Part Five: The Raft Is Not the Shore
Xander wakes in a dark place. He is lying on a comfortable straw bed with a pillow. He looks around. His eyes fall on a vision of grace and beauty.
Rachel, the woman who is the only real rival for Xander's heart. If his love for Buffy wasn't destined and burned so deeply within him Rachel would have his heart melted. He gazes at her in admiration.
"I was dead, wasn't I?"
"Perhaps."
"How did you find me, Rachel?"
"I heard about the assassins. I've been keeping an eye on you."
Xander stares at her with tears in his eyes. Rachel understands. She goes to him.
"Xander, stop!"
"Rachel I…"
"Xander, I love you. I really love you. That means I don't ever want to see you sad. You do not make me sad. Your presence has given me reason to live. Dry your tears my young friend and lover. Get well so you can figure out how to unite with your slayer. I will help in every way that I can."
"Rachel I don't know how to thank you. I…"
Rachel interrupts him with a kiss. Xander cannot say he doesn't enjoy it. Rachel begins to cry. She breaks the embrace.
"Xander, I am sorry…I'm so sorry."
Xander, in tears, "Rachel, I don't know what to say to you."
Rachel walks away. After she has composed herself she comes back to the bed.
"I've already gone against what I said to you, Xander. I've already made you sad."
Xander grabs her in a very warm hug. "Honey, from the very first moment we met you have done nothing but comfort me and heal me and love me. You have never, ever made me sad."
Xander has Rachel lie down beside him, putting her head on his chest. He strokes her hair and face.
"Rachel, I will never give up being your friend. I will never give up my love for you."
"Xander, when I see your slayer I will tell her I kissed you but you told me of your love for her."
"Thank you, Rachel."
Xander needs a plan. For now they think he's dead. It won't last long, however. Xander has a very intense pain in his heart and soul thinking of how Buffy must be suffering. He has to go to her but he must also think of the big picture. Something has to be done about this Malcolm fellow. If not Buffy and he will never be able to be together again.
The Boy Wonder puts on a disguise then goes to see his favorite semi-good daemon, Whistler.
Xander waits almost two hours before he hears the familiar whistle.
"The disguise stinks. The fact that you're alive doesn't."
They go inside.
"You've sure made a target out of yourself, haven't you? You're the most dangerous man in the underground right now."
"I try not to think about that too much. Can you help me Whistler?"
"Oh, that's right, the new Romeo and Juliet….Here's the deal. I blindfold you. I take you somewhere. You don't ask any questions. I'll bring her if I can. Seventy-two hours, that's all you get. You do exactly as I say."
"Agreed, thank you, Whistler."
"I've always liked the slayer. You're good for her. You're good for the cause, too."
Whistler knocks Xander out. He takes him to an underground hideout far in the woods.
Buffy is patrolling. Willow is with her. Business is slow. They sit down.
"Everything is just empty, Will."
"Rebecca says you guys will be legends."
"That's funny." The slayer breaks down. "I don't want…to be…a…legend, I just want Xander."
Willow joins her in mourning. After a few minutes Buffy stops, sensing danger.
A hooded rider gallops into the cemetery after them. The rider seems to be after Willow. It runs her into a tree then dismounts and disappears.
Buffy runs to her. Willow can sense it is a trap. "No, Buffy."
It's too late. A figure runs to the slayer, spraying something into her face. Buffy collapses. Willow jumps up.
"You bastard!"
The hooded figure speaks to her. "She will be alright, Willow. Pick her up here in seventy-two hours."
Willow is stunned. The rider picks up Buffy then rides away.
The redhead runs to Giles house. Rebecca is there, also. Willow is completely out of breath.
"Willow, what is it."
"Buffy…she…she. A rider…on a horse."
Rebecca has Willow sit down.
The Witch tells them the story.
"Rebecca looks at Giles, smiling. "You think its Xander?"
"That would be my guess."
Part Six: The Hardest Thing He's Ever Done
When Buffy wakes she is tied very securely to a chair, blindfolded. She thinks Spike and company have captured her.
"I'm awake you undead bastards!"
Xander is in an adjacent room with the door closed. When he hears her voice his heart soars. The door to his room opens. He sees Buffy. The only light in the room is a small bulb directly over her chair. Buffy has on her fighting togs, the ones that drive Xander crazy.
Buffy's blonde hair glistens in the dim light of the room. Xander momentarily loses his breath as he gazes upon her presence.
Xander doesn't want to give her a heart attack. He goes to her. He unties her.
As the ropes fall the slayer removes the blindfold. She launches herself in the direction of Xander. Just as she is ready to pounce on him she stops. There is no mistaking the presence she senses.
"Xander?"
"Yes, it's me, honey."
"Oh my God, Xander."
She breaks out in tears. "Xander…Xander, is this a dream?"
She reaches out to him on the ground. "It is you!"
They both get up. She is sobbing. "Everybody thought…I knew…I knew, Xander. I knew you wouldn't leave me."
Xander can only shake his head as he holds her. She loves him so much. She is so strong yet so vulnerable at the same time.
He breaks the embrace. "Buffy, let me look at your face." He wipes away her tears.
"Let me taste those lips."
They share a kiss that speaks to the fact that they thought they might never see each other again
Xander staggers out of the embrace. "Honey, we have to get into this other room."
They walked through the door. After a minute they hear a voice.
"About damn time!" A small food hatch on the door slams shut.
The room is small but seems to have all the necessities. There is a stocked refrigerator, a stove, a small sink and a table on one end. The other end contains a double bed. A small room off to the side is the toilet and shower.
All the comforts of home.
Buffy looks at Xander. "Am I allowed to ask who slammed the door?"
"No"
"Somehow I didn't think so."
Buffy jumps on Xander knocking him onto the bed. She starts to tickle him. He has to grab her hands to get her to stop. They melt into another kiss.
"Xander, even though I knew you weren't dead somehow I still can't believe we're together again. How are you still alive, Xander? Rebecca saw the assassin throw you over the cliff."
"A lot of it was a blur. I'll tell you the whole thing sometime but, not now."
They kiss. Buffy breaks it off.
Xander, I have to look at you while I can. I get the feeling we could be ripped apart at any second."
Buffy starts crying again.
"I swore if I ever got to see you, again…I can't stand it Xander. Let's go away…far. We can come back. We just need some time together."
"We have this time now."
"How long, Xander?"
"We have about two and a half days."
Buffy gets up, very upset.
"This is completely unfair. You know you can't blame this on me being the slayer. This is you, Xander, all you. Why do you have to have every daemon in hell after you? Why do you have to be so goddamn hard? Why can't you be more like the old Xander?"
Buffy, if I were more like the old Xander neither one of us would be alive now!"
"Do you call this being alive?"
Xander goes to her, gently grabbing her.
"Honey, are we going to spend the little time we do have arguing?"
"I can't stand it, Xander. I find out I love you. I find out I can't live without you. We get together then, bam, the world falls apart."
"I know, Buffy, but right now it can be okay. We're together. It's beautiful. Let's enjoy it. There will be a time for crying. Right now let's party, babe!"
Xander walks to the fridge. "We have good food and good wine. I can get you drunk and have my way with you. Buff, we have the makings of two mighty fine days and nights. What do you say we get started?"
Buffy finally smiles. "I hope you know how to cook. I can hit a bull's eye at thirty yards with a cross bow but I can't boil water."
"I'll cook, no problem. You just sit there and watch me."
"Listen, stud, I intend to never take my eyes off of you, again."
"I hope I can take the pressure."
Xander cooks a big meal. They sit in the candlelight sipping wine, taking bites of their dinner and gazing intently at one another. Buffy has her hair brushed out. It sparkles in the flicker of the candle. Her whole face is aglow.
"Buffy, if I could only relay to you what I'm feeling right now…Your beauty has me overwhelmed. You're this super-slayer but you have this sweetness and this…gentleness and, best of all, it's…all…mine!"
"Okay, it's my turn. A certain little girl grew up and found a presence in her heart…and in her soul. She finally figured out what to do with it. She embraced it and rolled it around inside of her until it felt perfect. She looked up and it was you, Xander Lavelle Harris. And now you are sitting right across from me. I can dip from your well anytime I want to."
"Wow, and what will you use as a ladle to do such a thing?"
"I was thinking of using…my tongue, perhaps."
"Oh, baby, I…I mean…"
"What's the matter, big man, are you speechless? A little romantic talk from a slayer princess and you fall all to pieces?"
Buffy takes a very deep dip into the interior of Xander's mouth. Her tongue does indeed drink from the waters of his soul. It takes Xander a few minutes to be able to talk. With action like this he doesn't care if he ever speaks again.
"How is it possible for one woman to have so many answers for one man.
They begin to kiss, again. They maneuver to the bed.
The sweet deal encore. The cup runneth over with joy and good tidings.
The satin smooth dance evolves to the rock and roll build up of bliss, the explosion of love fortune.
Maybe it gets better somewhere but not on this planet!
Buffy and her White Knight, together where they belong. Together with the world at bay.
The mean world, the world where they hunt and are hunted by all the dark forces which invade children's dreams and take down adult lives.
None of that right now…it's all out there…somewhere.
Our heroes lie in silence for a good long time. Buffy breaks the quiet.
"Rebecca said we play rough and hard but the results are kick-ass. I guess this is what she is talking about."
"She is one hell of a woman."
Buffy looks up into Xander's eyes. "You and her…didn't…you know?"
"Yea, like I'm going to make it with a nine-hundred year old woman."
"Oh, I see, your age range is say, three-hundred years?"
"You know, I figured out something else about you. You hate bliss. We just had the most remarkable encounter two people have had in the last fifty years and you're talking about some little people somewhere in the past. Where I am right now there are only two people, you and I."
"Okay, Xander, I won't torture you."
Xander begins to get a very serious look on his face.
"Oh no, I know what that face is. That's your super serious face. We don't want to see that face yet."
Xander looks deep within her eyes. "I tell you one thing, Buffy Summers, we are not going to meet in the dark shadows for the rest of our lives. We're too young for this shit."
"Xander, how did you get to be so unpopular so damn fast?"
"I don't know, I thought I was such a lovable guy."
"Do you want the truth?" Xander nods. "You use to be adorable, lovable, funny Xander. Now, you're still funny but you're hard, very hard, scary Xander most of the time."
"Willow won't even talk to me."
"I told you."
"Every thing is so damn intense."
"Are you talking about Hellmouth or us?"
Laughing, "Both. Listen, Buffy, these guys, these bounty hunters….they're different. I was never so scared in my life."
Buffy holds him. "That scene on the cliff could have gone either way, Buffy. I needed everything I had just to survive."
"I understand, Xander, do you remember the first master? I thought he had me. He did have me. Then you…you…saved…me. Even way back then you loved me."
Buffy starts to cry. Xander tries to comfort her but she steps away from her. After a few minutes she looks at him with as much sadness on her face as he has ever seen.
"Xander…I…I'm so sorry…about the dance."
Xander knows exactly what dance she is speaking about. The come on dance at the bronze to get Angel jealous. The one which tore out his heart. The pain is still there but he is not about to let that memory destroy the little time they have together. He goes to her.
"Buffy, when you said those three little words to me the first time the pain from that moment left me."
The slayer is still sobbing.
"Buffy, do you know which words I'm talking about?"
She nods.
"Well, how about saying them to me again."
Sniffing back the tears. "Xander, I…I love you so much."
They embrace. "Then the pain is gone, Buffy. You loving me is a miracle. It's a healing miracle. That means your love takes away all of my pain and agony. It replaces it with a vision of you."
"Xander, where do you get all those things you say to me?"
"Buffy…they just come to me when I'm with you."
Beneath all the joy of this reunion Xander has a deep secret. It is one of those things that will break Buffy's heart. He gets lost deep in thought. Buffy notices, of course.
"Xander, what are you thinking?"
"Nothing."
"Come on Xander. As I told everybody, everything Xander is my business now. You're deep in thought and I know it has something to do with us."
She starts poking him playfully in the ribs. "Out with it boy!"
"When I first met you…you were the slayer and I was a high school nerd. I remember how you use to feel responsible for us and for good reason. Now that I'm…whatever I am I feel…"
Buffy doesn't like where she thinks this conversation is going. "Look, Xander, this better not be a protect the slayer sermon. You may be a super underworld figure now but I'm not some little girl. Those conversations you and Giles have about protecting me are bullshit!"
"You wanted me to love you. Well, now I do. We are together, Xander. Together through the good and the bad. No more secret talks with Giles about me."
Xander begins to walk away. Buffy goes to him.
"Do you understand that, Xander?"
"Yes I do, Buffy, but that's not it."
"I knew you were going to say that. Do you ever have any un-heavy thoughts anymore? Xander, whatever it is save it for the end."
"Okay, honey." He pulls her to the bed. He straddles her.
"Do you mind if I engage in a little Buffy watching? Oh, you ask, what exactly is Buffy watching? Well, I'm glad you asked. It started when this guy first saw this girl who dropped straight down from heaven. Now, some guys would need to touch such a woman to receive pleasure. But, I wasn't so greedy. All I needed to do was watch her. Nothing heavy, no stalking, just gentle watching. I had to do it illegally. Now, I don't go to jail for it."
Xander starts to lick Buffy's arm. He works his way up to nuzzling her neck. She begins to giggle. "Now, I can even taste you." He gets her neck again."
"Xander, you have two modes, super serious ( Xander nuzzles her neck again, she screeches) Ahhh!…and crazy."
Xander gets down on all fours. He goes to the bottom of the bed. He looks menacingly at her.
"The half-human, crazed, "One Of Them" stalks the mighty slayer princess." He begins to sniff her. He gets closer to her. "What is this I smell, fear…and excitement…and…and, oh my God, what is this?" He crawls up to her neck. "It's…its neck nectar."
He really starts on Buffy's neck. She is laughing and squirming like crazy.
"Xander…Xander, you have to stop. You'll give me a heart attack!"
"Buffy, I love you so much but…"
"But what, Xander?"
He shakes something off. He gets very serious again. "Buffy, no matter what happens. Whether you understand it or not….Buffy, let's seal this moment."
Xander kisses the palm of his hand then holds it up facing Buffy. He does the same with his other hand. He invites her to do the same. Then they slowly join them.
"Now, in the words of one of the greatest lovers of all time, Romeo; cannot lips do what hands do, much sweeter?"
If this were anybody but Xander trying to pull off a corny gimmick like this she might actually laugh at him. But Buffy just can't help it. He has her number and he knows it.
His romantic ramblings usually wind up as butterflies buried somewhere in her stomach. This time is no different as they share as passionate a kiss as is possible on this earth.
"Xander, how did you ever get to be this romantic?"
They fall asleep together. As the night goes on they get closer and closer together. When they wake.
Wow, Buffy, could we get any closer? I think we made love in our sleep.
Buffy, while yawning, "You're crazy. How do you think of these things?"
He doesn't answer. Instead he partakes of the delectable and delicious feast which is Buffy Summers.
His Buffy Summers. The woman who now loves him more than anything else on God's good earth.
This fact is enough to keep Xander fueled for a long, long time.
If only this were the end of the pain. If only they could live happily ever after.
When the festivities are over.
"Buffy, is this real and everything else is unreal or…"
The slayer puts her hand to Xander's mouth. "Stop there. We'll take it. We don't need to go any further. Now…where the hell is the cook?"
Xander feigns disapproval. "You mean your mother never taught you anything in the kitchen. Let's see…Buffy, the slayer cook? Nah, you're right, I'll cook."
Buffy watches Xander do the cook thing. The more see experiences him the more she is amazed by him. If only they could be normal people. If only Buffy had time to really show Xander how much she loves him.
The slayer wonders what Xander has to tell her. What does he have to say that was causing him so much pain and deep thought? She shakes it out of her mind.
Later Xander is in the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. When Buffy comes in she playfully walks up his back with her fingers. Xander quivers.
"I really love your little problem."
"I've noticed."
Xander turns to look Buffy in the face. "You want to know the most amazing thing about yourself?"
"I'm all ears."
Xander leads her by the hand back to the bed. They sit down. "Your love is too much. The volume of it and the depth of it.…and, it's all for me."
"Yep, all for you."
"You have all these intense feelings and emotions for me. All these hot love wires. To have gone through everything you have gone through and…and still be as loving and as nice as you are…words fail to describe you."
"Xander, do you like never run out of nice things to say about me?"
He puts his arm around her. "Honey, I haven't even begun to tell you about the wonderfulness of yourself, yet."
Buffy sighs. "You know, Xander, you might love me and all but you don't realize what you are to me and what you mean to me. I don't have anybody else, Xander. I have you. You're every thing I need and everything I want."
"That's amazing, slayer. I never thought I would ever hear you say such a thing."
"The truly amazing thing, Xander, is that you never gave up. You kept loving me until I finally saw you."
By mutual consent they stop talking. Xander jumps on top of Buffy.
"Ride 'em cowboy."
The slayer is embarrassed. "I hope nobody is watching us, Xander."
"Yea, they might commit you."
"Oh, sure! I have this madman on top of me who thinks he's a cowboy on a horse or something and you think they'll commit me."
"Wait a minute. Let me see your ears." He carefully inspects each of her ears.
"Phew! I was just checking to make sure you weren't a horse."
"You bum!" She gets him under the arms.
"Well, these are funny times, you know. All this daemon stuff. A boy can never be too careful"
Buffy pulls Xander down to a kiss. "Will you shut up!"
The slayer and her Romeo do what they should do, what they were created to do; love each other.
Xander wakes first. He knows this is their last hurrah for now. They face a very serious threat. Xander is going to do something, which is going to break his heart and Buffy's. It's necessary, although he knows Buffy will not see it that way. She almost got killed in the cemetery. Xander is not going to take a chance on that happening again.
He sits on one of the chairs. He watches Buffy sleep. Tears start to flow freely down his cheeks. Buffy was wrong. Bringing back Angel was not the hardest thing he has ever had to do.
This is!
Weariness settles in. His heart is heavy with pain.
As if sensing his discomfort Buffy wakes, reaching for him. When she doesn't feel him next to her she sits up. She looks at Xander who is staring at her. She can tell he has been crying.
When she goes to him he is cold. He definitely has his game face on.
"Xander, honey, speak to me."
"When I fell off the cliff I landed on a small precipice. Somebody took me into a cave and nursed me back to life. It was Rachel."
Xander closes his eyes and continues.
"I spent a week with her. We got very close."
He stops as he tries to compose himself to continue. Buffy is getting very worried.
"I discovered my destiny, Buffy…"
"Is this a joke, Xander, because if it's suppose to be a joke it is not funny!"
"It's not a joke, Buffy."
"Wait a minute, you're not about to tell me some bullshit "written in the stars" story about you and Rachel. I thought we were written in the stars? What is this, Xander? What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to tell you as easy as possible."
Buffy is still incredulous. "Xander, honey, please don't do this. We just had a magical two days. I love you and you love me."
Xander doesn't answer.
"This can't be happening."
"I didn't mean for it to happen, Buffy."
"Why, why the last two days, then?"
He still doesn't answer.
"This is a nightmare. This isn't happening."
Buffy is too stunned to even cry. She grabs his shoulders, looking straight into his eyes. Xander tries to show only hardness.
"I want you to look at me and tell me you don't love me."
"We're through, Buffy. It's over. I'm sorry." Xander goes over to the door. He opens the food hatch.
"You'll wake up in the cemetery. Willow will be there."
Buffy pleading, "Xander, don't let me go like this."
He turns his back on her.
"Xander, please?"
"Buffy, will you just go. Go back to Sunnyvale and recover. Go back and be the slayer. There are a lot of people depending on you."
Buffy goes to him. "You bastard!" She hits him!
The door opens. A hooded man enters, spraying something in her face. She collapses. He takes the hood off.
"Was it worth it?"
"Only if it turns out right, Whistler."
"I've helped you as much as I can, kid. From now on forget you know me."
"Thanks, Whistler." The daemon knocks Xander out.
Go on to Part Seven
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Buffy and the Slayerettes are Property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. No Copyright Infringement is Intended.