and Mark would find a reason too.
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It was nearly dark when Steve's taxi pulled up in front of the small hospital where Angel worked. It was the same hospital that he'd been taken to when they found him wandering around on the streets so long ago. He'd finally been able to recall his rather strained journey into town. He had pulled himself out of the ocean, dragged himself up the steep embankment, and hobbled along the road into town. He was certain that he had to have more pleasant memories than that in his head.
His swift stride carried him past the reception desk and straight towards the elevator. Two floors later, he walked out of the elevator and straight towards Angel's office. He didn't knock. He just threw open the door a tad harder than he intended. It resulted in a rather spectacular bang.
Angel looked up from her paperwork. To her credit, she did not ask what was wrong. She had a feeling she already knew.
"We have to talk." Steve's voice was staccato and showed much less emotion than he felt.
"About what, Steve? There isn't anything you or I can do about the whole situation. This isn't something that can be fixed with a letter from some official somewhere."
"Angel, I don't care. I cannot and will not live the rest of my life based on what might be in my past."
"Well maybe I do care. Maybe I care about you more than you do. Steve, you could be a priest for all we know. How do you think you would feel if all of a sudden you woke up one day to find out you had violated every vow you ever thought sacred."
"I don't think I'm a priest."
"Fine, you're not a priest. What about marriage vows? You could have a distraught wife and seven children looking for their beloved husband and father."
"I could also be a thrice divorced night club owner. I don't care. If I have to cross that bridge, I'll do it when I reach it. I want to be me now. I do not want to end up a lonely old man because of unknown events that I might never remember."
"I do not want to hurt someone you love."
"You already have. I just want you to set it right. If I was any other normal man, would you run away from me and hide?"
"Of course not, I just have never been much of a home wrecker. My family is messed up enough. I don't relish the thought of ruining another family like that."
"First, you don't even know if I have a family. Secondly, did it ever occur to you that if I have a wife, she will probably move on to another guy before I even remember? Thirdly, if I have children, it will take time to readjust to them whether I'm romantically involved or not. Finally, you can't be a home wrecker if there is no home to wreck. I've been gone a long time. I think that it is safe to say that my home is pretty beat up already."
Angel shook her head. "You know, you are the most stubborn man I've ever met. Maybe you were a politician; you certainly argue well enough."
"Does that mean that I have changed your stance on the matter?"
"It does."
"Well then, I think you are the first doctor that ever went with my plan." Steve paused a moment and wondered at his comment. Shrugging he looked back at Angel.
"You want to go get supper? This time I'll buy."
"I'd love supper, but really you should let me buy."
"No way, I work for my paycheck, and I can spend it as I see fit. Besides, think of it as our first official date. As I asked you out, I think it only fair I pay."
"So if I ask you out, I get to pay?"
"Absolutely."
"Well then, let's go."