Part Fifteen: Xander, Are You Dense?
Buffy is absolutely shocked. Xander showed arrogance and a hardness that was scary. She goes to him.
"Can you explain that to me?"
"What, the part where I had to force the bastard to fight me or the part where I could have stuck a tree trunk up his ass and didn't do it?"
"That's Angelus and Spike you were talking like that to, Xander!"
"They shouldn't even have names. They're animals."
"What if he kills you before we can change him?"
"Buffy, this is not a good time to talk to me. I'll see you at school tomorrow."
"I can't let you face Angelus tomorrow night. It was suppose to be the both of us fighting him."
"It didn't work out that way. Let's go with the hand we were dealt."
"I don't want you to show up. I'll.."
Xander interrupts. "Look, Buffy, who are you worried about, here?"
"What is that suppose to mean, Xander?"
"Who are you worried is going to get killed, me or Angelus?"
"You know, you can drop the hard ass act now. You're with me."
"This is the real me, now. The other stuff is an act."
"What was all that tenderness before, was that all an act, too? How about the idea that you're suppose to love me, Xander? Was that just some weakness of the old Xander?"
"This is all about me loving you. I have to live with the fact that you want him back. You have to live with the reality of what that does to me."
Buffy stops. "Yea, but you won't talk to me about it, though."
"I don't want to talk about it."
Buffy has had enough. "Good night, Xander."
"Good night. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Not if you're like this you won't!"
"Whatever."
Buffy feels shell-shocked. She allowed Xander to set up a fight with Angelus. But, what the hell could she have done about it? She has never seen Xander that hard. Unless she was imagining things she could have sworn she saw a bit of fear in Angelus's eyes.
What the hell has Xander become?
He said it. He was forced into being like this. It's not his fault.
Why do I spend so much time thinking about Xander?
She tries to stop herself from thinking about this next question but it keeps coming up.
Do I ..Do I love..
She stops herself. She has to concentrate on getting Angel back.
Please, God, don't let anything happen to Xander tomorrow. Let me face Angelus. Let me talk Xander out of doing it. I won't be able to take it if something happens to Xander.
Xander feels really bad. There is a big part of him that wants the spell to fail. He planned to get Angelus to fight him. He didn't want Buffy to be involved. He can't help it.
Buffy is lying on her bed crying.
Everyone expects me to be happy. Everyone expects me to be overjoyed because my Angel is going to be back. But, all I can think of is Xander.
I don't want to think about him. Damn him! He had to go and get so good. He has to be so damn charming and, romantic and, funny. Going on patrol with him is like going on a date. His stupid jokes and his stupid poetry!
Then, it was Xander who decided that we were going to bring Angel back. For the good of the slayer he'll break his own heart. How chivalrous! He should have been around during the time of the knights.
I can't love Xander. It must be some kind of mistake. It can't work.
Why can't Xander do something? He's a big man now. Instead of just giving me over to Angel, why doesn't he do something? I'm the slayer. I always have to do everything. I practically threw myself at him tonight but did he take the hint? No, not Xander Harris.
He's too damn ready to give me up!
We'll, I'm going to call him on it, damn it! He's suppose to love me.
She screams "Okay, big man, I'm here! If you love me do something about it!"
Buffy talks to the gang at the meeting the next day. Xander hasn't gotten there yet.
"He confronted them. Real bad ass stuff. He set it up for he and Angelus to fight tonight. I don't think it is a good idea, Giles."
"I agree, Buffy, but I think Xander has moved passed us to a different level. I doubt if we could stop him."
"Yea, to the level of stupid! Angel will take him apart. Did his contact come?"
"Yes, we have the formula and the potion."
"Who was it?"
"She wanted to stay anonymous."
Willow, looking at Buffy, "Fashion model, definitely!"
Giles doesn't understand. "What?"
Willow answers. "All of Xander's contacts in the underground are fashion models. That's their cover."
Giles dismisses the comment. "Whatever. The formula will take between fifteen and twenty minutes to work. The potion needs to be splashed on Angelus at any time during the reading of the spell."
Xander walks into the meeting brandishing two swords. When Buffy sees his choice of weapons she freaks out.
"Xander, you know he's an expert with swords. Are you trying to hand him your head?"
"No, I'm not, Buffy. I'll be okay."
"Yea, sure. You want to talk to him, Giles."
Slightly annoyed at the slayer but commenting anyway, "This is a very dangerous plan, Xander."
"Oh, gees, that's different."
Giles shrugs his shoulders.
Buffy won't drop it. "That's it. That's all you're going to say?"
Cordelia speaks up. "If you want Angel back this is the risk to do it!"
"Well, Cordelia, how cold! And, I thought you actually cared about Xander. What, did you find another closet partner?"
"Look whose talking about caring for Xander. You wrote the book on hurting him!"
Buffy goes up to the brunet with clenched fist. Cordelia doesn't back down. Willow gets between them. The redhead is very upset.
"Sit down, Buffy!" The slayer is shocked at the demeanor of the usually mild mannered witch. She sits.
"The entire thing is risky, Buffy. The only real reason to do it is because it will eliminate Angelus from the scene if it works."
Buffy stares at Willow.
"It's true, Buffy. Otherwise it would be too risky to try. "But, if you want to try it this is the way."
"Nobody sees the obvious?"
Buffy is afraid for Xander. Everyone else is worried, also. But, their chief worry is that Buffy would not be able to kill Angelus if the spell doesn't work. Xander would have no such problem. Whether the boy wonder could actually pull it off is another matter. But, at least he would have no emotional qualms about it.
Buffy can't help herself. She walks out into the hallway.
Giles proceeds to run down the plan to Xander.
When Rebecca sees Buffy leave she excuses herself. She goes to her.
"You think this a reckless plan, don't you?
"Swords, Rebecca, Angelus is an expert with those things!"
"Buffy, things are really intense with you and Xander, aren't they?"
"Nothing but."
"Can I ask you something?" The slayer nods.
"Have you developed deep feelings for Xander?"
"I know how ridiculous that is Rebecca. Especially, now."
"It's not ridiculous, Buffy. You two have been going at it tooth and nail since I've been here. You have been misunderstanding each other and missing each other. I've seen you fighting it. I've seen him fighting it. I knew it would catch you sooner or later."
"Rebecca, I tried to forget him. I tried to ignore him. He won't go away. Every time I look into his eyes I see his love and his concern and his caring."
"And, he's so damn romantic! Last week he sent me this stupid singing telegram with the most outrageous poem you've ever heard. We went to dinner and dancing. I never had a better time in my life!"
"I can't fight it any more. I don't want to fight it anymore. But, what am I going to do?"
"Buffy, you and Xander play such a high stakes game. Everything you do is dramatic and full of angst. I'm sure the results are real kick ass, too. Tell him."
"Ah, Rebecca, do you think now is such a good time?"
"One or both of you could die tonight. If it's him wouldn't you want him to know the one thing which would bring him the most happiness he's ever had?"
Buffy thinks this over for a minute. Rebecca turns to go back to the library.
"Rebecca, could you ask Willow to come out here, please?"
Willow joins Buffy in the hallway. The redhead can see she has been crying.
"Are you okay, Buffy?"
"Willow, I wanted to tell you first before I even told him. I hope you don't get mad at me.
"Xander, I..I love him, Willow. I can't help it. I tried not to. I know it's bad timing."
The slayer starts crying. Willow comforts her. "Buffy, you practically said it yesterday. Most of us kind of knew it before."
"You did? It was that obvious?"
"The way you two had that passion every time you were together. It had to be love Buffy. Every time you are around Xander you seem to fall apart."
The two hug warmly. Buffy sniffs back the rest of her tears.
"I'll go back to the meeting, Will. Thank you."
"I have to use the powder room. I'll meet you back there."
When Willow enters the bathroom she is pounced upon by three very husky vampires. Once she is subdued Drusilla approaches her. The vampire Queen hypnotizes her, giving the redhead some instructions. Then she and the rest of the vampires sneak away.
Willow finds herself dizzy for a minute. She leans against one of the sinks. It passes. She calmly walks out of the bathroom and joins the others at the meeting.
Giles is addresses Buffy. "Are you okay, Buffy?"
"Yes, I have decided what I am going to do. If Angelus hurts Xander I'm going to kill him, whether he is Angelus or…Angel!"
Xander can't believe it. He goes to Buffy. "Could I see you in Giles office, Buffy?"
The two youths leave the meeting.
Xander stares at the slayer. "Are you serious, Buffy?"
"I'm afraid this is the last time I'll see you, Xander."
They embrace very warmly.
"I'm sorry I'm being so flip about it. I'm scared, Buffy. The reason I did the thing in the cemetery was to save you the pain if the spell doesn't work."
"I know Xander. You're not hard to figure out. If you can save me any kind of pain you jump at it."
"And, for this you are mad at me all the time?"
"That's not why I'm mad at you all the time, Xander."
"Well, what is it then, Blondie?"
"Xander, are you stupid?" She walks away from him.
"I didn't think I was stupid."
"Well you are. Xander…I tried not to…I did everything I could to get you out of my mind…and, my heart. I can't help it. I can't fight it anymore."
"I don't even want to fight it anymore."
"I just have to come out and say it, Xander. I…I love you."
Xander's heart does a back flip. He gets very nervous. "Oh, Buffy…honey."
He sits, putting his head down. Buffy didn't know what he would do when she told him but she certainly didn't expect this.
"Xander, you don't love me anymore? Is it Rachel?"
"No, Buffy, it's nothing like that. There's one thing I wasn't telling you, Buffy."
She goes to him. "What is it, Xander?"
He gets up, walking away from her. "There was a big part of me that was hoping the spell doesn't work. That was part of the reason I offered him out yesterday."
Buffy shakes her head, letting out a nervous laugh. She goes to him. She looks deep into his eyes.
"Do you think I don't know that, Xander? He killed the people you love the most. He almost killed me! I didn't think there was any love lost between the two of you. Xander, I don't expect you not to be bitter and angry and to jump at any chance to get at him. I know I'm the reason you haven't gone after him."
"I also know you're not afraid of him, anymore. You should be but I know you're not. I also know you. You didn't fool me at all. You don't have to apologize because you actually had a thought that might not be purely unselfish."
"I'll repeat myself because I don't think you heard me the first time. I love you, Xander 'No middle name' Harris!"
"You are unbelievable, you blond- haired slayer goddess you! If there is one thing anybody could have said in the entire world to lift my burden and pain it was what you just said to me."
They embrace. Buffy looks at Xander, funny. "Am I to assume that long speech means you love me too?"
"Honey, if there is anybody in this world who doesn't know I love you they are not paying attention at all."
They start to kiss but Buffy stops. "I think I wasn't paying attention."
Xander laughs. "Buffy Anne Summers, I love you with every single fiber of my mind, body and soul. It is not possible for one person to love another any more than I love you."
The slayer is satisfied. "Now, weren't we in the middle of doing something before all of that corniness?"
"Listen, slayer, I know you too. The other night, I knew the thing that would really curl your toes was my little poem."
Not wanting to admit he's right. "You know, I don't like a man who is all words."
They don't waste any more time talking.
This kiss is different. All the rest of the kisses they enjoyed were forbidden or stolen. This kiss was meant to be from the beginning of time. It was actually one that placed the planets in perfect alignment with one another. A kiss, which could be, used as one of the proofs for the existence of a heaven.
The Gods shook hands and hugged. It was about time for a victory. A faint echo of "Buffy and Xander forever" could be heard flowing gently down from the clouds.
It was a moment of true joy everywhere!
A union, which spoke to more than just, two people meeting each other.
Neither can speak when they break. The only thing either knows is they have to get someplace, someplace private where they can continue this conversation.
"Jesus, Xander, we have to go someplace!"
"How about my house?"
"Okay, let's go!"
Xander grabs Buffy's hand. They start to leave. The whole gang looks at them. It is quite obvious to everyone that they are in the throws of great passion. Giles speaks.
"I was about to come in to get the two of you. We just have time to go over the plan one more time."
Buffy speaks up. "Oh, Giles, please?"
Xander adds. "Can't we be fashionably late?"
They can tell from the watcher's face that he means business. They look at each other. Xander lets go of Buffy's hand. Buffy grabs his hand back. She pulls the boy down one of the bookshelf aisles. "Count to thirty, Giles, real slow!"
Buffy wraps her mouth around Xanders in as sensual a way as can possibly be done. They bounce into the books, knocking them off the shelves left and right. This can't possibly be fair. There is so much to be done in so short a period of time.
There are whole sections of Xander's mouth Buffy has to taste. Whole sections of his body she needs to feel pressed against hers. It is a very tough task but it has got to be done, now!!
It is getting very embarrassing as more and more books fall off the shelves and their moans get louder. The whole gang is in stitches. Giles looks at Rebecca. "Yes, Giles, I'll get them, you party pooper."
Rebecca reluctantly stops them. Buffy snaps out of it. This is so unlike her. She couldn't help it, though. As they go back to the meeting she is beat red with embarrassment. Xander is still out of it.
Giles tries to ignore the antics his two charges. "Xander, are you ready to fight Angelus?"
Xander has a real funny, mellow look on his face. He half smiles at the watcher. He puts up two fingers in the form of the peace sign.
"I can't fight anybody, G-man. I'm in love! I'll make peace with him! He's a good guy, deep down."
Giles can't believe what Xander just said. Everybody else is howling in laughter, even Buffy.
"Xander, are you okay?"
Xander doesn't say anything. He just stares at Buffy with a goofy look on his face.
Giles is getting angry. "Buffy, would you do something!"
Oz can't resist. "I think she already did something to him, Giles. That's the problem!"
"Thank you for that, Oz. Xander, will you snap out of it?"
The boy shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Giles."
The slayer and the boy wonder try to pay attention but all they can think about is each other. Giles is getting angrier by the minute.
"Buffy, I find your behavior quite disturbing. Do you realize the seriousness of the task at hand?"
"Giles, chill, will you? We just now got together."
The watcher doesn't back down. "Well, then I assume you wish your soul mate over there to make it through this evenings activities. I hardly think what the two of are doing is adequate preparation for the task at hand. You will please refrain from the extracurricular antics!"
"Giles, is this your way of saying you don't know what's going on with Xander and I?"
"Buffy, I normally don't interfere with matters of the heart. However, I was under the assumption that part of the reason to get Angel back was so you and he could be together, again?"
Buffy sits down. She sighs. "I know Giles. But, Xander has been with me from the beginning. He's loved me since the beginning. I don't know how it happened but I never saw him. One day I woke up. That's the only way I can say it."
"I was only fifteen years old when I first met Angel. He was my security blanket. But, I've grown up. I looked beside me and saw someone who knew what I needed and was willing to give it to me."
"Besides that, I didn't have much of a choice, Giles. As somebody once told me, he grows on you."
Xander is insulted. "Thanks, that makes me sound like a wart or something."
Buffy looks at Xander with a very cute pouting face. She puts her arm in his. "I'm sorry, honey."
Xander gets up. "Giles, can't I fight him tomorrow? He looks back at Buffy. "Do you know how long I have waited for this woman to look at me like this?"
Giles has no idea what to do. Rebecca sees his frustration. She gets up, going to Buffy. "Buffy, we have to go." She winks at the slayer. "I'll take you and Xander in my car."
Everyone leaves the library. That is everyone connected to the Scooby gang. A dark figure still looms on the top level. He takes one of the books from the shelf before exiting via a heating grate.
Rebecca does not take Xander and Buffy to the cemetery. She takes them to Xander's house. She looks at her watch.
"We actually have over an hour before we have to be at the cemetery. I seem to be having trouble with my car. I'm sure I can fix it myself in an hour. If there is anywhere you might want to go…"
They get the message. Our dynamic duo is out of the car in a flash. Buffy speaks for both of them.
"Oh, thank you, oh, thank you, oh, thank you!"
They are barely in the door before they continue their now long overdue non-verbal discussion of the millenium.
The bells chime and the cymbals clang and the congas bong out a rhythm derived from the meeting of all the great lovers of this earth. A single worthy beat of two majestic spirits uniting in a harmony rarely achieved in our age.
It's a real live hoot!
Not exactly the proper way to get ready to do battle with an evil super vampire but then again if either of our lovers die tonight they would do so with the knowledge that they have now tasted the honey!
It might get sweeter at sometime or place but you'd never convince either of our heroes as they lie peaceful and calm, gazing at one another, perfectly contented.
Xander is sitting on the sofa, while Buffy lies with her head on his lap. He gently strokes her hair as she speaks of their love.
"Xander, that was truly amazing. I didn't think it was possible to feel this good. Xander, how could I ever have not noticed you? Now that I see you I can't see anything else."
Xander is just taking in the sight of the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. The fact that she is now his will not sink in for some time.
The slayer continues her romantic ramblings.
"Xander, do you know when I first knew I was in trouble with you? One night when I was trying to keep you out of my heart and mind and soul, I played this little game. I just let you in for a minute, to see what it would feel like. I brought your presence deep into my heart, let you nestle way down inside. Then I let go of you. You stayed. I haven't been able to get rid of you since."
Xander laughs. "Buff, you talk about being corny..But, beautiful."
The slayer starts crying. Xander hugs her.
"What's the matter, Buffy?"
"Xander, I love you so much! I can't believe it took me this long to see it."
"Buffy, even as much as I loved you all this time. I fought it, too. I didn't know you loved me."
"Xander, I know. That was almost as frustrating as anything else was. But, Xander, you were the one who kept loving me. You were the one who made us possible. I'm just so glad you didn't move on, Xander."
The slayer starts crying, again. "Xander, I caused you so much pain!"
Xander sits up. He sits Buffy up, also.
"Listen, Buffy Anne Summers, dry your tears right now. As soon as you said those three little words to me all my pain was gone. Honey, the fact that you love me will keep me pain free for some time."
"You just don't realize how much I love you, slayer. And, you don't realize what you have done for me by loving me. It's one thing for me to have all these feelings for you. But, now you love me!"
"Xander, are we going to die now?"
They both share a nervous laugh.
"It is almost too good to be true, isn't it?"
Buffy kneels down in front of Xander. She takes his hands in hers.
"Xander, we know what your love for me looks like but, I promise you I will show you what my love for you looks like. I promise you it will be everything you think it is and more."
"Buff, you have to stop. Really, if I think about it too much I won't be able to do what I need to do."
The reality of what lies ahead for them tonight hits her like a ton of bricks.
"Oh, Xander, I actually forgot about that."
Buffy can't help it. She had been keeping herself locked up in a prison of pain and grief. Her heart had been aching for so long. Finally, she saw through it. She found this wonderful person by her side. This wonderful person who lives for her and watches her and loves her. When she opened her heart Xander moved in, took over, set up shop, even. Now they stand before each other ready to love each other but tonight Xander is going to risk his life.
Buffy speaks to Xander through tears. "Xander, you were going to bring him back for me. I don't want you to do it. I love you. I don't want Angel!"
Xander walks away from her as she continues.
"Don't you get it, Xander?" She goes to him. "You don't have to do it anymore, honey."
"Buffy, yes we do and you know it. As Angel he's not a monster. And, besides…"
He doesn't finish. Buffy looks at him in shock. She has an idea what he was going to say.
"Xander, you didn't finish."
"Come on, Buffy?"
She goes to him. "Xander, I love you. Didn't I just show you?"
"But, what about Angel, Buffy, Not Angelus, Angel?"
"I don't believe it! You don't trust me, do you?"
"It's..It's not that I don't trust you, Buffy. It's just I know how much he means to you."
Buffy doesn't know what to say.
"I'll just feel better when we have him back."
Buffy is upset. Xander goes to her. "Buffy, I have so much on the line here. Please don't be mad at me. You are it for me, Buffy. You are the one! My search is over."
Buffy's anger melts as Xander pours out his heart to her. She goes to him.
"Okay, Xander, but I didn't love Angel one day then love you the next. The feelings I have for you are different than what I felt for Angel. Xander, I can't even describe what I feel for you half the time. It is still happening."
Xander sighs. "I'll take it Buffy." They embrace in a very passionate kiss. All thoughts are on hold again. It is time for passion and feeling and fierce loco-motion.
Unfortunately, they both clearly hear Rebecca beeping for them.
For now their love is on hold.
For now Buffy and her Romeo must risk their lives in the service of the world. That's just the way they are.
Go on to Part Sixteen
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