Walk Away
My first Harry Potter fic. Based on the song "Walk Away" by Christina Aguilera.
Disclaimer: do I sound like J.K. Rowling?
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Drip, drip.
"But—"
"No, Ginny. It's over."
"But—Harry—"
"No! It's over, Ginny. It's over. It was all a mistake. I'm sorry, Ginny. I'm so sorry. But it was a mistake. It's over."
Drip, drip.
//I was naïve…
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping//
Drip, drip. Tears splattered the already damp pillow. The words rang over and over again in her dazed mind, the one thing that was so painfully clear. A mistake…it's over…
//Got caught in your web
and I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely//
Drip, drip. The head girl's private room. She was only there because Hermione was gone for Christmas. Hermione had given her the key, saying that she could use it until the end of break. December. The coldest month of the year.
So cold…
//And it hurts my soul
'Cause I can't let go
All these walls are cavin' in
I can't stop my sufferin'//
Moonlight shone through the window, slightly illuminating the spacious room that was empty of all people except for one small figure, curled up in her bed, silent tears dripping onto her pillow. She was a slender little thing, seeming delicate and fragile. Her porcelain skin seemed even paler when contrasted with her main of flaming red hair that spilled over her shoulder to the middle of her back, a cascade of fire.
//I hate to show that I've
Lost control 'cause I
I keep goin' right back to the one thing
That I need…
To walk away from//
It was not fair. How could this have happened? How? How?
Why?
Outwardly, she was silent but for the slow drip of tears onto the pillow. Inwardly, she was screaming, sobbing, pleading for God—or whatever higher power there was—to give him back to her.
But, no, he was gone. She had to face that fact. He was gone.
//I need to get away from ya
Need to walk away from ya
Get away
Walk away
Walk away//
Gone, gone…how empty her life seemed now! Empty of love. Love, she thought bitterly. There is no such thing as love. Love would not hurt. It would not hurt so much. It had been going so well. Her life had been perfect then…
"Ginny?" a voice came from behind her, a strong, masculine voice.
She turned, coming face to face with a pair of strikingly green eyes behind a pair of glasses, a pale face framed by the ever-messy black hair. He was strikingly handsome. The years had been good to him; he had grown to around six feet with a leanly muscled body that was the result of years of Quidditch training and endless dangerous adventures. She was not the only one who thought so. Heads turned when he walked down the halls, his reputation as 'Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived' enhancing his good looks.
"Harry!" she exclaimed, her heart beginning to beat a little faster, as it always did when he was around. She still harbored that childhood crush over him; she had never gotten over it. Every time she tried to convince herself that she was over him, one glance of those vivid green eyes would melt her heart, making her feel like she was only eleven years old again, though she was now in her sixth year at Hogwarts. He made her feel…strangely excited, alive. "Don't just sneak up on me like that!" Of course, they had become friends, though not extremely close ones. But that was all they were: friends. He didn't seem to have any romantic interests in her, and she didn't push it.
"Sorry," he said, his voice sending shivers up her spine, shivers of delight. "I was just wondering…do you want to go to the ball with me?" The school had been having a few balls each year ever since the year of the Triwizard Tournament.
Her heart nearly stopped. After so many years of being just friends, he was asking her out. He, Harry Potter, the guy whom she had had a crush on for so many years was asking her to the dance! It seemed she had suddenly been transported to a magical fantasy world, one in which any and all of her dreams could come through. If she had looked more closely, she might have noticed the slight discomfort in his expression. If she had looked closer, she might have seen a certain red-haired, freckled person peering at them a little farther down the crowded hall. But she didn't notice. She was too caught up in her fantasy, in her emotions of ecstasy to focus on anything else but the fact that her longtime crush had asked her out. But she remembered to say, "Of course, Harry!" though she blushed a bit, before striding away down the hall to her next class so that he wouldn't see how happy she was.
After she had gone, a flame-haired boy walked to the Harry, who was still standing there, peering in the direction that Ginny had gone, a troubled expression on her face. "Did you do it, Harry?" he asked eagerly.
"Yeah," Harry replied. "But I still don't think it was the right thing to do. I don't like her that way, Ron!"
"Look, Harry, I know! But she's had this crush on you for such a long time, and she still hasn't gotten over it! After this, she'll realize that you're not really interested in her and she's not as hooked on you as she thinks she is, and she'll finally move on with her life!" Ron explained.
"Yeah…I guess you're right." Harry replied reluctantly.
"Of course, I'm right," Ron sniffed. "She's my sister. Besides, I'm always right." Chuckling, Harry and Ron moved on to their next class.
//I should have known
That I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smoke
It was all an illusion//
She had been so foolish to think that he would actually be interested in her. Him, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, with her, pitiful Ginny Weasley, his best friend's little sister. She buried her face in her pillow, muffling a sob. Some called this self-pity; she called it a broken heart. No matter how many people said that it was just a childish infatuation, she had truly loved him. Her first love. A mistake…over…
//Now I've been lickin' my wounds
But the venom seeps deeper
We both can seduce
But darlin' you hold me prisoner//
They had gone to the dance. She had had the time of her life, had never been happier. They had continued going out. She had been on top of the world; everything had been perfect. And then…
It was night. The stars dotted the black sky outside, where Ginny was out for a walk. The velvet sky seemed to encompass everything, a blanket over the earth, a soft, dark blanket that promised the peace of eternal bliss. She sighed—a sigh of pure joy—watching the sky above. Crickets chirped. An owl hooted. It was a scene of peace.
The tranquility of the moment was shattered by the sound of raucous laughter. She turned her head to see Harry Potter, the love of her life, staggering over to her, leaving a group of boys who were laughing uproariously about something. She could smell that alcohol on all of them even from the distance at which she was standing. They were drunk, extremely drunk.
"G-Ginny," Harry said, as he came up to her, almost tripping over a tree root. His voice was slurred, his words heavy, as if he couldn't remember how to pronounce them.
"Harry, you need to get to bed. You don't need to help me with my homework tonight," she insisted, helping him walk and heading back towards the castle. "Some other time."
"All ri-right," he said and let her lead him to the castle, stumbling once in a while. At length, they managed to reach the Gryffindor portrait hole. Ginny spoke the password, leading Harry into the Commons and upstairs into his dorm. No one was there yet. It was a Saturday night and most of the seventh years were still out, doing this or that.
Ginny gently led him over to his bed, and he collapsed onto it. She began to walk away, to leave him in peace, but was stopped by a hand pulling on her arm. "Harry?" she asked, startled. And then, all of a sudden, they were kissing, a brutal, rough kiss. His tongue entered her mouth, ravaging it. She didn't know how long the kiss lasted. All she knew was that her knees had gone weak, and her mind was screaming with pleasure, though that pleasure was faintly outlined by a feeling of 'this is wrong.' But the kiss ended abruptly, leaving her gasping for air. She groaned in frustration and was seized into another kiss, just as fierce.
She couldn't quite remember what had happened after that. All she knew was that she had somehow ended up with her clothes off, Harry on top of her, poised and ready. For a moment there was flash of fear, of doubt, of 'no, this isn't right!,' but it was but a flash. And Harry, as if seeing that flash, though his mind did not even see who was lying before him, said huskily, "It's all right. It won't hurt."
But he had lied. It had hurt, hurt so much. She had buried her face in the pillow to keep from screaming, sobbing into it, biting her lip until it bled. And still it hurt, hurt up to the moment it was over, and Harry was lying limp on top of her.
And so she lost her virginity.
"That was great, baby," he mumbled, not knowing to whom he was speaking at all. "We should do it again sometime." And rolling over, he promptly fell asleep. She lay there, numb, pained. It had hurt, hurt so much. Tears still streaming down her face, she grabbed her clothes, walking a bit awkwardly. Quickly, she cleaned the room, making sure that there were no signs that she had been here and of what had happened. It was forbidden. That done, she quietly sneaked to her own dorm, which was quite simple since there was still practically no one there yet.
There, she went into the bathroom and took a shower. She felt dirty, unclean. What are you thinking? she suddenly realized as steaming water poured down her back. It's Harry you're talking about, remember? Harry Potter, the love of your life?
The love of her life…yes…but if this was indeed true love, then why did it hurt so much?
More tears. How could he have done this to her? Hadn't he loved her? Hadn't he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life? Or maybe, she realized with a sudden wave of fresh tears, that was just me…just me and my wishful thinking.
//Oh, I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure
And I'm fiendin' for a cure//
Harry had not remembered anything the next morning, and she had not told him. She was secretly afraid, afraid that he'd reject her if he found out what he had done. And so they had gone on, still a couple, and she had almost forgotten about it. But then it had happened again. And again. And again. She did not know how many times he had gotten drunk and she had been there to "comfort" him. But he had never remembered. And she had never said anything. But now it's over, she thought miserably.
//Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep goin' right back
To the one thing that I need, oh//
One morning, he had remembered. And he had been horrified, his face turning stark white. And that day, he had called it off. A mistake…it's over…
//I'm about to break
And I can't stop this ache
Getting' nothing in return
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn
I keep goin' right back
To the one thing that I need
To walk away from//
She couldn't get over him. No matter he had physically hurt her, this emotional pain, this heartbreak, was a hundred times worse. What she would give it he would take her back! But he won't, she thought bitterly. He always keeps to his word.
//I need to get away from ya
Need to walk away from ya
Get away
Walk away
Walk away//
Oh, she saw how pitiful she was being. She should just get over it. In fact, she should've said to him straight, the first time, "Harry, you made love to me last night." She should not have allowed it to drag on this long. She saw all those things but did not have the strength to face them. She was still in love with him…
//Every time I try to grasp for air
I am smothered in despair
It's never over, over
Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare
I let out a silent prayer
Let it be over, over//
Her siblings didn't know, not even Ron. Harry had begged her not to tell anyone. And she had agreed, unable to refuse. A mistake, he had said. One I'm very sorry for making.
//Inside I'm screaming
Begging, pleading
No more…
Ah, ah//
She did not mean to wallow in self-pity. But it did not hurt as much. It hurt so much less than coming out and facing the hard facts. It was so much easier to face the truth this way that try to be strong.
//Now what to do
My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each beat reminds me of you//
Yes, everything reminded her of him. He had broken up with her yesterday. Now it was Saturday night. She had spent the whole day in this room, just lying there, staring at the ceiling. But all her thoughts were focused on him, all her memories were those of their times together, all her sobs lamenting the loss of that painful yet addicting love.
//It hurts my soul
'Cause I can't let go
All these walks are cavin' in
I can't stop my sufferin'
I hate to show that I've
Lost control 'cause I
Keep goin' right back to the one thing
That I need, oh//
She would give herself until the next morning to remain in the depths of despair. She would not let this ruin her life. Tomorrow, she would recuperate. Tomorrow she would start to be strong. Tomorrow, she would let herself accept this loss, let herself prepare herself for the hustle and bustle of the school again on Monday. Tomorrow …for now, she would just cry.
//I'm about to break
And I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure
And I'm fiending for a cure//
It was a mistake. It's over.
Drip, drip.
//Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I kept going right back
To the one thing that I need, oh
I can't mend
This torn state I'm in//
Drip, drip. Just cry.
//Getting nothing in return
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing
That I need…
To walk away from//
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Once again, like most of my other fics, very spur-of-the-moment. Now here's the part where you readers come in…I can just leave it at this if u guys don't like it (I have to say, it's not that great but not too horrible) but if u do, I can expand on it and turn it into an actual story, eventually with Ginny and Draco as a couple. Tell me what you think. REVIEW!
~Lady of Dreams~