CH. 5


It had been a week since the shooting. Courtney sighed as her eyes scanned Jason for any change. He hadn't regained consciousness yet, although he had been taken off the ventilator. The doctors said that this wasn't unusual after such a traumatic injury, but Courtney couldn't help but worry. She gingerly walked further into the room, pulling her habitual chair to the bedside. She took Jason's hand in her own and a smile touched her lips as she felt his warmth.


Footsteps sounded in the hall behind her, and she turned in time to see Carly breeze into the room. Carly smiled, not at all surprised to find Courtney with Jason. Her voice was tainted with worry as Carly observed the dark circles under Courtney's eyes, and the pallor of her complexion. "Courtney, you really should take a break… you have been here for the entire week and haven't left for more than a few hours. You have even been sleeping here, if you can call sitting in that horrible chair all night sleeping…." She trailed off, knowing this was not a fight worth waging. Courtney was staying.


Courtney glanced at Carly and stood up to envelope the other woman in a hug, "And I know you would be doing the same thing if it were Sonny. Besides, you have been here everyday too." She pulled back, her eyes clouding over as emotions flooded her features, "Speaking of Sonny, where is he? He's hardly been here since this happened. Doesn't he… I mean, doesn't he even care that Jason might have died? To save him?"


Carly nodded, walking over to the foot of Jason's bed. She gently squeezed Jason's foot through the blankets and her voice grew somber, "Sonny… he blames himself. He's been here, a lot, he just can never seem to come in while you are here. He feels guilty, Courtney." She turned, her hand resting absently on her abdomen, "He feels so guilty. Jason is his best friend, they're like brothers. And that night…" She paused, unsure if she should continue.


Courtney frowned and took a step towards Carly, "That night? What happened that night? I thought Jason was working… did something else happen?"


Carly nodded, the tears returning to her eyes. She moved her back to Courtney, her gaze resting on the gentle rise and fall of Jason's chest, "Jason came by, before Sonny left for the club. He… he told Sonny that he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't keep hurting you." Her voice became soft as she again faced Courtney, "He chose you. And Sonny was furious. They had this big argument, and then Sonny fired Jason and threw him out." A tear fell from her eye and she quickly lifted a hand to wipe it away, "I don't know what he was doing at the club. He wasn't supposed to be there, he was supposed to be with you."


Courtney didn't know what to say. Her mind was reeling. Jason had chosen her. A smile tainted with sorrow touched her lips as her gaze flooded with tears, "He chose me?" she asked again, not able to believe it. Carly nodded and pulled her into another embrace, "He chose you, honey. He loves you, so much. I told you he did."


Courtney suddenly pulled back, pushing Carly away. A look of horror flashed across her face, followed by bitter regret, "That's the night I left, Carly! Oh god, this is my fault! Jason is in here because of me!" Her eyes turned to the sleeping form occupying the hospital bed and love ached in her heart, "He must have gone to the loft to find me… but I was gone. I'd given up because I couldn't take the hurt anymore… he must have seen that I left… oh god, what if he thought I left him? That I gave up on our love?"


Carly's heart was breaking, but her voice remained strong, "Courtney, he knew that you loved him. This is not your fault. You have been with him every step of the way since that night." She lifted her hand and reassuringly clasped Courtney's arm, "You have been his strength. You have been strong for all of us, me, Sonny, Monica… everyone." Carly smiled as she tried to lighten the mood, "Hell, you know all the nurses names and half of their families!"


Courtney nodded, though she pulled her arm from Carly and moved away from her, resuming her vigil beside Jason. Her voice was thin, "I could never have left him, Carly. I love him." Carly nodded, a sigh escaping her mouth. She knew there was nothing more she could do. The only comfort left to Courtney would have to come from Jason. She prayed that he woke up soon as she silently turned and left the hospital.


Courtney gazed down at Jason, her gaze full of tears. The truth of that night was still sinking in. Jason had chosen her over Sonny, something she had never expected. Sonny had fired him, and he had still wanted her. She smiled despite everything and clasped his hand in her own. She gently bent down and whispered, "I love you. Now and always," in Jason's ear before she closed her eyes and softly brushed her lips against his. A lone tear ran through her eyelashes and fell on Jason's cheek. That's when she felt it.