Sam walked slowly down the corridor towards his office. It was early and the cleaners were still finishing their work. He opened the door and walked over to his desk. Some messages lay neatly stacked on top of a pile of files. He hung up his coat, sat down, reached over and opened the top file. It was a job that any of the communication staffers could have done and he knew it would be before he had opened it. He didn't mind, in actual fact he was glad. He couldn't seem to concentrate on anything for too long and he secretly feared that his writing would not be up to standard. He knew Toby and Leo were being very understanding and patient but he also knew that he could not rely on that for too long. He was also beginning to feel tired of everyone's concern. He was grateful to Toby and Josh but he also sensed that part of the time they were acting out of guilt. The worse thing was that lately he couldn't stop thinking about how long it had taken Josh to find him. Sam sighed, closed his eyes and leant back in his chair. It would pass, he told himself, just like the nightmares and the panic attacks and the fear. It would all pass eventually.

"It's good to see you, Sam."

Sam jumped up as he opened his eyes to see the President standing in front of his desk. "It's good to be back, sir." Sam shook the offered hand and found his grasped by both of Bartlet's.

"I had a feeling you would come back to work before my wife thought you should. Has Toby left you some work that would insult an intern?"

Sam laughed, "Yes sir, I think he's easing me back in."

"Well let him, Sam. Take your time and accept the help that's offered."

Sam told him that he would as his hand was grasped by the President once more.

Ginger poked her head around the door and disturbed Sam from his note-taking. "Leo wants you to see him before staff."

"Okay thanks," Sam mumbled in response. He hated to admit it but some of the files were actually quite interesting. He worked for a little while longer and then left for staff five minutes early.

"Hey, Sam, come in, sit down. I just wanted to see you before everyone else got here." Leo motioned for Sam to sit, signed a few documents that Margaret was waiting for and then came and sat down next to him.

"So how are you? Mrs Bartlet thinks you've come back too soon."

"I'm good." Sam sensed Leo wanted more information so he continued, "The Doctors are really pleased with the wound. I feel fine, a bit tired I suppose at times, but apart from that..." Silence followed and Sam looked away as he became uncomfortable with Leo's stare.

"Josh told me you saw someone at the hospital."

Sam suddenly remembered Leo's request the day he had visited him and realised that it wasn't Sam's physical health he was asking about.

Leo was surprised to notice a look of anger flash across Sam's face and waited for him to reply.

"I saw someone, Leo. I told you I would and I did. I saw someone twice at the hospital and once afterwards."

"Hey calm down. This isn't a cross examination. I'm just…we're just concerned. We want to make sure that everything is okay- that's all we're doing here." There was another uncomfortable silence in which Leo continued to study Sam while he studiously looked at anything apart from Leo. "Are you planning on seeing someone again?"

"Why?" Sam stood up, "Why?" His voice increased in volume as he started to pace, "Why do you think that if I keep talking about it everything is suddenly going to get better?"

"You're an intelligent man, Sam, you know that talking about it can help." Leo stood up too and walked over to him. "You know, last Christmas-"

"Please, Leo, don't…just don't start another comparison between this and what happened to Josh. There is going to be no sudden revelation. I know I was stabbed, I know I could have died and I know I was frightened and I'm dealing with it." Sam spoke in a calm, low voice and managed to hide his emotions from Leo that were threatening to overcome him. He sat down again and was relieved when Leo said nothing but sat down next to him.

"Just tell me this; if you find you need help do you know where to get it. I don't mean us, I mean professional help."

Sam looked up and held Leo's stare. "Yes, and if I need help I will but I don't at the moment. I just need to be here working…getting back to normal." Sam wasn't lying. He believed that he was doing as well as could be expected. He was finishing the antibiotics today, he was sleeping better and the nightmares were becoming less frequent. "Everyone copes in different ways. You can't keep comparing my recovery to Josh's, is all I'm saying."

"Okay then that's all I'm going to say on the subject. You know to get help if you need it. That's good enough for me." Leo was lying; he didn't believe Sam was okay. In fact after this conversation he was convinced he wasn't but there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't force Sam to get help and nothing had happened that would make him even start thinking about giving him an ultimatum about getting help or working in the White House. Leo sat behind his desk and watched the senior staff enter the room. He noticed a series of looks between Josh and Toby and wondered what they knew that they weren't telling him. He looked at Sam, still red-faced from his outburst, avoiding his friends' eyes and diligently fiddling with his tie. Leo wondered what Sam wasn't telling them.

After the meeting Josh caught up with Sam who had bolted out of the room as soon as it was over. "How's it going?" he asked breathlessly finally catching up with him at the door to his office.

"Oh okay. A bit tired but it's good to be back." Sam sat down and opened one of the files. He really didn't want to talk to Josh now. He knew he would want to know what Leo had said and he didn't want to have to go through another discussion about his current state of mind.

Josh glanced at Toby through the window and purposefully walked out of his view. "What did Leo want?"

Sam closed the file and turned his chair to face Josh. "Welcome back, don't work too hard, you know, what you'd expect, but genuine, I don't mean he was just saying it, though who would blame if he was because it must have been hard having Toby covering for me and I know you haven't been here much during the past few weeks not that I don't appreciate it because I do but you know there's some pretty important things that we should be doing, not in these files maybe but other stuff, you know you have stuff and Leo was just saying that really…you know…welcome back." Sam took a breath.

"Wow, well your lungs are obviously back to full capacity." Josh shook his head and smiled, "I'm going to go talk to some people who won't rant at me now."

"Okay." Sam put his glasses on and returned to his work.

Sam worked solidly through the rest of the morning. Four people offered to get him lunch and after he had come back from the mess five more came to check that he'd eaten something. During the afternoon though Sam found he was left alone and he made the most of solitude. Toby came and peered through the dividing window a couple of times and although Sam was grateful for his boss's concern he made a point of not looking up but just carrying on ploughing through the files which he had almost finished.

He was still working when Donna came in with a cup of coffee. "I didn't get to see you earlier so I brought you this."

"You made me a drink!" Sam smiled then frowned and looked at Donna with a confused expression, "You never make drinks."

"Well it's a special 'first day back' drink. It's the same as my 'you might get fired today' drink but with less sugar." Sam grinned at Donna and reached to take the cup from her. He did so at exactly the same time as she started to put it down which resulted in some of it spilling over his hand.

"And this is why I don't make drinks for people," Donna explained as she helped Sam hunt for a tissue. Sam grinned at her as he held his arm downwards to let the liquid drip onto the floor.

"I had some tissues in here somewhere. I think Toby tidied my desk while I was away and I-" Sam stopped in mid sentence his attention had been caught by something in the drawer.

"Sam, have you found them?"

He quickly shut the drawer, sat up and shook his arm. "It's alright, it was only a little bit, it's dry now." He took a sip of the coffee. "Will I be getting a 'second day back' drink tomorrow?"

"It depends. I'm unpredictable."

When she had left, Sam closed the door behind her and returned to his desk. He pulled open the drawer, reached down and took out Toby's stapler. He'd pieced together Ginger and Josh's answer phone messages after his panic attack in the hospital. He remembered stealing the stapler for Josh and asking him to make sure it was put back on Toby's desk. He knew that for some of the time he had been lying there bleeding Josh had been panicking about the stapler. He also knew that it was totally irrational for him to think that Josh hadn't come because of it. But there was still a part of him that couldn't understand why Josh hadn't come and the thoughts he'd had when his mind had been clouded with fear were the thoughts that stayed with him now, irrational or not. He put the stapler to the back of the bottom drawer, pushed the other items over it and went back to work.

By five thirty he was finished and he walked into Toby's office and dumped the files on his desk. "Give me some proper work tomorrow."

"You've done them all haven't you?" Toby asked. Sam nodded.

"They were meant to last a couple of days, Sam. Couldn't you have strung them out a bit?"

"I appreciate what you're trying to do but I just spent two weeks in hospital and believe me, I know it's an idiom, but I'm beginning to think it could actually be possible to die of boredom."

Toby lifted the files off the papers that they had landed on and handed Sam a notepad full of jottings. "Take that home and have a look at it tonight. We'll work on it tomorrow."

Smiling, Sam took the pad from Toby and turned to leave.

"You going home now?" Toby asked as Sam reached the door.

"Yeah you didn't need me did you?" Sam looked better than he had for days but he looked tired too and Toby was pleased his deputy was not trying to prove anything by staying late.

"No you head off...you did good today."

Sam smiled he knew Toby wasn't talking about the files.

Sam took the elevator to his apartment. He usually took the stairs to compensate for not getting enough exercise but today he was too tired to even think about it. He pulled one of the double doors open and collided into the person who was coming through the other side. Both men took a few seconds to compose themselves and then the man took a step to the left at the same time as Sam, he then took a step to the right as Sam did. He started to chuckle, "Shall we dance?" Sam didn't answer he had turned deathly pale and was shaking. "I'm sorry…are you alright?"

When he got no response he lifted his arm with the intention of gently shaking Sam who was standing staring at the floor. At his action Sam sprang into life, mumbled, "Sorry," and hurried to his apartment.

"Hey, I didn't mean to…" Sam's door slammed shut, "…startle you," the man said to the empty corridor.

Inside his apartment Sam sunk slowly to the ground. His door was directly opposite the bedroom and he stared at it as memories of the attack began to invade his mind. Sam put his head in his hands, and closed his eyes as the whole sequence played out. He had known he would remember sooner or later but he had thought the memories would return gradually or in a nightmare, not like this, not like the whole thing was happening again. Sam sat on the floor struggling to control his breathing but once he had it under control he found he could not control the images. With the images came the sensations that he had felt. He used the door handle to pull himself upwards. He wasn't thinking clearly. He wanted to rid himself of the memories but was still panicking and didn't know how to do it. He switched the television on and turned up the volume. He knew he should take a sleeping pill and try to sleep or at least lie down but the thought of going into his bedroom increased his sense of panic. He thought of phoning Toby but didn't think he could cope with waiting for him to come. He thought he was going insane. When his sight fell on the bottle of whisky he stopped thinking and suddenly knew exactly what to do.

A voice accompanied the weather maps that flashed across the screen of the television. The only other sound in the room was the chinking of glass as Sam's shaking hands poured the whisky. He drank half of the liquid before collapsing onto the sofa. He had not eaten since lunch and he had drunk no alcohol since he had been in hospital. Those affects, combined with his tiredness and anxiety, gave the alcohol a head start and it soon began to calm him down. He reached for the remote, muted the sound and continued to drink until the images blurred and then left his mind and he sank back against the sofa, glass resting precariously on his lap, and fell asleep.

Josh sat on CJ's sofa his eyes closed and his brow furrowed in concentration. CJ leant forward on her desk waiting for his reply.

"In five steps?" he asked.

"Yeah." CJ tapped her pencil on the edge of the pad.

"Right here it is; Jack Lemmon was in Some Like it Hot with Tony Curtis…"

"Keep going, Halliwell."

"Tony Curtis was in Trapeze with…Charlton Heston."

"Kirk Douglas."

"Right, who was in Spartacus, who else was in that?"

"Tony Curtis but you've already used him."

Josh stood and started pacing listing the names of film stars. CJ was waiting to speak to Leo and Josh needed to speak to Toby both of whom were locked in a meeting. Josh had a feeling that the meeting was about Sam and CJ did too so they lost themselves in a game of film trivia and avoided the subject altogether.

Sam had woken to find the glass had tipped over and the remnants of the whisky had spilt over his leg and the sofa. He wasn't sure how long he had slept for and he couldn't remember how much he'd had to drink but he was pretty sure that going back to sleep would be a good idea. He knew he couldn't face going into his bedroom so he stood up gingerly with the intention of making his way to the spare room. As he stood a wave of nausea came over him. He reached out and held onto the arm of the sofa as the room started to spin. When the nausea and spinning passed Sam moaned as a throbbing began in his head so severe that it forced him to sit back down. He squinted at the flashing clock on the video and realised that he had only been asleep for an hour. He tried to stand again and this time he made it to the kitchen where he splashed cold water on his face. He held onto the sink and decided when he had got himself together enough he would phone the doctor.

"They were journalists- Tony Curtis and Kirk Douglas." What had begun as a distraction was now a full blown project.

"It wasn't Kirk Douglas it was Burt Lancaster," CJ explained.

"That's good we need him," Josh scribbled through a name on his list and tucked the pen behind his ear. "You know I might phone Sam, he always knows this stuff."

"He's probably in bed, he was really tired." CJ came and sat down next to Josh and studied the list, "But we do still need Cary Grant."

"I'll phone his cell then I won't wake him." Josh grabbed the phone and started to dial. He was secretly glad of an excuse to phone and check that Sam was okay.

Sam was reaching for the phone when he heard his cell ringing in his jacket that he had draped over the chair. He fumbled in the pockets, the pain in his head was now sickening and each ring of the phone seemed to blast to the centre of it.

"Hey, Sam, you weren't asleep were you?" as Josh spoke the room started spinning and Sam eased himself down onto the floor.

"Sam?" Josh called into the phone.

"I'm here…I don't think…I don't feel…"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know…I was asleep…I just feel…" his voice faded again.

Josh didn't think Sam was having a panic attack his speech was too slow for that, too slurred. "Sam, are you drunk?" Josh's tone displayed disbelief.

"Drunk…not too much…don't feel well now…feel ill." Sam was now lying on the floor his stomach was churning.

"Sam, where are you?" Josh stood up and stared at CJ who was looking back at him.

"On…floor."

Josh took a deep breath before replying as calmly as he could. "At home, Sam, are you at home?"

"Yes…on floor at home…not well."

Josh grabbed his coat and keys and gave the phone to CJ. "Keep talking to him. I think he's drunk but he sounds really out of it." CJ nodded and grabbed the phone as Josh flew out of the office and down the corridor.