PART 11: .And my soldier cried.
"The soul would have no rainbow, if the eyes had no tears."
(Jack)
She cried herself to sleep in my arms. God I feel so useless. My strong, brave beautiful wife is lying here with me, with only a fraction of the life she used to have shining from behind her eyes, the very depths of her soul.
I can do nothing. I can't take away the pain; I can't stop what's happening to her. I would give anything to switch places with her, to take this away from her. She doesn't deserve this; she's never done anything wrong!
I begin to pray. There is nothing else I can do.
"God, I'm not usually a praying man, you know that, but I'm desperate. I can't lose her. Please, please.I am begging you. I'll do what ever it takes, but please don't take her away from me." I whisper into the darkness, not even sure if there's anyone out there, or if I'm just talking to myself.
I carry on, regardless.
"I finally found my soul.my home. I can't.." I hold her tighter as the tears start to sting my eyes. One final, "please" is all I can manage before my voice breaks and I lose control completely.
The night fades and around me, and the morning light rushes in to replace the shadows. I stayed awake all night, never daring to fall asleep, in case she needed me, or in case.
I just watch her sleep, the way that we'd stayed up watching Jake, the first night we brought him home from the infirmary.
He needs her. I need her. I know that things aren't gonna get better, and that I will probably end up watching her die, something I never dreamt would happen. I always thought she'd out live me. I wrap my arms around her still sleeping body, and pull her even closer to me, careful not to hurt her. How could she even think I would leave her? That's not how it works. Not when you love someone. The poison has already weakened her, left her fragile and pale. Yet, to me she still looks as amazing as ever.
Sleep finally demands to be had, as I look at the clock and notice that it is 5am. I place a kiss on her head and close my eyes, smiling to myself because I can still see her, even in my dreams.
**
Still to come. parts 12 and 13! I'll try to have them posted by the end of today, but don't hold me to that.
"The soul would have no rainbow, if the eyes had no tears."
(Jack)
She cried herself to sleep in my arms. God I feel so useless. My strong, brave beautiful wife is lying here with me, with only a fraction of the life she used to have shining from behind her eyes, the very depths of her soul.
I can do nothing. I can't take away the pain; I can't stop what's happening to her. I would give anything to switch places with her, to take this away from her. She doesn't deserve this; she's never done anything wrong!
I begin to pray. There is nothing else I can do.
"God, I'm not usually a praying man, you know that, but I'm desperate. I can't lose her. Please, please.I am begging you. I'll do what ever it takes, but please don't take her away from me." I whisper into the darkness, not even sure if there's anyone out there, or if I'm just talking to myself.
I carry on, regardless.
"I finally found my soul.my home. I can't.." I hold her tighter as the tears start to sting my eyes. One final, "please" is all I can manage before my voice breaks and I lose control completely.
The night fades and around me, and the morning light rushes in to replace the shadows. I stayed awake all night, never daring to fall asleep, in case she needed me, or in case.
I just watch her sleep, the way that we'd stayed up watching Jake, the first night we brought him home from the infirmary.
He needs her. I need her. I know that things aren't gonna get better, and that I will probably end up watching her die, something I never dreamt would happen. I always thought she'd out live me. I wrap my arms around her still sleeping body, and pull her even closer to me, careful not to hurt her. How could she even think I would leave her? That's not how it works. Not when you love someone. The poison has already weakened her, left her fragile and pale. Yet, to me she still looks as amazing as ever.
Sleep finally demands to be had, as I look at the clock and notice that it is 5am. I place a kiss on her head and close my eyes, smiling to myself because I can still see her, even in my dreams.
**
Still to come. parts 12 and 13! I'll try to have them posted by the end of today, but don't hold me to that.