Non Mary Sueish Mary Sues
CHAPTER 1
DISCLAIMER:
Darth Trinity: I don't own Lord of the Rings. I wish I did though.
Vegesa: SSJ Jedi Knight: Be thankful that she doesn't.
DT: Where the hell did you come from?
SSJV: I'm your bestest bud, dumbass.
DT: Damn right bitch.
SSJV: Why the hell would people be suprised that we're best friends?
Crenius: I have no idea.
DT and SSJV: Hey Kelsi! Hey Kelsi! Hey Kelsi!
Crenius: Damn it.
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Kelsey sat pounding on the keyboard of her computer. She had finally finished her essay on what life would have been like in Early Canada. Of course, she had gone on and on about Lord of the Rings, but her teachers by now expected as much.
As she hit print, she noticed that she still had seven hours before she had to "go to bed," or as she called it, "work on my fanfics until 2 am with a flashlight, then catch up on sleep in math class." She decided to call her best friend, GT.
She picked up the phone and punched in GT's number.
"Ya, what the hell do you want?" GT asked when she picked up the phone.
"Hiya dumbass." Kelsey said, by way of greeting.
"Is this the wicked bitch of the west?" GT asked.
"Duh. So, you finished your essay yet?"
"Ya. It took me like five seconds." GT answered.
"What?" Kelsey asked.
"My essay is three words long." GT explained.
"And which three words would those be?"
"Damn boring, jackass!" GT told her.
"Nice. So, you wanna go see Lord of the Rings?" Kelsey asked.
"Sure. Who else is going?" GT asked.
"Me. And you." Kelsey answered.
"Okay, meet you at the theater."
"Mom?" Kelsey yelled up the stairs as she hung up the phone.
"Yes?"
"Can I go to Lord of the Rings with GT?"
"Yes." Kelsey's mom answered. "But you have to take your little brother with you."
"But mom, he ruins the whole movie!"
"Unless, of course, you'd rather not go at all."
LATER............
"Okay, you do not sit with in five rows of us, we meet you in back of the theater when the movie is over, and we don't know you, kapeesh?" Kelsey asked, giving her brother a ticket.
"Fiiiine." He whined.
LATER................
The two girls sat in the movie theater watching The Two Towers. Well, at the moment, they were both screaming at the screen.
"WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE DAMN HOBBITS!!!!!" Kelsey screamed. "GO BACK TO THE ELF!!"
"WE CARE ABOUT THE OTHER HOBBITS!!!!!" GT argued. "WE JUST HATE FRODO AND SAM!!!! SO WHAT IF THE WHOLE DAMN MOVIE IS ABOUT THEM?!!!!"
The girls were interrupted from their ranting at the screen by a flash of light and a whooshing noise, and they both blacked out.
LATER.................
"Where the hell are we Kels?" GT asked, looking around at the plain that seemed to go on forever.
"I dunno. But my mom's gonna kill me when she sees that we abandoned my little brother at the movie theater." Kelsey replied.
"Does this place look familiar to you?" GT asked.
"Ya, I'm getting the whole deja vu vibe here." Kelsey answered.
"Same. This is freaky." GT agreed.
Seeing that there were no roads, street signs, or generally any signs of civilization, Kelsey turned to GT and asked the question that both girls were currently thinking. "So, are we screwed or what?"
"Yep. We're screwed all right. Hey, there was a flash of light, right?" GT asked.
"Ya."
"So we're likely in some movie or book, and we're Mary Sues." GT told her friend.
"AAAAH!!!!!" Kelsey screamed, turning to run and tripping over what was likely the only rock within five miles. "Waaaaaaaait a second. Aren't Mary Sues supposed to be ultra graceful?" She asked, her mouth full of dirt.
"Yes. And we're also supposed to be beautiful." GT informed her.
"Riight. No offense, but you look like you got dressed in the dark. You're hoodies crooked, and your hair's standing straight up." Kelsey told her friend, getting up.
"None taken. Your ass is covered in dirt. And you have dirt smeared all over your face." GT told her friend.
"Meh." Kelsey said. "So we have decided that we're non Mary Sueish May Sues. What now?"
"We should probably find out where we are." GT suggested.
"I don't wanna!" Kelsey whined. "My arm, ass and legs are still sore from track practice last night!"
"You fell down the stairs again didn't you?"
"Um...No."
"You ran into a post again didn't you?" GT asked.
"Honestly! What kind of moron do you think I am?" Kelsey asked. "It was a door."
"You are a moron." GT told her friend.
"Well, there shouldn't be a door in the middle of the hallway!" Kelsey argued.
"Riiiiight Kels. I think you're just stupid." GT told her friend.
"Shut up."
"Like hell I will!" GT retorted.
"Bitch!" Kelsey yelled.
"Tell me something I didn't know already!" GT yelled back.
Within minutes, the girls were screaming various insults at each other.
That was when a sword was pressed to each of their throats.
"Who are you and where did you come from?" Asked a voice from behind GT.
"My name is GT, I'm from another land, and if you don't move the sword NOW, I'll...Um....Do something!" GT yelled back.
"You are very bold for a maiden." The voice said.
"Newsflash asswipe! Maidens, as you call them, are not frickin Barbie dolls okey doke?" Kelsey yelled.
The sword pressed harder against Kelsey's throat. "And who might you be?" asked another voice.
"My name is Kelsey. NOW LET ME GO YOU ASSCLOWN!!!!!!" Kelsey screamed at the top of her lungs, which is really, really loud.
"And I suppose you're from another land as well?" The second voice asked mockingly.
"Well duh! Do I look like I have any idea where I am?" Kelsey asked sarcastically.
"No." The voice admitted. "You also appear to be unconcerned with the fact that I could easily kill you."
"You wouldn't kill me." Kelsey said, her braveness slipping for a second.
"I might. Stop lying." The voice said. The sword was starting to cut her now.
"I'm not lying. Now, LET ME GO YOU JACKASS!!!!!!" Kelsey yelled.
Both girls were thrown onto the ground.
"You made me jam my finger, you jackass!" Kelsey yelled, shaking her hand.
"I agree with the statement regarding jackass." GT said, brushing her hair out of her face.
The girls turned around. What they saw answered all previous questions regarding their location.
Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli were standing behind the girls, looking very confused.
"We're in Middle Earth?" Kelsey asked.
"I guess." GT answered.
"So, where are we?" Kelsey asked.
"I know where we are." GT told her. "We're in the middle of freakin nowhere, that's where!"
"That is actually the truth." Gimli admitted.
"Really?" GT asked. "I was just being sarcastic."
"Really?" Kelsey asked, sarcasm practically dripping from her voice. "I thought you were dead serious."
"Well, it's not really a surprise, I mean you can only wrap your pea sized brain around so much right?" GT shot back.
"Excuse me?" Kelsey said, starting to go into her bitchy valley girl mode. "What did you just say to me?"
"I called you a moron." GT replied, also starting to act like a bitchy valley girl. "Got a problem with it?"
"Um...Ya I got a problem with it, you ho!" Kelsey replied, getting right in GT's face. "So you can just shut your big mouth okay?"
"Hell no, I'm not gonna shut up! And I'm not gonna even start with you about that little ho comment you slut!" GT shot back.
"Excuuuuuse me?" Kelsey asked. "I'm a slut now? Well you can just shut your face okay?"
"Hell no! I-" GT began.
"Shut up!" Kelsey said, sticking her hand in GT's face and turning away.
Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli just stared.
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Okay, while I find the cure for writer's block, just hit the little purple button and type something nice in the box okay? ^_^