A/N: Sorry for the long wait in chapter posty-ness. I had a little
trouble convincing my mom that a 55 really wasn't THAT bad a grade in
math. Finally managed yesterday. But now I won't be able to post this
until after vacation, February 24th to be precise. (Which for you it is
now, or after, but for me its still break.) And now I'm having
problems because I got inspiration for this other fic so I'm majorly
side-tracked by this stupid Harry Potter idea. It didn't help that they
didn't show IZ on Sunday! Doom on Nick! DOOM THEM!
But on a much, much, much, much, much lighter note, I finally did it. I
finally went out and bought it, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. But I
only had enough money for the first five issues! *sad* MUST... BUY...
MORE! There are only seven right? Of JtHM? And then there's Squee and
I Feel Sick, right? I'm thinking about actually getting a job at the
supermarket to ya know, buy stuff. Is it a good idea?
I officially love Nny.
Disclaimer: ...If I owned Invader Zim I'd be a dysfunctional comic book
writing young man. Last time I checked, I was female. The other labels
apply though, so I might just have missed something.
Chapter 10...In which Dib has a panic attack, Buntch and Koil converse,
Gir tries to be helpful, and Kiir takes up a career as a WHAT? Oh, and
the moment that I know you've all been waiting for...
"But, that's impossible! I mean, of course I'm human! How could I not
be? My parents are human!" Dib was definitely upset. Not exactly scared
or angry, or anything like that, just shocked. Almost disbelieving,
which was a first for him. But it was ridiculous, wasn't it? How could
he not be human?
"I don't know how Dib, I just know what. Or more specifically, what
not. What you not. Are not," Zim said, at last managing to construct
a coherent thought.
"But I look human! Don't I? Don't I?" His eyes were wide behind his
glasses. "Wait a minute, why am I asking you? You think a wig and
contacts look human. GAZ! Oh, wait, I'm not at home. Hehehe," his
tense laughter turned into a nervous giggle.
"Just, calm down Dib, you're having hysterics," Zim said.
"Calm? Who's not calm?! I'M CALM!" he said quite uncalmly, grabbing
Zim's shirt, he did it not so much for effect as that he was becoming
quite dizzy.
***
Zim put his hand on the boy's shoulder. He KNEW he should have waited
to tell him. Dib still probably had traces of the fever delirium.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid. "Dib, listen to me. You're still sick. You
need to lie back down." He spoke slowly and hoped his voice would sound
reassuring and rational.
It must have worked because Dib's manic expression was replaced by a
very worried, scarred, almost hurt expression.
Zim felt terrible. Please don't cry Dib, he thought desperately. That
is the last thing I need to happen. "Come on, just seat yourself back
on the medi-slab, er," yes Zim, medi-slab sounds sooo reassuring, "Bed.
Sit on the bed."
Gently Zim motioned for him to sit down, keeping a hand out to make
sure the boy didn't fall. Dib wobbled a bit but managed to seat himself.
Dib leaned down and buried his face in his hands pushing his glasses
up to his forehead and scattering more of his already fly away black
hair.
Zim winced. "If you continue to expend energy this way Dib, you will
become comatose."
"He lied to me," he hissed, face sill concealed.
Zim furrowed his brow, "Who lied to you?"
Dib looked up. "My father. I asked him once, when I was younger, and
he told me I was human." He sighed, fixing his glasses back on his nose
and running a hand through his hair.
"...maybe he didn't know?" Zim attempted cautiously.
He snorted derisively and fell back on the pillows with a thump.
"Yeah. Right. Like my dad, the top scientist in the world isn't going
to know if his own son is human or not."
"Perhaps he kept the information from you to spare your feelings," he
tried. Good, Dib was laying down now.
"Zim, my Dad doesn't care one way or the other about me OR Gaz. He
just told me that because he didn't want me to know the truth. Whatever
the truth is."
The Irken didn't quite know what he could say to this. Professor
Membrane had actually seemed pretty oblivious of anything resembling
reality the few times Zim had met him. It could have been an act of
course but... "...I'm sorry."
"Phhh, it's not your fault. As soon as you let me go home though I'm
going to find out exactly what's going on." The determined edge that
Zim had heard so frequently over the years had come back into Dib's
voice.
Zim squinted an eye. "When I let you go home?"
"You said you were going to keep me here until I was well, didn't
you?"
"Well, yes," he agreed.
"You're probably right about me needing to rest anyway, and it's not
like I could get out if I tried. Besides, you had plenty of time to do
all sorts of nasty things while I was out cold, if you had wanted to,
and you didn't," Dib took a deep breath, "I trust you." He paused.
"There, I said it."
Zim stood dumbfounded, staring at Dib as though he had two heads and
one of them was a moose. "...you trust me?"
He shrugged. "Yeah, why not? I mean hey, I haven't got anybody else
to trust. I ought to at least trust my one friend."
"...I trust you as well Dib."
There was a moment of silence.
"...Hey, Zim, I'm actually kind of bored, is there anything to do
around here?"
He thought a moment. "Well, if you promise that you will not over
exert yourself we could play Political Smackdown 2."
Dib seemed surprised. "I didn't know you had a GS3."
Zim grinned wryly. "Do you joke? You know how expensive that would
be? I have better things to waste your earth-monies on."
"Then how are we going to play Political Smackdown?"
"I downloaded an emulator off the internet."
"But, that's illegal. I want to play as Lincoln."
Zim smirked. "And I will play Sadaam Hussein. Computer, let the
smacking, BEGIN!"
***
Koil had watched a hour of when 'small furry creatures attack 7', ten
minutes of a Spanish soap opera, half of a made for TV horror movie,
a game show called 'Beat the Geeks', and several hours of a marathon on
the 'cartoon network'.
The cartoon in question, the one which had been marathoned, was a
strange tale in which people spoke without their lips moving at the
correct time and disproportioned human girls ran around in very brief
attire shouting something about love, justice and the moon. It was all
very entertaining. Koil had apparently tuned into the first episode
and it had so caught her interest that she was still watching, twelve
hours later. It was very...appropriate, ironic even.
You had not reported back in many hours, I was becoming agitated.
Koil jumped several feet in surprise and whirled around to glare at
Buntch. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She paused.
"This body isn't made for our language; I will have to speak in human."
The tall, orange creature shrugged, a fluid, graceful motion that
traveled all the way down his figure.
The alien, still in guise of a dumpy older woman, sat back down.
"Count yourself lucky that it is still a commercial. Otherwise I might
have been more cross with you."
Buntch would have raised an eyebrow, if he'd had one. You are
studying human society I see, he said with heavy tones of irony.
She pursed her lips. "Yes, and you ought to be as well. I have an
assignment for you. Go take a walk and don't come back until-" she
picked up the TV guide and leafed through it. "ten p.m."
Her companion seemed somewhat offended.
"And you'll need a new form. The one you picked was neither effective
or pleasing."
You have one to suggest I assume.
"Take my appendage." She reached over and touched Buntch.
The orange monster melted and coalesced into something else; a tall,
slender human man with golden hair and blue eyes, wearing grey slacks,
a green button down shirt and sunglasses.
Now Buntch did raise an eyebrow. "A human from your research I
suppose," he said coolly.
"Something like that," she agreed. "Call yourself Jason Dite. Now go,
Sailor Moon is back on."
The blonde smirked and faded out.
***
Kiir sat on the couch, drumming her fingers on the arm boredly. It
had been almost an entire day since Zim had chased her out of the room
when Dib woke up. It had been midnight then and now it was
mid-afternoon. She was tired of watching television. She'd watched a
little of some cartoon with energy draining aliens in human form but
the irony was a little heavier than she was comfortable with. And
besides, the show was stupid. Love and justice, Bah.
She stood up, causing Gir, who had been perched annoyingly on her lap
for the last six hours to fall down.
"Owwwww..." the robot whined, rubbing its head.
"Stow it tin can, tell Zim I'm going out if he asks."
"Okay!"
She rolled her eyes and sauntered out, slamming the door behind her
and walked out into the yard, and into a rainstorm.
"...skragg," she growled and yanked the door back open. She stalked
back inside. "Hey, is there an umbrella anywhere around?"
Gir looked up from playing with his pig. "Ummmmm, I donno. Wanna
borrow my piggy?" he asked 'helpfully'. "My piggy can keep you
waaaaaaaaaaarm!"
"Ah...no thanks, I'll pass."
His face fell. "Oh, you made piggy sad. Give him a hug to cheer him
up!" Gir jumped to his feet waving the squeaky toy. "HUG MY PIGGY!!"
"No." Why in the name of anything remotely non-toxic had Zim not
torn that thing apart for scrap metal long ago?
"Please?" he gave her a wide eyed sad puppy face.
Kiir sighed and grabbed the piggy. She gave the thing a quick half
hearted hug. "There, happy?"
Gir grabbed his toy back. "See piggy, I told you she loved you!"
The former rebel commander twitched. "You know, maybe I'll just go
out without an umbrella." It wasn't as if it would kill her. That was
one of the good things about not being fully Irken, she wasn't allergic
to water, well, not violently. An hour of swimming in it might give her
a rash but that was it. And who in their right mind would go swimming
in water anyway?
She turned around to go and walked straight into Gir who had
apparently moved while she wasn't looking.
"Um..." the little robot said unsurely. "Um...." He was holding
something behind his back.
She looked down and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"
He held up an umbrella from behind his back. It was white and covered
with pictures of some hideous monkey thing. "You can borrow mine."
Kiir furrowed her brow. "Um, thanks," she said taking it. Was the
robot...blushing? Weird. "Thanks a lot." she nodded.
"YOU'RE WELCOME!" the robot shrieked happily, hugging her around
the legs and then pranced off.
Kiir shook her head, that was one strange little robot. She turned
and walked out the door, popping the creepy-looking umbrella as she
went, glad that she wouldn't be getting wet after all.
She had been feeling like she was suffocating, staying in that house
for so long; especially right after that stupid six month trip she'd
just been on. It was all her Uncle Purple's fault. If she ever saw him
in person again she'd shoot him and skragg the consequences!
She wandered down the street lost in thought, not really paying
attention to where she was going. She didn't have to worry about not
being able to find her way back because she had the computer in her
optic enhancers mapping her route.
She sighed. Her ship wasn't anywhere near repaired, she'd checked
Zim's repair bay just before she'd left. It might take as long as a
month for all of the sensitive equipment to be fixed. That was the
problem with Voot technology. It was really sophisticated and really
difficult to damage in any significant way, but if it did happen to
take any major breakage you were better off just buying a new one
instead of trying to fix it. It would be faster, cheaper, and a frakk
less of a headache.
But she couldn't buy a new one, not on Earth, and Earth was where she
was stuck. As soon as her Cruiser was done though she was so getting
out. She had a the pieces of her rebellion to start. It probably
wouldn't be hard now to convince Zim to come with her and help her
either, now that he knew what the Tallest had done to him. Not like he
was back in the academy the last time she'd tried to get him to join
the Underground. But not even promises of co-rulership could win him
over back then. He was too loyal to his empire. Sure he'd wanted to
rule it but for some reason he'd always insisted that he was going to
become Tallest legitimately. Like that was ever going to happen.
Funny thing was though; he seemed to have grown since she'd last
seen him, a lot. He was almost as tall as she was. She hadn't said
anything yet, since well there was no way he couldn't have noticed and
it wasn't the sort of thing you mentioned in conversation anyway
without being considered rude.
She was getting off on a tangent. So, when the Cruiser was fixed
she'd skip the planet, hopefully with Zim in tow. The two of them
together would be enough to give her uncle and Red nightmares for
years. In fact they probably already HAD nightmares about it. The only
tricky part would be convincing Zim to leave his little Earth boyfriend
for some serious Empire conquering. Frakk, why did she even need to?
There was no reason they couldn't bring the kid along. If his alien
chasing hobby was any indication he'd probably jump at the chance to
get off his planet. There was no reason Zim couldn't bring him. It
wasn't as if Kiir was jealous. Their relationship had been over for a
long time.
So there was no problem. Oh, no wait. She'd have to convince Dib to
leave the planet despite the fact that it seemed to be under attack
from scary orange guys. Well, that shouldn't be too hard. Just appeal
to the kid's sense of self preservation.
***
Buntch, or rather 'Jason' strolled idly down the street. He wasn't
quite sure what Koil expected him to be doing but he supposed that it
didn't really matter. After all, it was happening the same way that it
always did when Koil was in charge, she was getting sidetracked. She
just wasn't cut out for what they were doing. She should have gone into
socio-archeology not-
But that wasn't the point. The point was she had once again thrust
him into a foreign environment and expected him to get the job
done while she entertained herself. And it was precipitating! Why
couldn't she have sent him out while it was dry instead of when liquid
droplets were falling from the sky?
He was wet! He hated being wet. He needed to go in somewhere to get
not wet. But where? Didn't these creatures have some sort of indoor
public place? He almost wished he'd been paying attention when Koil
had been lecturing him of the planet. Almost.
But he was sure he could find some place by himself. How hard could
it be? He looked from left to right as he walk trying to find some
place that looked as if it was open to the public.
He didn't see the human until he'd already knocked her over.
***
"OW!!" Kiir growled as she was knocked the ground and into a puddle.
She'd been so busy thinking up new recruiting ploys for the Irken
Underground (or should she change the name? Maybe the Coalition for a
Liberated Empire?) that she hadn't seen the guy until he barreled into
her. Now she was on her ass in a puddle. Her antennae bobbed from the
force of her fall. "You skragging jerk! Why don't you watch where
you're going?!"
He stooped down and peered at her. "I am sorry, miss-" he reached out
a hand to help her up.
"Yeah, well you better be," she snarled, shoving him away and
standing up by herself. "Because now I am all frakking wet and I'm
going to have to go back and change before I get skragging rash, so I
hope you're happy!"
The man seemed taken aback. "...You're not human."
Now it was Kiir's turn to be surprised. "What?"
The man frowned. "No, you're definitely not human."
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. She knew this was going to happen she just
knew it. What was she supposed to do now? She snorted. "Ya know what?
You're right. I'm not human." She reached down to her belt and pulled
a blaster lazer the size of her arm and three times as thick out of
hyperspace where she kept it stored. It was her personal weapon, her
custom Godslayer X-1000. "I'm not human," she repeated. "What are you
going to do about it?"
The skin melted off the guy as he lunged at her revealing gangly,
orange limbs and staring white eyes.
"SKRAGG!" she shouted, rolling out of the way of his attack. It was
one of the things that Zim had been talking about. Narrowly missing
cracking her skull on a trashcan she fired two electric violet blasts
up at the thing.
They hit him and he reeled backwards. And then it paused for a split
second and ways gone.
Kiir climbed to her feet, breathing heavily, and grinning. She missed
being in action. Her eyes darted around the scene and she took two
steps backwards. Had it just left?
The hairs on the back of her neck pricked up and she whirled around,
just as the thing materialized behind her, about to grab her. She
pulled the trigger.
A heavy blast at close range sent the Orange stumbling backwards and
she shot off six more bolts before it managed to regain its balance
enough to disappear again.
Kiir whirled around aiming her lazer at anything that looked like it
might possibly move. She glared.
Then she saw him, in the guise of the blonde man again, dashing down
the street very fast. She took off after him. But why the hell was he
running when he could do that teleport thing?
She wasn't catching up to him but she wasn't losing ground either.
Then suddenly he stopped and grabbed a teenage girl as she and several
others emerged from a restaurant. Skragg!
The girl screamed, so did her friends as once again the blonde turned
orange. If what Zim said was true then she had only a few seconds.
"GET CLEAR!" she shouted to the humans. It was going to be tricky,
hitting the Orange and not the victim, but if she didn't do anything
the girl was dead anyway. And Kiir was the best, frakk luckiest, most
reckless sharpshooter the academy had turned out in seven centuries.
She pulled the trigger ten times in quick succession.
All ten bolts hit the alien monster. It gave a demonic shriek and
lurched backwards dropping the girl to the pavement. It was bleeding,
or something. Yellow goo was issuing forth from a wound in its chest
and dripping to the pavement. It stood hunched over, wavering, and
dripping. The girls were huddled in a corner frozen with fear and
watching transfixed. And there were more people watching, she heard
sirens and there was somebody with a camera and a woman with a
microphone.
All this Kiir took in, in a second as she repositioned her aim and
fired again, and ag- the second time she pulled the trigger nothing
happened. Her eyes widened She'd forgotten to recharge the thing.
"Oh SKRAGG!!"
The orange had regained its wind, from a crouching leap it sprang
up at her like some sort of an animal, and at the ends of it's
appendages were now sharp, wicked looking claws. Kiir tried to leap
away, but didn't manage, the thing was on top of her. They were on the
pavement each trying to get control. Kiir felt some of her strength
slipping from her. She struggled to get the plasma blade from her belt.
The sirens were closer now, and she heard shouting.
"NO! Don't shoot!" one of the girls was yelling to someone, "you'll
hit-"
But her senses were become fuzzy, tuning in and out like a bad
television. She could feel the thing on top of her. She knew she was
going to die. She was going to die without ever having ruled an empire.
It just wasn't fair. But, SHE WAS NOT GOING TO LET IT END LIKE THIS!!
Like a miracle she found the handle of her blade and pulled it
sharply upwards as she activated it with a 'snap-hiss' She felt it
connect with something and heard the wail of the creature.
With a tremendous amount of force she pushed the monster off of her
and stood, vision clearing. She saw the Orange sprawled on the pavement,
one of its limbs lying beside it. Kiir took a step forward. She'd
finish it off.
But then with out a noise it disappeared arm and all. Grinning she
realized that this time it wasn't coming back.
The crowd broke out in applause, several people, most notably the
woman with the microphone rushed up and started asking questions.
"Sir, sir! I'm with channel 12 news, would you mind answering some
questions? What was that thing? Who are you? Are you a super hero? How
does it feel to have saved those girls?" she shoved the microphone in
the alien's face.
Kiir took a step backwards. "Whoa, whoa hold on a minute." In her
mind she was running over all the scenarios. What was she supposed to
tell these people. On the one hand she shouldn't expose herself, on
the other hand they were hailing her as a hero, and that was really
good for her ego. Wait a sec, had that human called a SIR? "I'm, very
glad I managed to get here in time to save those girls, I'm just sorry
I couldn't react faster. That thing was an 'Orange,' a race of deadly
aliens from another galaxy that go around draining life energy. They're
very dangerous and I recommend you stay away from them." She flashed a
winning smile. "As for me you can call me the, uh," Cosmic Avenger? No.
The Green Comet? No. She grinned at the camera. "Starshock."
There was much murmuring.
"Starshock, where do you come from, do you have any special
powers? Is there any way people can contact you?"
"I'm afraid I can't answer those questions at this time, miss
reporter, security issues, you understand. But don't worry, I'll be
around in the event of another attack."
"Do you expect another attack soon? What advice do you have for the
public?"
"These creatures are very dangerous, they can look like any one or
any thing, but they're not very smart so be on guard."
The girl who'd been attacked was now standing and launched herself
at Kiir wrapping her arms around her. "Oh, thank you for saving me
Mr. Starshock!" she squealed excitedly.
MR Starshock? The girl thought she was male. Probably the rest of
them did too. She must not look very female in human respects. Well,
she was noticeably lacking the fatty tissue that human girls had on
their chests. Oh well, why bother disillusioning them? "It was my
pleasure Miss-?"
"Melanie, Melanie Laurel. Can I have you're autograph, please?" the
little brunette girl was practically hopping up and down. Kiir hated
to disappoint her but-
"Hey, calm down, if you over exert yourself you could wind up in a
coma. You need to take it easy for a couple of days. Stay home from
Skool." Kiir smiled. "I'd love to give you an autograph Melanie, but I
don't have anything to write with, or on for that matter."
Melanie's face fell but one of her friends rummaged in her purse and
brought out a green permanent marker and handed it to her.
"You can write on my shirt," she said hopefully pressing the marker
into Kiir's hands. The shirt was pink with a violet heart on it.
"Okay. Turn around," she said indulgently. Melanie turned around and
Kiir scribbled 'To my first fan Melanie, your hero, Starshock'. "There
we go." She read it to her.
Melanie giggled. "Thank you."
'Starshock' turned to the reporter again. "Now, if you'll all excuse
me I must be off." ...but how was she going to get away with out anyone
following her? Besides, walking away wasn't nearly dramatic enough for
a superhero. Which she was now. Wait, since she was a superhero she
could use her jet boots. She smirked and turned them on.
Small but powerful boosters fired from the bottoms of her boots and
the crowd 'ooooo'ed and 'ahhhhh'ed as she rose into the air and jetted
off.
***
Even though it was past four o'clock in the afternoon Dib was still
asleep. Partly, Zim supposed, because of the drain on his system,
partly from the revelation that he wasn't human, and partly because he
had stayed up until three a.m. playing Political. Zim hadn't slept at
all, since he didn't really need to and he was busy making sure that
Dib's life signs stayed stable. He'd also been running computer
simulations to see if maybe Dib could be the result of some sort of
human genetic mutation and at the same time running a check to see if
it was a variant of any extraterrestrial DNA. He hadn't found a single
match, not even anything remotely close.
It seemed like he must be completely genetically unique. It was almost
as if Dib was had been created from the complex proteins up, using
humans as nothing more than a physical model. But it would take a
genius geneticist to do that, even the bio-labs of Irk might have had
trouble designing the complexities of Dib's gene structure. The computer
had certainly taken a long time figuring it out.
Zim stared at the readouts on the screen, the only sound in the room
was Dib's soft breathing. This was pointless, Zim thought, I'm not
going to find a match. There's only one person who might possibly know
what exactly Dib is and that's his 'father' Professor Membrane. The
Irken turned his chair and gazed at the slumbering form on the bed. Dib
looked peaceful now, much more so now that he was actually sleeping
rather than unconscious. The large glasses that usually obscured most of
his face were set on the control panel next to the cot. He looked
different without them on, somehow less aloof and more tangible.
Zim sighed. It wasn't good for him to keep thinking along those lines.
It might lead him to do something stupid, something he'd most likely
regret. He turned his chair back around to face the monitor. "Computer,
turn on an Earth broadcast."
The screen snapped to intercept television broadcasts and Zim
discovered to his disgust that the Scary Monkey Show was on. He was
about to tell the computer to change the channel when the 'regularly
scheduled program' was interrupted.
"This is Kathy Chatterfield bringing you a special news bulletin. I'm
here in the downtown area where only moments ago a very strange attack
took place. A horrible orange alien creature attacked an innocent group
of girls and attempted to drain their energy."
Zim stared at the screen. The Oranges were on the news? How reckless
could they have been? Zim must have attempted a thousand very public
takeovers and only one or two, such as the Peepi and Santa incidents,
had ever been noticed by the human media.
"Luckily it seems that a real live superhero was on the scene to
avert disaster. We have this footage from the attack."
A superhero? That was absolute nonsense. Humans didn't really get
super powers, it was all comic book bull-
Zim's jaw dropped. "KIIR?" he demanded incredulously of the monitor.
It was just that idiot's luck to have run into the Oranges. Hadn't Gir
said a while ago that she was going out. He watched he beat up the
monster, rather impressed, and jealous, that she had done do well.
"Afterward the unknown hero was kind enough to give us an interview."
"You can call me, uh, Starshock," the Kiir on the monitor said.
Zim snorted.
"Mr. Starshock, can I have your autograph, please?"
He couldn't help it. Zim broke out into a raucous fit of laughter,
pounding the arm of the chair. It was just too funny. They thought,
they thought Kiir was MALE!! Never mind what had possessed her to go
along with the superhero idea in the first place, it was just, just
so perfectly hilarious!
Through his hysterics Zim heard a yawn.
"Zim? What's so funny?"
Still snickering and snorting Zim turned around. "Take a look," he
gestured to the screen.
Dib put on his glasses and peered at the broadcast. "Is that, Kiir?"
He smirked. "Yes."
"What is she doing?" he demanded.
"She ran into one of the Oranges and somebody called the news.
They think she's a superhero. A male superhero." He grinned again.
"And she's going along with it?" Dib asked incredulously.
"Looks like it." They watched Kiir sign the girl's shirt and then
fly off. Then they had an interview with the girl.
"I just know I'd be dead if Starshock hadn't saved me. And he was so
handsome, too! I think those antennae he had were sooo cute. I bet he's
from another planet. I wonder if he has a girlfriend."
Dib and Zim both snickered.
"There you have it folks, the city's own alien crusader. When will he
be back? When will this strange new evil strike again? Now back to you,
Bob."
"Turn it off, computer," Zim commanded. "Now that is amusing."
"Well, I suppose she IS a hero, for saving that girl," Dib mused.
"And she does have superhuman powers, so I think that technically means
she can call herself a superhero if she wants. Do you think it's a one
time incident or will she keep going with it?"
"Kiir? She'll milk it for all it's worth until she gets bored with
it. She never could say no to fans. She'll probably come back full of
herself and make herself a cape." Zim chuckled.
"She's had fans before?" he asked.
Zim nodded. "Oh sure, as a rebel leader she had all sorts of idiots
hanging over her every word and move."
"Huh." Dib yawned again and looked around. "Don't you have a clock in
here? It's absolutely impossible to tell what time it is."
"It's almost five in the evening I'm afraid you sleeping schedule may
be a little thrown off."
Dib sighed and laid back on the pillows with his arms crossed behind
his head.
***
He yawned again and looked up at the ceiling. He felt well rested,
but still weak. He could imagine what would have happened if he'd
insisted on going to school. He'd probably have fallen down the stairs
and broken his neck. He was also worried about what would happen if the
Oranges attacked him again. He'd probably die even faster if it was
before he'd fully recovered.
"Zim," he said tentatively voicing his thoughts, "if they attacked
me again I'd die, wouldn't I?"
"No," the Irken said without looking up.
"No?" Dib asked, surprised. "You mean because I'm not human?"
"No, it is simply because I would not allow them to bring harm to you.
I stated yesterday that your death was not an event I wished to occur."
Now Zim looked up at him. "You dare accuse Zim of lies?"
"No!" he replied hastily, "of course not. I wouldn't want you to die
either. I don't think, I ever really did either," he admitted. "Not for
a really long time. You know what? I think we've really been friends
all these years without knowing it."
"I believe you are correct." Zim smiled.
Dib thought the alien looked as if he was about to say something more,
but there was a beep and the computer cut in.
"The lunar probe has detected a sample of the material you
requested."
"Huh?" Dib asked confused.
"Remember, energy traces from the grass samples?" Zim told him. "They
matched traces found on your moon so you wanted me to attempt an
inspection. It was only moments before you lost consciousness."
"Oh, right, I almost forgot." In truth he had completely forgotten
about the incident, though he remembered it now. Life on the moon. He
grinned.
"Well," Zim said impatiently, "what are you waiting for? Transmit the
data."
Readouts came to life on the screen.
"It is an exact match for the residue on the grass, only this residue
seems even more, residual, older. These results are from the location
your earth astronauts found the sample. But my probe found another site
with the stuff and it's over widespread area." Zim told him.
"Is the probe still? Can we get a visual of where the second set of
traces were found?" Dib asked excitedly.
"I'm not sure, I will check on the site's co-ordinance," he tapped a
few keys on the control panel. "Odd, the probe seems to have found some
way to get below the moon's surface, since, that's where the readings
are coming from."
Dib's amber eyes lit up. "Under the surface? You're not kidding are
you? There could be anything under there! Remnants of an ancient lunar
society..."
Zim shrugged. "Anything's possible I suppose, although just as likely
the residue is from some sort of mineral deposit. So we find a bunch
of pillars, maybe a dead body or two. Joy, archeology 101 all over
again."
Dib shook his head. "You don't understand. You know there are things
out there. I know it but I mean you KNOW, you've actually been there.
I well, can only dream. I mean, finding evidence of real life besides
humanity, and so close too- It's well..." Dib sighed. Zim would never
understand what he meant, that he NEEDED something beyond the ordinary,
something beyond the everyday, beyond humans and Earth. He needed it
the way he needed to breath, and when all that he found when he looked
around was housewives taking out the trash, it just seemed like he was
suffocating.
"You really hate this planet don't you?" Zim asked quietly.
"What? No! ...Yes. I mean, sometimes...A lot of the time...yes." Dib
hung his head, ashamed to have finally admitted it. He'd spent years
denying it even to himself and now he'd gone and said it. Well, he
might as well finish the though. "It's not really the planet that gets
to me so much as, well, the people. There are so many fascinating
things even here on Earth, so many mysteries, and none of them CARE. I
just don't understand how they can take their lives for granted like
that never once questioning it. They can't see it, no it's worse than
that, they blindly ignore it, even when it throws itself in their
faces. That girl on the news, she doesn't care that she was just
attacked and then rescued by two separate aliens. She's not wondering
how they got here or what they want, or why the sun rises or how come
we breath oxygen and not helium or, or anything! She's wondering how
she can get Kiir's phone number! It makes me sick! I hate humans!
They're pointless and uninteresting and stupid and worthless! I hate
them!" Dib was shouting now, his fists were clenched and his body was
tense. "I thought I was upset about it earlier, but you know what Zim?
I'm GLAD I'm not human!" he announced vindictively. He had the urge to
kick something.
Zim nodded. "I believe I do understand. You feel caged, unchallenged
and frustrated with your situation. I confess Dib, never really
understood what made you do all the things you did. But you're like a
Brocaszek forced to live with Criks."
Dib scowled at his own ignorance. "Earth analogy please."
Zim winced, obviously realizing his mistake and looking for a
similar comparison. "Um, like a tiger living with housecats."
Dib thought a moment. "Yeah, that's it about right." He nodded
tiredly, the rant had taken alot out of him. "I'm sorry I blew up like
that Zim, I didn't mean to burden you with my stupid identity
problems. I just it's, god damn it." He wanted to tell Zim. Wanted to
tell him that he was the only person he'd ever felt comfortable with,
felt like an equal. More than that Dib wanted to tell Zim how much he
cared about him, how much he LOVED him.
"Is something on you mind, Dib?" he asked.
It was ridiculous! Zim had pretty much said he cared about him,
hadn't he? He didn't want Dib to die at least. Maybe it was a stretch
to think it might mean that the alien 'liked' him, by Dib had made
plenty of unsubstantiated assumptions in his life, hasn't he? Maybe
Zim's words were like that fuzzy picture of Bigfoot he'd taken, just
because it wasn't irrefutable proof didn't mean he was wrong.
"I-" he began.
But what if he was wrong? What if all he did was make a fool of
himself? Zim might even get angry and never want to talk to him again,
might throw him out, or anything. But would he really do that?
***
Zim was very concerned. He thought Dib might be having some sort of
episode, or at the very least was over taxing himself. He knew it must
be trying for Dib to live with humans. But what was the boy trying to
say that he just couldn't seem to get out?
Maybe it was...? But no, it couldn't be, could it? It had only been
the fever that had brought what seemed like affection from the pseudo
human, hadn't it been? He was getting his own hopes up and they'd come
crashing down again when Dib reaffirmed that all he wanted from their
relationship was a friend.
But the alien couldn't stop himself from hoping. After all, hadn't
the boy spent years of his life stalking him? Wasn't Zim the only one
to have ever acknowledged his existence in more than the most cursory
of manners? Was it complete arrogance to believe that Dib might have
been drawn in by his many charms? He stood up and took several steps
over and sat down on the bed next to Dib.
Dib seemed even more uncomfortable now, but didn't try to move away.
He looked into the boy's amber eyes. "Whatever you have to say you
may tell me. I would not tell anyone."
***
Could he really? Could he tell him? Why had Zim come to sit next to
him? Did he already know? Or was he just being the friend he said he
was? Dib was trembling; he raked shaking fingers through his dark
hair. His stomach felt as though it had departed for some unknown
region, he felt sick. He had to say it. He couldn't hold it back any
longer.
He opened his mouth, which had gone terribly dry all of a sudden.
This had to be the hardest thing he had ever done. "I-" he grimaced.
He couldn't do it, he couldn't! He was too afraid.
***
Zim couldn't take it any more. He could think of very few things that
Dib would have this much trouble saying. He had to be right about what
the boy was thinking, and if he wasn't, well, oh well. He had to try.
"Dib, look at me," he said.
Dib averted his eyes.
But Zim wasn't going to let him get away with it. He reached down
and gingerly lifted the boy's chin until he was forced to peer at the
alien through his round spectacles. He seemed surprised. Well, he was
about to get a lot more surprised.
Zim took a deep breath and smiled. "I love you. Is that what you were
trying to say?" But he didn't give the earth creature a chance to
respond. Instead he leaned in close and did something he'd wanted to do
for so long. He kissed him, pressing his lips to the soft pink of
Dib's. The boy had frozen from surprise but it was less than a moment
before he began to kiss back, although inexpertly. It was his first
kiss, Zim knew. He wrapped his arms around Dib's shoulders.
After a moment that seemed like an age they broke apart, though Zim
refused to release the boy from his embrace.
***
Dib stared at him, speechless. Part of his mind refused to believe
what had just happened and part of it was already replaying the event,
all in all it left very little room for coherent thought. He felt a
blush creeping through his cheeks.
Zim was smirking.
"I, do you, are you?" Dib stuttered. "Can you, I mean what... Do you
really?"
He squinted an eye. "You dare accuse Zim of lies?"
"No! It's just, I love you, Zim." He felt his face burn as he FINALLY
managed to say it. "And I was afraid you didn't feel the same."
Zim smiled tenderly, one of the first such smiles that he had seen
on him, one that was unmarred by malice of maniacal glee. Dib shivered
as the Irken brushed his cheek with his hand and nuzzled him as he did
so. He realized that this was the second time that he had done it.
"I had the same fear," Zim admitted.
He chuckled. "Oh? And I thought the mighty Zim feared nothing," he
teased.
Zim frowned and Dib leaned in again and kissed his pouting lips.
"Don't worry, I won't tell," he said softly.
The doors to the lab slid open with a whoosh. "Hey guys you'll never
guess what just happened to-"
Dib turned in horror to see Kiir as she stopped mid-boast. He saw
out of the corner of his eye that Zim had blushed a lovely shade of
fushia.
"Or, I can just tell you later," Kiir said with a grin, although it
was obvious that she felt very awkward.
Zim stood up. "That will not be necessary. Dib is still in need of
rest and we would be quite entertained to hear about your little
adventure, MISTER Starshock."
It was then Kiir's turn to be embarrassed.
To be continued!
Hey, thanks for sitting through this extra long chapter, though I
hardly suppose that any of you objected after how long you were forced
to wait for it. And it finally happened. Just like I told you it would.
You DARE accuse Bunny of lies? Heheheh. So what do you think? I'm sorry
if the kiss was suckily written, like Dib I've never had the pleasure
of the experience. That's right and I'm seventeen, go ahead and laugh.
Kiir just sort of ambushed me with the superhero idea while I was
writing it and wouldn't take no for an answer, but in return I'm gonna
make sure she doesn't enjoy it TOO much. HHEHEHEHE... That's right Kiir,
be afraid.
So what exactly did the moon probe find? They never got around to
checking. (though I don't think even Dib will complain about that) But
they will find out next chapter, and the answer is surprising! Well,
I think it is at least, and no, it doesn't involve clown shoes.
So I'm looking for a little bit of input here, who's up for seeing a
little more of Gaz? How far exactly should I let Kiir run with the
Starshock thing? How far should Melanie go with the whole 'fan' thing?
(I'm sorry, that just makes me laugh and laugh). Ideas, praise and
constructive critism welcome. Flames will be sent back to the writer
and used to light a place where the sun don't shine.
Read it? Review it!
trouble convincing my mom that a 55 really wasn't THAT bad a grade in
math. Finally managed yesterday. But now I won't be able to post this
until after vacation, February 24th to be precise. (Which for you it is
now, or after, but for me its still break.) And now I'm having
problems because I got inspiration for this other fic so I'm majorly
side-tracked by this stupid Harry Potter idea. It didn't help that they
didn't show IZ on Sunday! Doom on Nick! DOOM THEM!
But on a much, much, much, much, much lighter note, I finally did it. I
finally went out and bought it, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. But I
only had enough money for the first five issues! *sad* MUST... BUY...
MORE! There are only seven right? Of JtHM? And then there's Squee and
I Feel Sick, right? I'm thinking about actually getting a job at the
supermarket to ya know, buy stuff. Is it a good idea?
I officially love Nny.
Disclaimer: ...If I owned Invader Zim I'd be a dysfunctional comic book
writing young man. Last time I checked, I was female. The other labels
apply though, so I might just have missed something.
Chapter 10...In which Dib has a panic attack, Buntch and Koil converse,
Gir tries to be helpful, and Kiir takes up a career as a WHAT? Oh, and
the moment that I know you've all been waiting for...
"But, that's impossible! I mean, of course I'm human! How could I not
be? My parents are human!" Dib was definitely upset. Not exactly scared
or angry, or anything like that, just shocked. Almost disbelieving,
which was a first for him. But it was ridiculous, wasn't it? How could
he not be human?
"I don't know how Dib, I just know what. Or more specifically, what
not. What you not. Are not," Zim said, at last managing to construct
a coherent thought.
"But I look human! Don't I? Don't I?" His eyes were wide behind his
glasses. "Wait a minute, why am I asking you? You think a wig and
contacts look human. GAZ! Oh, wait, I'm not at home. Hehehe," his
tense laughter turned into a nervous giggle.
"Just, calm down Dib, you're having hysterics," Zim said.
"Calm? Who's not calm?! I'M CALM!" he said quite uncalmly, grabbing
Zim's shirt, he did it not so much for effect as that he was becoming
quite dizzy.
***
Zim put his hand on the boy's shoulder. He KNEW he should have waited
to tell him. Dib still probably had traces of the fever delirium.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid. "Dib, listen to me. You're still sick. You
need to lie back down." He spoke slowly and hoped his voice would sound
reassuring and rational.
It must have worked because Dib's manic expression was replaced by a
very worried, scarred, almost hurt expression.
Zim felt terrible. Please don't cry Dib, he thought desperately. That
is the last thing I need to happen. "Come on, just seat yourself back
on the medi-slab, er," yes Zim, medi-slab sounds sooo reassuring, "Bed.
Sit on the bed."
Gently Zim motioned for him to sit down, keeping a hand out to make
sure the boy didn't fall. Dib wobbled a bit but managed to seat himself.
Dib leaned down and buried his face in his hands pushing his glasses
up to his forehead and scattering more of his already fly away black
hair.
Zim winced. "If you continue to expend energy this way Dib, you will
become comatose."
"He lied to me," he hissed, face sill concealed.
Zim furrowed his brow, "Who lied to you?"
Dib looked up. "My father. I asked him once, when I was younger, and
he told me I was human." He sighed, fixing his glasses back on his nose
and running a hand through his hair.
"...maybe he didn't know?" Zim attempted cautiously.
He snorted derisively and fell back on the pillows with a thump.
"Yeah. Right. Like my dad, the top scientist in the world isn't going
to know if his own son is human or not."
"Perhaps he kept the information from you to spare your feelings," he
tried. Good, Dib was laying down now.
"Zim, my Dad doesn't care one way or the other about me OR Gaz. He
just told me that because he didn't want me to know the truth. Whatever
the truth is."
The Irken didn't quite know what he could say to this. Professor
Membrane had actually seemed pretty oblivious of anything resembling
reality the few times Zim had met him. It could have been an act of
course but... "...I'm sorry."
"Phhh, it's not your fault. As soon as you let me go home though I'm
going to find out exactly what's going on." The determined edge that
Zim had heard so frequently over the years had come back into Dib's
voice.
Zim squinted an eye. "When I let you go home?"
"You said you were going to keep me here until I was well, didn't
you?"
"Well, yes," he agreed.
"You're probably right about me needing to rest anyway, and it's not
like I could get out if I tried. Besides, you had plenty of time to do
all sorts of nasty things while I was out cold, if you had wanted to,
and you didn't," Dib took a deep breath, "I trust you." He paused.
"There, I said it."
Zim stood dumbfounded, staring at Dib as though he had two heads and
one of them was a moose. "...you trust me?"
He shrugged. "Yeah, why not? I mean hey, I haven't got anybody else
to trust. I ought to at least trust my one friend."
"...I trust you as well Dib."
There was a moment of silence.
"...Hey, Zim, I'm actually kind of bored, is there anything to do
around here?"
He thought a moment. "Well, if you promise that you will not over
exert yourself we could play Political Smackdown 2."
Dib seemed surprised. "I didn't know you had a GS3."
Zim grinned wryly. "Do you joke? You know how expensive that would
be? I have better things to waste your earth-monies on."
"Then how are we going to play Political Smackdown?"
"I downloaded an emulator off the internet."
"But, that's illegal. I want to play as Lincoln."
Zim smirked. "And I will play Sadaam Hussein. Computer, let the
smacking, BEGIN!"
***
Koil had watched a hour of when 'small furry creatures attack 7', ten
minutes of a Spanish soap opera, half of a made for TV horror movie,
a game show called 'Beat the Geeks', and several hours of a marathon on
the 'cartoon network'.
The cartoon in question, the one which had been marathoned, was a
strange tale in which people spoke without their lips moving at the
correct time and disproportioned human girls ran around in very brief
attire shouting something about love, justice and the moon. It was all
very entertaining. Koil had apparently tuned into the first episode
and it had so caught her interest that she was still watching, twelve
hours later. It was very...appropriate, ironic even.
You had not reported back in many hours, I was becoming agitated.
Koil jumped several feet in surprise and whirled around to glare at
Buntch. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She paused.
"This body isn't made for our language; I will have to speak in human."
The tall, orange creature shrugged, a fluid, graceful motion that
traveled all the way down his figure.
The alien, still in guise of a dumpy older woman, sat back down.
"Count yourself lucky that it is still a commercial. Otherwise I might
have been more cross with you."
Buntch would have raised an eyebrow, if he'd had one. You are
studying human society I see, he said with heavy tones of irony.
She pursed her lips. "Yes, and you ought to be as well. I have an
assignment for you. Go take a walk and don't come back until-" she
picked up the TV guide and leafed through it. "ten p.m."
Her companion seemed somewhat offended.
"And you'll need a new form. The one you picked was neither effective
or pleasing."
You have one to suggest I assume.
"Take my appendage." She reached over and touched Buntch.
The orange monster melted and coalesced into something else; a tall,
slender human man with golden hair and blue eyes, wearing grey slacks,
a green button down shirt and sunglasses.
Now Buntch did raise an eyebrow. "A human from your research I
suppose," he said coolly.
"Something like that," she agreed. "Call yourself Jason Dite. Now go,
Sailor Moon is back on."
The blonde smirked and faded out.
***
Kiir sat on the couch, drumming her fingers on the arm boredly. It
had been almost an entire day since Zim had chased her out of the room
when Dib woke up. It had been midnight then and now it was
mid-afternoon. She was tired of watching television. She'd watched a
little of some cartoon with energy draining aliens in human form but
the irony was a little heavier than she was comfortable with. And
besides, the show was stupid. Love and justice, Bah.
She stood up, causing Gir, who had been perched annoyingly on her lap
for the last six hours to fall down.
"Owwwww..." the robot whined, rubbing its head.
"Stow it tin can, tell Zim I'm going out if he asks."
"Okay!"
She rolled her eyes and sauntered out, slamming the door behind her
and walked out into the yard, and into a rainstorm.
"...skragg," she growled and yanked the door back open. She stalked
back inside. "Hey, is there an umbrella anywhere around?"
Gir looked up from playing with his pig. "Ummmmm, I donno. Wanna
borrow my piggy?" he asked 'helpfully'. "My piggy can keep you
waaaaaaaaaaarm!"
"Ah...no thanks, I'll pass."
His face fell. "Oh, you made piggy sad. Give him a hug to cheer him
up!" Gir jumped to his feet waving the squeaky toy. "HUG MY PIGGY!!"
"No." Why in the name of anything remotely non-toxic had Zim not
torn that thing apart for scrap metal long ago?
"Please?" he gave her a wide eyed sad puppy face.
Kiir sighed and grabbed the piggy. She gave the thing a quick half
hearted hug. "There, happy?"
Gir grabbed his toy back. "See piggy, I told you she loved you!"
The former rebel commander twitched. "You know, maybe I'll just go
out without an umbrella." It wasn't as if it would kill her. That was
one of the good things about not being fully Irken, she wasn't allergic
to water, well, not violently. An hour of swimming in it might give her
a rash but that was it. And who in their right mind would go swimming
in water anyway?
She turned around to go and walked straight into Gir who had
apparently moved while she wasn't looking.
"Um..." the little robot said unsurely. "Um...." He was holding
something behind his back.
She looked down and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"
He held up an umbrella from behind his back. It was white and covered
with pictures of some hideous monkey thing. "You can borrow mine."
Kiir furrowed her brow. "Um, thanks," she said taking it. Was the
robot...blushing? Weird. "Thanks a lot." she nodded.
"YOU'RE WELCOME!" the robot shrieked happily, hugging her around
the legs and then pranced off.
Kiir shook her head, that was one strange little robot. She turned
and walked out the door, popping the creepy-looking umbrella as she
went, glad that she wouldn't be getting wet after all.
She had been feeling like she was suffocating, staying in that house
for so long; especially right after that stupid six month trip she'd
just been on. It was all her Uncle Purple's fault. If she ever saw him
in person again she'd shoot him and skragg the consequences!
She wandered down the street lost in thought, not really paying
attention to where she was going. She didn't have to worry about not
being able to find her way back because she had the computer in her
optic enhancers mapping her route.
She sighed. Her ship wasn't anywhere near repaired, she'd checked
Zim's repair bay just before she'd left. It might take as long as a
month for all of the sensitive equipment to be fixed. That was the
problem with Voot technology. It was really sophisticated and really
difficult to damage in any significant way, but if it did happen to
take any major breakage you were better off just buying a new one
instead of trying to fix it. It would be faster, cheaper, and a frakk
less of a headache.
But she couldn't buy a new one, not on Earth, and Earth was where she
was stuck. As soon as her Cruiser was done though she was so getting
out. She had a the pieces of her rebellion to start. It probably
wouldn't be hard now to convince Zim to come with her and help her
either, now that he knew what the Tallest had done to him. Not like he
was back in the academy the last time she'd tried to get him to join
the Underground. But not even promises of co-rulership could win him
over back then. He was too loyal to his empire. Sure he'd wanted to
rule it but for some reason he'd always insisted that he was going to
become Tallest legitimately. Like that was ever going to happen.
Funny thing was though; he seemed to have grown since she'd last
seen him, a lot. He was almost as tall as she was. She hadn't said
anything yet, since well there was no way he couldn't have noticed and
it wasn't the sort of thing you mentioned in conversation anyway
without being considered rude.
She was getting off on a tangent. So, when the Cruiser was fixed
she'd skip the planet, hopefully with Zim in tow. The two of them
together would be enough to give her uncle and Red nightmares for
years. In fact they probably already HAD nightmares about it. The only
tricky part would be convincing Zim to leave his little Earth boyfriend
for some serious Empire conquering. Frakk, why did she even need to?
There was no reason they couldn't bring the kid along. If his alien
chasing hobby was any indication he'd probably jump at the chance to
get off his planet. There was no reason Zim couldn't bring him. It
wasn't as if Kiir was jealous. Their relationship had been over for a
long time.
So there was no problem. Oh, no wait. She'd have to convince Dib to
leave the planet despite the fact that it seemed to be under attack
from scary orange guys. Well, that shouldn't be too hard. Just appeal
to the kid's sense of self preservation.
***
Buntch, or rather 'Jason' strolled idly down the street. He wasn't
quite sure what Koil expected him to be doing but he supposed that it
didn't really matter. After all, it was happening the same way that it
always did when Koil was in charge, she was getting sidetracked. She
just wasn't cut out for what they were doing. She should have gone into
socio-archeology not-
But that wasn't the point. The point was she had once again thrust
him into a foreign environment and expected him to get the job
done while she entertained herself. And it was precipitating! Why
couldn't she have sent him out while it was dry instead of when liquid
droplets were falling from the sky?
He was wet! He hated being wet. He needed to go in somewhere to get
not wet. But where? Didn't these creatures have some sort of indoor
public place? He almost wished he'd been paying attention when Koil
had been lecturing him of the planet. Almost.
But he was sure he could find some place by himself. How hard could
it be? He looked from left to right as he walk trying to find some
place that looked as if it was open to the public.
He didn't see the human until he'd already knocked her over.
***
"OW!!" Kiir growled as she was knocked the ground and into a puddle.
She'd been so busy thinking up new recruiting ploys for the Irken
Underground (or should she change the name? Maybe the Coalition for a
Liberated Empire?) that she hadn't seen the guy until he barreled into
her. Now she was on her ass in a puddle. Her antennae bobbed from the
force of her fall. "You skragging jerk! Why don't you watch where
you're going?!"
He stooped down and peered at her. "I am sorry, miss-" he reached out
a hand to help her up.
"Yeah, well you better be," she snarled, shoving him away and
standing up by herself. "Because now I am all frakking wet and I'm
going to have to go back and change before I get skragging rash, so I
hope you're happy!"
The man seemed taken aback. "...You're not human."
Now it was Kiir's turn to be surprised. "What?"
The man frowned. "No, you're definitely not human."
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. She knew this was going to happen she just
knew it. What was she supposed to do now? She snorted. "Ya know what?
You're right. I'm not human." She reached down to her belt and pulled
a blaster lazer the size of her arm and three times as thick out of
hyperspace where she kept it stored. It was her personal weapon, her
custom Godslayer X-1000. "I'm not human," she repeated. "What are you
going to do about it?"
The skin melted off the guy as he lunged at her revealing gangly,
orange limbs and staring white eyes.
"SKRAGG!" she shouted, rolling out of the way of his attack. It was
one of the things that Zim had been talking about. Narrowly missing
cracking her skull on a trashcan she fired two electric violet blasts
up at the thing.
They hit him and he reeled backwards. And then it paused for a split
second and ways gone.
Kiir climbed to her feet, breathing heavily, and grinning. She missed
being in action. Her eyes darted around the scene and she took two
steps backwards. Had it just left?
The hairs on the back of her neck pricked up and she whirled around,
just as the thing materialized behind her, about to grab her. She
pulled the trigger.
A heavy blast at close range sent the Orange stumbling backwards and
she shot off six more bolts before it managed to regain its balance
enough to disappear again.
Kiir whirled around aiming her lazer at anything that looked like it
might possibly move. She glared.
Then she saw him, in the guise of the blonde man again, dashing down
the street very fast. She took off after him. But why the hell was he
running when he could do that teleport thing?
She wasn't catching up to him but she wasn't losing ground either.
Then suddenly he stopped and grabbed a teenage girl as she and several
others emerged from a restaurant. Skragg!
The girl screamed, so did her friends as once again the blonde turned
orange. If what Zim said was true then she had only a few seconds.
"GET CLEAR!" she shouted to the humans. It was going to be tricky,
hitting the Orange and not the victim, but if she didn't do anything
the girl was dead anyway. And Kiir was the best, frakk luckiest, most
reckless sharpshooter the academy had turned out in seven centuries.
She pulled the trigger ten times in quick succession.
All ten bolts hit the alien monster. It gave a demonic shriek and
lurched backwards dropping the girl to the pavement. It was bleeding,
or something. Yellow goo was issuing forth from a wound in its chest
and dripping to the pavement. It stood hunched over, wavering, and
dripping. The girls were huddled in a corner frozen with fear and
watching transfixed. And there were more people watching, she heard
sirens and there was somebody with a camera and a woman with a
microphone.
All this Kiir took in, in a second as she repositioned her aim and
fired again, and ag- the second time she pulled the trigger nothing
happened. Her eyes widened She'd forgotten to recharge the thing.
"Oh SKRAGG!!"
The orange had regained its wind, from a crouching leap it sprang
up at her like some sort of an animal, and at the ends of it's
appendages were now sharp, wicked looking claws. Kiir tried to leap
away, but didn't manage, the thing was on top of her. They were on the
pavement each trying to get control. Kiir felt some of her strength
slipping from her. She struggled to get the plasma blade from her belt.
The sirens were closer now, and she heard shouting.
"NO! Don't shoot!" one of the girls was yelling to someone, "you'll
hit-"
But her senses were become fuzzy, tuning in and out like a bad
television. She could feel the thing on top of her. She knew she was
going to die. She was going to die without ever having ruled an empire.
It just wasn't fair. But, SHE WAS NOT GOING TO LET IT END LIKE THIS!!
Like a miracle she found the handle of her blade and pulled it
sharply upwards as she activated it with a 'snap-hiss' She felt it
connect with something and heard the wail of the creature.
With a tremendous amount of force she pushed the monster off of her
and stood, vision clearing. She saw the Orange sprawled on the pavement,
one of its limbs lying beside it. Kiir took a step forward. She'd
finish it off.
But then with out a noise it disappeared arm and all. Grinning she
realized that this time it wasn't coming back.
The crowd broke out in applause, several people, most notably the
woman with the microphone rushed up and started asking questions.
"Sir, sir! I'm with channel 12 news, would you mind answering some
questions? What was that thing? Who are you? Are you a super hero? How
does it feel to have saved those girls?" she shoved the microphone in
the alien's face.
Kiir took a step backwards. "Whoa, whoa hold on a minute." In her
mind she was running over all the scenarios. What was she supposed to
tell these people. On the one hand she shouldn't expose herself, on
the other hand they were hailing her as a hero, and that was really
good for her ego. Wait a sec, had that human called a SIR? "I'm, very
glad I managed to get here in time to save those girls, I'm just sorry
I couldn't react faster. That thing was an 'Orange,' a race of deadly
aliens from another galaxy that go around draining life energy. They're
very dangerous and I recommend you stay away from them." She flashed a
winning smile. "As for me you can call me the, uh," Cosmic Avenger? No.
The Green Comet? No. She grinned at the camera. "Starshock."
There was much murmuring.
"Starshock, where do you come from, do you have any special
powers? Is there any way people can contact you?"
"I'm afraid I can't answer those questions at this time, miss
reporter, security issues, you understand. But don't worry, I'll be
around in the event of another attack."
"Do you expect another attack soon? What advice do you have for the
public?"
"These creatures are very dangerous, they can look like any one or
any thing, but they're not very smart so be on guard."
The girl who'd been attacked was now standing and launched herself
at Kiir wrapping her arms around her. "Oh, thank you for saving me
Mr. Starshock!" she squealed excitedly.
MR Starshock? The girl thought she was male. Probably the rest of
them did too. She must not look very female in human respects. Well,
she was noticeably lacking the fatty tissue that human girls had on
their chests. Oh well, why bother disillusioning them? "It was my
pleasure Miss-?"
"Melanie, Melanie Laurel. Can I have you're autograph, please?" the
little brunette girl was practically hopping up and down. Kiir hated
to disappoint her but-
"Hey, calm down, if you over exert yourself you could wind up in a
coma. You need to take it easy for a couple of days. Stay home from
Skool." Kiir smiled. "I'd love to give you an autograph Melanie, but I
don't have anything to write with, or on for that matter."
Melanie's face fell but one of her friends rummaged in her purse and
brought out a green permanent marker and handed it to her.
"You can write on my shirt," she said hopefully pressing the marker
into Kiir's hands. The shirt was pink with a violet heart on it.
"Okay. Turn around," she said indulgently. Melanie turned around and
Kiir scribbled 'To my first fan Melanie, your hero, Starshock'. "There
we go." She read it to her.
Melanie giggled. "Thank you."
'Starshock' turned to the reporter again. "Now, if you'll all excuse
me I must be off." ...but how was she going to get away with out anyone
following her? Besides, walking away wasn't nearly dramatic enough for
a superhero. Which she was now. Wait, since she was a superhero she
could use her jet boots. She smirked and turned them on.
Small but powerful boosters fired from the bottoms of her boots and
the crowd 'ooooo'ed and 'ahhhhh'ed as she rose into the air and jetted
off.
***
Even though it was past four o'clock in the afternoon Dib was still
asleep. Partly, Zim supposed, because of the drain on his system,
partly from the revelation that he wasn't human, and partly because he
had stayed up until three a.m. playing Political. Zim hadn't slept at
all, since he didn't really need to and he was busy making sure that
Dib's life signs stayed stable. He'd also been running computer
simulations to see if maybe Dib could be the result of some sort of
human genetic mutation and at the same time running a check to see if
it was a variant of any extraterrestrial DNA. He hadn't found a single
match, not even anything remotely close.
It seemed like he must be completely genetically unique. It was almost
as if Dib was had been created from the complex proteins up, using
humans as nothing more than a physical model. But it would take a
genius geneticist to do that, even the bio-labs of Irk might have had
trouble designing the complexities of Dib's gene structure. The computer
had certainly taken a long time figuring it out.
Zim stared at the readouts on the screen, the only sound in the room
was Dib's soft breathing. This was pointless, Zim thought, I'm not
going to find a match. There's only one person who might possibly know
what exactly Dib is and that's his 'father' Professor Membrane. The
Irken turned his chair and gazed at the slumbering form on the bed. Dib
looked peaceful now, much more so now that he was actually sleeping
rather than unconscious. The large glasses that usually obscured most of
his face were set on the control panel next to the cot. He looked
different without them on, somehow less aloof and more tangible.
Zim sighed. It wasn't good for him to keep thinking along those lines.
It might lead him to do something stupid, something he'd most likely
regret. He turned his chair back around to face the monitor. "Computer,
turn on an Earth broadcast."
The screen snapped to intercept television broadcasts and Zim
discovered to his disgust that the Scary Monkey Show was on. He was
about to tell the computer to change the channel when the 'regularly
scheduled program' was interrupted.
"This is Kathy Chatterfield bringing you a special news bulletin. I'm
here in the downtown area where only moments ago a very strange attack
took place. A horrible orange alien creature attacked an innocent group
of girls and attempted to drain their energy."
Zim stared at the screen. The Oranges were on the news? How reckless
could they have been? Zim must have attempted a thousand very public
takeovers and only one or two, such as the Peepi and Santa incidents,
had ever been noticed by the human media.
"Luckily it seems that a real live superhero was on the scene to
avert disaster. We have this footage from the attack."
A superhero? That was absolute nonsense. Humans didn't really get
super powers, it was all comic book bull-
Zim's jaw dropped. "KIIR?" he demanded incredulously of the monitor.
It was just that idiot's luck to have run into the Oranges. Hadn't Gir
said a while ago that she was going out. He watched he beat up the
monster, rather impressed, and jealous, that she had done do well.
"Afterward the unknown hero was kind enough to give us an interview."
"You can call me, uh, Starshock," the Kiir on the monitor said.
Zim snorted.
"Mr. Starshock, can I have your autograph, please?"
He couldn't help it. Zim broke out into a raucous fit of laughter,
pounding the arm of the chair. It was just too funny. They thought,
they thought Kiir was MALE!! Never mind what had possessed her to go
along with the superhero idea in the first place, it was just, just
so perfectly hilarious!
Through his hysterics Zim heard a yawn.
"Zim? What's so funny?"
Still snickering and snorting Zim turned around. "Take a look," he
gestured to the screen.
Dib put on his glasses and peered at the broadcast. "Is that, Kiir?"
He smirked. "Yes."
"What is she doing?" he demanded.
"She ran into one of the Oranges and somebody called the news.
They think she's a superhero. A male superhero." He grinned again.
"And she's going along with it?" Dib asked incredulously.
"Looks like it." They watched Kiir sign the girl's shirt and then
fly off. Then they had an interview with the girl.
"I just know I'd be dead if Starshock hadn't saved me. And he was so
handsome, too! I think those antennae he had were sooo cute. I bet he's
from another planet. I wonder if he has a girlfriend."
Dib and Zim both snickered.
"There you have it folks, the city's own alien crusader. When will he
be back? When will this strange new evil strike again? Now back to you,
Bob."
"Turn it off, computer," Zim commanded. "Now that is amusing."
"Well, I suppose she IS a hero, for saving that girl," Dib mused.
"And she does have superhuman powers, so I think that technically means
she can call herself a superhero if she wants. Do you think it's a one
time incident or will she keep going with it?"
"Kiir? She'll milk it for all it's worth until she gets bored with
it. She never could say no to fans. She'll probably come back full of
herself and make herself a cape." Zim chuckled.
"She's had fans before?" he asked.
Zim nodded. "Oh sure, as a rebel leader she had all sorts of idiots
hanging over her every word and move."
"Huh." Dib yawned again and looked around. "Don't you have a clock in
here? It's absolutely impossible to tell what time it is."
"It's almost five in the evening I'm afraid you sleeping schedule may
be a little thrown off."
Dib sighed and laid back on the pillows with his arms crossed behind
his head.
***
He yawned again and looked up at the ceiling. He felt well rested,
but still weak. He could imagine what would have happened if he'd
insisted on going to school. He'd probably have fallen down the stairs
and broken his neck. He was also worried about what would happen if the
Oranges attacked him again. He'd probably die even faster if it was
before he'd fully recovered.
"Zim," he said tentatively voicing his thoughts, "if they attacked
me again I'd die, wouldn't I?"
"No," the Irken said without looking up.
"No?" Dib asked, surprised. "You mean because I'm not human?"
"No, it is simply because I would not allow them to bring harm to you.
I stated yesterday that your death was not an event I wished to occur."
Now Zim looked up at him. "You dare accuse Zim of lies?"
"No!" he replied hastily, "of course not. I wouldn't want you to die
either. I don't think, I ever really did either," he admitted. "Not for
a really long time. You know what? I think we've really been friends
all these years without knowing it."
"I believe you are correct." Zim smiled.
Dib thought the alien looked as if he was about to say something more,
but there was a beep and the computer cut in.
"The lunar probe has detected a sample of the material you
requested."
"Huh?" Dib asked confused.
"Remember, energy traces from the grass samples?" Zim told him. "They
matched traces found on your moon so you wanted me to attempt an
inspection. It was only moments before you lost consciousness."
"Oh, right, I almost forgot." In truth he had completely forgotten
about the incident, though he remembered it now. Life on the moon. He
grinned.
"Well," Zim said impatiently, "what are you waiting for? Transmit the
data."
Readouts came to life on the screen.
"It is an exact match for the residue on the grass, only this residue
seems even more, residual, older. These results are from the location
your earth astronauts found the sample. But my probe found another site
with the stuff and it's over widespread area." Zim told him.
"Is the probe still? Can we get a visual of where the second set of
traces were found?" Dib asked excitedly.
"I'm not sure, I will check on the site's co-ordinance," he tapped a
few keys on the control panel. "Odd, the probe seems to have found some
way to get below the moon's surface, since, that's where the readings
are coming from."
Dib's amber eyes lit up. "Under the surface? You're not kidding are
you? There could be anything under there! Remnants of an ancient lunar
society..."
Zim shrugged. "Anything's possible I suppose, although just as likely
the residue is from some sort of mineral deposit. So we find a bunch
of pillars, maybe a dead body or two. Joy, archeology 101 all over
again."
Dib shook his head. "You don't understand. You know there are things
out there. I know it but I mean you KNOW, you've actually been there.
I well, can only dream. I mean, finding evidence of real life besides
humanity, and so close too- It's well..." Dib sighed. Zim would never
understand what he meant, that he NEEDED something beyond the ordinary,
something beyond the everyday, beyond humans and Earth. He needed it
the way he needed to breath, and when all that he found when he looked
around was housewives taking out the trash, it just seemed like he was
suffocating.
"You really hate this planet don't you?" Zim asked quietly.
"What? No! ...Yes. I mean, sometimes...A lot of the time...yes." Dib
hung his head, ashamed to have finally admitted it. He'd spent years
denying it even to himself and now he'd gone and said it. Well, he
might as well finish the though. "It's not really the planet that gets
to me so much as, well, the people. There are so many fascinating
things even here on Earth, so many mysteries, and none of them CARE. I
just don't understand how they can take their lives for granted like
that never once questioning it. They can't see it, no it's worse than
that, they blindly ignore it, even when it throws itself in their
faces. That girl on the news, she doesn't care that she was just
attacked and then rescued by two separate aliens. She's not wondering
how they got here or what they want, or why the sun rises or how come
we breath oxygen and not helium or, or anything! She's wondering how
she can get Kiir's phone number! It makes me sick! I hate humans!
They're pointless and uninteresting and stupid and worthless! I hate
them!" Dib was shouting now, his fists were clenched and his body was
tense. "I thought I was upset about it earlier, but you know what Zim?
I'm GLAD I'm not human!" he announced vindictively. He had the urge to
kick something.
Zim nodded. "I believe I do understand. You feel caged, unchallenged
and frustrated with your situation. I confess Dib, never really
understood what made you do all the things you did. But you're like a
Brocaszek forced to live with Criks."
Dib scowled at his own ignorance. "Earth analogy please."
Zim winced, obviously realizing his mistake and looking for a
similar comparison. "Um, like a tiger living with housecats."
Dib thought a moment. "Yeah, that's it about right." He nodded
tiredly, the rant had taken alot out of him. "I'm sorry I blew up like
that Zim, I didn't mean to burden you with my stupid identity
problems. I just it's, god damn it." He wanted to tell Zim. Wanted to
tell him that he was the only person he'd ever felt comfortable with,
felt like an equal. More than that Dib wanted to tell Zim how much he
cared about him, how much he LOVED him.
"Is something on you mind, Dib?" he asked.
It was ridiculous! Zim had pretty much said he cared about him,
hadn't he? He didn't want Dib to die at least. Maybe it was a stretch
to think it might mean that the alien 'liked' him, by Dib had made
plenty of unsubstantiated assumptions in his life, hasn't he? Maybe
Zim's words were like that fuzzy picture of Bigfoot he'd taken, just
because it wasn't irrefutable proof didn't mean he was wrong.
"I-" he began.
But what if he was wrong? What if all he did was make a fool of
himself? Zim might even get angry and never want to talk to him again,
might throw him out, or anything. But would he really do that?
***
Zim was very concerned. He thought Dib might be having some sort of
episode, or at the very least was over taxing himself. He knew it must
be trying for Dib to live with humans. But what was the boy trying to
say that he just couldn't seem to get out?
Maybe it was...? But no, it couldn't be, could it? It had only been
the fever that had brought what seemed like affection from the pseudo
human, hadn't it been? He was getting his own hopes up and they'd come
crashing down again when Dib reaffirmed that all he wanted from their
relationship was a friend.
But the alien couldn't stop himself from hoping. After all, hadn't
the boy spent years of his life stalking him? Wasn't Zim the only one
to have ever acknowledged his existence in more than the most cursory
of manners? Was it complete arrogance to believe that Dib might have
been drawn in by his many charms? He stood up and took several steps
over and sat down on the bed next to Dib.
Dib seemed even more uncomfortable now, but didn't try to move away.
He looked into the boy's amber eyes. "Whatever you have to say you
may tell me. I would not tell anyone."
***
Could he really? Could he tell him? Why had Zim come to sit next to
him? Did he already know? Or was he just being the friend he said he
was? Dib was trembling; he raked shaking fingers through his dark
hair. His stomach felt as though it had departed for some unknown
region, he felt sick. He had to say it. He couldn't hold it back any
longer.
He opened his mouth, which had gone terribly dry all of a sudden.
This had to be the hardest thing he had ever done. "I-" he grimaced.
He couldn't do it, he couldn't! He was too afraid.
***
Zim couldn't take it any more. He could think of very few things that
Dib would have this much trouble saying. He had to be right about what
the boy was thinking, and if he wasn't, well, oh well. He had to try.
"Dib, look at me," he said.
Dib averted his eyes.
But Zim wasn't going to let him get away with it. He reached down
and gingerly lifted the boy's chin until he was forced to peer at the
alien through his round spectacles. He seemed surprised. Well, he was
about to get a lot more surprised.
Zim took a deep breath and smiled. "I love you. Is that what you were
trying to say?" But he didn't give the earth creature a chance to
respond. Instead he leaned in close and did something he'd wanted to do
for so long. He kissed him, pressing his lips to the soft pink of
Dib's. The boy had frozen from surprise but it was less than a moment
before he began to kiss back, although inexpertly. It was his first
kiss, Zim knew. He wrapped his arms around Dib's shoulders.
After a moment that seemed like an age they broke apart, though Zim
refused to release the boy from his embrace.
***
Dib stared at him, speechless. Part of his mind refused to believe
what had just happened and part of it was already replaying the event,
all in all it left very little room for coherent thought. He felt a
blush creeping through his cheeks.
Zim was smirking.
"I, do you, are you?" Dib stuttered. "Can you, I mean what... Do you
really?"
He squinted an eye. "You dare accuse Zim of lies?"
"No! It's just, I love you, Zim." He felt his face burn as he FINALLY
managed to say it. "And I was afraid you didn't feel the same."
Zim smiled tenderly, one of the first such smiles that he had seen
on him, one that was unmarred by malice of maniacal glee. Dib shivered
as the Irken brushed his cheek with his hand and nuzzled him as he did
so. He realized that this was the second time that he had done it.
"I had the same fear," Zim admitted.
He chuckled. "Oh? And I thought the mighty Zim feared nothing," he
teased.
Zim frowned and Dib leaned in again and kissed his pouting lips.
"Don't worry, I won't tell," he said softly.
The doors to the lab slid open with a whoosh. "Hey guys you'll never
guess what just happened to-"
Dib turned in horror to see Kiir as she stopped mid-boast. He saw
out of the corner of his eye that Zim had blushed a lovely shade of
fushia.
"Or, I can just tell you later," Kiir said with a grin, although it
was obvious that she felt very awkward.
Zim stood up. "That will not be necessary. Dib is still in need of
rest and we would be quite entertained to hear about your little
adventure, MISTER Starshock."
It was then Kiir's turn to be embarrassed.
To be continued!
Hey, thanks for sitting through this extra long chapter, though I
hardly suppose that any of you objected after how long you were forced
to wait for it. And it finally happened. Just like I told you it would.
You DARE accuse Bunny of lies? Heheheh. So what do you think? I'm sorry
if the kiss was suckily written, like Dib I've never had the pleasure
of the experience. That's right and I'm seventeen, go ahead and laugh.
Kiir just sort of ambushed me with the superhero idea while I was
writing it and wouldn't take no for an answer, but in return I'm gonna
make sure she doesn't enjoy it TOO much. HHEHEHEHE... That's right Kiir,
be afraid.
So what exactly did the moon probe find? They never got around to
checking. (though I don't think even Dib will complain about that) But
they will find out next chapter, and the answer is surprising! Well,
I think it is at least, and no, it doesn't involve clown shoes.
So I'm looking for a little bit of input here, who's up for seeing a
little more of Gaz? How far exactly should I let Kiir run with the
Starshock thing? How far should Melanie go with the whole 'fan' thing?
(I'm sorry, that just makes me laugh and laugh). Ideas, praise and
constructive critism welcome. Flames will be sent back to the writer
and used to light a place where the sun don't shine.
Read it? Review it!