Part One--Did They Win?
Giles, Rebecca and their crew come back to the library. Willow and Cordelia can't control their sobs. They looked half the night, through every inch of the sewer system. They must still have him. The only glimmer of hope is that perhaps Buffy and Oz had better luck.
Willie stands behind the bar. His clientele sometimes sickens him. It's one thing to clean up after drunks. Cleaning up after sleazy vermin is quite another. He understandably can't keep any helpers. There is just something about the sight of blood all over the tables and floor night after night that drives the workers away. Add the fact that the patrons sometimes feast on the staff. Well, you get the picture.
There were only two or three things lingering in the bar. For some reason it was a very slow night. Usually he is packed at this time of the midnight. Willie had gotten wind of something in the air. He was about to find out exactly what it was all about.
He hears two or three loud crashes coming from his normally quiet front doors. The next thing he knows he is being approached by a very pissed-off looking slayer and her two formidable companions.
As soon as his patrons see the presence of the slayer they try to leave the joint in a hurry. Oz tackles one in mid-flight. The normally calm Monica Gentry moves faster than she thought possible in pinning the other against the wall. She is too traumatized to worry about the fact that this creature of the night could probably have her for a snack if this were a normal time. Right now, the presence of the slayer is enough to put the fear of god into them.
When Willie sees the look on Buffy's face he starts to back away from her.
"Slayer, how's your Boy Wonder?
"Don't get funny, Willie. Where do they have him?"
Willie doesn't know but Buffy still has him up against the wall.
"Slayer, your boy and I are on good terms. We communicate."
"Where the hell do they have him, Willie?"
"Slayer, I heard something was up but I had no idea it involved him. Nobody knows. It's one of those secret things."
Monica questions the vamp she stopped. It is soon evident he knows nothing. She approaches the vamp Oz has detained. It's the same story. Monica goes to Willie. Buffy asks him the question again. She gets the same answer. She looks at Monica.
"Unfortunately he's telling the truth. All three of them are."
Our heroes start to leave. Willie calls to them.
"Slayer, if I do get anything I'll pass it on to you."
"Thanks, Willie."
The determined trio finds nothing. Not a loose daemon in Hellmouth even had a clue. Whoever called this shot kept it under tight wrap. The closest they came was one brave soulless one who claimed that after tonight the balance was to be tipped in the favor of evil.
The slayer made sure this horned freak wouldn't get to see it. His ashes are probably blowing out to sea by now.
Tonight is not the night to mess with Buffy Anne Summers!
The more they came up empty the more their nerves became frayed. The slayer was really becoming edgy. She was getting progressively more and more annoyed with Monica. Buffy could barely contain her own pain and anger but Monica was really losing it. The slayer had to address her.
"Look Monica, he's my goddamn soul mate, okay!"
Monica looks her straight in the eye. "So what?"
"So, why the hell are you falling apart?"
"I'm worried about him, alright. You think you're the only one who can worry about him?"
Oz decides to try to calm things. He begins to address the slayer.
"Buffy…"
"She interrupts him right away.
"Don't get me started on you, Oz."
"Buffy, come on."
"You and Xander and Giles, the gentleman's club. Let's keep Buffy safe."
Oz is mad. "Are you going to start on that shit, again?"
"Yea, I am. You don't like it?"
"Why don't you make up your mind, slayer."
"What the hell does that mean, Wolf Boy?"
Oz is really hitting heavy. "Do you want to be a little girl in love or do you want to be the slayer?"
Buffy makes a move towards him. Monica tries to block her path.
"Buffy, please! Can we keep on looking for Xander?"
Oz realizes he blew his cool.
"Monica's right. Let's get back to our search."
Buffy stops. She puts her head down trying to regain her composure.
"I'm sorry, you guys. I know you feel bad, too."
They both warm up. Oz goes to her.
"It's not lost yet. If it was both of you would feel it."
Oz is right. But Buffy has found out something that really bothers her. She has figured out why Monica is so upset. She has to put it out of her mind, however.
They go back to the search.
Hours later they drift back to the library to join the rest of the Scooby gang. No one says a word. Willow cannot stop sobbing. Oz lovingly embraces her.
After ten minutes or so Buffy gets up. She begins to walk out. Giles questions her.
"Where are you going, Buffy?"
"I'm going to the cemetery. I'm not giving up, Giles."
"It's nearly sun up, Buffy."
"I don't care, Giles."
Oz looks at her. "Do you want company, Buffy?"
"That's okay, Oz, get some sleep. You can start again in a few hours."
Buffy leaves for the cemetery.
The mausoleum had one small candle burning inside. A woman sat by it crying into the night. Her world was being shattered like it had never been before. In all the days of her mostly dark existence this was the blackest. There was no saving grace.
This night is one she hopes she doesn't survive.
It's just not going to be worth it after tonight. In all her shattered years she never had a damn thing to feel good about. At first she thought she was in love with someone. But, he was a monster. He was evil, pure and simple. He killed with a smile, ravaged, plundered. She now knew that she stuck with him more out of fear than anything else.
She learned this because she has felt love now. She knows what it is. It is beautiful and wonderful and brings true happiness even to one such as her. Even if it is unrequited love, at least she feels it. They have good memories together. Better memories than she has ever had in her long life.
But tonight it will be all over. The light of her life is being extinguished. The joy in her heart is being crushed. The smile on her face is being forever removed.
She hated them all. Even though she knew by saying that she was condemning herself. But, they all wanted him dead. They were all rejoicing about tonight. They all thought tonight was glorious.
How could she be a part of this? How could she be one of them?
She was ashamed of who she was, what she was. She didn't deserve his friendship, his love. She didn't deserve to even know him.
She had to find the slayer. Even if they kill her. Even if they hunt her down like a dog. She couldn't just let this happen. It was probably too late but she, at least, had to try.
The woman gets up, going into the misty fog of the cemetery. She doesn't have to walk far before she sees the person she wants to see. She tentatively walks up to the slayer. When Buffy sees her she catches fire in her eyes.
"Rachel, you bitch, get ready to die."
Buffy starts to move on her. The vampire doesn't resist but tries to offer something in her defense.
"I want to help you find him, Buffy."
Buffy is startled. "You want to help me find him, Rachel? You're murderous friends have him. How about you, were you in on it?"
"Don't be stupid, Buffy, I'm not in on it."
"Why would I even think that? Let's see. Vampires have him. You're a vampire. That's good enough for me."
"Are you going to act like you don't even know who I am?"
"Who are you, Rachel? Last time I saw you it was hard to tell."
"Why don't we ask Xander?"
"Rachel, I'll give you a five second head start!"
"Would you stop it, slayer, we are wasting time here."
"Look, I'm having a bad night, a real bad night…"
Rachel interrupts her.
"So am I, Buffy!"
"Well, forgive me if I don't give a shit."
"We have a lot in common, Buffy."
"And, what would that be, Rachel?"
"Let's just say we have the same taste in men."
"This talk is over. Are you going to put up a fight or am I just going to stake your ass?"
"Stop the self righteous shit, slayer. Yea, I'm a vampire. But I have never hurt Xander in all the time I've known him. Can you say the same?"
Buffy grabs Rachel by the throat. Rachel doesn't back down.
"I got out of your way, Buffy."
Although she doesn't want to do it she has to admit Rachel is right. She backs away from her.
"Look, Rachel, I love Xander more…"
"Yea, finally."
"Don't push your luck!"
"We are wasting time."
Buffy is angry and weary. She decides to trust Rachel but, only grudgingly
"Xander thinks you're our friend, Rachel. Are you?"
"Buffy, we both love Xander, okay? I don't expect us to be friends. I would give everything I have to be you. If that makes you feel insecure, I'm sorry."
"I think you better shut up, Rachel. Let's go find him."
Rachel leads Buffy to a new underground system. They don't have to roam around long. They come upon a body lying in a pool of sewer water. Rats are gnawing and squeaking all over it.
Both Rachel and Buffy get violently sick to their stomachs.
"Oh, my God, it's Xander."
They get the rats away from him. They pick him up, dragging him out of the sewer. Buffy listens to see if he has a pulse.
In tears, "He's still breathing."
"Buffy, my place is close. Let's take him there until you call the others."
The slayer can barely breathe but she helps Rachel take Xander to her place. Buffy calls Giles.
Everyone is crashed out all over the library.
The librarian answers. "Hello…Buffy? You did? We'll be right over."
Giles looks at the rest of the Scooby gang who are now all looking in his direction.
"Buffy found him."
They head out to Rachel's
Buffy and Rachel clean Xander up as best as they can. It is sickening. He has cuts and bruises and burns over most of his body. He's not dead but he has no spirit to him. Buffy looks at Rachel. She is dead serious.
"Find out what they did to him!"
Rachel doesn't argue. She leaves.
Buffy is scared. Her inner sense tells her that they did something more to him then beat him up. Fear grips her. Deep fear, as deep within her as her love for this man lying lifeless before her. It has her terrified.
Xander is one of the strongest and most disciplined persons Buffy knows. What did they possibly do to him that he is so lifeless? Whenever Xander was hurt before he always still had his spirit. Even when she attacked him while under the spell. He still had his internal spirit in tact.
Not this time. This time it was complete, whatever it was. It got all of him.
All the slayer wants to do is hold Xander until whatever is wrong goes away. That's all she wants to do. Let somebody else worry about everything else.
The rest of the gang comes in. They all sense the depth of the horror. Monica is first to speak.
"What did they do to him, Buffy?"
"I don't know, Monica." They embrace in tears.
Willow practically collapses in Oz's arms. The wolf looks at Giles from over Willow's shoulder. They exchange worried glances. Rebecca puts her arm around Cordelia who looks like she is about to collapse.
After getting over their shock, Giles, Devon and Oz carry Xander to Oz's van. They decide to go to an out of town hospital. They have made too many appearances at Sunnydale General. It's getting hard to come up with reasons for Xander's wounds. They leave a note for Rachel.
Once Xander is checked in Rebecca and Giles join the others in the waiting room. No one says a word. Xander is not dead but everybody shares the dark, dark feeling of evil. Something was done to Xander. Something which is unspeakable. Something which is not going to go away. Giles looks at Buffy.
"Buffy, where did you find him?"
"Rachel…Rachel took me to a new underground system. He was lying there…with…with the rats…eating…"
She doesn't finish but she doesn't have to. Everybody gets the message.
Giles asks another question. "What happen to Rachel?"
"She…she went to see if she find out what…what they did…to him."
An hour or so later Rachel comes to the hospital. All eyes are on her. Rebecca addresses her.
"Rachel, did you find out anything?"
Rachel's face is stained with dirt and tears. It is evident that the answer is horrible.
"First…his mother and father tortured him…and…sucked…the blood from him. Then they staged a rescue. Drusilla…drugged him into thinking she was…Buffy. She kept…cutting him and…and burning him and…"
She has to stop for a minute to compose herself. Buffy is sick. She has to throw up in the trashcan. Then she walks over to the vampire. Rachel continues.
"They tricked him into thinking Angel came back. They both…tortured him. And then…then they…made love…in front…of him."
Buffy screams out. "No…no…no!" The slayer backs up to the wall. She keeps shaking her head.
The slayer knew it. The worst possible thing that could be done to Xander. Nothing could be worse. It's like they knew. They knew exactly what could break him.
Buffy dries her tears. She gets a real hard look on her face. She slowly walks toward Rachel.
"How did they know, Rachel?"
"How did they know what, Buffy?"
Buffy pins her to the chair. "How did they know what to do to him to break him?"
"Come on, Buffy, everybody knows what makes Xander tick. It's not that hard to figure out."
Oz gets worried. Xander would not approve of the slayer roughing up Rachel. He would never forgive Buffy. He goes over to calm her down. She sees him coming.
"Don't come over here, Oz!"
"Buffy, this is stupid."
"Stupid, she's a Goddamn vampire! She's part of the ones who did this!"
"No she's not, Buffy, and you know it. She's Xander's friend. She helped find him, right?"
Buffy stares at Rachel.
"I feel bad enough, Buffy. I love him too, you know?"
Buffy slowly returns to her seat. She prefers to ignore the last part of what Rachel said. She did help her find him. Without her Xander may still be lying in the sewer.
For now the slayer will allow the vampire to grieve with the rest of the gang.
This is where Rachel should be. As she looks around the room she can see the genuine affection of everyone here for Xander.
Rebecca keeps looking at Buffy. She knows what is going through her mind. She goes to the slayer. She puts her arm around her.
"Buffy, let's go to the cafeteria. It's open all night. Somebody will get us if there's news."
They grab a cup of coffee then sit down.
"I know what you're thinking, Buffy."
"He's alive. That's the main thing. I just wanted him to be alive."
"He's a very strong…"
Buffy interrupts her. "Rebecca, the one thing, probably the only thing which could…which could make Xander…stop loving me is seeing Angel…Angel and I…"
She has to stop to sniff back her tears.
"And, his mother…his mother sucking…it always bothered him that his mother was never there for him. He loved her so much. He thought it was his fault. Rebecca…I'm afraid. I'm afraid this is…this is the end. Xander is strong but…"
She trails off. Rebecca knows this is different than all the other times, even the Angelus induced spell. She has no encouraging words for the slayer. She can only join her in grief.
They are in the hospital until mid day before they hear anything. The doctor comes out.
"Mr. Harris lost an unbelievable amount of blood. So much so that he may have suffered brain damage. He has lacerations and burns on more than seventy-five percent of his body He appears to have responded almost miraculously to the treatment, however. He is not dehydrated which is a good sign. He hasn't woken up but we don't think he is in a coma. When he does wake you are welcome to visit him."
Looking around at all the blank but tired faces, the doctor continues.
"My suggestion is to go home and get some sleep. We will call as soon as anything changes. He is very lucky to be alive."
When the doctor leaves Giles talks to the group.
"Let's all go home and get some sleep. We can organize watches when we're all rested."
Oz talks Willow into leaving but Buffy and Monica are not going. Giles tries to persuade the slayer.
"Buffy, you can't afford to get run down. We still…"
She interrupts him.
"Don't talk to me about slaying, Giles. Don't talk to me about anything."
"Buffy…"
The slayer is angry at the world.
"You'll be real happy to know that he tricked me, Giles. I thought he was right behind me when I went to Willow's porch. He knew they were after him and not me. As soon as I was safe he gave up. Protect the slayer. You really taught him well, watcher."
Giles turns around to leave but Buffy goes up to him. She forcibly turns him around.
"I hate you for that Giles." She looks around for Oz.
"And, you too, Oz. You and Xander, perfect dark side buddies."
Willow is torn apart herself. She always defends Buffy's position. But, not this time.
"Buffy, stop attacking everyone!"
The slayer stares at Willow.
"I thought you understood, Willow."
"I understand that you are upset and that you have a right to be upset but we all love Xander, Buffy. You're his soul mate but I've known Xander all my life. I love him too! We're all pissed off."
Cordelia chimes in. "She's right, Buffy. A few of us would give up a whole lot to be in your position. But all you do is get mad at him for trying to save your life. I thought the whole idea of the Scooby gang was to help you. Isn't that Xander's whole "One Of Them" gig?"
Buffy has to sniff back tears. "You heartless bitch! How can you be so Goddamn flip about it, Cordelia? Did you see him? Did you see what they did to him?"
The brunet has more to say. "Yea, slayer, look at him. All for you Buffy, all for you! You have a lot of guts to call me heartless. You and your Goddamn freak show put him in there!"
Cordelia storms out. Rebecca gets Buffy in a hug. Everyone besides Monica leaves. Rebecca tells Giles she will meet him at her house, later.
Monica can't leave. She is too upset to sleep. She realizes Buffy will be mad at her for staying but she can't help it. Rebecca talks to Buffy.
"Do you want some time alone, Buffy?"
"Yes, please, Rebecca."
Rebecca and Monica go to the cafeteria.
The slayer sneaks into Xander's room. It is awful. She is sad to say it but she has seen him broken up physically before. That was terrifying enough. This is like being at his funeral.
Buffy sits in absolute agony. It's bad enough if her and Xander can't be together, again. But, the thought that they may have destroyed him is what has her most afraid.
The slayer can't help it. She goes over to him. She picks up his hand, sitting down beside him on the bed. She whispers to him.
"Xander, honey, it's me. It's really me."
Buffy is very surprised when Xander begins to stir. She didn't think he would wake up. She doesn't know what to do. She tries to soothe him.
"Please, Xander, go back to sleep, honey."
The boy wakes. He briefly opens his eyes. He sees Buffy. He gets a look of panic and fear and sadness in his eyes. He starts to gasp for breath. He gets up from the bed, backing away from Buffy. He rips out the wires that were attached to him.
Buffy was frozen but now knows that she has to get out of there. Xander has a look on his face that Buffy has never seen. He is looking as if his entire world is out of kilter, like he can't get any footing to stand on. He can't get his balance.
She runs out of the room, calling one of the nurses.
"What were you doing in there, miss?"
"I…I…was…"
Buffy can't talk. The nurse rushes past her to Xander. The slayer goes back to the waiting room. She sits on one of the chairs. She wraps her arms around her knees. She begins to rock back and forth.
Xander is worse than she could ever have imagined. Why did she go in there? What is wrong with her? Her lover is in trouble and all she can think of is herself. Rachel told her what they did to him. She should have known he wouldn't be able to tell if it was really her or if it was Drusilla, again.
Buffy begins to sob uncontrollably.
Rachel is right. All I do is hurt him. I'm no good for him. All he does is love me and help me and try to protect me and all I do is get mad at him and cause him pain.
Rebecca looks at Monica. The young woman is not hiding her emotions very well.
"Monica, you feel a deep bond with Xander, don't you?"
The girl tears up. "Rebecca, I can't help it. I don't know what it is. I can barely handle being around him. I'm loyal to Buffy. I know Xander loves her with all his heart and soul…Do you think I should leave the group, Rebecca?"
"No, I don't, Monica."
Rebecca stares at her for a minute before continuing.
"Monica, I was hoping you wouldn't have these feelings for quite some time. Honey, it is really going to be hard for you."
Rebecca gently grabs her hands.
"You're a very special young woman, Monica, and we need you. Xander needs you, especially now."
Monica knows that Rebecca is talking about the fact that Xander will probably not want to be with Buffy.
"Rebecca, I could never take advantage of a situation like this."
"I know you wouldn't, Monica. Xander is going to be drawn toward you and I know you wouldn't take advantage of him no matter how bad your heart ached for him. That's why he really needs you."
"I feel so bad for both of them, Rebecca. This will kill her."
"It is going to be very hard, Monica, but we have to keep things together. Buffy is going to be murder to be around. She'll be hard and she'll be in everyone's face."
Rebecca continues. "The most important thing is to make sure we keep Xander on this side. We can't allow him to use that damn hard edge he has to shut everybody out. The next few weeks are going to be so dangerous for him."
Monica is crying. "Rebecca, I…I don't have the kind of internal strength to deal with Xander and Buffy. He's going to tear my heart apart, Rebecca."
Rebecca tries to cheer her up.
"Honey, you are stronger than you think. You have even shown me a thing or two."
"I'm not strong when I'm around him."
They sit in silence for awhile before Monica breaks it.
"No matter what I feel for Xander, it would be a tragedy if they have killed his love for Buffy. She is his entire world. I don't want that to happen, Rebecca. I don't want to be any part of getting between he and Buffy."
Rebecca's heart soars. She smiles at her young student.
"Monica, this is exactly what I'm talking about. You have remarkable strength. What you just said is amazing. You were meant to come to us, Monica. I am proud to say I know you."
The two women embrace. They go back up to the waiting room. Buffy is still just rocking back and forth. They go to her. Rebecca talks to her.
"Buffy, what happened?"
"I…I tried…I tried to go…in to see him. He…he woke up. He…the look…in his eyes. It was panic, Rebecca."
She starts to cry heavily. "Buffy, we're going to call your mother. You should go home, honey."
"You're right, Rebecca. He can't see me, again. I can't do that to him. It doesn't matter how I feel."
Monica and Rebecca are both in tears as Buffy goes home with Joyce.
Go on to Part Two
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Buffy and the Slayerettes are Property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. No Copyright Infringement is Intended.