Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, except the plot. And I apologise now for the shameless use of Blackadder and Fawlty Towers (it's a Brit thing).
A/N: Thanks to Sunglow for beta reading and to everyone who has reviewed.
Secret Love
Chapter 6 – Who the Hell is Baldrick?
The trouble with living at home still was that there was always a queue for the shower, especially so in the Weasley household. If you didn't get in there before Ginny, you could kiss goodbye to the best part of an hour and all the hot water. This was the reason Percy got up so early every morning. At least Fred and George had their own place in Hogsmeade and had very tolerant wives that didn't mind sharing a house. Ron alternated between home and Draco's, and so really it was only himself and Ginny still here. Grabbing a towel, he closed the bathroom door just as Ginny came up the stairs. Ha! Beat you to it, Miss Manipulating Matchmaker.
Ginny grinned as she heard the shower running. Hermione had flooed her at Harry's, demanding that she come over immediately, and she'd just got back from calming down a panicking Hermione.
~~Flashback 1 hour~~
Clothes were scattered over her bedroom as Hermione searched for the perfect outfit to wear on her first ever date with the love of her life. She'd already discarded the trousers and shirts and was currently vacillating between three skirts, two blouses and four dresses. Then she'd got her robes out, in case muggle dress wasn't appropriate.
"Ginny! What do I wear?" Hermione pounced on Ginny as she emerged, sooty, from the floo. Cleaning herself up, she followed Hermione into the bedroom.
"Have you been burgled?"
"Ha ha, very funny, Gin. Help!"
"Do you know where you're going?"
"No."
"Ah. This could be tricky. There are three possible looks we can go for, depending on where Percy takes you. Ultra smart; smart casual; or who cares, let's just eat."
"Pardon?"
"Ultra smart is where Harry took me when we got engaged. Soft candlelight, quiet booth, very classy, and very pricey. Smart casual is dinner at the Three Broomsticks where you could run into friends but still be out of the way if necessary. The third option would be Ron's idea of a romantic date."
"Ah. I see. Fancy dress robes, skirt and blouse, or jeans and t-shirt. I get it. How am I going to know which one?"
"I think we'll go for the safest option of number two. Now where is that.." Ginny waved her wand and the mess in the bedroom was cleared, leaving two items of clothing.
"That's not a skirt though." Hermione was doubtful.
"No, but it's not a normal pair of trousers either. See? The tie at the front holds them together, but as you walk or sit down they reveal your legs. Very sexy."
"If you're sure.."
"Trust me. You'll have to wear a strapless bra with the top though."
"Thanks Ginny. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I just cannot believe that you've faced Voldemort yet you're petrified of stepping a foot wrong on a date with my brother!"
"Yes, well, I didn't want to shag Voldemort six ways to Sunday."
"Only six?"
"To start off with." Hermione grinned. "Thanks again, Gin."
"Think nothing of it. Can I get back to Harry how?"
"Yes. I'll let you know how it goes." Hermione hugged her and threw some floo powder into the fire for her.
"Harry Potter's house." Ginny called, and vanished in a flare of green flame.
She landed on Harry's carpet, covered in soot again.
"Harry, you really must get that chimney swept." Ginny coughed as he helped her up. Kissing a sooty cheek, he waved his hand, cleaning her instantly.
"Hello again, Miss Weasley. What was the matter with Hermione?"
"She has a date tonight."
"Oh? Who with?"
"Percy."
"Percy? Your brother? How come?"
"I have a cunning plan."
"Do I want to know, Baldrick?"
"Who?"
"Never mind. It's a muggle thing."
"I can't stop long, Harry, I've got to find out where he's taking her."
"Is this part of your plan?"
"Yes. I'll floo you later. Fancy getting hold of Draco and Ron for a foursome?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"No."
"All right. I'll see you later." Harry swept her into his arms for a goodbye kiss that lasted a lot longer than she had anticipated. Resigning herself to getting dirty in the floo again, Ginny reluctantly left for the Burrow.
~~End Flashback~~
"Are you going to be long, Percy?" she hollered through the bathroom door.
"Ten minutes." He called back, debating whether to tell her an hour, but he didn't want to be late for picking Hermione up.
Not bothering to tell her he'd finished, he shut himself in his room to decide what to wear. He never usually had any trouble, but for some reason it was important tonight to look fairly decent. Hmm, dark blue pleat front trousers with that new cobalt blue turtleneck sweater. Teamed with his better black robe it was smart, but casual. It was ideal for a quiet meal for two. He ran a hand through his hair, pleased when it fell just right without even combing. Making sure he had his wand and wallet together with his coin bag he made his way downstairs.
"Going anywhere special, Percy?" Ginny was sitting at the kitchen table while Molly started on dinner.
"No need to get me any dinner, Mum, I'm going out."
"Oh? Anyone we know?"
"Why would you think I'm going with anyone?"
"Well, the new sweater and aftershave is a dead giveaway." Molly had her hands on her hips, eyebrow raised expectantly.
"Hermione had a bit of trouble at the Ministry today, so I'm taking her out to dinner."
"Is she all right?" Molly was concerned.
"Fine. I'm sure Dad will tell you all about it when he gets home."
"So where are you taking her?" Ginny chipped in.
"Rezins." It was a quiet restaurant just off Diagon Alley.
"Nice."
"So glad you approve. I won't be late, Mum."
"Oh, don't worry about that, Percy. Have fun, and give my love to Hermione." Ginny had reluctantly let her mother in on the plan, and had been surprised to hear that she was well aware of Hermione's feelings for her middle son, and despaired of her ever doing anything about it. Hermione would be pleased to know she had Molly on her side.
After Percy Apparated away, Ginny quickly got changed and flooed to Harry's. Ron and Draco were already there, and she was very surprised to see Sirius Black and Severus Snape too.
"Wow, all my favourite men are here." She kissed each one in turn.
"So what's up, Gin?" Ron pulled one of her curls and she stuck her tongue out at him.
"Hermione has a date tonight."
"And you've brought us all here to tell us that?" Sirius asked.
"Sirius, you invited us here." Severus said dryly. "Said you hadn't seen Harry in a week."
"Never mind, the more the merrier."
"So what's the plan, Baldrick?" Harry asked. Ron and Draco looked puzzled and Harry nodded towards Ginny. "She has a cunning plan."
"As long as it doesn't involve rats or turnips." Severus said in a low voice to Sirius, who started laughing.
"What is the matter with you lot?" Ginny still didn't get Harry's earlier comment.
"I never knew you were a connoisseur of muggle humour, Severus." Harry said.
"Just don't mention the war." Severus's mouth quirked up at the ends as Sirius collapsed against him.
"What has Voldemort got to do with this?" Draco was equally puzzled as Harry now joined in the laughter.
"Absolutely nothing, Draco, just ignore them." Severus smirked. Sirius elbowed him in the side. "You started this."
"No, Baldrick over there did."
"That enough!" Ginny raised her voice, calling the meeting to order. "This is what we are going to do.."
~~~
Unaware of the machinations of a younger sister and her partners in crime, Percy Apparated to Hermione's home, appearing outside her front door and ringing the bell at precisely 7pm.
From the other side of the door, Hermione took a deep breath, smoothed her already smooth hair, and opened the door with a bright smile on her face. If a third party had been a witness to their initial meeting, they would have seen similar stunned expressions on both faces.
"Wow." They both thought. "I wonder if he/she would mind if we didn't go out."
But of course, being polite, Hermione opened the door wider and Percy stepped through into the hall.
"I'll just get my robe." She said.
"A wrap will do." He called after her, not willing for that outfit she was wearing to be hidden too much. Grabbing her wrap, Hermione hurried back to Percy.
"Do you mind if we Apparate, rather than walk? I don't fancy these heels getting caught." She said.
"Not at all." Percy put his arm around her and they were gone. They reappeared just outside the restaurant he had booked a table at earlier that day, and holding her arm possessively, he guided her inside.
"This is nice, Percy. Have you been here before?"
"No, someone recommended it to me." He tried not to notice the way her top slipped off one shoulder as she handed her wrap to the Maitre'd, who had no compunction about looking though. Percy followed her to their table by the window and almost glared at the waiter as he bent just a little too far over Hermione as he seated her.
As they looked at the menu, Hermione looked up to say something and caught a movement outside.
"Percy, did you mention where we were going tonight?"
"Why?"
"I think we're about to have company." She nodded towards the window. Percy groaned as he saw a familiar red head. He smiled weakly and watched as the couple entered, spoke to the Maitre'd and proceeded to drag two chairs up to join them.
"Hermione! What are you doing here with Percy?" Ron grinned.
"Hello Ron, Draco. What are you doing here?"
"Just passing, saw you, didn't think you'd mind us joining you. You don't, do you?" Ron batted his ridiculously long lashes at her.
"I suppose not." She sighed, looking at Percy.
Ron looked at Percy too, seeing a slightly clenched jaw. Oh, this was going to be good. He'd been shocked when Ginny had revealed Hermione's date, but now he'd had time to think about it, he approved. How interrupting their date was going to get them together, though, he had no idea. But this was Ginny's plan, not his. He would have just locked them in a cupboard somewhere. Hey, it had worked with Draco. Draco had moved his chair next to Percy, forcing him to move around the table next to Hermione, which wasn't too much of a hardship, although he would have preferred to look at her directly rather than having to turn his head all the time. He'd think about ways to kill Ron later.
"So, what's everyone having?" Ron snagged Percy's menu.
The evening deteriorated from then on. Hermione was not happy having her first date interrupted, and from the look on Percy's face, he wasn't either. What made it worse was that during dessert, Simon Munroe appeared and stood expectantly waiting for an invitation to join them. When none was forthcoming, he joined them anyway, squeezing in between Hermione and Ron. Hermione shot him a look of icy dislike as his hand brushed her bare knee. She stiffened even further as it crept up her thigh. Leaning forward to reach her glass of water, she spoke very quietly to Simon.
"One more inch and you won't have a hand left after I've finished with you. Now remove it."
Simon flushed and quickly brought his hand back to the table.
"I'm ready to leave, Percy, is that OK with you?" Hermione turned to him.
"Sure, I'll get the bill."
"No, No, we'll take care of it Percy. After all, we did gatecrash your date." Draco insisted.
"Date?" Simon asked. He thought she was just out with her friends, not just with Percy.
"Are you sure?" Percy wasn't going to protest too much, he'd been looking forward to spending some time alone with Hermione and they'd ruined it.
"Positive. Make sure Hermione gets home safely."
"I don't live that far away, as well you know." Hermione stood up, her top slipping a little.
Ron noticed the look on Simon's face as she bent down to retrieve her purse from the table and waited as Percy draped her wrap around her shoulders. They nodded goodnight and left the table, Percy's arm hovering protectively around her waist.
"Not so fast, Munroe." Ron said quietly as Simon got up to leave.
"What's up, Weasley?"
"Touch Hermione again like you did and it won't be just Hermione you'll have to deal with."
"I don't know what you mean." He blustered.
"Yes, you do."
"Does your brother always get other people to do his dirty work?" he sneered.
"I just don't want to be in your shoes when he does find out you felt his girlfriend up under the table." Ron folded his arms across his broad chest.
"Ooh, I'm really scared." The sneer was not quite so well pronounced now.
"You should be. I hope I don't see you around." Ron lifted his shoulder and turned back to Draco. Simon quickly left.
"What was all that about?" Draco asked. Ron smiled at him.
"Just thought I'd warn him off a bit."
"Not very subtle."
"You know me, Draco."
"Yeah, your idea of subtle is grabbing me when you want a shag."
"Well, do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Fancy a shag?"
"Seeing as you asked so nicely, OK." Draco paid for dinner and followed Ron out.
"Should we report back to Ginny?" Ron asked and Draco wrapped his arm around him ready to Apparate.
"Later. Much later." And they were gone.
~~~
Hermione sighed as she opened her door, and turned to Percy.
"Do you want to come in for a coffee?" she asked.
"Thanks, I'd love one." He followed her into the kitchen and leant against the counter as she moved gracefully around, preparing two mugs. He made a careful note of the mugs, not cups, which indicated he'd be there a little while.
"You can take your robe off, if you want." She said, smiling. He smiled back at her.
"Well, I think Ron will let everyone know that he saw us together." He said, putting his robe over the back of a chair.
"Do you think Munroe will say anything at work tomorrow?"
"Probably. He did ask me to put in a good word for him with you."
"Urgh. Creep." She handed him his mug and indicated towards the living room.
"What did you say to him just before we left?"
"Told him to get his hand off my knee."
"What?"
"He's almost as bad as Brennon." She kicked off her shoes and sank down on the sofa, curling her feet under her, the trousers revealing a length of thigh. She moved the fabric around so they covered her a bit, much to Percy's disappointment.
"I'll speak to him tomorrow."
"Thanks, Percy. You're a good friend." She stared down into her mug. Percy looked at her, frustrated. He wasn't sure he wanted to be a good friend to her anymore. He put his coffee on the table and moved closer to her. She looked up.
"Hermione.." he stretched out a hand to her and then jumped as the fireplace flared to life. It was Ginny.
"What is it, Ginny?" Hermione was just as frustrated by this as Percy.
"Can I come over?"
"It's getting late, Ginny, and I do have work tomorrow."
"It won't take long. Oh, Hello Percy. Did you have a nice meal?"
"Yes, thanks, Ginny. I'd better go, Hermione. I'll see you tomorrow at lunch?" he stood up.
"OK. I'll see you out. Yes, Ginny, I can spare you a few minutes." She turned to Ginny's head in the fireplace, her eyes shooting daggers at her.
"Thanks for a lovely evening, Percy."
"Even with the interruptions?" he turned to face her as they reached the door.
"Yes." She smiled up at him. There was silence as he wondered whether to kiss her or not. He almost raised a hand to ruffle her hair, but instead his hand curved itself around her throat, his thumb lifting her chin up. Bending down, he pressed a brief kiss on the corner of her mouth.
"See you tomorrow." He said softly, and was gone.
"That was so sweet." Ginny said from the doorway, and Hermione rounded on her.
"Ginny, what is so important that you had to interrupt my date with Percy?"
"So how did it go?"
"It was going fine until Ron and Draco turned up."
"Oh?" Ginny didn't look at her, which immediately made Hermione suspicious.
"Did you tell them I had a date?"
"It was all part of my cunning plan." She said innocently.
"And what plan is this, Baldrick?"
This was the third time someone had mentioned this, and Ginny was getting annoyed.
"Just who the hell is Baldrick?"
"I hate to tell you this, Gin, but Baldrick is a slow-witted comedic sidekick, who's 'cunning plans' were always doomed to failure." Hermione shook her head at her.
"But mine is different."
"I certainly hope so. Well?"
"I couldn't tell you about it because I needed the element of surprise on our side. Your reaction wouldn't have been half so believable if you'd known."
"So your idea is to keep interrupting our dates? How stupid is that?"
"It'll keep him on his toes, keep him coming back for more."
"Either that or it'll drive him away."
"Nah, he's too stubborn. I'm not sure how long it will take before he cracks, though."
"And that's your plan?"
"Yes."
"Do me a favour, Gin?"
"Of course."
"Keep me ignorant in future. Now go home. I have work in the morning."
"And lunch with Percy." She said slyly.
"That too. Goodnight."
"'Night, Hermione."
~~~
Percy was waiting for her when she stepped out of the fireplace at The Burrow, his arms crossed across his chest and a frown on his face.
"Have a nice chat with Hermione?"
"Yes. I needed to ask her about something."
"Couldn't it wait until morning?"
"Did I interrupt anything, Percy?"
"No.."
"Well then."
"So it's okay to floo you at Harry's then after a date, is it?"
"I thought this wasn't supposed to be a date, just dinner with a friend?"
"That's beside the point."
"So you saw it as a date? Shall I tell Mum? Are your intentions honourable?"
"You're impossible!" Percy huffed turned away.
"Oh, Percy?" she called after him.
"What?"
"You left your robe at Hermione's."
TBC