Somewhere I Belong, a gundam wing/sailor moon fanfic

4.30.2003 11:57 PM

Author's Notes: KYA!! Hello people! It's me again! I know I haven't been heard of in like a year and a half or something, but I decided to write this thing when I was inspired! It's a really good song, and I hope I did this song fic thing right. This is my first song fic. I hope you all enjoy! My other fic is kinda on hold if you guys haven't figured that out yet. I'm sorry! I just kinda lost it for that one and the last chapter I absolutely hated. I felt like I was forced to write the last chapter and I didn't want that. Anyway, I'll pick it up as soon as I can. Well I hope you all enjoy this one and please don't forget to read and REVIEW!! Thanks!

Disclaimer: If I had money I wouldn't be here writing fanfics. I would be very rich and very happy. Alas, I am poor and sad T.T I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailr Moon and I certainly do not own this song by Linkin Park. It's a really good song. You all should check it out.

Italics are song lyrics, unless it's a flashback. ' ' is Hiiro thinking between the flashbacks (it only happens once) and " " are speaking.

Also, thanks to all who review ahead of time. The point of view kind of changes, but you'll be able to figure it out ^^ I also tried to fix the indentations, but it didn't work. I just want you all to know that I tried! haha well, happy reading!

"Somewhere I Belong"

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me

Dark gray clouds littered the sky as cold raindrops lightly stained the ground below. People on the streets scrambled to get inside before the rain hit harder. Newspapers were being held over heads, jackets were wrapped closer, collars were raised higher, and even umbrellas were being opened to avoid the falling water.

The rain had never bothered Hiiro, and it wasn't about to start bothering him now, hence why he didn't try to protect himself from it. It was another boring day in the monotonous cycle he now called life. Life after the wars was peaceful, even too peaceful. It made Hiiro's life a boring hell. He was trained for war, not peace. Deep inside of him, although loving the peaceful times, he wished for war. His fingers were itching to do what he was trained to do: kill.

*Flashback*

"Run boy! Faster! You need to run faster than that to outrun soldiers! Stop breathing so hard! Train your lungs! Don't use them to full capacity! BOY! Get over here now! What were you thinking? Why are you crying?" barked a man in white lab coat.

"It hurts…my chest…" the young boy cried.

"You feel no pain! There is no pain in your chest! You have no feeling!"

"I…have…no…pain!" The young Hiiro forced himself to stop crying and got up. He continued to run. It was raining…

*End Flashback*

'I feel no pain…'

*Flashback*

"Never speak. Never answer with more information than necessary."

"Why?" the young four year old looked up at the old man in the lab coat.

"What did I just say boy?"

"…"

"That's better."

*End Flashback*

"…"

Hiiro shook his head from all of the bad memories. They were the memories he had of his childhood, the memories that had stripped him of his humanity. He was not supposed to be thinking of such things, yet, he could still feel that slight stinging in his chest every time he ran too much. He would even get jealous of Duo who had the freedom to speak his mind, although he would never admit it. Speaking was breaking the "Law of the Perfect Soldier," according to Dr. J. Why was he chosen? Why was it that even though he was no longer a soldier, he still could not bring himself to have a decent conversation with anyone, let alone have someone come up to him to start one? The answer was simple: it was how he was trained. Breaking routine meant one thing: his training had failed and that was one thing that Hiiro Yui did not do: fail. But without the failure, there was still that emptiness and oh how Hiiro wished that he could bring himself to fail, although he knew he would never fail. Just the realization that failure was never to be accomplished stirred something inside of Hiiro. At that moment, it hit him: he was never to be truly human.

(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)

Hiiro felt something hit him in the left side of his chest. He looked down and saw that there was no blood, but the pain was unbearable. No, there was no pain. Never any pain. There was never pain, but only a mere shock of the nerves. But what was it that had hit him? The response was another hit in the same place: his heart. It was loneliness.

But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

Hiiro continued to walk in the rain. It was beating harder now, but Hiiro didn't feel the pain. He never felt the pain. He only felt empty, like a machine that had been created, used, then disposed of. He was nothing. And it was his fault. He let those doctors do this to him. He let them make him a shell. He let them think for him. He let them control him. And yet, he wished he had stopped them. He wanted to scream out every time he was shot at or beaten, but he was not allowed to- because he was a machine. Hiiro scoffed at the next thought he had: he and his Gundam were not too different.

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

Hiiro looked up at the sky only to find a myriad of raindrops falling from the sky, seemingly in slow motion as the drops of water came towards his face. And at that moment, he wanted to feel. He wanted to feel the failure of his training because it would bring him back his humanity. He wanted to feel what it was like to dream. He wanted to feel what it was like to 'enjoy', to be 'happy', to have 'fun', even to be 'sad'. He wanted to feel everything there was to feel. He had never felt, and it was time he did. It was time he was human again. Yet, he couldn't rid himself of his training. It was his barrier from the real world, and it scared him. Hiiro Yui was to never be given the chance to be human. And yet, here he was fighting a losing battle.

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face

Silence…never had an unnecessary sound come out of his body- not even a laugh. Hell, a smile never came to his face. What was wrong with him? Was he that much of a failure? A failure at living? A failure at being human? No. He did not know failure. Yet…there was always that longing whenever he saw happy couples in the park, or like now- walking together under umbrellas laughing and enjoying the mere presence of their significant other. Hiiro mentally shook his head, ridding himself of his thoughts. He continued to walk in the rain, despite the fact that it was raining harder and harder.

(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

And yet, the world was not all love and happiness. There was the homeless man making futile attempts to try and cover himself from the rain with a cardboard box on his left. A little further down the street, on his right, there was the flashing of the ambulance lights trying to save the victims of the car accident. Nothing was all he thought it was. Yet, He knew that the homeless man was more human than he was: knowing pain, suffering, despair, and poverty. Hiiro knew the victims of the accidents probably had someone important in their lives. They probably had a soon to be grieving families who were on their way to the hospital. Life was happy yes, but more so, it was cruel. And life had been so cruel to him by leaving him so empty. He was so empty of everything that he didn't know what this feeling was. Hiiro Yui didn't even know how to feel the feeling of loneliness.

(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me

Again, the rain grew stronger, beating down on Hiiro's body like huge raindrops. However, the rain was ignored. The people from the coffee shops looked at Hiiro, confused as to why this young man was walking through on the sidewalks in the rain. He didn't even seem to notice he was in the rain. The people stared at him in an almost silent fear, noticing that his eyes were seeing nothing, yet everything.

Hiiro saw people staring at him as if he were crazy. He knew that he probably did look somewhat deranged, especially walking out in the rain, but he couldn't understand why people were looking at him in fear. What was wrong with him? He was normal enough on the outside, wasn't he?

(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

Hiiro mentally sighed. It was going to be another long night. He still had a few miles to walk before he got to his silent and dark apartment. There waiting for him was his laptop, which, after countless hours was starting to bore him. The internet was no longer challenging. Security systems were far to crude to stop his abilities. There was just nothing to do. If the Perfect Soldier was out doing anything but staring at his laptop, or blending in the shadows, something was considered "wrong." As his comrade Duo once said, "It'll be a cold day in hell before we get Hiiro Yui to do anything fun." And yet, why? It all led to the same reason: it was how he was trained. The training that he had been forced to accept came with the removal of the one he decided to finally have: a heart.

All he wanted was to get rid of this feeling. It had been bothering him ever since he started walking home in the rain thinking. It was not a good feeling. What was this stupid feeling? It was making him, what Duo called, "pissed," or angry. It irked him. What was this? It was like an expanded version of that thing that made his left chest hurt earlier. It filled his entire body. Why did this feeling continue to bother him? Why did it hurt so much? What was this feeling of being in the dark? WHY WAS HE FEELING??? Hiiro Yui was not supposed to feel. Yet, it engulfed his entire being and made him almost dizzy. He was living in a nonexistent world void of everything this present world was composed of. This was the place he wanted to leave. He was alone and filled with darkness. He was unreal. He was truly unreal in his mere existence. He was an oxymoron. Emotionless human. Was there such a thing? There must be because here it was: the Perfect Soldier. This feeling of being independent was eating him alive. Was being independent supposed to feel so bad? Why was he suddenly being hit with so many thoughts and feelings? Why was it that it came tonight? Because he finally wanted to belong. He finally wanted to be assimilated into the human race.

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

Hiiro finally walked into the lobby, his messy hair shaken into wet, stringy strands with water drops still left. The landlord was about to yell at him until he looked at the man, waiting for him to continue. However, the man just shut his mouth and walked back into his office. Hiiro was confused. Why did the man stop? He had just looked at him. Hiiro brushed the occurrence aside and walked into the elevator, pushing the 7 button to get to his apartment. The elevator doors opened and Hiiro continued his usual trek down the hall to the far corner where his room was located.

On the way, he noticed a pair of men in blue jumpsuits pushing a couch into apartment number 721. The strange sight was not the pair of men, as people moved in and out of the apartment complex everyday, but the petite blond woman yelling into a megaphone cheering them on. Hiiro slightly raised his right eyebrow as he once again ignored a scene and continued to his apartment.

He finally entered his dark, desolate apartment, drenched from head to toe. He had been dripping earlier, and still was, but so much now. He headed straight for the bathroom, stripped himself of his wet clothes and jumped into the hot shower. As he stood there, under the blasting spray of hot water, he looked down at his chest where two dog tags hung. He grabbed the dog tags and stared at them. They were his symbol of belonging. Belonging to a world of listening to orders and obeying others. It was the life of slavery. He was a slave. He let go of the dog tags and finished his shower. Getting out and wrapping himself with a towel, Hiiro stared into the fogged mirror. Wiping the mirror with the calloused palm of his hand, he started at himself. No wonder the landlord had ran away in fear. It was his eyes. They were hollow.

Hiiro stared again at the dog tags. He slowly and hesitantly took them off. He looked down at the sink, and right next to it was his gun. The shiny black metal gleamed in his eyes. There was only one thing to do. He had failed a mission. He felt something. He was no longer perfect. Clicking the safety off, he smirked for the last time, pointed the gun to his head and put his finger on the trigger. Maybe he would belong in the world of angels…scratch that. He would belong in the world of devils.

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

*Bang Bang Bang*

Hiiro stared into the mirror, then looked at the gun in his right hand that was pointed to his head. He was still alive. If he had not shot the gun, then what was the bang sound? *Bang Bang Bang* There it went again! Hiiro realized that it was someone knocking on his door. Hiiro decided that it wouldn't do for him to kill himself in the presence of others, even if the person was on the other side of the door. He sighed and walked out of the bathroom. It was time someone knocked on his door. Duo didn't know the meaning of privacy.

Usagi was waiting outside of apartment number 735. She had seen that guy walk passed her to the room at the end of the hall and figured that it was as good a time as any to start meeting the neighbors. What she got was not what she expected. A young man, just a few years older than her, and more than just a few centimeters taller, and mind you, clad only in a towel, stared down at her petite form. Her jaw just stayed in an open position, frozen, as she stared at him. He slightly raised an eyebrow asking what she wanted.

"I…I…I w-w-w-wanted t-to m-meet the n-neighbors s-s-since I just m-moved and w-well, n-now doesn't s-seem l-like s-such a g-g-good t-time."

Hiiro raised his eyebrow a little further, telling her to go on.

"W-watashi wa…Ano…I mean…M-my n-n-name is Tsukino Usagi, I-I m-mean Usagi Tsukino." The blond was staring down at the ground, blushing and turning unnatural shades of red.

"Hiiro Yui." Hiiro figured he might as well get this over with now.

Usagi nodded. Hiiro lifted her chin to memorize her face for further reference. It was habit. His training taught him to memorize all faces, all names-match the face with the name. She looked surprised and stared into his eyes.

He didn't get it. Why didn't she look at him in fear? Why was there a sympathetic look in her eyes rather than a fearful one? What was wrong with her? What was wrong with him? She tiptoed herself and raised her body to be more at his level and did the most unexpected thing he could ever imagine. She hugged him.

"You're not lonely anymore. Even though we're strangers, I'll be here for you."

Hiiro had a confused look on his face as Usagi pulled back. The problem was, her arm got caught in the towel and well, it fell off. Usagi eeped and ran down the hall as fast as she could.

Hiiro picked up the towel and covered himself. As he was doing so, he smirked in amusement as he watched her run. He was grateful for her. For that one moment, she had taken away that feeling that had pained him so much. And for that moment, he was healed. He felt like he belonged.

-end-

May 3, 2003 6:50 PM edited: 7:46 PM