Part Three: Love Can Be So Damn Sweet
Xander is very pensive. He thinks of the scene at the Bronze.
Did Buffy actually get jealous of Kathleen? Does she actually think she has to compete for me?
It occurs to him how much tonight must have hurt the woman he loves with all his heart and soul.
What the hell am I doing? She was under a goddamn spell!
All of a sudden Xander sees the light. This is killing her. He is hurting Buffy more than any daemon or monster has ever hurt her. He can't allow Hellmouth to win like that.
He starts to cry. I love her! What am I doing?
All at once he stops the tears. He looks into the sky. He starts laughing.
He screams into the heavens!
"The pain is gone! The pain is gone!"
"I finally sent you to hell, Angelus, you sarcastic punk ass weasel!"
"I finally got your goddam daemon spirit out of my system. You are gone!"
Xander practically dances his way toward Buffy's house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tonight was too much for Buffy. Now there's Kathleen. She could tell by the way she looked at Xander that she was after much more than help from him. How the hell can she compete with her?
He can't even stand to look at her. Every time he even looks into her eyes she can see the pain.
But dammit, he won't even give her a chance. He's afraid to spend any time with her. She looks at herself in the mirror.
"You're afraid, Xander, because you know I can melt your heart."
"How about my pain? I tried to kill the man who beats in my heart and soul."
Buffy decides Xander is just being stubborn. She is not going to take it anymore.
She flops on her bed. She picks up her stuffed animal, Duffy.
"I think he's afraid to spend any time with me. I dare him, right now, to stand in front of me."
"Right now, Xander, you chicken!"
Buffy is startled by a loud pinging noise on her window. It happens again.
She is almost afraid to look. "No, it can't be?"
After the third time she finally gets up to look. When she sees who it is she has to back away from the window for a moment. "Oh my God, it's Xander. I don't believe it!"
The next thing Buffy knows Xander has climbed up to her window. He is knocking to get in. She opens it, letting him in.
He immediately buries himself on her shoulder, crying. After a minute he breaks. When Buffy looks into his eyes she knows what the visit is about.
The pain is gone. There is love and concern and caring and the hundred other things Buffy can always locate in Xander's eyes but no pain.
That pain. The one she saw as she was attacking him. It's not there.
Xander is back. Her Xander, the one who lives to look at her and touch her and love her.
The tears flow freely on both sides. "How, Xander? How did you let go of it?"
"Buffy, Kathleen asked me if she could compete for me. I told her there was never any competition for my heart. Buffy, you don't ever have to compete for me. It was never about that, Buffy. You didn't think…"
The slayer interrupts. "Xander, you don't understand and you don't have to understand. Just hold me."
Neither one can move. They are reconnecting, reforming, re-membering.
It is a labor of love.
"Buffy, it was awful. Something was in the way. Something was inside of me. Every time I felt you or thought about you." He really starts whimpering.
Buffy can feel all the pain leaving him as she allows her love to flow through and around him.
She is healing him and she knows it. It is a joyful occasion.
Buffy knows her heart picked the right person. This man standing in front of her is the most amazing person she has ever met. His whole life is her.
"Xander, never stay away from me, again." She lets out with a nervous laugh.
"I know you. I was sitting here telling Duffy. I knew I could heal you but you were afraid to be with me…"
She stops; thinking of how freaky it was that Xander showed up when he did.
"Xander, you're not like, psychic, are you?"
He picks up her stuffed animal "No, but I am jealous of this rat you sleep with every night."
Taking it from him. "Hey, he not a rat. He's Duffy. Duffy is an Armadillo. My daddy bought him for me."
Xander looks around her room. "Duffy gets to spend all this time with you in your room."
He walks over to the nightstand. He picks up a book, which is obviously her diary.
"I'll bet he gets to read your diary."
Buffy quickly takes it from him. She clutches it to her chest, playfully. "This is none of your business, Xander."
The Boy Wonder stares at it. "Oh to be safely nestled upon the same space where that precious book now resides."
"Xander, I see you have been saving up your craziness."
He ignores her. He moves seductively closer to her. He continues his crazy ramblings.
"I want to be where that book is. Besides, isn't that the place where the precious wine spilled when we had our date? I think I can see some of it still staining your fair, blonde skin."
He moves closer to her. "Xander, you better stop this. Do you think I didn't get a shower since then?"
"You can't get that wine out with soap and water. Didn't you read the bottle? It has to be done by a special process."
He walks toward her. She falls back on the bed. Xander playfully jumps her. They begin to giggle. Buffy remembers where they are.
"Xander, I must be nuts. You made me forget where we are. We're in my room, Xander, my mother is here! She'll hear us."
"No she won't. One of my powers is that nobody can see me or hear me but you."
He starts to paw at her.
"Xander, we have to stop. Let me get dressed."
"Oh yes, I forgot. We can go to my house."
Buffy gets dressed. They go outside. It is a nice moon lit night. They stop in the park.
"Xander, I have so many things I want to tell you."
Grabbing her in an embrace. "I know you do, Buffy, but just hold me right now."
"Just let me feel your presence." They stay locked for a few minutes.
Xander breaks, looking into Buffy's eyes. "You know if they blindfolded me and lined up all the women in the world to hug me I could tell which one was you."
Having watched while Xander spent time with other women these past days, Buffy has a better idea.
"How about if I'm the only one who hugs you. Then you'll definitely know it's me."
Laughing, "Okay, we'll do it that way."
The mood gets serious. "Xander, this was like hell for me. Worse than when Angel changed. I can't help it, Xander. I love you so much."
"It was eating me up inside. I need you to function, now."
"I need you too, Buffy."
"Xander, you don't need me the way I need you. There are so many other women around you who can…"
He interrupts her. "Wait a minute, Buffy." He kneels in front of her taking her hands in his.
"I might have been with other women. I might have done things with other women but there was always something missing. The only reason I went with anybody else was because we weren't together. And, every time, they all told me the same thing."
"My heart belongs to Buffy Anne Summers."
That did it!
There is a time and a place to talk the talk. But, there is also a time to walk the walk. This was one of these times. No amount of words could convey the feelings our young heroes have for each other.
They move toward Xander's house with each other in tow. They are both of singular purpose. They have been deprived of each other long enough.
No daemon on Hellmouth can sway them. No dire prophecy can change their course.
On this night, during this time, Buffy Anne Summers and Xander "no middle name" Harris are going to make love to each other.
They are going to peel the paint off the wall with their passion, overload the fuses with their power, tear down the whole damn town with the shear intensity of their union.
They paid their dues, put in the hours, and burned incense at the altar of God and Country.
This was their time, now!
Time to rock and roll and what not!
Batten down the hatches. Get the young kids and the old ladies out the way!
Buffy and Xander are going to get it on and, the world is going to have to wait 'till they're finished.
Bing, bong, boom and bang! The tide crests and falls and crests again. In life there are few times when event transcends the time and place of its happening.
Let's just say Xander and Buffy took a little journey.
Have Mercy!!
Upon their return they can only lie in one another's embrace.
Neither knows how long they remain still. Neither had ever known the serenity, which they now possess.
They are so right. They are so in line with things as they should be.
When they are finally able to move Xander fixes them some tea.
"Xander, we'll never last together. We'll burn up."
"It sure is remarkable, isn't it slayer?"
"You know, Buffy, everything is different. I've made tea a thousand times but this is the first time I've made it with you in love with me. It's like a new thing or something."
"Buffy, are you sure you love me?"
"Listen, Lavelle, if that wasn't love we just did…"
"Oh, that was us then. I thought maybe I had imagined it."
"Xander, you really love me, don't you?"
"Buffy, what I feel for you is probably outlawed in ten states."
"Xander, I keep unwrapping you like a present. I can't believe all the times I had you in front of me but I didn't kiss you or grab you or anything."
"How am I ever going to make up for all the pain I caused you, Xander?"
"Buffy, you are going to be yourself. That's all you have to do. Well, maybe we can repeat what we just did a few more times."
Buffy laughs. "I won't ever be able to leave here. I'll be too embarrassed. Everybody will know what we did."
That's right, even the vampires will know. I'm going to tell them all anyway.
Things get quiet as the now together pair allows each other's presence to sink in.
Buffy has never been as sure of anything in her own life. There is none of the torment and tension she had with Angel.
The one thing which really blows her mind is the fact that the intensity and complexity and overwhelming presence of Xander within her has so taken her over, she has very little emotion left for the whole Angel thing.
Angel is dead. Xander killed him to save her. But, she doesn't feel a void. She doesn't have the pain she had when he was alive. The pain which blocked Xander from her heart and soul.
She is sorry that Angel had to die, sorry that their act of love turned him back into Angelus. But, there is no competition within her between the love she had with Angel and the love she now has for Xander. She cannot compare the two.
Xander didn't replace Angel. Xander said that himself; he wasn't trying to do that.
Angel was more a symbol, a place more than an actual partner. She needed the vampire. She was a kid in a dangerous world.
It is different with Xander, very different. Xander is her equal. He is her partner. He is her friend. His love for her is the driving force of his life. He has this way about him which gives her comfort but also pushes her to be better, to be sharper.
His presence gives her energy to fight the evil but also is shelter from the storm of darkness and fear, which usually accompanies the battle.
Xander and Buffy. There was a time, not too long ago, when Xander thought it impossible to ever hear the two names mentioned together. Now she was completely in love with him. When he looks at her he can see it.
He still can't believe it. He starts to well up. Buffy sees. She goes to him.
"Honey, what's the matter?
"Buffy, this has a happy ending, okay. But, I…I loved you for such a long time. All I ever wanted was to… and now when I look at you I can see your love for me. It's still too much for me."
She cradles his head in her lap. "Xander, I know what you went through waiting for me. I can't think about it too much because it brings me too much pain but, Xander, there is something I have to ask you because…"
Now, Buffy wells up. Xander talks to her "Buffy, why are you crying?"
"Xander, I was almost too late. You…you weren't exactly being by yourself when you were waiting for me."
Xander doesn't say anything. Buffy gets up. She gets distant. Finally, she turns back to Xander.
"Xander, I want you to answer me truthfully. Do you love Rachel?"
Xander begins to answer but Buffy cuts him off.
"I saw it in your eyes when you thought I was going to harm her."
"Buffy, please."
"Xander, there is no way you can tell me you don't have feelings for her."
"Buffy, she told me you and I were destined to be together. She kicked me out of her liar."
"But you wanted to stay with her, right?"
"Buffy, you mean to tell me you don't know I love you?"
"That's not the point, Xander?"
"Honey, I was with Rachel. I had a relationship with her. I was with Leslie. I had a relationship with her. But, that is all in the past. The only thing I can tell you is that I have the person I want. I am not thinking of anybody else when I am with you."
"You are the prize for me, Buffy. Please tell me you know that?"
Buffy, sighing, "Deep down I know that, Xander, but do you realize how intimidating the women of your little circle are?"
"They are friends, Buffy, our friends. We need them to survive."
"I know, they are part of the big picture. Part of your big plan to help me."
"You are going to be the first slayer who ever retired. We are growing old together!"
"You know, you have Oz seeing that "Big Picture" now. You have Willow upset."
"Why?"
"Because everybody you meet in the underground are sophisticated fashion models."
"I'll talk to her. But, could we drop this line of questioning, now, please?"
"Okay, honey. Xander, I hate to bring this up but I have to go home."
"I know you do." They kiss passionately. Buffy walks out the door. She stops for a minute on Xander's porch. It is really hard for Buffy to leave Xander alone. It doesn't feel right. In fact, whenever Buffy is not with Xander it doesn't feel right, anymore.
She reluctantly lies down on her bed, reviewing the last chapter of her life with Xander Lavelle Harris, the most wonderful and exciting person the slayer has ever met.
Part Four: It Was Way Too Easy
Buffy stops to see Willow.
The redhead looks for signs of Buffy's mood. "Are we a happy slayer, today?"
Buffy breaks out in a huge smile. "We are a very happy slayer!"
"Some more new Xander magic?"
Buffy sighs, "Just when I thought it was hopeless. I knew I could heal him if he would just give me the chance. Kathleen asked him if she was in the competition for him? This made something in him snap. He came up to my room to tell me there was never any competition for his heart."
Willow interrupts "He's still dumb Xander, isn't he?"
"He meant from his side. Anyway, we had a very heavy, tearful reunion. Much Xander craziness."
Buffy can't help it. She starts to gush. Willow joins her. "Being in love is sooo cool!"
Willow, I have butterflies every time I think about him. I can't even describe what I feel when I'm with him."
"So, you two are now officially a couple forever?"
"As long as I'm the slayer."
"Good, now you and I can conspire to keep our guys away from those fashion models."
"By all means. Different rules. One of the little side benefits of the whole love thing."
"There is no more Xander, the outlaw. He has to share it all with me."
"I like this Buffy. Control can be fun."
"All part of the master plan to control our part of the male population of Sunnydale."
"Will. I haven't seen him for a few hours now. Do you think it's okay for me to go looking for him?"
"You really have it bad, girl."
Xander lies in his bed contemplating the miracle of Sunnydale. Buffy Summers is in love with him. She really is. It is not a joke or a passing fancy. She loves him as much as she ever loved Angel.
This is enough to keep Xander fueled for a very long time.
A knock on the door disturbs his high. It is Giles and Rebecca. He answers the door.
Both appear worried and frantic. "What's up G-man?"
Rebecca speaks. "Xander, we have to leave, now! We have no time to waste."
"I don't understand."
Rebecca pleads with him. "We don't have time to get into it right now. Grab a few things."
Giles adds, "Two minutes, Xander."
Xander gets ready. They leave in Rebecca's car.
"When you killed Coltar you managed to piss off a daemon by the name of Malcolm. He's bad, Xander, I'm even afraid of him."
"Can I skip a few steps and assume he is after me?"
"I'll tell you up front, Xander, if Malcolm were after you himself we would be planning your funeral. Right now he has hired a group of bounty hunters to get you. This group he hired will not quit until you are dead or he stops paying them. They take absolutely no prisoners."
"They'll kill everybody around you, everybody!"
"So, what am I going to do?"
"You are going to stay in hiding. At least until I can figure a plan."
"Wait a minute, Buffy and I just…"
Rebecca interrupts him. "These are pros, Xander, they have no other purpose in life."
Giles adds, "Nobody is going to know where you are, Xander."
"What about Buffy, Giles?"
"We need to protect her first of all."
"She is going to be really pissed off."
"Xander, you know the rules."
"Giles, I read you loud and clear but Buffy is not going to accept this."
"Xander, I always trusted you when it came to Buffy's welfare."
"Okay, I get it. Shit, we just got back together last night."
Rebecca softens. "You worked past the spell, Xander?"
"Yes."
"You poor kids."
They drop Xander off at a predetermined place. From here others will lead him. As they are leaving Giles turns to tell him one more thing.
"Xander, one more thing. We have to tell her…you're not coming back."
"Giles, I've been following this and getting into it but that is going too far."
"We cannot endanger her, Xander."
"This will come real close. I don't think you understand how much she needs me."
Rebecca speaks up. "This is not an overreaction, Xander. Until I can figure out something else we have to keep you away from everybody."
"I trust you, Rebecca, but…Buffy… And, what about Oz? He was in on the killing of Coltar."
"Maybe they will be after him once they get you. Right now it's just you."
There is no way out of it. Xander resigns himself to his leaving. "Rebecca, just tell her I love her."
Giles and Rebecca watch Xander walk into the woods. "Now, the hard part."
Giles decides to ask the rest of the Scooby gang to help him tell Buffy the news. He finds Oz and Willow in the park. He gets Cordelia.
Giles pleads with them. "I need your help. Because Xander killed Coltar there is a very monstrous daemon by the name of Malcolm after him. A group of bounty hunters has been hired to bring Malcolm his dead body. They will not stop. No matter how many of them he kills there will be more."
Willow is crying. "Giles, Oz killed Coltar, too."
"I know, Willow, but for now Oz is not involved. At least they are not hunting him. But, all of us are in danger as long as they are hunting Xander. He had to go away."
Cordelia asks. "Away, where?"
"No one is going to know."
Willow immediately thinks of Buffy. "Giles, is Buffy with him?"
The watcher knew these questions would come. "No…she doesn't know yet."
"Giles, I'll tell you right now. If you think Buffy is going to accept this you are crazy!"
"Thank you for being candid, Willow, but it is for her protection most of all. I need your help to tell her."
Willow is still upset. "I'm sorry, Giles, you don't understand. They just got together. I mean really got together. Xander finally got over that stupid spell thing. It was just last night, Giles. She will not accept this."
"Will you help her. Have sleepovers or something."
"I'm too young to die, Giles."
Cordelia adds. "We'll try, Giles, but Willow is right. She will not take this."
When Willow returns home Buffy is sitting on her porch.
"Hello, Will, you haven't seen Xander, have you?"
Willow is very nervous. She is never going to be able to keep this from Buffy.
"I haven't actually seen him, no."
Buffy felt something was wrong about an hour ago. Seeing Willow only confirms her intuition.
"Something is wrong, Willow, and my spider sense tells me you know what it is."
Willow begins to cry. "Buffy…"
"It's Xander, isn't it? Did something happened to him, Willow?"
The redhead doesn't answer. Buffy gently grabs her by the shoulders. "Please, Will, did something happen to Xander?"
"Buffy, I think he's fine."
"What is it then?"
"Buffy, he's…he's gone."
"Gone, I don't understand?"
"Buffy, let's go to the library."
Willow is crying the whole way. Buffy doesn't want to torture her but she is really worried now.
Rebecca, Giles, Oz and Cordelia are already at the library. When Buffy comes in she looks at everybody.
"Oh, great. Does the whole world know but me." She goes right to Giles.
"Where is he, Giles?"
The watcher tries to calm her. "Would you please sit down, Buffy?"
She ignores his request. "Where is Xander, Giles?"
When Xander killed Coltar, the vampire monster, he made a new enemy. He is a super daemon named, Malcolm. Malcolm has sent a horde of bounty hunters to bring him Xander's dead body."
Rebecca adds. "They will just keep coming until Xander is dead."
"Okay, got it. Now, where's Xander?"
"You don't understand, Buffy. He had to go away for his protection and ours."
"I understand everything you're saying. But, one more time, where…is…Xander?"
Giles doesn't answer. Buffy looks at everyone. "I'm losing patience, Giles. It's a simple question. Xander is not here. Where is he?"
"We don't know."
"What?"
"Nobody knows."
Buffy is barely able to control her panic or her anger. "Okay, now there's one thing you don't understand. It's not just Buffy and Xander anymore. We are together, soul mates, honeys. Everything Xander has to do with me. It doesn't work, You don't know where he is."
"Buffy it is to protect us."
"If you don't want to know, fine. I won't tell you. But, I want to know."
"Buffy, it's to protect you most of all."
Buffy is really getting angry. "Giles, you aren't listening. Pay attention. Xander and I are together. We are a team now. I go where he goes. Do you get that, yet!"
Rebecca tries to get some of the heat off Giles. "Xander agreed because it would protect you and his friends."
"If Xander wants to protect me then he should be here to do it." Buffy turns around to leave. She turns back around. She has more to say.
"No, this isn't going down like this. I am not going to take this. Somebody knows where he is. I'll go through this town with a fine toothcomb. I'll go through every sewer and cave and alley. Somebody knows where he is!"
Giles feels he has to say something. "Buffy, you are the slayer…"
"I'm the slayer with a mission, Giles. Did you really think I would go along with this? I'll bet you Willow and Cordelia told you. I know who I am, Giles, but you don't. I am one pissed off vampire slayer. I'm the without her main and only squeeze vampire slayer. A mean and nasty son of a bitch!"
"If you do find Xander it will probably mean the end for both of you."
"Have I been talking to the wall, Giles. One more time with feeling. There is no me without Xander, anymore. That's the facts. That's more than Spike and Drusilla, Coltar and Malcolm, the master and, if it has to be, more than you. I go with Xander and he goes with me. Mister mature and protective better learn that, too!"
Buffy storms off. For a few minutes nobody says a word.
Finally Giles breaks the silence. "Well…that…ah…went well. Could we have volunteers to help with patrol until…they get back?"
They set up a patrol schedule. The Scooby gang leaves. Rebecca and Giles talk.
"We underestimated her love for him, Rupert. Even I did."
"Yes…well…she does love him, doesn't she?"
"I only see two outcomes, Rupert. Either she finds him or he'll come to her. It's too strong."
Buffy is angry and hurt. She is determined to find the man she loves. Nothing scares her more than being without Xander. They don't understand. Whatever the danger is they can face it together.
"Protect me! Like I don't know what danger looks like."
Buffy decides to visit the one who knows just about everything that happens anywhere in the daemon world, Whistler.
He hates her visits but Buffy doesn't care right now. She looks for him at his favorite haunt. After awhile she hears his familiar whistle. He stops in front of her.
"Are you still alive, slayer?"
"You seem surprised."
"You go from the frying pan to the fire, don't you?"
"Is this a riddle, Whistler?"
"Your new squeeze. First he kills your old squeeze, then Melcheck, Coltar. There isn't a beast, daemon or vampire who doesn't want his ass."
"That's old news, Whistler. All I have to do is pay attention to know that. You know why I'm here."
He goes to walk away. Buffy gets in front of him. "You know you can't keep anything from me, Whistler, you like me."
"Some advice, just kiss him goodbye."
"Not good enough!"
"One word, slayer, Malcolm, assassins."
"That's two words."
"Three more words, out of your league."
"You can't count, can you?"
"Some things even I don't mess with. I don't know the answer to your question because I don't want to know."
Whistler walks away. Buffy is very dejected. Before he fades into the distance he turns around.
"Slayer, just do your job. Don't bother looking for him."
Buffy walks away. Whistler's words come back to her. He never says anything that doesn't have a double meaning. She practically runs to the cemetery. Maybe, just maybe, Whistler was giving her a message.
She stakes one vampire. Another maneuvers her to the wooded area, out of sight. It jumps on her. Once the two are down. "It's me, Buffy, don't hit me."
"Xander?"
"Yea, take my mask off." Buffy thanks Whistler in her mind. She pulls Xander into a kiss after taking his mask down.
"Xander, don't leave me again!"
"Buffy, I have to. I came tonight because I didn't get a chance to say goodbye but…"
"Whatever it is we'll face it together."
"Buffy, we have to trust Rebecca. If she says we can't handle this we have to believe her. I'll come to you when I can."
"No, Xander, I'm the goddamn slayer, remember? And we're together. You don't get to do your rogue act anymore."
"Xander is getting very upset. "I knew this was a mistake. Buffy, they're probably following you, already. Please?"
Too late! An arrow rips into Xander's leg. Another tears into Buffy's shoulder slamming her into a tree. It momentarily knocks her out. Xander pulls himself out of the way as arrows zip all around him.
He pulls the arrow from his leg. He moves away from Buffy, hoping the attackers will leave her alone. He hobbles to a freshly dug grave. He jumps in using the pile of dirt as a shield. He has to calm himself down and try to sense the location of the assassin.
He quiets his breathing, concentrating his mind on the area surrounding the open grave. A terrifying thought quickly jumps into his mind. What if they killed Buffy? What if this grave becomes their burial place?
In a sudden burst of rage Xander launches himself up and over the mound of dirt. He thrusts both feet to the chest of the monster standing before him. It recovers quickly to stomp Xander's wounded leg. Xander comes back with an uppercut to its jaw. The assassin bounces on a tree but then sends a Chinese star toward our hero. Xander half catches it but it still penetrates his skin.
Xander grips it, sending it back toward his assailant. It catches the monster off guard imbedding in its leg. It goes down on one knee.
This is all the opening Xander needs. Ignoring the now burning pain in his leg Xander follows with a vicious kick to the head. The boy grabs a sharp tree branch. He plunges it to the heart of the beast. It falls lifeless to the ground.
In the mean time the rest of the gang comes to the cemetery. Willow calls to Xander.
"Xander!"
"Willow, Buffy is in the woods hurt."
Rebecca goes to Xander. She sees the dead monster. "How many did you kill, Xander?"
"Just this one, Rebecca."
Willow is hit with an arrow as she tries to help Buffy. The second assassin then goes in the direction of Xander and Rebecca.
Rebecca is hit with an arrow to the arm. Another just misses her head. She picks up Xander. They run away from the others, the assassin in hot pursuit.
Rebecca pulls the arrow from her arm as she is running. She and Xander make their way toward a cliff overlooking the ocean.
Rebecca is hit square in the back. She screams in pain, falling to the ground. The assassin hovers over her with a sword. Before he can finish her Xander ploughs into him from behind. The monster recovers to hit Xander with a rock, driving him toward the edge of the cliff. The assassin pushes him off the side. Xander manages to hold on with one hand. He grabs the leg of his assailant with the other, tripping him over the edge.
It goes headlong down the cliff. Xander hears the squish of its head as it hits the first rock.
Xander can't hold on any longer. He lets go. He slips down about six feet to a small revine. Bleeding heavily, his last thought is of Buffy as he slips to unconsciousness.
Both Willow and Buffy are hurt. Oz and Cordelia take them to the hospital. Giles goes to look for Rebecca.
The watcher finds her. She is conscious, although her clothes are heavily stained with blood. She is trying to look over the cliff for any sign of Xander.
Giles runs to her. "Rebecca, are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Rupert, but Xander…"
She doesn't finish.
Giles hugs her. "Rupert, he saved my life but, he must have went over the cliff. The last thing I saw was the assassin throwing him off."
Giles immediately thinks of Buffy. "What did those kids have, two days together?"
In tears, "They couldn't stay away from each other, Rupert."
"I know, Rebecca, I know."
Rebecca and Giles go to the hospital. Rebecca gets attention. Willow, Oz and Cordelia are in the waiting room. Willow is bandaged. They kept Buffy a little longer because of her head wound.
Willow looks at Giles. "Where is Xander?"
Giles shakes his head.
"No, Giles!"
The watcher sighs, closing his eyes. Willow breaks down. Oz tries to comfort her but it is of little comfort to the witch. Xander was her best friend for most of her life. She was in love with him for most of her teenage years. She loves Oz with all her heart and soul but Xander was her first love. Part of her still loves him. Oz holds her as her sobs get softer.
Rebecca comes to the waiting room. She sits down without speaking to anyone.
Shortly after Buffy comes out of the emergency room. She looks at the faces of her friends. She gets short of breath. "Giles…Xander got away…right?"
Giles doesn't answer but tears run down his face telling Buffy all she doesn't want to know. Still she questions him.
"Giles, tell me he got away."
Willow stops crying long enough to go to the slayer. Buffy doesn't want comfort. This can't be true.
"No, Giles, you're wrong!"
"Buffy he killed the one but there was a second. Rebecca tried to help."
Buffy stares at Rebecca in horror. Her clothes are still stained with blood.
The slayer holds up her hands. "No, this didn't happen…we didn't even get to be with each other enough. We didn't even get to go to the movies together, or spend a whole night at the Bronze together."
"I never even told my mother I loved him. We never held hands in school."
Buffy looks at Rebecca. "Where's his body, Rebecca?"
They were fighting on the cliff. The last thing I saw he got knocked off, Buffy."
"But, you didn't see his body?"
"No, Buffy, but…"
"Then maybe he got away."
"I don't…"
"I don't care. I'm not going to accept this!"
Buffy runs outside. She slumps down against the wall. Rebecca goes to her.
"He…knew. He…knew it was dangerous. He…wanted me to leave. I wouldn't listen…He knew. It was my fault again.
"You love him. You want to be with him. You can't blame yourself, Buffy. Xander couldn't live without seeing you no matter how dangerous it was. You guys are too much in love. Don't ruin it with any blame."
They hug. The rest of the gang comes out. Willow and Buffy embrace for a long time.
Buffy is thoroughly destroyed. She goes home. She looks at herself in the mirror.
This is too much to accept! She can't accept it!
He'll come back to me. I know he will.
Xander's body lies perched precariously on a small landing; dried blood caked in four or five different places. His healing power seems to have stopped the bleeding but not before he lost quite a bit.
If the weight of his unconscious body were to shift in the wind he would go head long down the rest of the cliff, joining his assailant as a stain on one of the many jagged rocks below.
A hand reaches to him from a cave buried in the side of the cliff. With much effort it drags Xander's body off the edge of the ravine and into the cave.
It is Rachel, Xander's savior, and his friend. Rachel, the non-violent vampire who loves Xander with everything inside of her. She cries as she strokes his hair. She prays in her heart she didn't get to him too late. She could not continue to live without Xander in her life. The times they were together were the best times of her long life.
She has to nurse him back to life even if she can't have him.
For the next week Buffy is a real mess. She is really scaring Giles. He talks to Willow.
"Giles, she is a real mess. She won't accept it. The only time she leaves her room is to go to the cemetery. I can't help her. I can't take it either, Giles. I love Xander."
The redhead breaks down. Giles comforts her.
"Willow, will you ask Oz to come see me today?"
"Why Giles, why do you want Oz, Giles?"
"Willow, Xander promised to help those three women from…"
"No, Giles, you're not taking Oz. I'm not losing Oz too!"
"Willow, this is still Hellmouth. We can't have everyone incapacitated."
The redhead leaves very upset. She goes to Oz.
"Willow, what's the matter, honey?"
"Don't touch me, Oz!"
"What's the matter?"
"You're going to have to choose, Oz. I'm not Buffy. I'm not going to wait around while you get yourself killed. Don't even think I am."
"Willow, what are you talking about?"
"Giles wants you to help those fashion model witches Xander was going to help."
Willow stares at him waiting to see his reaction.
"So that's what you're upset about? Willow, you were the one who introduced me to this work."
"I don't care Oz. If you go to help them we're through!"
She storms away. Oz watches her walk down the corridor.
The wolf then heads to the library.
Buffy is holding herself together with one hope; Xander is alive.
"Please, God above, let him somehow be alive."
As time passes that hope is ebbing away, however. The thing that bothers her the most is the way she treated him the last time they were together. She was obstinate and contrary as usual.
Deep down Buffy knows what is going to happen to her if Xander really is dead. There will be no recovery. Slowly it will eat her up. One of these nights a vamp will get her because she has lost her edge.
"Xander, please come to me. Please do something."
Rebecca goes to visit her in the cemetery.
"Can I talk to you a minute, Buffy?"
Buffy nods her approval.
"Give me a weather report, Buffy?"
The slayer sighs. "Cloudy, getting more cloudy."
"Is the sun anywhere in there, Buffy?"
"Truthfully?"
"We need to know, honey."
"I might have been able to get along without Angel…but that was because Xander was there. He was always there."
"I put all my eggs in his basket, Rebecca."
"That's what I thought, Buffy. You guys play more serious than anybody I've ever seen. The stakes are high both ways."
"You're a very wise woman, Rebecca."
"Unfortunately it is of small value right now."
"I'm not guilt tripping but, if it wasn't for Xander's concern for me I wouldn't be standing here without him. You taught him so much. His weakness is me."
"And vice-versa, Buffy, don't forget that. But, I'm sure it was worth it. I know you agree with that. I have been amazed by you two."
"That's the problem, Rebecca, there wasn't enough of Xander and I. I didn't even get a chance to show him what my love for him looks like."
Rebecca comforts Buffy as she joins the slayer in mourning for her lover.
"You know what? I'm a very practical woman but I'll tell you something. The one thing, which I cling to in my heart…Xander is the best I've ever seen at his age, the best ever! Part of me thinks…no,feels, he found a way. That he is not dead!"
Both are in heavy tears. "Thank you, Rebecca, thank you."
Go on to Part Five
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