Part 12: Sunshine and shadows
Moving on.
"You can shed tears that she's gone Or you can smile because she lived. You can close your eyes and pray she'll come back Or can open your eyes and see all that she has left you. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her Or you can be full of the love that you've shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her and only she's gone Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind Be empty and turn your back Or you can do what she'd want Smile, open your eyes, live and go on."
TWO WEEKS LATER:
The morning has started well. I managed to get a good night's sleep, without the interruption I am beginning to get used too; a muscle spasm or a full out heart-stop-beating moment. Jack enters the room with a tray carrying toast and orange juice. Breakfast in bed.
He's been amazing these last few weeks, well, his been amazing since we meet, but with all that's been going on, he's really made he proud with the way his been holding up. I know I couldn't have done it. But he's strong, so much stronger than he gives himself credit for.
He hands me the tray and takes his place on the bed next to me, legs crossed at the ankles and head propped up on his hand. I think to myself, its ironic that the sunshine fills the room, casting away the night's shadows in all corners except for those of my heart. My heart knows the truth and refuses to let go of that little bit of darkness, no matter how hard I try. The bit that lurks in the nocks and crannies, which aren't already occupied with something far more powerful. Love.
That's why I'm not scared anymore. I know what's going to happen to me, but I also know- I can't really explain it- but I know that everything will work out in the end, I guess I just have this feeling.
I must have been daydreaming, because Jack's voice takes me by surprise.
"Do you have any idea how beautiful you look in the morning?"
I smile and touch his face, answering, "yeah!" in a playful manor. We both laugh, but it passes quickly and we end up resting our heads together.
Eventually I sit back and look at my as yet untouched breakfast, but Jack places his hand beside my face and turn's it gently back to look at him, his fingers running down my cheek and playing on my chin for a moment before falling back to the pillow where they originated from.
I look at him, and without words I can hear everything he is telling me. He's eyes are deep and shine a mixture of love and fear that moves me to the brink of tears. He's eyebrows knit together in a frown that screams concern, confusion and resignation. I know he's frustrated, angry even, that he can't fight this battle, let alone win it. We're used to fighting together. Watching each other's backs. But not this time.
I take a deep breath and desperately try to hold back the tears, but to tell you the truth; I've cried so much lately, they probably wouldn't fall even if I wanted them to.
"I know Jack. It's gonna be ok." I reply to his hearts plea, adding, "I promise" as barely more than a whisper.
He removes the tray from my lap and pulls me into his arms with such a force its feels like his trying to integrate me into his body. That's when I fill his body shaking and hear his cries.
"Sam." He coughs, breaking down in my arms. I swallow the pain of seeing the man I love in pieces, and rock him gently telling him that's it's gonna be ok, and praying that its true.
**
34 HOURS LATER
(Jack)
"The poison has caused Sam to have a caesura. It stopped her heart. We managed to revive her, but she's in a coma Jack. I've done some scans and. I'm so sorry, but there's brain damaged."
"How bad?"
"Bad. I'm sorry, but I really don't think there's anyway she's going to be able to get over this, the damage is far too severe and has happened in a key area of the brain. And even if she does, we know that it's only a matter of time before something like this happens again. I'm sorry."
She keeps saying that. Unable to speak I just sit and look at my hands, the way I had done when the entity had overtaken her. The resemblance to that moment is eerie.
"Sir?"
I know what she's asking. I knew this was coming, we all did, but that doesn't make it any easier does it? Not when the person you love is plugged in to so many machines, with so many wires and tubes coming out of them that you almost don't recognise them.
I nod my head. I know I have to do this. I can't let her just lay around like this until that shit finishes her off. I kiss her head and whisper; "I'll see you soon, baby. I love you Samantha." And leave, I can't be there when Janet 'flicks the switch'.
A cold rush runs over me in the elevator as I head for the surface, and I know.
She's gone.
And my life will never be the same again.
**
The last part, part 13, will be up very soon!
Moving on.
"You can shed tears that she's gone Or you can smile because she lived. You can close your eyes and pray she'll come back Or can open your eyes and see all that she has left you. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her Or you can be full of the love that you've shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her and only she's gone Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind Be empty and turn your back Or you can do what she'd want Smile, open your eyes, live and go on."
TWO WEEKS LATER:
The morning has started well. I managed to get a good night's sleep, without the interruption I am beginning to get used too; a muscle spasm or a full out heart-stop-beating moment. Jack enters the room with a tray carrying toast and orange juice. Breakfast in bed.
He's been amazing these last few weeks, well, his been amazing since we meet, but with all that's been going on, he's really made he proud with the way his been holding up. I know I couldn't have done it. But he's strong, so much stronger than he gives himself credit for.
He hands me the tray and takes his place on the bed next to me, legs crossed at the ankles and head propped up on his hand. I think to myself, its ironic that the sunshine fills the room, casting away the night's shadows in all corners except for those of my heart. My heart knows the truth and refuses to let go of that little bit of darkness, no matter how hard I try. The bit that lurks in the nocks and crannies, which aren't already occupied with something far more powerful. Love.
That's why I'm not scared anymore. I know what's going to happen to me, but I also know- I can't really explain it- but I know that everything will work out in the end, I guess I just have this feeling.
I must have been daydreaming, because Jack's voice takes me by surprise.
"Do you have any idea how beautiful you look in the morning?"
I smile and touch his face, answering, "yeah!" in a playful manor. We both laugh, but it passes quickly and we end up resting our heads together.
Eventually I sit back and look at my as yet untouched breakfast, but Jack places his hand beside my face and turn's it gently back to look at him, his fingers running down my cheek and playing on my chin for a moment before falling back to the pillow where they originated from.
I look at him, and without words I can hear everything he is telling me. He's eyes are deep and shine a mixture of love and fear that moves me to the brink of tears. He's eyebrows knit together in a frown that screams concern, confusion and resignation. I know he's frustrated, angry even, that he can't fight this battle, let alone win it. We're used to fighting together. Watching each other's backs. But not this time.
I take a deep breath and desperately try to hold back the tears, but to tell you the truth; I've cried so much lately, they probably wouldn't fall even if I wanted them to.
"I know Jack. It's gonna be ok." I reply to his hearts plea, adding, "I promise" as barely more than a whisper.
He removes the tray from my lap and pulls me into his arms with such a force its feels like his trying to integrate me into his body. That's when I fill his body shaking and hear his cries.
"Sam." He coughs, breaking down in my arms. I swallow the pain of seeing the man I love in pieces, and rock him gently telling him that's it's gonna be ok, and praying that its true.
**
34 HOURS LATER
(Jack)
"The poison has caused Sam to have a caesura. It stopped her heart. We managed to revive her, but she's in a coma Jack. I've done some scans and. I'm so sorry, but there's brain damaged."
"How bad?"
"Bad. I'm sorry, but I really don't think there's anyway she's going to be able to get over this, the damage is far too severe and has happened in a key area of the brain. And even if she does, we know that it's only a matter of time before something like this happens again. I'm sorry."
She keeps saying that. Unable to speak I just sit and look at my hands, the way I had done when the entity had overtaken her. The resemblance to that moment is eerie.
"Sir?"
I know what she's asking. I knew this was coming, we all did, but that doesn't make it any easier does it? Not when the person you love is plugged in to so many machines, with so many wires and tubes coming out of them that you almost don't recognise them.
I nod my head. I know I have to do this. I can't let her just lay around like this until that shit finishes her off. I kiss her head and whisper; "I'll see you soon, baby. I love you Samantha." And leave, I can't be there when Janet 'flicks the switch'.
A cold rush runs over me in the elevator as I head for the surface, and I know.
She's gone.
And my life will never be the same again.
**
The last part, part 13, will be up very soon!