Adam had been at work for two hours by the time Sam finally got out of bed. The sun was peeking through a crack in the curtains, slicing the room in two. Sam squinted as he walked through the shaft of light on his way to the bathroom. A nightmare had woken him. He had become used to waking that way. He stood for a while in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection. He saw his pale complexion and dark circles under his eyes and this morning he saw something else. On the top of his arms were marks. When he looked closer he could make out hand shaped bruises on both of his arms. He remembered struggling with Adam and being pushed against the wall. He couldn't remember anything before that. Sam placed his hands on the sink and took a couple of deep breaths. The water that he had intended to shave with had long since cooled. When he looked up again the sight that greeted him made him cry out. Sam stared at his image, smartly dressed, ghastly pale, gasping for breath and soaked with blood. He fell to the floor. He thought he had remembered everything about how he had been stabbed and collapsed before he could get to the phone. Now he remembered going to the bathroom and clinging onto the sink, he remembered his hands slipping and seeing the blood. His hands were wet now but not from blood. Sam wiped them frantically on his jeans; it felt like blood to him.
If that had been all that happened Sam probably would have coped. He could have got himself together, calmed his breathing and maybe phoned Adam, Josh or Toby and spoke to them until the fear had passed. But it wasn't all that happened. Before he could begin to attempt to calm down the phone started to ring. Adam had a phone in the lounge and one in his bedroom and both rang now, one echoing the other. It sounded to Sam like one continuous, ominous, sound. He covered his ears and managed to reach the door with his foot and kick it shut. He stayed in that position and when he finally moved again the water in the sink was stone cold.
Adam replaced the receiver, got out his cell phone and started to type in a message.
Have you gone out?
GO SAILING!
Will be home late
Adam flipped the phone shut and breathed a sigh of relief. Sam had not been outside of the house since he had arrived. It was a beautiful day and he had obviously decided he had done enough moping. It was Friday, he could work late tonight and then maybe he and Sam could take off somewhere for the weekend. Adam smiled, pleased with his plan, if Toby had been there he could have told him; Sam doesn't follow plans, he wrecks them.
Toby was rifling through the contents of Sam's desk and was so engrossed in his task that he didn't see Josh appear at the doorway. He watched him silently as Toby rummaged through the drawers.
"What are you doing?" Josh's voice startled Toby who sat back on his haunches and placed his hand on his chest.
"Well now I'm trying to stave off a coronary." Toby took a few more deep breaths and then opened the bottom drawer. He searched until he finally found what he was looking for. He stood up and showed Josh what he was holding.
"Oh." Josh walked closer to the desk. "Do you think he saw it?"
"He must have, Donna told me she put it in the top drawer."
"Where did you find it?" Josh stared at the stapler and wondered how such an innocent piece of office stationary could come to represent so much to him.
"Shoved under some paper at the back of the bottom one." Toby flipped it over in his hand. The two men stood staring at it as if they expected it to do something. In the end Josh walked around the desk, took the stapler from Toby's hand, threw it back in the drawer and slammed it shut. Toby stood, speechless in front of him his hand still held out palm upwards. Toby was formulating a suitable response when Ginger interrupted his thoughts.
"Toby, there's a Detective Swane trying to get hold of Sam shall I put him through?" Toby nodded and both men went quickly to the room next door.
Josh listened to Toby's monosyllabic responses and tried to work out what the officer was telling him.
"I'm sure he'll be very relieved to hear that…and you're certain about the trial?" Toby looked at Josh as he spoke, "Thanks for keeping us informed, I'll let Mr Seaborn know." He replaced the receiver. "They've caught him."
"Really! That's incredible…I mean we never thought…Sam's gonna feel so much better…I'm gonna phone him." Josh reached for the phone.
"Josh!" Toby said his name as if he was a child reaching for a second slice of cake before being invited.
"What? This is good news, he'd want to know."
"It's better than good news; he's taken a plea and there isn't going to be a trial. But you're still not going to phone him." Toby started writing down details of the call for Leo. "Leo can tell him tonight when he calls." Toby didn't look up again, so Josh left the office and went back to his own. He was mad at Toby but he wasn't going to let it ruin his good mood. He grinned as he approached Donna's desk.
"The gods of justice have smiled down on us and kicked some ass, Donna."
"Are there gods of justice?" Donna asked as her fingers brushed over her keyboard.
"I don't know, but if there are, they're smiling on us. They've caught the man who attacked Sam."
At this news Donna stopped typing and looked up at Josh, returning his grin.
"Fiat justitia …something…ruat…something," Josh trailed off as he couldn't remember the rest of the quote.
"Is that Latin for the gods of justice kicked some ass?" Donna asked with a straight face.
"You should keep typing…I preferred that." Josh walked into his office and collapsed onto the chair. He swung his legs up on the desk and put his hands behind his head. This was a sign; at last things were going their way. For the first time in weeks he felt that things might turn out alright after all.
Sam slowly removed his hands from his ears and straightened out. He lay still for a few more moments and then got up. He couldn't think why he was lying on the floor. He felt cold and confused. All of his movements seemed to take him twice as long as usual and he felt like he was somehow observing himself as he moved about the house. He walked into Adam's room and found a sweater. He sat on the bed and tried to think about where he was and why he was there, but he couldn't seem to keep his thought processes going for long enough to make sense of the confusing world he now found himself in. He felt angry though, he recognised that feeling. He could picture Josh leaning over him looking worried, turning him onto his side and wiping his mouth, holding him by his shoulders and calling to him and as the images grew so too did the feeling of anger.
He walked from room to room, occasionally stopping and staring into space. He had tried to phone Josh but couldn't seem to operate his cell phone and in his frustration he had thrown it against the wall. He had watched as it broke into pieces and scattered across the floor. And then he had shouted and cursed and thrown the empty beer bottles at the wall because watching the glass shatter made him feel better. Somewhere along the way he had convinced himself that this would only end if Josh came, he had to wait for Josh to arrive and then it would be okay. So he went and sat by the phone because that was what was going to happen, Josh was going to phone and this time he knew he had to pick it up and tell him to come and help him. This time he had to let Josh know and then he would come. He sank down onto the floor and placed the phone in front of him, ready to answer and silence it as soon as the ringing started. He brought his knees up to his chest and crossed his arms around them and he sat and waited for Josh to call.
When the phone finally did ring he reached for the receiver with such haste that he knocked it flying and had to crawl over the phone to retrieve it. He heard a voice on the other end calling out hello.
"Josh?"
"Err no…no…this is Stuart. Is Adam there?"
"Stuart?" Sam almost whispered the question.
"Yes, I'm a friend of Adam's and I've made arrangements to borrow his-"
Before he could explain Sam cut in, "Who are you?" Sam's confusion was clear.
"Look, I don't know who you are but I'd like to speak to, or leave a message for Adam. Can you take a message?" He didn't mean to sound patronising but all he wanted to do was borrow Adam's boat and now he was stuck talking to some idiot who couldn't seem to get past hello.
"You're not Josh," he shouted, then in a calm voice he continued, "I'm going to hang up now, I'm waiting for Josh."
Sam continued to sit and wait. He tried to remember Josh's cell phone number but he couldn't. Normally it was a number he knew by heart but now if he had been asked his date of birth he would have had difficulty remembering it. After a while he stopped trying to remember and it was then he found that a number came straight into his head. He dialled and Donna picked up.
"Josh Lyman's office."
"I need to speak to Josh." Donna recognised the voice but not the tone of it.
"Mr Lyman's in a meeting can I ask who-"
"You have to get him!"
"Can you please let me have your name and I'll-"
"Sam…it's Sam Seaborn." His words were met with silence. Donna thought quickly about what to do. She was shocked to realise that it was Sam and that he didn't even recognise who he was talking to.
"Just hold on, Mr Seaborn, I'm going to get him." She set off towards the Muriel Room. At one look at her face Josh excused himself from the meeting and caught up with her as she had already began to rush back towards his office.
"What's wrong?" He grabbed her arm and tried to get her to slow down.
"Sam's on the phone but he sounds…weird…he didn't know it was me…he didn't know me." Josh overtook her and grabbed the phone from the desk.
"Sam, it's Josh, what's wrong?"
"Where are you?"
Josh exchanged a glance with Donna as he heard Sam's voice for the first time and the tone of it shocked him too. "I'm in my office Sam."
"No, not where, I mean…why aren't you here?"
"Sam, tell me where you are and I can-"
"No, you don't…just…you should be here…I've been waiting."
"Sam, listen to me, you need to calm down and tell me where you are. Everything's going to be okay but I won't be able to find you if you don't tell me where you are."
"Is that why you didn't come?"
Josh felt a wave of panic sweep over him and thought the only thing he could do was play along with Sam. "That's right I couldn't find you, that's why you need to tell me where you are."
"I'm in…I'm at…" Sam looked around his surroundings, he thought he was in his apartment but now realised he wasn't, suddenly it came to him, "Adam's house, I'm in Adam's house."
"That's right, Sam…good…right…is Adam there?"
"No, he's at work."
"You know I'm in Washington right?" There was no reply. "Sam! You know I'm in Washington don't you?"
Josh didn't see Leo enter the room as he waited for Sam to reply. "Yeah…yes…I thought you were…it was…yeah, I'm sorry."
Leo walked over to the phone and gestured for Josh to put it on speakerphone, he shook his head knowing Sam wouldn't want Leo to hear him like this. "You need to phone Adam if you're feeling bad, Sam. Phone Adam and tell him to come home."
"You're not coming then?" Sam sounded angry.
Josh glanced at Leo's puzzled face and Donna's concerned one before answering. "If you want me to I'll leave now. Is that what you want?"
"I don't know…I think I need to go out somewhere…I'm meant to go sailing…Leo said…and Adam…they told me to go sailing."
"Oh Jesus," Josh muttered before answering. "No, Sam, that's a really bad idea. Stay where you are and I'll phone Adam." Leo frantically scribbled something down and shoved the piece of paper in front of Josh. "Give me Adam's number, Sam…or tell me where he works."
Leo looked at Josh's relieved expression as he started scribbling down the name of a law firm, he caught Leo's gaze and rolled his eyes. He managed to convince Sam to lie down and wait for Adam to get home. When he hung up he collapsed into his chair and looked up at Leo. "I think I've got to go down a hole," he said.
After hanging up, Sam did as Josh had told him and went to lie down. Whilst he was falling asleep a stream of phone calls were being made. Stuart phoned Adam to tell him a mad man was answering his phone. Adam hung up on Stuart and phoned Sam but it was engaged, Sam had left it off the hook. Josh phoned Adam but he was engaged. Finally Adam found the piece of paper he had scribbled the numbers on last night and phoned Josh. The two men spoke for quite a while. Adam explained he was worried after what Stuart had told him and Josh was able to fill him in on the rest. They arranged that Josh would set off on the next train. Adam made arrangements to leave work early and go home.
Donna told Josh the arrangements she had made for him. If all the connections were on time he could be in Sag Harbor in just over three hours. He just had time to go home, change and grab some clothes. He didn't know how long he would be staying but as it was a Friday he had the weekend to persuade Sam to see sense and come home. Toby appeared in his office as he was leaving.
"Don't pressure him and don't make him feel backed in a corner. Don't try appealing to his logical side because at the moment he hasn't got one. If you think you're out of your depth phone me. If he doesn't want to come back then don't try to force him. If you think you're getting nowhere then come back and we'll think again. Tell his friend what's been going on." Throughout his tirade Toby had been pacing back and forth but now he stopped and stood behind the desk.
"Anything else?" Josh asked sarcastically.
"Yeah…don't drink the coffee on the Acela, it's crap."
With promises to keep Toby constantly updated Josh left the West Wing and began a journey that he had feared making and as he boarded the train he hoped he had the strength to face whatever awaited him. Most of all he hoped he wouldn't let Sam down again.
When Adam arrived at his home the first thing he saw were the broken bottles on the floor beside the television. He quickly saw the beer that had dried on the wall and Sam's broken cell phone scattered across the room. He called Sam's name, rushing into his bedroom, and came to a halt when he found him asleep on the bed. He was curled into a ball and looked far from peaceful. Adam crouched down beside the bed and gently said his name. When he didn't stir he decided to leave him and wake him later.
He had removed nearly all traces of Sam's rage when the phone rang. Josh had told him he would phone when he was on the train and Adam continued to sweep up the glass with the phone cradled on his shoulder as he filled him in on the latest.
Sam had woken up when the phone rang and lay listening to the one sided conversation. He got out of bed and went and stood behind the door. The sleep had made little difference to Sam and if anything he had woken up more confused. He knew that Josh was coming; he had phoned him and told him to come. He listened to Adam's voice and tried to make sense of the conversation. Adam was telling Josh about the broken bottles, the phone and the nightmare. Sam listened in horror to the description of how he had behaved last night. He rubbed at the bruises on his arm distractedly. Whatever Josh was saying, Adam was agreeing with it. As Adam started to reply, Sam realised that he was agreeing that he should return to Washington with Josh. He continued to listen until Adam finished the call and then he went into the living room. Adam finished sweeping up the glass and stood up, when he turned around he found himself face to face with Sam.
"Whoa …Sam, you scared the-" Adam struggled to regain his composure. "How are you feeling?"
"Why do you want me to go back to Washington?" There was no emotion in Sam's voice and his face held no clue to his emotions either.
"I don't want you to, I just think it might be better if you did." Adam placed his arm on Sam and tried to lead him to the sofa but it was shrugged off.
"I don't want to go…is that why Josh is coming here?" There was now no mistaking how Sam was feeling. He was standing with his hands on his hips and as he spoke he took a step towards Adam.
"Josh is coming because you asked him to come. He's worried about you Sam…we all are."
"We…since when did you and the people I work with become we?"
"Since I had to phone them to find out what's wrong with you!" Adam was shouting now and walked away from Sam in order to calm down before he continued. "You need help…I can't do anything for you but help you hide…that's why you came here isn't it, to hide."
"Well you tell me as you obviously know so much about it. You tell me why I can't close my eyes without seeing…why I can't stop thinking about…why I keep seeing the same images and then new ones. Why I'm scared to go into my own home…scared to go to sleep…scared in case the phone starts ringing." Sam was shouting now. "You tell me! Tell me why I was left bleeding…no one came…I could hear them…stupid messages and I was bleeding…I couldn't breathe…no one came…I was bleeding I could feel it …taste it…I was bleeding…"
Sam said the last words quietly with a sense of disbelief. Adam didn't know what to do. He looked at his watch and realised Josh wouldn't be there for at least another hour. He walked slowly over to Sam, who stood facing away from him, his arms wrapped tightly around himself.
In retrospect, Adam realised that walking up behind Sam probably wasn't the wisest thing to do. If he had given it some thought he would have paid more attention to the fact that Sam hadn't acknowledged he was there. He would have called his name until he had a reaction. He certainly wouldn't have walked up behind him and placed his hand on his back.
Sam whipped around with such force that he knocked Adam off his feet. His hand, that he had bought up to protect himself, succeeded in splitting Adam's lip. The shock of it made him cry out and this cry seemed to break through to Sam. He stood over Adam staring in horror at the blood that he was wiping away from his mouth.
"I'm sorry…sorry…I'm sorry, Adam, sorry." Sam was rambling but Adam was grateful that he was addressing him directly.
"It's alright…I surprised you…my fault, give me a hand up." Adam held out his hand and was relieved when Sam grasped it and pulled him to his feet.
Sam started fussing and insisted on taking Adam to the bathroom so he could clean the cut. Adam was surprised to see the sink full of water and a razor on the floor. He stooped to pick it up while Sam emptied the water and ran a cloth under the tap.
"God, Sam, don't tell me you forgot to rinse." Normally a sarcastic comment about Sam's penchant for cleanliness would result in an entertaining defence of his actions. This time Sam didn't reply and just stood wringing the cloth so hard that he had to wet it again before handing it to Adam.
"What happened this morning? You didn't finish shaving I know that much," Adam said as he threw the razor into the sink.
"I remembered something about the morning I was…I saw myself in the mirror…only it wasn't me…well it was me but it was what I saw when I was…" Sam took a deep breath while Adam held his. "Adam do you think I'm-"
Sam's question was interrupted by the noise of banging on the door.
"Adam! Adam? Are you in? You kind of hung up on me earlier and I still haven't got an answer about your boat."
"Yeah hold on," Adam shouted. "Do I think you're what?"
"Nothing I was just…"
"If there's a problem with the date I can change it," Stuart called.
"Think you're what, Sam?"
"I can't stop thinking that I'm…"
"If you've changed your mind about me having the boat you should have just said so."
"Damn it, Stuart, just give me a minute!" Adam grabbed hold of Sam's shoulders. "Tell me, Sam."
Sam looked from Adam to the door as Stuart continued to bang. "You should get that."
"Okay, look I'll just get rid of him and then we'll talk, you can finish telling me what's on your mind. Okay?" He shook Sam gently. "Okay?"
"Okay," Sam echoed.
Adam provided some work related excuse for hanging up on Stuart and fixed another date for him to borrow the boat. He looked over his shoulder uneasily as he talked, anxious to keep an eye on Sam.
When he finally got rid of Stuart he went into the kitchen and got out some cups. He started to call out to Sam about making a drink before they talked, he asked him what he wanted but heard no reply. He asked him where he wanted to sit and was again answered by silence. He checked the bathroom and then the bedroom and even before he looked he knew that the back door would be unlocked and the gate swinging on its hinges.