when can sadness be beautiful?

when it has no competition

when there's stabbing pain

and stained concrete

and nothing more

I spit at your ideals

as I eat your dirty bread

damn it, I'm a coward

I need you don't I?

only because you forced me to

I depend on you, I need you

at one point my life rested in your hands

you wasted no time though

suffocation it, suffocating me,

in your prison, in your hell

am I still alive?

I suppose I must be

I remember back home,

if you want to call it that,

I always acted happy

but never truly was

what is happy? I don't care

I spoke hollow empty words

and flashed my killer grin

I'm glad now that I lied

so they can cherish him,

the loving, fun guy I kind-of was

instead of who I more so was

a lost mature child, void of innocence

with no living past

only pain death and loss

remember me how I was

I know they will anyways

that reassurance isn't hope

only security

am I really preparing to die?

who would've thought this would be the end?

I can't ask questions

because I can't answer them

I can't lie to myself anymore

because the web's too heavy

and is collapsing within itself
just like me