Disclaimer—All these guys are DC characters.  Enough said.  My first story.  Just came back from visiting a retirement home.  You think I made all of this stuff up?  No way, Jose.  Some of the non-superhero comments I overheard.

                Update—as you can see, I combined my Retirement stories for easier reading.  To those of you kind enough to review—BIG THANKS!  My only regret is that the reviews are now deleted.  A few of the funnier ones are below.  They were all great comments and I hope to hear new ones from new readers. J

                And, oh yeah, Hubert kicks butt. J

Doubled over laughing. You have a very cruel sense of humor! I feel so sorry for them all now... Prunes! Dialysis! Mammograms! Laughing too hard to keep typing—Onyx

I read the first one and laughed. I read this one and just cracked up. Oh God, Hawkgirl was the best. I can totally see her going after someone with a 'keet. And Bruce. Hehehe! Prunes!—Evil Lil' Katbird

I love it. Just hilarious! I hope you do another story in the Superhero Retirement Center! (Also--Hubert ROCKS! *G*)—LM

Superhero Retirement Center

                "You know, I'm not going to play chess with you if keep being this rude."

                "Shut up, Clark.  Of course you will.  You say that everyday.  Every freaking day since we've been at this place.  What's it been…twenty-five, twenty-six years?"

                Clark Kent—one time Superman—took a sip of Ensure.  And he thought Kryptonite was bad.  This stuff tasted like… "Crap.  Okay, you win again Bruce."

                Bruce Wayne grinned.  "So fork it over."

                "But—"

                "I beat you.  So fork it over."

                "Fine."  Clark pulled a bug of prunes out of his jacket.  "My last bag.  Hope you're happy."

                "Sure I am.  Stupid laxatives…"

                "Whoa!" Clark shouted.  "Didn't need to hear that much!"

                "What about you?  When's your next run with the dialysis machine?"

                "Yuck.  Tomorrow.  What's your day going to be like?"

                Bruce began to reset the chessboard.  At least he tried to.  His hands were shaking too badly.  Finally he gave up and began munching on the prunes.  "Prostate exam tomorrow."

                "You don't seemed to worried."

                Bruce grinned.  "You should see the doctor who does it.  Pretty little girl…"

                Clark groaned.  "Look, you're eighty now—"

                "Seventy-nine."

                "No, you're eighty now.  You were seventy-nine last year.  In fact, you've been seventy-nine for the last eight years.  I just figured it out!  You jerk—you know how much of a pain it is to find 'Happy Seventy-ninth Birthday' cards?  Anyways, I don't think women find you that attractive anymore.  Don't tell me you been taking the free samples of Viagra again."

                "Pretty bold talk from a guy with a diaper on.  And I'm not talking about the red underwear you use to wear with your uniform."

                There was a crashing sound, followed by a nurse screaming.  "Mr. West!  Come back here and take you shot like a grown man!"

                Wallace West, once known as the Flash, flew past Bruce and Clark.  He was in a wheelchair and connected to an IV, but that didn't seem to slow him down.  He used his arms to shoot forward.  "Still the Fastest Man Alive, baby!  Still the fastest—"

                The IV that Wally was dragging behind caught on a wire and forced the wheelchair to turn sharply to the left.  Suddenly the Fastest Man Alive was on the floor, groaning loudly.  The right wheel of the upturned wheelchair continued to rotate slowly.  "Now look what you've done, Mr. West."  Eight nurses rushed to him.  Two to place an ego-bruised Wally into his wheelchair, one to reconnect the IV, and five to hold him down for an insulin shot.

                John Stewart, who had been napping previously, woke up to see Wally try to wriggle his arm from the nurse.  "Ha-ha-ha," he began in that old-man style laugh.  "Glad I woke up to see that."  Then he went back to sleep, snoring loudly.

                Clark rolled his eyes.  "Somebody needs to shut him in his room when he's that loud."

                Bruce nodded.  "Or increase the morphine."

                Both men laughed.  One of the man nurses came running from the other end of the commons.  "Will someone go and restrain Miss Hol?  She just stabbed me with a plastic fork!"

                Bruce and Clark decided to go visit their old friend Hawkgirl.  'Visit' meant shuffling their old rears to the other side of the room near the fireplace.  There was Shayera Hol, sitting in a chair with a blanket covering her legs.  She was cooing at the little parakeet in the cage next to her.  "That pansy of a nurse was annoying Hubert.  So I stabbed him.  So what's the big deal?"

                Bruce shook his head.  "Is this what we've been reduced to?  Look at us.  We use to be the Justice League.  Top heroes of the world."

                Clark nodded.  "Now I need these glasses.  Before, they were just a clever disguise."

                "Eh, Clark, they may have been a disguise, but never clever."

                Wally rolled into the room.  "Yeah.  And now I have this stupid needle up my arm all day."

                "My friend," said Clark.  "I think we have all learned there are worse things that can be probed in worse places…"

                John woke up again.  "I had something to say, but I forgot it."

                "Okay John," said Bruce.  "Go back to sleep."

                Shayera began rubbing Hubert's forehead.  "Tell me about it.  Years ago, the Joker, Cheetah, Grodd—they were the enemies.  Now it's gray hair."

                "And diabetes," said Wally.

                "And Alzheimer's," said Bruce, nodding at John.

                "And kidney stones," said Clark.

                "And…digestive problems," said Bruce, wincing.

                Wally sneered.  "I mean, I use out-run anything.  Stupid displaced hip."

                Shayera grinned.  "Should have drunk more milk."  Wally gave her a cold stare before Shayera threw an umbrella at him.  "Hey, don't complain.  Women always age worse.  I went through menopause, you sissies.  And mammograms.  And all my wing-feathers fell out.  Just top that."

                "Don't forget about the sagging boobs," said Wally.  He barely managed to dodge a book Shayera grabbed from the shelf.  "Kidding!  They always looked like that!"  WHAM!  Shayera had grabbed Bruce's cane and hit the back of the wheelchair.  Wally found himself on the floor again.  "Not again."

                "Here, I'll pick you up."

                Diana, Wonder Woman, pulled the wheelchair up.  "Hey guys.  J'onn and I were going to hit the mall, but we thought we'd stop by since we haven't seen you in a while."

                She still had an hourglass figure.  And jet black hair.  And no sign of spider veins or cellulite.  Shayera tried not to throw up.  "So how is everything?"

                Bruce shrugged.  "Nothing much going around here."

                Clark nudged him.  "Except for the smuggling job we busted."

                Diana and J'onn smiled politely.  "Uh, I think you told me this one…several times…"

                Clark didn't hear her.  "So Bruce and me are playing checkers, and Shayera was watching us.  And some bozo comes in with—guess what?"

"A chocolate Kudos bar…"

                "Right!  Well, I managed to spot it, so Bruce and I decide to stop him from giving it to Wally.  You know he's not allowed to eat that stuff.  So Bruce trips him with his cane and I fall on him."

                "That's not all," said Shayera, grinning.  She still had all her teeth.  She was the only one with all her teeth.  "Clark went and sprained his wrist falling on the poor guy, and Bruce passed out from laughing at Clark."

Diana smiled at Shayera.  "So, how was the mammogram last month?"  Shayera winced politely.  "Well," said Diana, "we better get going."  She kissed all the men on the forehead.  "Uh…prunes.  That's real nice, Bruce."  Lucky for Bruce his blood pressure was too low to blush.  She stopped at Shayera.  "We'll have to go out one day and do something about the bad feather job they gave you."

                "They fell out.  And I'm not allowed outside until I stop scaring the nurses."

                "Ah…yes," said Diana as she slipped her are around J'onn's.  "Come on, J'onn.  I want a new pair of boots…"

                When they were gone, Bruce began to swear.  "She saw the prunes…"

                Shayera was just as upset.  "Okay, the whole menopause and mammogram thing would have been okay—if she went through it too!"

                John woke up again and looked at Bruce.  "That's girl that just kissed me—was that your daughter?"

                "No, John."

                "Oh," said John thoughtfully.  Then he added, "Is she my daughter?"

                "No, John.  That was Wonder Woman.  Remember, she was in the Justice League with us?"

                "No, that's wasn't Wonder Woman.  Wonder Woman had red hair, wings, and carried a mace."

                "That was me!" shouted Shayera.

                "Quit playing games, Robin," retorted John.

                "Okay!" said the male nurse.  "It's time for Bingo!  The winner gets enough Fiber-all for a month."

                "Oh!  Bingo!" said the five superheroes together.