Part Ten--It Was Probably Too Good to be True Anyway
A shroud of depression hangs over the Scooby gang. Xander is recovering nicely. Buffy has put her own feelings on hold while he heals but everyone knows something big is coming. Everyone except Xander that is. Everyone else saw the look of horror and terror on Buffy's face when this happened. Willow knows the Slayer has crossed some sort of line. They talk one day on the way to visit Xander. Willow stares at the slayer.
"You know Buffy you even hid it from Xander because he was out of it with his injury. But, you can't hide it from me."
Buffy just looks at the redhead. The slayer knows it is no use to try to pretend she doesn't know what Willow is talking about.
"You're leaving aren't you, Buffy?"
"Will…I can't do it anymore. I can't even talk about it."
"Buffy, you know Xander…"
She interrupts her best friend. "Will, please…I know…"
She doesn't finish. She doesn't have to finish.
Xander gets out of the hospital. He knows Buffy is upset. They walk to the park. They sit on a bench. Buffy begins to cry. Xander bends down to her.
"Honey, I know you're upset. I'm…"
Buffy interrupts him. "Xander, please, you just saved my sorry life. You don't have to apologize. If you weren't there I'd be dead. Just like with the assassins at the school."
Xander tries to lighten the mood. "Then I am entitled to a massive reward. Do you agree, slayer?"
When Buffy doesn't respond to this Xander begins to get worried.
"Honey, how about if we go dancing tonight? And a movie…my treat…"
As he tries to continue Buffy cuts him off.
"Stop it Xander. You know everything is not okay. It isn't going to be solved by us going to a movie or dancing and you know it!"
Xander closes his eyes. He can feel a knot forming in his stomach. Something comes to him. He opens his eyes and stands up in front of the Slayer. He looks at her with a very serious gaze. He knows what she is planning to do. She is leaving. She is actually leaving. He can barely speak.
"No…no Buffy…no Buffy."
He starts to back away from her. There are few things that can truly shake his world. But, this is one of them. Major league upheaval. Acute, intense, alarming news! Buffy tries to comfort him.
"Honey, I love you so much. We have a storybook romance."
Xander can only say one thing. "You're…you're leaving, aren't you?"
Buffy starts sobbing. She buries herself in Xander's chest. He can't help it. He has to comfort her. But then he stiffens in her arms. When she breaks from him she looks into his eyes. What she sees there terrifies her.
Xander has a look that Buffy has never seen before. At least not directed at her. It is hard and dark and lacking in all compassion and feeling.
"Xander, don't you understand. I can't watch you get hurt anymore. I…"
"You can't watch me get hurt? What is that, a joke? You're driving a stake through my heart, Buffy!"
The boy leaves Buffy standing there sobbing uncontrollably. This is the worst day of his entire life. Buffy might second that feeling. But, she can't help it. She hasn't slept peacefully since the incident. Every time she closes her eyes she sees him all burned and charred. And she can hear that sickening thud of the missile hitting his body.
She can't do it. She has to leave. She doesn't know much past that.
She has a talk with Giles and Rebecca who are quite supportive. She decides to leave in a few days. Xander completely ignores her. He won't answer his phone or his door. Buffy finally traps him at his thinking place by the Sunnydale Library.
"Xander, you have to talk to me. I just wanted to tell you that I understand that you can't go."
"I'm glad you understand something, Buffy, because I sure don't."
"You can't understand the pain of seeing your lover mutilated and beaten. You can't understand I'm tired. "
She gets very close to him. "Honey, you can't take this personally."
"What? What the hell are you talking about Buffy? After all this time you still don't get the picture? You're my life, Buffy! Don't do this! Don't do it, Buffy!"
Both of them cry in each other's arms without saying another word. When they break Xander stares at the Slayer for a minute then turns and walks away. Buffy doesn't try to stop him.
She only tells her family she needs to get away, very little else.
The whole gang except Xander accompanies her to the bus station. Buffy addresses Giles.
"Did you see him, Giles?"
The watcher lowers his head without saying a word. She gets the message.
After a few silent minutes Xander joins them. Buffy runs to him but he doesn't respond to her hug. He reaches into his pocket pulling out a roll of bills. He hands them to the slayer.
"I know you just want to take off to nowhere but it can get bad on the streets. It's a different kind of scary. Take this money and use it."
"Xander, I…"
He puts his finger to her lips quieting her. He turns and walks away. Buffy watches him disappear down the street. It is a sad, sad scene. Nobody knows what to say. They stand stunned as she boards the bus. Only Rebecca and Willow hug her. The bus rolls down the road.
Giles addresses everyone. "We have to have a meeting this evening. Everyone has to be there. What are our chances of getting Xander there? Who is going to talk to him?"
"All eyes fall to Monica. She is embarrassed. "Me, Giles? I don't know."
Cordelia adds a comment. "Whoever does it better wear their combat hat. He'll be ready to pounce! I think we should meet without him."
Giles is taken aback by her statement. "Without him?"
Cordelia continues. "I for one would like to know what the hell just happened? Did our slayer just run out on us? Is she coming back? If not do we get another slayer?
Giles gets everyone together. Xander doesn't show. Willow, Oz, Monica, Cindy, Devon, another member of the band, Jim and Cordelia fill Giles' house.
The watcher starts.
"Okay, as we all know Buffy is gone. For how long we don't know. It is going to be very hard without her but we will make it"
Xander walks into the house. Giles lets out a sigh of relief. He continues.
"We will do patrols a little differently. I fully expect increased activity when the daemon world learns of the absence of our slayer. It will become very dangerous."
Rebecca adds. "We really have to look out for each other."
The first week everything is normal. Buffy's departure has not registered yet in the evil community.
Monica has been patrolling with Xander. She has been trying to communicate with him but he is very hard and distant. Willow can't reach him either.
On the second week of the patrol Monica and Xander both sense the presence of very heavy evil. Monica stops.
"Xander, do me a favor, just for tonight. Don't attack anybody real evil!"
Before the boy can respond Spike and Drusilla appear flanked by five other vampires. Spike looks Monica up and down.
"Cruising with some new blood, Harris?"
"Well, we take turns."
"Where's the slayer?"
"You just missed her. She's getting some coffee."
Spike laughs. "You're a lousy liar but, you are funny!"
"Yea you're right, Spike. Well, even slayers get sick. She has the flu. Do you ever get the flu, Dru? Do vampires even get the flu?"
Spike goes along with this. "I haven't had a sniffle this century, actually."
Xander responds sarcastically, "Another advantage to no soul."
"I told you to try it Harris. It's not as bad as you think."
Spike stares a hole in Xander and Monica before continuing.
"I thought we were the ones who were suppose to do all the bad stuff, like lie through the teeth. Where's Buffy mate?"
"Alright Spike you've always been straight with me. The bitch left!"
Monica jumps at the bitterness in Xander's voice.
Spike is genuinely surprised. "And left you holding the bag? All the shit you did for her? All this wheeling and dealing you do for her. You should have let Angel have her, bloke."
"You know how it goes, Spike, they make ass holes of us all."
"Harris, it's going to be a shame when we have to face off. You have a lot of style. I told you to stay with Rachel. She's the loyal type…thanks for the news."
They disappear into the night. Xander curses at no one in particular.
"Son of a bitch! I knew it was only a matter of time."
Monica is staring at Xander with her mouth open. "Do you always have to have conversations with him like that?"
"Grow up, Monica, will you? It's only locker room banter."
She doesn't back down. "The bitch left! Is that how you refer to your soul mate and the crisis she's going through?"
Xander just shrugs his shoulders. "Come on, Monica, I'll walk you home."
She keeps looking at him. "When are you going to stop this?"
He doesn't answer. She continues. "When are you going to, first of all, deal with this? And then come back to our side?"
Xander faces her. "What are you talking about, Monica?"
"I'm talking about you. You're so goddamn hard you scare everyone, including me. You even scared Buffy to death. No wonder she left!"
As soon as Monica says that she wishes she hadn't. He stares at her hard.
"Fuck you, Monica!"
"Look, Xander, it kills me to say this to you. But part of Buffy's problem is seeing what she has done to you. All the things that were done to you, Xander. If you don't control yourself you're going to become as evil as anything out there. And that's the reason it was done to you in the first place."
She grabs him. "Do you understand that? Does that penetrate your hard ass shell? Is that what you want?"
Xander closes his eyes. "She left! She just left! My insides are aching. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I don't know what to do."
Monica is beside herself now. Xander is really opening to her. She is reluctant to comfort him. She wants to be loyal to the slayer.
"I don't know what you're going to do Xander. I only know she's suffering, too."
Xander jumps on her for saying this. "I don't care what she's suffering! Whatever it is she should be suffering it here! I don't want to hear it. Of all the shit she's pulled this is it! This is the one that broke the Camel's back."
Monica stands right up to him. "Are you going to let it destroy you, Xander? Are you going to get so damned hard none of your friends are going to be able to get anywhere near you?"
Xander closes his eyes. Monica sees an in to continue.
"Nobody wants to even talk to you, Xander. They're afraid of you."
The boy knows she is right. Whatever pain he feels he can't let it turn him or destroy him. He opens his eyes.
"You're right, Monica, you really are."
He reaches for her. They hug tightly. Monica can feel his tears hitting her back. As they part they look deep into each other. Monica's beauty resonates deep inside Xander. They have a tight bond even without any emotional circumstances to help it along. Monica wants Xander so bad she can barely breathe when she is this close to him. Her identity is intertwined with his.
They stare at each other very intensely. They have never shared a kiss. Xander closes his eyes. This gives Monica the strength to pull away from him. She swore she was not going to take advantage of this crises but it gets harder and harder!
When Xander opens his eyes he walks away from Monica. She stares at him until she can catch her breath.
Buffy stares out the window of a Diner. She is eating here again. She can barely keep her head above water. When she got here she used part of the money Xander gave her to get a motel room. She didn't leave it for three days. She mostly cried.
When she finally came out she got a job in a Launder-mat. She works. She eats. She sleeps. She needs time to clear her head. Unconsciously she grips at her ring, his heart. But, she has consciously tried to block everything out.
Xander has never felt worse in his life. His true love has left him. She didn't say it was for good but she didn't say anything about coming back either. It would be much easier if he could understand why she left. It tortures him.
It is torturing Monica, also. She knows the slayer had to leave to save her sanity. Monica has loyalty to Buffy. But, what about her loyalty to Xander? He is in awful condition. She knows she could comfort him. He is very weak right now. It is going to get rough in the coming days and Xander will need all the strength he can muster to cope with it.
And, what about her? She's in the battle, too. She has needs. Xander could fill those needs. Her insides are screaming for her to be with him. She decides to pay Cordelia a visit.
"Cordelia, have you seen Xander, lately?"
"Actually I've been spending a lot of time with Devon."
"He is really hurting."
"Of course he is, Monica, she just left him cold."
"I've been spending time with him but I've been feeling guilty about it."
"She just left, Monica. Buffy is a very smart girl. She knows it is crowded behind her."
"Do you think she still loves him?"
"Yes."
"Do you think he…"
Cordelia interrupts her. "Next question! But I do think she really hurt him. He takes this very seriously and he does it for her."
"He is getting so damn hard."
Cordelia is anticipating what Monica is thinking and feeling.
"Monica, we owe allegiance to Buffy. But we also owe allegiance to Xander."
"I'm afraid if I…"
Cordelia interrupts again. "You love him, don't you?"
Monica starts crying. "God forgive me."
Cordelia hugs her. "He'll never stop loving her no matter what. He does have feelings for you, Monica. It's not hard to tell that but they don't come close to what he feels for his Buffy."
"You sound like you speak from experience."
"Yes…I do. Besides his love for his Buffy he would wear me out in a few months. He's too much for Buffy too but she'd never admit it. He needs somebody like you who can match him brick for brick."
"You have a unique way of voicing your opinion, Cordelia."
"He needs somebody, Monica. It should be Buffy. He's going to go off the deep end if he doesn't get some TLC. Go for it, Monica. Just know before you get hurt that he belongs to her and he always will."
Monica likes to talk to Cordelia. She always tells the clear truth. The one thing which the brunette said that really moved Monica is the fact that she can match Xander brick for brick. Cordelia is right. She can stand up to him most of the time. She would be good for him, especially now.
Xander goes to visit Giles.
"Giles, I'm torn up inside."
"I'm sorry, Xander."
"I can't do anything right."
Giles is afraid Xander is going to fall apart. That would be disastrous with the slayer gone.
"Look, Xander. Everyone knows how much you love Buffy. And, she knows how much you love her. But she is not here now. Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself sharp. You are the key now, Xander. I'm afraid our little group is going to be taxed beyond it's limits. Buffy will have to be adult enough to know that we face an almost impossible situation and you have needs, too. If she isn't going to be here…"
The watcher doesn't finish but Xander gets his drift.
The vamps get to be daring. A McDonalds is attacked. In another part of town a frat party is brutally broken up.
The gang divides itself into groups of twos to patrol and to double check one another.
Xander and Monica, Oz and Shelia, Willow and Amy, Devon and Cordelia, Giles and Rebecca form the duos.
Xander waits for Monica outside her house. He remembers doing this so often with Buffy. Monica has her own thing going. She wears faded jeans with black sweater and a green bandana keeping her hair back. Xander can't help but to notice her. Xander is dressed in his jeans, black tee shirt and his Longshoreman's cap.
He looks at her. "Woman, we are dressed to kick some ass!"
Monica smiles. "Can I say something to you without you getting mad at me?"
"Give it a shot."
"You're a pretty sexy looking vampire hunter."
"Well, just between you and me, sweetheart, if you were any sexier I don't think I could pay attention to the vamps."
Monica definitely likes this. "I didn't think you ever noticed."
"Are you kidding, Monica!"
Xander goes to her. He puts his arm around her. "Didn't you ever notice that when we fight we do it back to back?"
"Yea, I thought that was just the way you fight."
"If I had to look at you I don't think I could concentrate on the vamps. In fact I can't even look at you while we walk down the street."
Xander makes an exaggerated movement with his head to look away from her.
"You're crazy, aren't you, Xander?"
"Well, Monica Gentry, I need to keep my concentration."
He looks at her. "If I was looking at you all the time…you know…like I am now…"
They gaze at each other. Xander was only half kidding. They can barely be together without feeling that intensity. The intensity that neither of them can understand…or control.
Xander has to close his eyes to break it off.
"Phew! Monica, honey, let's patrol."
He grabs her hand and they proceed to the cemetery.
About half way through the patrol Xander begins to have a really heavy feeling, an evil feeling. Like something out of the ordinary is going to happen.
With Buffy gone Xander tries to check on anyone who is on patrol that night. Oz and Shelia were doing down town. He and Monica go toward them.
Oz is surrounded by three attackers while Shelia is battling two vamps herself. She manages to stake one but the other is fast enough to slam her up against a car. Oz tries desperately to help her but is stabbed by one of the beasts on him. Both recover to win this battle but are quickly set upon by four more.
Xander and Monica rush to help. In the mean time Shelia is nailed with a two by four and then smashed on the shoulder with a beer bottle. Oz is still bleeding from his knife wound and takes a direct hit with a metal pipe.
The Boy Wonder flies into the vamps. Monica joins him but is very worried about Shelia.
"Xander, Shelia is out of it. We have to get her away from here."
Xander looks at Oz. "Oz, man, lets battle down to your van. You have to get Shelia out of here."
"I hear you man!"
It is not as easy as it sounds but they get there. Monica is bleeding from her shoulder. There are at least 6 on them now.
Xander takes a look at Monica's arm.
"Monica, go with them!"
"And leave you out here, not a chance, Xander."
She goes flying into two of the attackers.
"Damn it, Monica!" He looks at Oz. "Okay, Oz, take off!"
"I'll drop her off and I'll be back man!"
"I'll be counting on it bro."
Xander and Monica are on fire. They are making short work of their attackers but there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. They just keep coming. Both our heroes are bleeding from various places.
Xander notices a fire escape across the street.
"Monica, lets fight our way toward that fire escape!"
They barely make it. Monica climbs up while Xander tries to kick a vamp off the other side. Finally he joins her, picking up the ladder as he goes.
As the vamps fumble around for a way to follow them Monica and Xander make it to the roof. They run the length of the building then jump to an adjacent roof. They run behind a large refrigeration unit. They both fall to the ground huffing and panting.
Monica takes off her bandana using it to stop Xander's head from bleeding.
"Thanks." They get up. They run to the end of the block but then can go no further.
"Shit!"
They try to run to either side but there is nowhere else to run. They sit down to rest.
"Maybe we lost them Xander. Do you think we lost them?"
He looks at her. "I'll think it if you'll think it."
They double check all sides. Monica does notice a swimming pool 10 floors below one of the sides. They sit down again to rest.
Six vamps are heading their way. They look at each other. Xander talks.
"Let's get them out in the open, Monica."
Xander tries to get up but Monica grabs his arm. She has a very funny look on her face.
"Xander, I'm sorry for this…"
She embraces him in a very passionate kiss. When they break.
"Wow, Monica, what was that?"
"I can't die without having known what it is to kiss you, Xander. I'm sorry."
They maneuver the vamps to the middle of the roof. They are both on fire again. When it gets down to two vamps the monsters hang back. Xander looks at them.
"Come on! What the hell is the matter with you two?"
"Shit Xander, look, they're afraid of you. Two vampires afraid of you. That's what your rep is. I told you you were getting hard!"
"Well excuse me. Would you like it better if they were attacking us?"
They see at least ten more coming.
"Well, this might be it, Monica."
"No it's not." She grabs his hand. She walks him over to the side of the building where the swimming pool lies below. She looks at him.
"We're going to jump into that."
"Yea, sure we are. Let's go back to back Monica."
"No, Xander, I can't fight off any more. Let's jump."
He looks down. "Are you crazy?"
"No, we can make it."
"No we can't. Now lets go fight!"
Monica looks into his eyes. "What's the problem? We'll just jump into the pool. Come on!"
"No!"
"Xander, don't be stupid!"
"I want to fight them!"
Monica grabs one end of her bandana and offers the other end to Xander.
"Take it Xander and we'll jump. It will work."
"Damn you Monica, I can't swim, okay!!!"
Monica starts laughing. "You can't swim?"
"No I can't so lets go fight them!"
"Are you crazy Xander? You don't have to know how to swim. The fall will probably kill us!"
He looks down again. They back up about twenty yards. The vamps are closing in fast. Xander stares into Monica's face. He grabs her, launching into a passionate a kiss as they had shared earlier.
Monica staggers out of it, staring at him.
"Wow, so that's what it is like. Phew!"
"What, it was my turn!"
Xander grabs the other end of the bandana. They fly off the roof
"AAAHHHHHHH, SSSHHHITTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They slam into the water below. Luckily they land in the deep end. Xander passes out from the impact but Monica manages to drag him out. A little CPR later and the Boy Wonder is conscious.
"Xander…we have to get out of here."
"Thanks for saving my life, Monica." They embrace warmly.
They head back to Xander's house. They call Giles then pass out in each other's arms. It was a very long night to say the least.
Part Eleven Coming Soon
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