Part Eight--The One Thing That Could Shake His Love
Back in Sunnydale Lem has been waxing very friendly with the gang. He is just waiting for Xander to show. Buffy is starting to get worried. She hasn't heard from Xander. Her and Lem are becoming quite friendly. The vampire tries to find out about the boy but not to the extent of causing suspicion.
The brain trust has not shared any secrets with him. Buffy is naturally tight lipped so she has not told him anything of importance.
Willow and the slayer talk. "No word from our Xander, Buff?"
"Nope, nothing. I don't even know if he's dead or alive. I don't even know where he is. Well, if Rachel has her way I know where he is."
"Same with Oz, nothing. We both could have predicted he would help Rachel but he hasn't even gotten in touch with you. It's been almost a week. Something must be wrong."
"Snyder caught me in the hallway, yesterday. He must know about Xander and me. He told me if I don't get him into the office this week he's not going to graduate."
Buffy sighs. Willow can tell she is ready to break down.
"Willow, I honestly and truly don't know how much my heart can take. I need him so much. It's still like a storybook romance with us but this is torture. There is so much going on all the time. Maybe this is the thing that could bring us down? I have to think to myself, what if I was with Lem? He's heavy but he's…"
"He's not heavy like Xander and Oz."
"What if Rachel needs him for a year or, two years?"
"Angel was simple compared to Xander."
"Yea, imagine a two hundred year old vampire being light weight."
"Buffy, is Lem just like being with Angel?"
"Willow, he's Angel without the flaws."
"What is Xander going to do when he sees him?"
"Freak out."
"Well, you have to put up with Rachel and Leslie and Linda and…"
"Please, Will…"
"I'm sorry, Buffy. Xander will just have to understand that you can have friends, too."
Buffy thinks about that. He sure is easy to be with. The more time Lem spends with the gang the more comfortable they become with him.
Giles has been doing research. He has surprisingly come up with a mention of a possible brother for Angel but it is not Lem. There is mention of a Baruch but no Lem. He questions Lem.
"He was the real black sheep of the family, a half brother really. We weren't really close in either life."
"Interesting, no matter how much I read or study there is always more. Say, you wouldn't happen to have access to any old codexes or extant volumes as your brother did, would you?"
"None I can think of at the moment, Giles, but I'll keep my eyes open."
Oz spends some time with Shelia so Xander can work a little magic for Rachel. When he arrives back at the cabin he does so in a very large stretch limousine. He beeps the horn for her to come out.
When Xander emerges from the limo he is clothed in a formal tuxedo. Rachel is stunned.
"Xander, what…"
"Please just do as I say. Get into the back seat. Put the clothes on you find there. Then come back out to me."
Xander has a CD player and various CDs. He moves all the furniture in the cabin to clear a dance floor.
When he goes back out Rachel is standing there. She is now attired in a very beautiful and stylish formal gown. It enhances her exquisite beauty to a tee. Xander stares with his mouth open. Rachel is pleased.
"Xander, are you crazy? What are we doing?"
"Well, if I remember correctly you told me one of the small sorrows you had was not participating in the formal dance which your school held. The one all the girls in your village looked forward to attending. We call it a prom. I thought maybe we could see what it might have been like."
"Of course, I realize it is very presumptuous of me to even think someone of your stature would ever go to the prom with me… Will you go with me?"
Rachel is really moved. She is almost in tears. "Xander, I…I would go anywhere with you right now."
"Oh, good." He pins a corsage to her dress. As he is doing it he can't help but to notice how unbelievably gorgeous the woman is.
"Now, I've danced with you before but I don't know how well you can do over the long haul."
She listens attentively as he continues. "I have some fast songs and some slow songs and some more fast songs. I would like nothing more than to dance the night away with you. No threats of death or heavy planning or fighting. Just you and I and the music. You think you can handle that, Rachel?"
"Lead the way, oh mighty daemon slayer."
They dance and dance and dance some more. Xander has some wine.
"Can you drink?"
"Wine."
"That's right. We all got drunk at Linda's house, didn't we?"
"You may have gotten drunk, Xander, but I never get drunk."
"If I remember right there was a certain vampire who got quite lose after a few guzzles of Linda's wine of the gods."
"Oh, that wasn't the time that this young daemon fighter started having these sudden urges, was it?"
Xander laughs. "Oh, you remember that."
"Yes, Xander, I hate to tell you this but your little fantasy of you being this young, innocent nerd is just that, fantasy."
"Hey, now, don't burst my bubble."
They both guzzle some wine. Rachel gets very serious. She gets close to Xander. She fondles his face.
"Xander, I want you to know that you have brought me more happiness than I have ever known before."
She starts to cry. She continues speaking in between the tears. "It is so hard for me not to be with you, Xander. I was so scared when they were torturing you. Then, when they wanted me to help capture you…"
They both cry. They should cry. It is always sad when love is unrequited. Xander knows what it feels like.
"Xander, you know I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or even, bad."
"Yea, I do know, Rachel. I know what we're doing here. And it's okay. I don't feel guilty because I know that you would never do anything to make me feel bad. You're just expressing what is in your heart."
This is one of the many reasons Rachel loves Xander. He can take her somewhere else. Even in the midst of her greatest sorrow he can pick her up.
He continues. "We had a relationship, Rachel. Buffy knows that. She also knows that it was good and that you're good. I would never down the relationship we had in the same way Buffy would never down her relationship with Angel. I understood why Buffy needed Angel and I hope Buffy understands the place you will always have in my life."
"Xander, you are a silver tongued devil. You have this way. I don't have you. You are not mine yet somehow I almost feel like you are. "
"Well, Rachel I hope it's not just bullshit?"
Xander looks at his watch. They don't have much time.
"Are you all danced out?"
"How about a slow one?"
"One for the road."
They put as much feeling into the last dance as possible. When they finish.
"Xander, I will never forget this as long as I live. It was magic. You are magic."
"Rachel…it will be much safer if….if I don't know where you are either."
They have one last tearful hug.
Shelia is outside with Oz. "I am so glad I met you, Oz."
"Same here, Shelia. Oh, Shelia….I'm really sorry I didn't tell you this but….I…I have a girl friend. A very good girl friend. It was just we…you and I…"
Shelia fondles his face. "Oz, I know you go with Willow. We just seem to have this instant bond and I was just pretending for awhile."
They embrace very warmly. Shelia agrees to come to the Bronze.
Xander goes to Shelia. They hug. "Thank you Shelia. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to get acquainted."
"Well, maybe I'll see you at the Bronze."
"Yea, okay. We'll show you a good time. I mean as good a time as you can have in good old Sunnyhell."
Rachel gets into the limo. Xander hopes this isn't the last time he sees her. He can't help it. He has to give her one last memory. He jumps into the back seat.
"Rachel, please take care of yourself."
They enjoy a very passionate goodbye kiss.
Oz and Xander watch the limo disappear down the road. They look at each other.
"Now, the hard part."
"Oz, I don't think Lem will be alone. Rachel said he has a following."
"I sorry to say this but he's probably hoping Buffy will try to stop you."
"Yea, I was afraid to think about that before but I guess I have to think about it now."
"We need some kind of an edge, Xander."
"I know. Are you up for a little visit to our favorite blonde- headed vampire?"
"We better pick him up some wine from Linda."
"Took the words out of my mouth. Hey Oz, do you mind if I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"Shelia, it looked like you two sort of meshed in a hurry."
"Angelus wiped out her whole family. We should have killed the bastard, sooner. I think your heart throb has a lot to think about, Xander."
"I know, Oz. After my parents were killed I actually hated her for a short time."
"I respect her and you but I have a lot of anger toward her sometimes, Xander. This is one of those times. Shelia is too young to be all alone."
"The only thing I can say, Oz, is that she knows it. I really get afraid sometimes that it's all too much for her. She was so damn young when she met Angel. If I had it to do all over again I would have went after that bastard a long time before I did."
"Yea, but you didn't know you could take him, Xander. She knew she could take him…I'm really sorry to lay this on you, man, but Shelia really got to me. Some people have to put up with a lot."
Xander doesn't know what to say. Oz is really upset. The wolf continues.
"Everybody fucks up. But, when we fuck up somebody dies."
"I understand. I feel the same way. I had to do this with Rachel."
"I get it. I keep telling Willow. We have to grow up. We all have to use what we have to save people whom we need. Without Rachel the whole Malcolm thing doesn't work."
Oz has a lot to say. Xander doesn't want to interrupt. The wolf must have been saving this up for a long time. This is more than Oz says in a whole month sometimes.
"I hate to keep jumping on Buffy, Xander, but she really puts you through a lot."
"I know, Oz, but she gives me a lot, too. I understand her whole gig. Even though she has all of us she is still the slayer. Sometimes it's all on her. Even I can't be there for her all the time."
"Yea, man, but you're the key. Xander, I remember when you were pinning away for her. You hung in there and it really paid off. If her loving you is what you wanted in life then you got it in a big way, man."
He continues. "You should see her when you're either hurt or off on some rescue mission. Which, come to think of it, is quite often. Man, she is one unhappy camper."
Xander has to laugh. "And she tells me you have to straighten her out sometimes."
"It's like walking into a blazing fire."
"Yea, Man, but she needs that. Thanks, Oz."
"It's all for the cause. Speaking of which, I have your back or your front. Whichever way you want it with Lem."
"It might be my front. If Buffy is in my face…"
He doesn't finish but oz gets it.
They get their stuff together to go back. As they are riding.
"Oz, that's a good thing you did for Shelia. The only problem is Willow is gonna freak."
"I know, man, but what do you do? She really needed somebody to be with her. She was holding all that inside."
"Hey, I understand. But, I think sometimes Buffy and Willow think it's bullshit."
"I would never consciously hurt Willow."
"I wouldn't hurt Buffy either. I still can't believe she loves me but this whole Hellmouth thing really gets to both of them. They need us."
"I need Willow, too."
"It tore me up for awhile but I have to admit I need Buffy, too."
"If I ever lost Willow…"
"Oz, I never told you this but…You know Willow use to have this thing for me. But, she never looked at me the way she looks at you. When I first saw her gaze at you with those eyes of hers I…I was really jealous. That's why I wasn't exactly friendly."
The wolf laughs. "I knew you were. I was afraid Willow would notice."
"If it's any consolation to you I don't think it would have mattered. Once the Oz man came into the picture the puppy love grew up. I didn't stand a chance, man!"
"Willow still cares about you."
"Now, it's her and Buffy against us."
"Well, at least you knew Willow for years. Buffy, wow. When I have to stand up to her. She gets this look in her eyes when you're not around. She is loaded for bear."
They go to Linda's house to get some wine. The sorceress talks to Oz.
"Oz, what did you do for Shelia? She was just over here. I've never seen her so happy. I see you've joined your buddy here in bringing good cheer to all."
"I'm glad I could help her, Linda."
"Oz, don't worry. If you explain it right to Willow she'll understand."
Xander has a question. "Linda, how is Leslie? I keep missing her."
"She is wonderful, Xander. She learns so fast. Soon she'll be ready to join you guys."
"Tell her I said hello."
As they are leaving Linda goes to Xander. She knows he has to face an Angel look a like.
"Xander, are you okay, honey?"
"I have felt better, Linda."
"I know what you're going home to face, Xander. I'm very sorry."
She hugs him very tightly. She puts a little extra into it. Xander really feels her warmth. When they break.
"What was that, Linda?"
"I am a sorceress, honey."
"I really felt your warmth and power."
"Your life is so hard, Xander. Go in peace…and take care of that bastard! And, then come back and we'll party. Please bring somebody who's single. How about that Devon, he's cute?"
"I promise I'll bring some single guys."
They arrange a meeting with Spike. The vampire comes in with a smirk on his face. Oz throws him the wine.
"Shall we toast to Rachel?"
Xander smiles. "I was looking for her. I was going to ask you if you saw here." "Always the comic, Harris. What do you want?"
"Do you want Lemech?"
"He's gone. That's where I want him. Dru got all weak kneed."
"Yea, there's a lot of that going around. You know what I mean, Spike."
"Take this as a compliment, Harris. I have every confidence that you'll take care of the bloody freak."
"And, if I don't then you have one less good guy to deal with."
"You're catching on. If you ever decide to give the other side a chance."
"That's appealing Spike but I don't like the company you keep."
"Hey, I don't like them either."
"Well, I don't like your choice in soul mates either."
"Oh, that torture thing. You can't hold a grudge, bloke. She's sorry. You know you have the poor girl terrified you're going to get revenge."
"Oh, well, I wouldn't want to cause Dru any discomfort. Tell her all is forgiven. In fact how about the two of you coming for supper some time."
"You got anything else, mate?"
"See you later, Spike.
They leave to go back to Sunnydale. Xander goes to a pre-determined place. Xander and Oz both feel that Lem will follow Buffy. Oz goes to see the slayer. Willow is with her. Buffy only wants to know one thing.
"Where is Xander, Oz?"
"Buffy, I'll take you to him but, you do know Lem is here to kill Xander, right?"
"No he's not, Oz."
"Look, slayer, I know he's probably got you wrapped around his finger by now but…"
Willow interrupts him. "Oz, what is that supposed to mean?"
"Lem rescued Rachel just to get to Xander. He knew he wouldn't be able to find us in the underground so he came here."
Buffy is angry. "Lem came to find out what happened to Angel."
"Yea, and I guess you got all buddy, buddy with him, right?"
"What the hell is your problem, Oz?"
"Look, slayer, do you want to see Xander or not?"
"Of course I do but, what's the secret?"
"I'll take you to him and I guarantee Lem follows us. Actually we're planning on it. We want to get him on our terms."
"You and your underground buddy better not hurt him, Oz."
"Tell it to Xander, Buffy. I don't want to hear it!"
Oz walks ahead. Buffy talks to Willow.
"God, he's just like Xander, Will."
"I've never seen him this hard, Buffy."
"I know Xander is angry but he better not just attack Lem."
Buffy goes with Oz. Willow goes to get the rest of the gang.
They go to an old railroad yard just out of town. Buffy goes into a cabin. Oz stays outside to look for Lem.
Xander doesn't even greet her.
"Buffy, you do know Lem is going to try to kill me, right? And, then he'll probably kill you."
"No he's not, Xander, and I don't want you to hurt him, either."
"Buffy, I don't have any time for your childish bullshit!"
Xander keeps looking out the window.
"You want to calm down, Xander?"
"I'm not going to calm down, Buffy."
"Why do you keep looking out the window, Xander?"
"Look, Buffy, Lem is here for one reason. Now, as soon as he comes here there's going to be a fight. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tear me apart before he even gets to me."
"I know you're jealous, Xander…"
He interrupts her. "This has nothing to do with jealousy. Why…Is there a reason I should be jealous?"
"Xander, Lem is here to find out what happened to his brother."
"Yea, and he's been hanging with you, hasn't he?"
Buffy doesn't answer. "Where the hell have you been for two weeks, Xander?"
"Wait a minute, Slayer, you didn't answer my question."
Xander looks out the window. He sees Lem.
"Here he comes Buffy. Are you still going to be in my face?"
"Xander, you can't do this. You can't just come and go as you please. If you go through with this we're in even more trouble than we are now."
They both go outside. Buffy talks to him.
"What are you doing here, Lem?"
"I just wanted to make sure you're alright."
Xander speaks up. "Yea, Lem, you weren't following her, were you?"
"Well, this is dangerous territory. You can never be too careful."
Oz sneaks around in the woods surrounding the cabin. He comes upon a daemon with a crossbow.
"What the hell would you be fixing to do with that?"
Before the daemon can get it's bearings Oz has him staked. The wolf circles to the other side of the woods. Low and behold he sees another daemon with a similar weapon. He quickly dispatches it.
Lem and Xander are still talking.
"I have to hand it to you, Lemech, you fooled my ex here."
Buffy stares at Xander. She caught that.
This creep looks just like Angel. The Boy Wonder starts to relive the whole "Angel" thing. His anger is with Buffy as well as with Lemech.
He looks at Buffy. The look on her face tells him that she still thinks Lem to be legitimate. It really pisses him off.
"Wait a minute, what did he tell you?" He looks at Lem. "What did you tell them?"
"I'll bet you told them you had a soul."
He looks at Buffy. "You can't talk to him now but later ask Giles to look in "The Tombstone Diaries", volume 3. He'll find out everything he needs to find out about our Angel look alike here."
"Now, Lemech, are you going to try to do what you came here to do?"
Oz comes out behind him. The whole gang is here, now.
"Oh, Lem. Were you looking for your friends? I had to have a serious talk with them. If the wind starts blowing this way you should see them float by."
Xander looks at the now outnumbered Vampire.
"Well, shit, Lem. Look at that. All of a sudden you're all alone. Unless, of course, the slayer decides to help you."
Xander looks at Buffy with as hard a look as she has seen on him. She just closes her eyes.
Xander continues, "I'll still make it fair, Lem. Just me and you."
Buffy is worried. "No, Xander, don't do that!"
"Buffy, stay the hell out of my way."
The slayer goes to him. "Xander, please."
Oz has had enough of Buffy's shit. He calmly loads an arrow into his crossbow. He takes aim and fires.
The arrow pierces the vampire heart high. Without further ado Lem bursts into ashes.
Oz throws the crossbow down disgustedly. He walks up to Buffy.
"That was for Shelia, slayer. You got a problem with it? When are you ever going to learn to trust Xander? The wolf looks at the Boy Wonder.
"I'm gonna go back to the cabin for awhile. Maybe I'll see you there."
Oz walks away. He doesn't even say good bye to Willow.
Xander stares at Buffy. "Did you have to go with him, Buffy?"
"Oh no, Xander, that's your game. How's your vampire Queen?"
"Safe."
"I think you better go with Oz, Xander."
He reluctantly walks away, catching up to Oz.
Buffy and Willow have to sort out what is happening. First Xander leaves with Rachel. Then Oz joins him. Then they come back into town, kill Lem and then leave again.
They have a meeting. Buffy tells Giles what Xander said.
"Giles, check out Volume 3 of the Tombstone Chronicles."
"The Tombstone chronicles, how…"
"Just check them, Giles, please."
Giles comes back ten minutes later with a book that looks like it hadn't been read in ages. He has to blow the dust off it. After five minutes of silence the librarian speaks.
"Very interesting."
"What is very interesting, Giles?"
"It says here that Lemech wiped out two towns in Arizona in 1943."
"So?"
Willow answers for him. "Buffy, it means he couldn't have had a soul."
The slayer and the witch look at each other.
"That means Xander was right." She shakes her head, sighing. Her heart aches.
Willow and Buffy go to Giles's office.
"Xander was right again, Will."
"Is he always right on these things, Buffy?"
"I don't know when I'm ever going to trust his judgement, Will. Actually, I do. It's just this other stuff gets in the way."
"Did we lose them both, Buffy?"
Willow continues. "Buff, can I tell you something without you getting mad?"
"Spill it, Will."
"The both of you are so jealous. You should see your face whenever Xander even thinks about somebody else."
"Yea, Will, but look at who I have to compete with all the time? Rachel is beautiful. She is so gentle and sweet to him. And, his wife, Monica. I swear she thinks they're married. I even heard Leslie is coming back."
"Buffy, now Oz is like that, too. I bet everybody will think he's a hero now just because he killed those daemons."
"Well, I hate to say this, Will, but he actually is a hero."
"Now he's going to be in all the books like you and Xander. He'll have to get himself an all star girl friend."
"Willow, I'm sorry, but I've never seen Oz the way he was today."
"He didn't even say goodbye."
"I know. Xander didn't even kiss me. In fact he didn't say anything nice to me. And, now he's gone, again."
"Well, you did tell him to go, Buff. He was fuming. You could see it. It must have brought the whole angel thing back."
"I know. Being with Lem seemed so simple but I should have known."
She sighs. "One of these days Xander is just going to leave me. Everybody else makes him feel good. I know he still loves me but one day he's going to see how ridiculous that is. He saves Rachel. Then he comes back to save me but all I give him is grief."
"You can't help it."
"I can't?"
"Buff, you are the most together person I know but you have this thing when you're with Xander. You're still strong. In fact you two together are unstoppable but you just change when you're around him."
"Oh, I see. Would I be anything like a certain witch when a wolf comes calling?"
"Are we pathetic, Buffy?"
"I'm afraid so, Will."
"Are they going to be all hard and everything when they come back?"
"Yep. But I'm not giving Xander back his ring even if he asks for it. I'll run away."
They look at each other. "Yep, we're pathetic!"
Xander and Oz are at the cabin.
"Xander, I need your opinion. Knowing Willow as you do. Is she going to be mad at me?"
"Yep, she's going to call you hard Oz because you killed those three daemons. Hell, I call you hard Oz. That was too much, Oz!"
"Well, man, you take the heat all the time."
"Not this time I didn't."
"Well, you still took it."
"Yea, I know, Buffy. Damn it, she had to make friends with that son of a bitch."
"Shall we go back, Xander?"
"Yea, why not. If I don't get to school…"
Xander and Oz go to the library for the meeting. Buffy, Willow, Amy, Monica, Cindy, Devon and his friend, Jim, Cordelia, Rebecca and Giles are all there. They have collected quite a group of folks now. They are soon to be joined by Leslie and Shelia, also.
Buffy and Willow watch the wolf and the boy wonder. The slayer watches Xander take a seat completely away from her.
Giles goes through everything that happened. Oz and Xander run down the whole Rachel thing.
Oz is given a standing ovation for his work on Lem and company.
When the meeting is over Xander approaches Buffy. He is very angry but, as usual, he melts in her presence. That is, unless she gets him even more pissed off.
"Look, Buffy, we're both angry but is our relationship on a level where we can comfort each other until we can talk about it?"
Buffy wants nothing more than to jump in his arms but sometimes her mouth gets in the way.
"I don't know. Whose arms were you in last week? Who gave you comfort?"
"Do we want to get into this, now? It seems to me you found your own comfort."
She dismisses him while walking away. "Any port in the storm."
Xander grabs her by the arm. "What?"
"Get off me, Xander!"
"Don't say something flip like that to me!"
"He was here."
Xander starts to well up. Buffy knows she has to back off. "What are you saying?"
"Nothing." She starts to walk away, again. He grabs her arm.
"You walked with him and talked with him and went on patrol with him. How did you think I was going to feel? What kind of talks did you two have? About the old days of you and Angel."
Xander is really angry now as he continues.
"I'm trying to save a friend's life and you're fucking me behind my back!"
Everybody is staring at Xander.
"Maybe this time you did it, Buffy. I've had enough of your childish bullshit! Angel…he's still plaguing me. You see somebody who looks like him and you go all weak kneed."
"Oh, I guess Rachel doesn't curl your toes? I guess the whole time you were with her, two weeks alone in a cabin; you never had any tender moments? You were saving her life, Xander. As if she needed any further reason to fall over you. I know you were charming. How far did you go to comfort her, Xander? Huh, how far?"
"It's not the same thing."
"Bullshit! You know what I think? I think you allot time for all your girl friends."
"My girlfriends don't try to hunt you down in alleys and kill your parents! You know what? You're right Buffy and your allotted time is over. I'm going back to Rachel. She's waiting for me between the sheets."
Xander storms away. He was crying and shaking. Oz looks at Buffy hard.
"Oz, don't you think Xander drove his point across with enough cruelness?"
Oz just turns around and leaves.
Giles schedules all four of our heroes to patrol together. Buffy, Oz and Willow start for the cemetery. Xander catches up to them. At first Buffy's heart soars but then she realizes Xander would never miss an assigned patrol. Slayer protection, his favorite occupation. The duty of every slayerette.
They walk in very awkward silence. Oz breaks it.
"Xander, what were you saying about your father. How was he able to get the leadership over Spike?"
"Spike said something about blood lines. Angel was my father's sire."
"I thought he was Spike's sire, too?"
Buffy answers. "I think it has something to do with whether he was dead first."
"Vampire protocol."
Oz and Willow take one end of the cemetery. Buffy and Xander the other.
Oz addresses the redhead. "Are you mad at me, Willow?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because you are getting to be hard Oz. And, the way you were looking at Buffy."
"I'm not hard with you and, Buffy deserves to be looked at that way. That was an Angel look a like. She can't do that to him."
"All of a sudden you and Xander are best buds."
"Why not, Will. The only reason we were at odds before was because he was jealous."
Willow didn't know this. "He was jealous? I thought you were jealous?"
"You picked me. I wasn't jealous after that. He got over it. He's got a load on him. Most of it because of her. I'm just trying to take up some of the slack."
Xander and Buffy mope around. He notices she is feeling the ring as if she is guarding it. Xander talks to her.
"Do you still think about Angel?"
"Sometimes. Do I think about him as a replacement for you? Don't be ridiculous. Do I compare you? No."
"What about Lem?"
"He was easy to talk to unlike you. But, I'm allowed to talk to people, Xander. What did you and Rachel do?"
She never went to her prom. I rented a Tuxedo and got her a formal gown, which she kept on all night. We danced. She thought she was in heaven."
"Did you sleep with her, Xander?"
"No, I didn't. I wouldn't do that to you."
"Did you kiss her?"
"I kiss her good bye."
"You don't think I should be pissed off at you about her?"
"I didn't but….then I saw how jealous and pissed off I got about Lem. If you felt half as bad as I felt then I am very wrong. I have a new respect for that feeling."
Buffy starts to cry. "No matter what the reason you had to be with her, it still hurts. I'm not even saying you were wrong. I'm saying it hurts. That's what I want you to understand."
"I do, now. Buffy…ah…could I possibly kiss you now?"
"Wait a minute. One more thing. Every time we have a fight I don't want to have to hold on to my ring for dear life…or hide it. I see you looking at it."
"Now can I kiss you?"
"Are you going to tell me what your secret argument with Monica was all about?"
"Before we kiss?"
She looks at him for a minute. Her hormones get the best of her. They embrace rather passionately. Once Xander's defenses are down he begins to feel the effect of the last couple of days. He is trembling.
It dawns on Buffy that this whole thing hasn't exactly been a picnic for Xander either.
He starts crying. Buffy holds him. "Sweetie, I'm sorry. Stay here a minute."
Buffy finds Willow. "Will, can you guys finish patrol. Xander isn't feeling too good."
Oz answers. "Our pleasure." He smiles at Buffy.
"Yes, Oz. I'm going to comfort him."
Buffy and Xander walk back to his house holding hands. After they go in Buffy paces up and down.
"I don't know if I'm ever going to get it, Xander. I don't know how to be your soul mate or your girl friend or anything."
"Buffy…"
"You had to put up a strong front for me again. You were feeling weak enough to fall apart but you couldn't do it."
"That's true, Buffy, but I put you through something, too."
She continues pacing. Xander reaches up to grab her. "I need you right now, Buffy, please."
Xander is shaking. Buffy holds him. After a few minutes he breaks from her. He has a very hurt look on his face.
"He looked just like Angel…Was he that fucking appealing?"
"Xander, I'm sorry. He wasn't appealing romantically at all. Which brings me to Rachel. I know she's appealing to you. You're attracted to her. She…"
Xander interrupts her. "She's my friend. Why can't you understand that, Buffy?"
"Maybe if I had more confidence in myself with you."
"That's my fault, Buffy. There are too many together people around us."
"Women."
"What?"
"Too many really together women. Rachel, Leslie, Monica, Rebecca, Cordelia. The list goes on. All attracted to you."
He grabs her in a hug. "I'm so sorry, Buffy. But, Rachel was in trouble. She's safe now. Buffy, remember when Rachel saved my life?"
Buffy nods.
"I told her it was unfair. I knew how she felt about me. I have you, though. But she said that she saved me for you, then."
They hug tightly. "I know, Xander. Deep down I know how much you love me but you're so damn dangerous. Every time you go away I think it's the last time I'm going to see you."
"You're right. I play with fire all the time."
After a fierce hug and kiss. "Let's do every thing together for awhile."
"Okay, but for now let me comfort you. You've had a rough time. We need time for healing."
"I'm all for that."
Healing one another. One of the more pleasant benefits of having your very own soul mate!
Go on to Part Nine
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Buffy and the Slayerettes are Property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. No Copyright Infringement is Intended.