Non Mary Sueish Mary Sues
Chapter 2
DISCLAIMER:
DT: I don't own Lord of the Rings.
SSJV: Aren't you planning to-
DT: Ignore her! I am not planning a hostile takeover! Ignore everything she says! Hostile takeover not true!
darth-minime-evil: It is so true! I read it in your diary!
DT: YOU READ MY DIARY?!!
DMME: Ummm...no? *runs*
DT: I'm gonna kill you!!!!!! *picks up hand grenade and chases brother*
SSJV: Uh oh. If anyone sees a short teenage girl with red streaked hair holding a grenade, run very far very fast.
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"Can we sto-op?" GT whined, running along behind Aragorn.
"No. We. Do. Not. Stop. Until. Nightfall." He told her, gritting his teeth.
"Damn it." GT muttered.
"Think of it this way GT." Kelsey told her friend. "We could be in science or math class."
"AH!!!" GT screamed. "I'M TOO PSYCHO TO DIE!!!!!!"
"GT?" Kelsey asked, raising her eyebrow as GT ran around in circles.
GT was too busy screaming something about homework gnomes and fire to answer.
"On second thought, I don't even wanna know." Kelsey said, shaking her head and walking off to go bug Gimli.
"What now?" He asked.
"The blood sucking squirrels are gonna kill you while you sleep." Kelsey said perfectly calmly.
"WHAT?" Gimli shrieked, running in circles in a similar fashion to GT.
"What on Earth are you looking at me for?" Kelsey asked innocently as Aragorn turned to glare at her.
"What did you tell him now?" Aragorn asked.
"I'LL NEVER SLEEP!!!" Gimli screamed, running past. "THE BLOOD SUCKING SQUIRRELS WILL NEVER GET ME!!!"
"I swear, I didn't do it!" Kelsey yelled.
Aragorn stared at her like she was psycho.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!" Kelsey yelled, running in circles too.
Legolas appeared very amused at how Gimli was now convinced that blood sucking squirrels would kill him and was trying very hard not to laugh.
"Honestly Legolas, I would think you would act a little more mature about this whole thing." Aragorn said, now evidently annoyed.
"Mature? I've heard that word somewhere before." GT said, stopping running in circles.
"It is likely used to describe exactly the opposite of you." Aragorn informed her.
"WHAT?!" GT yelled. "THE PIXIES WILL NEVER GET ME!!!!!!" She once again began running in circles.
Legolas was now trying very hard not to laugh.
"SILENCE!!!!!!!" Aragorn yelled at the two circle running psychos and the terrified screaming dwarf.
This got the attention of Gimli at least, and the two psycho teenagers did stop running and quieted their screaming to a whimper, but they did keep bouncing up and down on the spot.
"There will be no more screaming!" Aragorn yelled. "Is that understood?"
"Hey, your face turns almost the exact same shade of purple that our science teacher's does when your really pissed off." GT observed.
"No, Roszell's turns almost bluish purple." Kelsey argued.
"Of course, you would know this Kels." GT told her friend.
"Hey! I hardly ever get yelled at in class!" Kelsey argued sarcastically.
"Riiiight Kels." GT said, raising her eyebrow.
"Hey! I haven't gotten in trouble yet!" Kelsey argued. "This week." She added.
"What about the little attendance incident?" GT asked.
"Okay, when he calls my name at like seven in the morning, he should expect certain bad words coming out of my mouth." Kelsey argued.
"Kels, it was ten am." GT told her friend.
"Same diff!" Kelsey argued.
"Riight Kels whatever you-"
"Are you finished?" Aragorn yelled, his face turning even purpler.
"See, now you're lookin' more like Roszell." Kelsey told him, nodding her head.
"Be!!! Quiet!!" Aragorn yelled, losing all patience.
"Nooooo!!!!!" Kelsey and GT both yelled back mockingly.
"Yes!" Aragorn argued.
"No!" The girls. yelled back.
"You maidens are worse than orcs!" Aragorn told them.
"Oh, you better watch what you say buddy, 'cause when my army of blood sucking squirrels, brain sucking llamas, killer bunnies, rabid sparrows, rabid chipmunks and demonic pikas takes over the world, they're comin' for you first." Kelsey informed him, once again descending into bitchy valley girl mode.
"SILENCE!!!!!!!" Aragorn yelled so loudly that it caught the attention of a group of riders who happened to be riding past. They turned their horses around and surrounded Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and the two psychos.
"Hey! Look GT, it's Eomer!" Kelsey yelled loudly, jumping up and down and pointing, almost poking GT's eye out.
"Yes Kels, I can see that. Now stop that before you poke my eye out." GT told her friend.
"Poke eye? I never do that!" Kelsey argued. "I have perfect hand eye coordination!" She waved her hand to prove her point, whacking herself in the face.
GT shook her head as her friend rubbed her face and hopped up and down.
Kelsey, who never had anything remotely resembling patience, took the opportunity to interrupt on the conversation that all sane people were having at the present moment.
"Dude, just give us horses already!" Kelsey told him, rolling her eyes.
"Why?" Eomer asked, taken aback by this girls rudeness.
"Because you assclown, I said so!" Kelsey told him.
"What?" Eomer asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry, am I not speaking Eomer talk?" Kelsey asked sarcastically. She grunted and pointed at a few horses, then to herself.
Eomer was by now very much insulted by this maiden, and drew his sword.
Kelsey, who is a total and complete moron, merely rolled her eyes and kicked Eomer as hard as she could in the shin. Which is when she realized that he was wearing armor, and that the armor was hard, and that it hurt when you kicked it.
"Ow!!!!!!!" She screamed, followed by profanities I'm not sure if I'm allowed to write down in a PG 13 fic. (A/N Just use your imagination.)
Meanwhile, GT had her face in her hands at how stupid her friend was acting, Gimli was still whimpering about the blood sucking squirrels, Legolas was trying not to laugh at Gimli, and Aragorn was wishing that he could just be rid of these psychopaths. Eomer advanced on Kelsey with his sword.
You would think that Kelsey would have had the common sense to dodge the attack, or at least apologize for pissing him off. But no, since Kelsey was 99% stupid, (the other 1% was the only reason that she was still alive), she merely screamed "oooh, pointy things!" and grabbed the sword.
Eomer just snatched the sword back out of her hand.
"Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!!!!!" Kelsey whined, grabbing the sword back.
"It is my sword!" Eomer yelled, taking it again.
"Mine!" Kelsey argued, grabbing it out of his hand again.
"No, it is mine!" Eomer argued, taking it away from her.
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine times infinity, I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kelsey yelled.
"Okay, if you give me back my sword, I will give you three horses." Eomer attempted to bribe her.
"Four." Kelsey argued.
"Fine." Eomer agreed.
Kelsey reluctantly handed over the sword.
Eomer snapped his fingers and four horses were lead forward.
"Dibs on the buckskin!" Kelsey yelled, grabbing the reins of a horse that was the same colour as Starbuck, her horse back home.
GT, Legolas and Aragorn grabbed the remaining sets of reins. GT warned Gimli that the horses may be in league with the blood sucking squirrels, so he was standing as far away as possible.
"Can we just get moving already?" Kelsey asked, easily swinging into the saddle.
"How the hell can you do that so easily?" GT asked, hopping on one foot as she tried to mount her horse.
"I've been riding since I was five, braincell." Kelsey said, rolling her eyes.
"Oh. Right. I forgot that small detail." GT muttered.
Meanwhile, Aragorn was trying to persuade Gimli that the horses were not in league with the blood sucking squirrels.
"Gimli, there is no such thing as a blood sucking squirrel." Aragorn told him.
"Yes there is!" Gimli whimpered.
"Maidens, tell him there is no such thing as a blood sucking squirrel." Aragorn asked GT and Kelsey.
"Oh, there sure is!" Kelsey said. "And they're gonna take over the world under my command and the leadership of Fluffy Bob, along with the brain sucking llamas, lead by Gasbag, the faithful steed of Fluffy Bob, and then there are also the rabid sparrows, the rabid chipmunks, the killer bunnies, and the demonic pikas, and they fund their world domination operation through the underground nightclubs and bars, where Fluffy Bob is the head DJ, and the other squirrels run the coat check, the llamas run the valet service, the sparrows are the shooter people, the chipmunks run the beer tub, the bunnies are the bouncers and the pikas are the bartenders, and they're gonna take over the world, and they're comin' for you first!!!!" With this, Kelsey has broken her previous record of a 72 word sentence, as well as totally confused Aragorn and Legolas, as well as scare the living daylights out of Gimli.
"Why don't we just leave Gimli here?" GT asked.
"As long as I do not have to go anywhere near those evil beasts!" Gimli agreed.
"Fine." Kelsey said. "Just remember, there are demonic pikas in these parts."
"I'm coming!!!!!" Gimli yelled, scrambling up behind Legolas.
Kelsey and GT looked at each other, shrugged and rode after Aragorn.
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Okay, you know the drill. You review, I write more. I'm going skiing for three days so I can't update for a while, on this or my other fics, so be patient okay ^_^.