Title: Faded (1/2)
Author: Nikol
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, and since I have no money it would be quite useless suing me. Also I don't own the song Faded by soulDecision, the band does!
Warnings: Yaoi, yummy citrusness later on (That even a word? Citrusness?) Pairings: 3+4, 4x3, and implied 1x2.
Author Notes: Takes place while the pilots are on Peacemillion, and from Trowa's P.O.V. This is an old fic of mine that I have posted on MLs when they were first written. Figured I'd post it here as well.
*~* blah, blah, blah*~* = song lyrics // yadda yadda yadda// = thoughts *Gibberish* =emphasis
*~* When I get you all alone I'm gonna move it nice and close Ain't nobody gonna interrupt my game*~*
"How's the view?" It was the sound of Duo's voice that awoke me from my staring. Quickly I turned my attention away from the blond Arab that I had been watching and back to the print out in front of me. This was no way for a Gundam pilot to act, longingly lusting after a fellow pilot. But there I was doing that very act. I had fallen for the angel Quatre Raberba Winner.
When I first saw him I knew I felt something for him, but in the back of my mind a voice called out, reminding me the mission always came first. Pushing back those feelings was harder than first expected. I tired avoiding contact, but he was persistent. Quatre, the boy of a thousand questions. Where was I from? What did I do before piloting my Gundam? What did I think of the missions? Why do I do it? I rarely answered any of his questions; I enwrapped in hearing the innocent tone his voice. But I was also afraid that if I did say anything it would end up being how badly I wanted him. So I just kept my mouth closed.
That was months ago. Now every time I see Quatre, I want to take him or be taken by him. I don't care if it is in the romantic, candle-lit, kind, beautiful way that romantic idealists have as an image for their first time. Or it could be the dirty, sleazy, master-slave way as depicted in cheep paperback novels that at times could be considered as soft porn. All I knew was I wanted Quatre in the worst way.
*~* Every since you've been hanging around I've been trying to figure out What I can say to you to get some play*~*
Now he was constantly around. Given we were all around, we were all on the same ship. But it seemed that whatever corner I turned, or room I entered Quatre was there to greet me, to test me, to tease me. Of course we would have our normal friendly conversations. Actually, Quatre would talk and I would listen while trying to hid my attraction.
When one of those rare moments of solidarity found me, I spend them figuring out how to tell him how I felt. I had different versions of this. There was the romantic, down on one knee in front of his room professing how long I had been in love with him and how I only live for him. Or there was the casual, over coffee (or in Quatre's case Earl Tea) "by the way Quatre I think I love you. Could you pass the cream?" But there never really way a "casual" time between me and Quatre unless the other three were around, and I wasn't ready to tell them. The final option would be the next time I ran into him to push him against the wall, force my tongue pass his angel lips and when we came up for air to say "I want to fuck you" in a playful tone, the continue what we were doing. Personally I don't think Quatre would go for that one, but for all I know he's not as innocent as we all think he is.
*~* Couldn't we do what we did last night again Baby you and I'd be better than friends Don't you think it's time we went a bit further?*~*
"Hey Trowa! Could you help me up here?"
Quatre was calling me. His voice was coming from the cockpit of Sandrock. I hadn't said anything when I came into the hanger so I did wonder how he knew I was there. But he was calling me and I obeyed like a moth drawn to the flame.
When I got up to him the cockpit was full of diagrams and instructions about he design of Sandrock. Quatre was in the middle of it, working on an electrical panel that was just above his head. He did not notice I was there, so silently I watched him work. Admits all the papers he appeared so small. He closed the panel and noticed me there.
"Trowa..." he seemed to sigh.
"You needed my help?" I asked.
"There's some circuits out on the console behind my right shoulder. They affect the visual to the right. I need you to try to fix it for me."
"Why can't you do it?" I asked only to keep up the appearance that as a solider I felt that he should have been able to take care of this problem on his own.
"I need to see what the visual will look like from my seat. Will you help?" He said with a boyish smile.
"How will I get there?"
"The only way I could figure out would be if you straddled the seat. You don't mind that do you?"
Straddle Quatre? My body cried yes but my mind said no. I followed my body (Being male, fifteen, and with raging hormones sucks!). The task was fairly simple itself, but it did take longer then it should since I wanted to savor each second like this. And although it was complicated enough with my feelings towards the blond and me now pushed up against his soft, warm, silken skin, what happened between the repair and me getting off him bought what ever it was between us to another level.
He was going to thank me, I could tell by his face, but before he said anything his lips met mine. His lips were softer then I could image. It felt as if someone had gently moved a just opening rosebud across my lips. He had a naturally sweet taste that seeped into my mouth. Although short and awkward it was our first kiss.
When we parted I looked a little shocked but it was his verbally thanking me that brought me back around. I like to believe he thanked me for letting him kiss me but the realist in me says it was for work on the console.
*~* Every night when we say goodbye How can I help looking in your eyes Wondering why, you and I haven't hit it Can we get it on?*~*
I think I would have felt better if after the kiss Quatre acted distant around me. Distant in that "Trowa I don't know why I did that, I guess I wanted to see what it was like. It's just not for me. I'm sorry, I guess." way. At least then I could begin to tell myself I was foolish for falling for him. But that would have made my life simple, and that just couldn't be.
Instead Quatre kept his same friendly manner around me. His smile, attempts to hold small conversations, everything he use to do; nothing changed. It was driving me crazy! Couldn't Quatre just act differently so I could get to notion of the two of us out of my head? The idea that maybe Quatre actually felt the same way about me did seep into my mind, but for some reason I could comprehend that notion. Nothing in my life had ever gone right, why should this time be any different. Nonetheless our relation stayed the same.
The two of us had been working on some plans together on the next attack against the White Fang. We'd been working for hours with no breaks and little contact from anyone else on the ship. Across the table I could see that Quatre was having trouble staying awake.
"Why don't you go to bed Quatre?" I suggested, putting down the papers I had in my hand.
"We need to finish this Trowa." he yawned "and besides I'm not tired."
"It can be finished tomorrow. You look dead on your feet Quatre. Come on, I'll help you to your room." I replied standing up and walking towards him Quatre put down his paperwork and followed me towards the sleeping quarters. The two of us stopped in front of the room he and Duo shared (I had been bunking with Heero, and Wufei slept alone). Silently we stood there looking at one another. I was lost in his sleep filled eyes. With another yawn Quatre turned towards the door and began to open it. Unconsciously my hand shot out and took hold of his. He looked up at me with a puzzled looked on his face.
"I thought you wanted me to go to sleep?" He said jokingly.
In my mind I was screaming "tell him how you feel! It's the perfect time!" But I just let his hand slip out of mine. With a smile he said good night and closed the door behind him.
"Baka!" I hissed to myself
*~* I'm kinda faded but I feel alright Thinkin' about making my move tonight I can't pretend you're only my friend When you're holding my body tight *~*
"Oh my god Trowa! I'm so sorry! You okay? Duo what do you think you were doing?" Quatre yelled at the American.
"I wanted to surprise you. I guess I did that." he replied scratching the back of his head.
It had been a long day and we were all trying to relax, and for that Quatre that meant his infamous cup of tea. Moments ago he sat down across from me and began to look over some of the data reports Heero had given him. He was so immersed in the writing he didn't notice Duo sneaking up behind him. And as a mater of fact I didn't notice either because I was so intent on watching Quatre. Before I knew it I had hot tea being thrown into my lap.
I didn't move. I couldn't move. All I could wonder is how Quatre could drink anything this hot. It felt like it was burning though my pants and taking of my skin layer-by-layer Noticing what had happen Quatre immediately ran over to me with a towel and began cleaning up the mess.
//Perfect!// I thought to myself. If the hot tea wasn't bad enough to shock me, I now had Quatre on his hands and keens wiping it off my lap. I had to force myself to think about anything that did not lead back to the Arab. Damnit! He couldn't find out *how* attracted I was to him. And all the while Quatre apologized to me and yelled at Duo.
"I just wanted to lighten the situation. Those dolls are tougher than we expected. I thought we all needed to loosen up." Duo tried to explain.
"Oh my... Trowa? You okay Trowa? I am so sorry! Oh! Trowa! Trowa? Say something! Trowa?" Quatre continue to say.
"Ouch..." was all I was able to utter.
"Come on Trowa. I'll help you to your room, so you can.. ah get dry clothes on." Quatre said as he helped me stand out. I hurt to stand up.
Slowly we shuffled towards my room. He was so small. Quatre was a little angel to me. With the feeling of his arms around me made me forget all the pain I was in. As we made our way down the hall Quatre's unending line of "Are you okay Trowa?" and "I'm so sorry Trowa" continued.
He helped me to the bed and laid me down. He said the pain would lessen if my body were straight. Quatre could have said standing on my head would lessen the pain and I would it. He sat down next to me on the bed, and rubbed my arm to comfort me. And he smiled.
But this smile was different. It wasn't a friendly smile; okay so it was a friendly smile not a smile that friends exchange. It was more like one lovers gave to one another. He leaned over me so that our noses were practically touching. He moved up and little and kissed my forehead.
"I'm sorry Trowa. I would never hurt you."" he whispered, and flashed that lovers smile again.
As he left I held back a muffled cry of pain.
*~* 'Cause I like the way you're making it move I like the way your making me wait At the end of the night when I make up your mind You'll be coming on home with me*~*
"I don't see why all of a sudden you decide to change rooms." Wufei stated while leaning against a wall.
"The reason is quite simple," Quatre began to explain while carrying one of my boxes out of my old room and into his, "See lately Heero and Duo have been spending a lot of 'late nights' together." he giggled while saying this, "Duo has also publicly stated there is no end in sight and it would be convenient if they shared a room. Since three people in one of these rooms would make it crowed Trowa will be moving in with me."
I love it when he takes control of a situation. Many had though him to be the weakest of us five, but in reality he had been the only one who can organize a plan that all of us will agree to follow. And he had done it once again with the rearrangement on the rooms, so I was not kicked out of my own room every night. Not only was I happy about that, but also this also meant there was a possibility to tell Quatre how I felt without all of Peacemillion finding out at once.
Since none of us had many belonging on the ship, it did not take long to get everyone resituated. In our room, Quatre climbed up to the bunk and flopped down on the mattress. "I hope you don't mind, but I like being on top." Quatre told me. If my mind had been in other places at the time, that single phrase could have taken on an entirely different meaning.
"Not at all." I said climbing into my new bed.
"Trowa?"
"Yes Quatre?"
"I was wondering," I could see his small figure fidget above me, "what will you do when the war is over?"
"I don't know."
"Do you think you will fall in love at some point?"
My heart cried out. It said "tell him!" I wanted to too, with all my being. I closed my eyes to think about what I should say. I still don't know why I said what I did when I did.
"I think I have." I heard myself say.
"Oh." he sounded disappointed; he sounded sad, "How well do you know her?" he somberly asked next.
"I think I know him better then I know anyone else, even myself." I said, putting a little bit of emphasis on "him" in that it hinted it was Quatre. At first I didn't think he heard me, but I saw his weight shifted to the side of the bed. His small face appeared above me with a playful look.
"Is that so..."
TBC...
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, and since I have no money it would be quite useless suing me. Also I don't own the song Faded by soulDecision, the band does!
Warnings: Yaoi, yummy citrusness later on (That even a word? Citrusness?) Pairings: 3+4, 4x3, and implied 1x2.
Author Notes: Takes place while the pilots are on Peacemillion, and from Trowa's P.O.V. This is an old fic of mine that I have posted on MLs when they were first written. Figured I'd post it here as well.
*~* blah, blah, blah*~* = song lyrics // yadda yadda yadda// = thoughts *Gibberish* =emphasis
*~* When I get you all alone I'm gonna move it nice and close Ain't nobody gonna interrupt my game*~*
"How's the view?" It was the sound of Duo's voice that awoke me from my staring. Quickly I turned my attention away from the blond Arab that I had been watching and back to the print out in front of me. This was no way for a Gundam pilot to act, longingly lusting after a fellow pilot. But there I was doing that very act. I had fallen for the angel Quatre Raberba Winner.
When I first saw him I knew I felt something for him, but in the back of my mind a voice called out, reminding me the mission always came first. Pushing back those feelings was harder than first expected. I tired avoiding contact, but he was persistent. Quatre, the boy of a thousand questions. Where was I from? What did I do before piloting my Gundam? What did I think of the missions? Why do I do it? I rarely answered any of his questions; I enwrapped in hearing the innocent tone his voice. But I was also afraid that if I did say anything it would end up being how badly I wanted him. So I just kept my mouth closed.
That was months ago. Now every time I see Quatre, I want to take him or be taken by him. I don't care if it is in the romantic, candle-lit, kind, beautiful way that romantic idealists have as an image for their first time. Or it could be the dirty, sleazy, master-slave way as depicted in cheep paperback novels that at times could be considered as soft porn. All I knew was I wanted Quatre in the worst way.
*~* Every since you've been hanging around I've been trying to figure out What I can say to you to get some play*~*
Now he was constantly around. Given we were all around, we were all on the same ship. But it seemed that whatever corner I turned, or room I entered Quatre was there to greet me, to test me, to tease me. Of course we would have our normal friendly conversations. Actually, Quatre would talk and I would listen while trying to hid my attraction.
When one of those rare moments of solidarity found me, I spend them figuring out how to tell him how I felt. I had different versions of this. There was the romantic, down on one knee in front of his room professing how long I had been in love with him and how I only live for him. Or there was the casual, over coffee (or in Quatre's case Earl Tea) "by the way Quatre I think I love you. Could you pass the cream?" But there never really way a "casual" time between me and Quatre unless the other three were around, and I wasn't ready to tell them. The final option would be the next time I ran into him to push him against the wall, force my tongue pass his angel lips and when we came up for air to say "I want to fuck you" in a playful tone, the continue what we were doing. Personally I don't think Quatre would go for that one, but for all I know he's not as innocent as we all think he is.
*~* Couldn't we do what we did last night again Baby you and I'd be better than friends Don't you think it's time we went a bit further?*~*
"Hey Trowa! Could you help me up here?"
Quatre was calling me. His voice was coming from the cockpit of Sandrock. I hadn't said anything when I came into the hanger so I did wonder how he knew I was there. But he was calling me and I obeyed like a moth drawn to the flame.
When I got up to him the cockpit was full of diagrams and instructions about he design of Sandrock. Quatre was in the middle of it, working on an electrical panel that was just above his head. He did not notice I was there, so silently I watched him work. Admits all the papers he appeared so small. He closed the panel and noticed me there.
"Trowa..." he seemed to sigh.
"You needed my help?" I asked.
"There's some circuits out on the console behind my right shoulder. They affect the visual to the right. I need you to try to fix it for me."
"Why can't you do it?" I asked only to keep up the appearance that as a solider I felt that he should have been able to take care of this problem on his own.
"I need to see what the visual will look like from my seat. Will you help?" He said with a boyish smile.
"How will I get there?"
"The only way I could figure out would be if you straddled the seat. You don't mind that do you?"
Straddle Quatre? My body cried yes but my mind said no. I followed my body (Being male, fifteen, and with raging hormones sucks!). The task was fairly simple itself, but it did take longer then it should since I wanted to savor each second like this. And although it was complicated enough with my feelings towards the blond and me now pushed up against his soft, warm, silken skin, what happened between the repair and me getting off him bought what ever it was between us to another level.
He was going to thank me, I could tell by his face, but before he said anything his lips met mine. His lips were softer then I could image. It felt as if someone had gently moved a just opening rosebud across my lips. He had a naturally sweet taste that seeped into my mouth. Although short and awkward it was our first kiss.
When we parted I looked a little shocked but it was his verbally thanking me that brought me back around. I like to believe he thanked me for letting him kiss me but the realist in me says it was for work on the console.
*~* Every night when we say goodbye How can I help looking in your eyes Wondering why, you and I haven't hit it Can we get it on?*~*
I think I would have felt better if after the kiss Quatre acted distant around me. Distant in that "Trowa I don't know why I did that, I guess I wanted to see what it was like. It's just not for me. I'm sorry, I guess." way. At least then I could begin to tell myself I was foolish for falling for him. But that would have made my life simple, and that just couldn't be.
Instead Quatre kept his same friendly manner around me. His smile, attempts to hold small conversations, everything he use to do; nothing changed. It was driving me crazy! Couldn't Quatre just act differently so I could get to notion of the two of us out of my head? The idea that maybe Quatre actually felt the same way about me did seep into my mind, but for some reason I could comprehend that notion. Nothing in my life had ever gone right, why should this time be any different. Nonetheless our relation stayed the same.
The two of us had been working on some plans together on the next attack against the White Fang. We'd been working for hours with no breaks and little contact from anyone else on the ship. Across the table I could see that Quatre was having trouble staying awake.
"Why don't you go to bed Quatre?" I suggested, putting down the papers I had in my hand.
"We need to finish this Trowa." he yawned "and besides I'm not tired."
"It can be finished tomorrow. You look dead on your feet Quatre. Come on, I'll help you to your room." I replied standing up and walking towards him Quatre put down his paperwork and followed me towards the sleeping quarters. The two of us stopped in front of the room he and Duo shared (I had been bunking with Heero, and Wufei slept alone). Silently we stood there looking at one another. I was lost in his sleep filled eyes. With another yawn Quatre turned towards the door and began to open it. Unconsciously my hand shot out and took hold of his. He looked up at me with a puzzled looked on his face.
"I thought you wanted me to go to sleep?" He said jokingly.
In my mind I was screaming "tell him how you feel! It's the perfect time!" But I just let his hand slip out of mine. With a smile he said good night and closed the door behind him.
"Baka!" I hissed to myself
*~* I'm kinda faded but I feel alright Thinkin' about making my move tonight I can't pretend you're only my friend When you're holding my body tight *~*
"Oh my god Trowa! I'm so sorry! You okay? Duo what do you think you were doing?" Quatre yelled at the American.
"I wanted to surprise you. I guess I did that." he replied scratching the back of his head.
It had been a long day and we were all trying to relax, and for that Quatre that meant his infamous cup of tea. Moments ago he sat down across from me and began to look over some of the data reports Heero had given him. He was so immersed in the writing he didn't notice Duo sneaking up behind him. And as a mater of fact I didn't notice either because I was so intent on watching Quatre. Before I knew it I had hot tea being thrown into my lap.
I didn't move. I couldn't move. All I could wonder is how Quatre could drink anything this hot. It felt like it was burning though my pants and taking of my skin layer-by-layer Noticing what had happen Quatre immediately ran over to me with a towel and began cleaning up the mess.
//Perfect!// I thought to myself. If the hot tea wasn't bad enough to shock me, I now had Quatre on his hands and keens wiping it off my lap. I had to force myself to think about anything that did not lead back to the Arab. Damnit! He couldn't find out *how* attracted I was to him. And all the while Quatre apologized to me and yelled at Duo.
"I just wanted to lighten the situation. Those dolls are tougher than we expected. I thought we all needed to loosen up." Duo tried to explain.
"Oh my... Trowa? You okay Trowa? I am so sorry! Oh! Trowa! Trowa? Say something! Trowa?" Quatre continue to say.
"Ouch..." was all I was able to utter.
"Come on Trowa. I'll help you to your room, so you can.. ah get dry clothes on." Quatre said as he helped me stand out. I hurt to stand up.
Slowly we shuffled towards my room. He was so small. Quatre was a little angel to me. With the feeling of his arms around me made me forget all the pain I was in. As we made our way down the hall Quatre's unending line of "Are you okay Trowa?" and "I'm so sorry Trowa" continued.
He helped me to the bed and laid me down. He said the pain would lessen if my body were straight. Quatre could have said standing on my head would lessen the pain and I would it. He sat down next to me on the bed, and rubbed my arm to comfort me. And he smiled.
But this smile was different. It wasn't a friendly smile; okay so it was a friendly smile not a smile that friends exchange. It was more like one lovers gave to one another. He leaned over me so that our noses were practically touching. He moved up and little and kissed my forehead.
"I'm sorry Trowa. I would never hurt you."" he whispered, and flashed that lovers smile again.
As he left I held back a muffled cry of pain.
*~* 'Cause I like the way you're making it move I like the way your making me wait At the end of the night when I make up your mind You'll be coming on home with me*~*
"I don't see why all of a sudden you decide to change rooms." Wufei stated while leaning against a wall.
"The reason is quite simple," Quatre began to explain while carrying one of my boxes out of my old room and into his, "See lately Heero and Duo have been spending a lot of 'late nights' together." he giggled while saying this, "Duo has also publicly stated there is no end in sight and it would be convenient if they shared a room. Since three people in one of these rooms would make it crowed Trowa will be moving in with me."
I love it when he takes control of a situation. Many had though him to be the weakest of us five, but in reality he had been the only one who can organize a plan that all of us will agree to follow. And he had done it once again with the rearrangement on the rooms, so I was not kicked out of my own room every night. Not only was I happy about that, but also this also meant there was a possibility to tell Quatre how I felt without all of Peacemillion finding out at once.
Since none of us had many belonging on the ship, it did not take long to get everyone resituated. In our room, Quatre climbed up to the bunk and flopped down on the mattress. "I hope you don't mind, but I like being on top." Quatre told me. If my mind had been in other places at the time, that single phrase could have taken on an entirely different meaning.
"Not at all." I said climbing into my new bed.
"Trowa?"
"Yes Quatre?"
"I was wondering," I could see his small figure fidget above me, "what will you do when the war is over?"
"I don't know."
"Do you think you will fall in love at some point?"
My heart cried out. It said "tell him!" I wanted to too, with all my being. I closed my eyes to think about what I should say. I still don't know why I said what I did when I did.
"I think I have." I heard myself say.
"Oh." he sounded disappointed; he sounded sad, "How well do you know her?" he somberly asked next.
"I think I know him better then I know anyone else, even myself." I said, putting a little bit of emphasis on "him" in that it hinted it was Quatre. At first I didn't think he heard me, but I saw his weight shifted to the side of the bed. His small face appeared above me with a playful look.
"Is that so..."
TBC...