Long time no see! ^^ Nehow, next installment or whatever, as you can see...
Disclaimer: That's really all I need to say...
Warnings: An author trying to be funny but failing pathetically at it. An author trying to sound professional but failing pathetically at it. An author trying to "reach" to the readers but failing pathetically at it. An author tried to be creative but ... ah, what's the use. Can you tell that I'm depressed yet? ^^ Even that smiley face looks sad...
Thanks to: my editors, as always. You guys still alive over there? Not going through bad writing trauma? To UsagiAsiaMaxwell, DevilsDarling, SerenityMoon, and AutumnHime. Love always. ^^
Thanks to: all the lovely people who actually read this fic. I know I neglect you ... but hey! I neglect my disclaimers too! And once ... I neglected my editors. ^^''' Not enough? Ano ... I never thank the people who provided me with anime. ^^
Thanks to: the people who provided me anime ... my friends mainly though ... especially one friend whose name my penname is a derivative of.
Thanks to: my parents. Naturally. For paying all the bills from AOL, the electrical bills for using the computer, ignoring me when I rant about random ideas, and managing to sleep while I tap away on my amazingly loud keyboard into the night...and, of course, thanks for giving birth to me. ^^
I'm just feeling very thankful right now ... enjoy it while it lasts. ^^'''
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That night, while staring at the dozing Duo sprawled out in front of her door as a barrier, waves of nostalgia besieged her. Mom? Dad? Shingo? Artemis? Where are you all now? Do you miss me? Does Shingo still make obnoxious jokes? Does Artemis still sleep until noon?
"How am I ever going to get back home?" she whispered brokenly to herself. Upon entering the room, her eyes had met ... walls and walls only. Blank walls for that matter. Nothing was in the room so she was forced, along with Duo, to sit on the (at least carpeted) floor and make use of her arms as a pillow.
"Usa-chan, daijoubu ka?" a voice that she had heard throughout her whole life from shouting at the bullies in her kindergarten to teasing the heck out of her on the day of her prom to softly murmuring encouragements when she had given away her heart and had it returned, crushed.
"S-shingo?" she cried out loud, looking up to see his delightfully familiar face, beaming down at her. His hand reached out and rested on hers in an act of support. Her body seemed to suffuse with warmth from that single source of empathy.
"Hai, daijoubu ... demo I'm in my own manga! You know, the newest one with the gundams and everything. But in this manga there are people with my name! And apparently one is an assassin ... and they all think I am that assassin and since they're all secret weapons for the colonies and have every weapon imaginable stocked in this mansion ... nothing is making them believe me! And ... Shingo, I'm scared ... I don't know how to get home or even whether or not I'm going to get out of this house without several bullet holes through me..." she trailed off, snuffled, and inclined into his embrace, savoring the oh-so-grieved for sensation of his arms around her.
"Usa, what did you do before they came for you?" her brother asked slowly, rocking her back and forth to the rhythm of his words.
She looked up at him, stunned and then contemplative. "Ne, I found my purse with its contents littered over the floor and then Duo tackled me, and we had an argument."
"Any sudden thoughts?"
"I-" she broke her words off sharply with a gasp as Shingo's arms fell to his sides. "I-I wondered what would happen if there were people who actually matched my name ... and what would happen if one of them matched me exactly and was an assassin out to get the pilots!" her words dashed out of her thoughts, flooding the air before silence seeped into the shadows of the room, and she pinned him down speculating eyes.
"Y-you're not real, are you, Shingo?" she wondered timorously, hushed tears beginning to sting her eyes.
"Oh c'mon, Usa! How gullible can you get? Do I look real?" he waved a half-transparent hand in front of her eyes and curled his mouth up in a self-mocking grin. "You thought it was because you were crying."
Her face grew distraught at the disheartening sight as Shingo's image gradually dissipated into the gloom of night, darkness once again overriding her as she tumbled to the ground, sniffing away unvoiced tears.
"Oi, Usagi, daijoubu ka?" a voice almost unrecognizable questioned gently, and she looked up to meet liquid blue eyes filmy from sleep but shining down at her worriedly nevertheless.
"D-Duo ... hai, daijoubu," she gave the same answer again, wiping her face with a cursory swipe of her forearm.
"Ah well, Trowa is next, and he won't say much, just stand there I suspect ... well, I'm off for some real sleep," he dropped the subject, trying to turn her attention from her tears. Whirling around, he yawned loudly and waved goodbye, letting a just-appeared Trowa in through the door.
How do they do that?!
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As Duo had prophesied, Trowa just stood there. He did however move once, a cringe from a suppressed yawn. Lucky him. He was sleepy at least and could get sleep later. She can't sleep. It was almost as if her eyelids were glued to their place. Of course, the main cause was probably her frenetic brain, hopping hyperactively from one scenario to another idea back to that first scenario and then to another idea ... and it didn't seem to be tiring either.
At last, bored to death even though brain activity was about double the normal amount, she turned to her guard and spoke. "How's it going over there, Trowa? Weather any nicer?" When he didn't react, she tried again. "Trowa?" Again, this bestowed upon her no response so, being like any ordinary human being, she got up to investigate.
He was asleep.
This was so not fair.
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Her next tormenter came in with an adorable smile and fleeting questioning of how she was doing, but not long after, the sandman came to visit him too. Though it was apparent he was trying to stay awake, he went through transitory periods of dozing. It was almost funny watching him doze, jerk awake, look around bemusedly, pasting on his best "I'm awake" look that slowly crumbled into nothing when he dozed again, only to have the cycle repeat itself. Gosh, how bored must she be to find this amusing?
She began recording how long he managed to stay awake, and he was nearing his last record of three minutes before he turned to her and met her gaze, forcing her to look away, discomfited.
"Usagi-san, Wufei is next so ... good luck," he concluded rapidly, right before the door swung open to reveal a sleepily blinking Wufei, hair sticking out at odd angles and attempts to put it up into a ponytail barely discernable. She was sure the poor rubber band was lost in there somewhere.
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Human nosiness would frequently lead a person to idiotically poke at a poisonous spider with a stick and Usagi had never won a battle against human curiosity. Against Quatre's warning, she decided to poke the spider, using her words as the stick.
"Are you asleep, Wufei?" she asked, bored to tears though the dawning of a smile was flitting onto her face. No response.
"Because you know, if you are, I can just talk out loud and not bother you, right?" Still no answer. "I'll take that as a yes."
"Do you know how I came up with you for my manga?" As already anticipated, silence met her question, and she continued cheerily. "Well, I'll tell ya! Once upon a time there was a guy who absolutely hated women and would do anything to spite them or avoid them. One day that guy met a girl, and he hated her at first sight. He avoided her and complained about her constantly and loudly, for that matter. That girl reflected his actions upon him and beat him up to boot. They were married six months after that. The guy was my dad and the girl, my mom. Sounds familiar?" Again, no movement from the Chinese's direction though she could swear she had seen a red rash of anger appear on his pale cheeks.
"Well it should sound familiar because that's going to be your future ... or maybe past." The hue on his entire face darkened to a soft pink.
"Saa ... I'm bored again. Why don't I tell you another story?" No answer but the soft pink changed to a darker soft pink.
"Once there was Wufei. He was an ant," she paused to glance over again and noted with satisfaction that the pink once again darkened. "Wufei lived in an ant hill like all normal itty bitsy ants and carried peas from their food source back to the ant hill, day in and day out." The darkness of the room gave up on Wufei and no longer veiled his reddening face.
"Now this particular colony of ants' food source was from a nearby farm owned by Duo, the happy farmer." The change this time was so striking that she had to choke back a giggle and then disguise it as clearing her throat. The pink was now dark and bordering the bright red common in lipstick.
"One day, while Wufei was out getting his pea, Duo found the ant farm and figured out that was where all his peas went. Now Duo was supporting four growing teenagers with his farm, Hiiro, Trowa, Quatre, and most importantly, himself, and he realized, with horror (delight) that he absolutely could not allow the ants to have his peas." The red was past lipstick color and reaching an almost fluorescent point, providing a lantern-like glow in the room.
"So Duo stomped all the ants in the ant hill to death and went home, whistling. Lady Luck did not like ants very much and caused Duo, the happy farmer, to spot Wufei," she peeked up at the dark-haired, red-faced boy adjacent to her casually to see that Wufei was attempting to burn a hole through the wall opposite from him. His eyes were starting to glow red with his face that was currently edging on maroon.
"As Duo picked Wufei up, the ant viciously bit the farmer and the farmer wasn't so happy any longer." The standing man beside her's face lightened faintly.
"Duo then proceeded to squish Wufei easily and grinned again, whistling home. His bite healed after an hour. The end."
The red was at its maximum redness but steam was now pouring out of his ears. "Wufei, why do you look like you're going to blow up?" she asked naively, smothering a giggle.
The next guard, Hiiro, chose to walk in at that moment. He glanced once at Wufei's red face and once at Usagi's guiltless one and walked out again.
"Want to hear another-"
"ONNA! Shut up!" At each word, a vast amount of color left his face until he was his normal self again.
Needless to say, the conversation ended there.
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She couldn't believe she created these pilots. She had envisioned five of the most feared men, each with their own quirks and odd habits due to horrible pasts, who were constantly vigilant and never afraid. The only part she had succeeded in creating was the five men with quirks and odd habits. Four out of five pilots fell asleep. And the one who didn't was provoked by a story about him being an ant. And ... she absolutely couldn't believe Hiiro was sleeping! Lightly, yes, eyes half open, yes, yes, but still sleeping.
Is this what her readers saw? What a way to make her self-esteem soar.
Duo she could forgive. Duo had always been the comic relief in the manga and the person she could relate most with. In a situation like this, she would make Duo fall asleep. Duo would always be Duo, the person with a horrible past, willing to smile at everything, able to escape Hiiro's gun and even Wufei's katana. Duo had also been brought in by the expert (herself) to underscore the true closeness of the pilots.
Wufei is understandable even. Wufei was created to counter Duo, providing a different type of humor. Wufei was there to be obnoxious, cynical, and all in all, a pain in the butt. She would have made him horrifyingly mad if he had happened to hear that story. Wufei was also there to insinuate the sense of justice in the show but even that was parodied to relieve some tension. Out of all five, Wufei would have to be the person she would like to be around the most -- there would never be one lackluster moment.
Quatre she might let go. After all, he had only dozed ... Quatre was meant to be the emotional one, the collector of readers' tears, if possible. He was the type of person she would idolize. The type of person she would try to imitate in every way. She admired him for his naivete even after all he's been through.
Quatre was there to instill morals and provide the constant question Are what the pilots doing right? He was also there for other reasons, but one of them had never been to serve as a love interest for Trowa. Oh yes, you fanfiction writers out there, this artist does read everything you write.
Trowa ... Trowa gave her a lot of grief. She couldn't get into his psyche. At all. Which led to endless bouts of depression and many restless nights. Thankfully the newest assistant she had hired understood him perfectly.
Her question had always been If Hiiro locked away his emotions just like Trowa, how come Trowa expresses them more easily? Newer additions had included Why did he become so silent ... and why the heck did I make him a clown?
Trowa ... was there to provide help when needed, but because of her inability to understand him, he often faded into the background, and she would forget about him for periods of time until she needed him to save the day or provide insightful comments. Trowa was definitely the type of person she would have to work on understanding.
Hiiro ... is your classic male hero. She had very obviously been fatigued when she created him and had simply put him through a formula. Traumatized past? Check. Stoic exterior? Check. Violent tendencies? Check. Dark features? Will fall in love with a heroine who has fair features? Check, check. Hiiro fit the formula so perfectly ... and she had no idea where she went right.
At first, after seeing exactly what type of character her main character was, she had wrinkled her nose in disgust and almost decided to tear it up and put it through the paper shredder. Her assistant, code name Blue Nectarine, insisted on her at least writing one chapter with him like that, something that she would like to keep as a souvenir if Usagi hated it. Apparently this assistant had developed a crush.
While writing her first chapter, she developed an almost unsatiable curiosity for this life that was blooming in her hands. He was classic, yes, but not classic. He was prickly on the outside but almost tender on the inside. He was not necessarily human but was still subject to emotions. She loved it. Whatever kind deity had given her such a powerfully moving character is thanked and prayed to daily.
Originally she had found him boring, too classic, too cliche, but after that forced first chapter of the first book, he became the rubix cube that she could never solve (those darn things) and the mysteriously sealed present she wanted to open. He became her most realistic character.
And what about the heroine, you ask? Relena had been tricky for her. Seeing that her main hero was already a formula, Relena had to be a parody of that. She fitted the girl through the female formula and then edited. Yes, Relena had fair features. Yes, Relena was rich. Yes, Relena was completely, head over heels in love with Hiiro.
However, she parodied it by making her overly obsessive, with actions at times similar to a fangirl's. She tried to make her realistic and unique by allowing her to become the smart, tactful, and extremely respected vice Prime Minister and eventually the queen of all of earth. She allowed her to be strong, not somebody who cried too easily or somebody who gave up at the first glimpse of trouble.
No, Relena was strong. But she stuck to the formula just a smidgen by making her try hard to be strong, not making it an inborn trait. And the final touch had been the decision to give her a somewhat tragic or even distorted past, to allow her to relate better to the pilots. How did she feel about Relena? She didn't feel anything ... despite her desperate attempts, Relena had never come alive for her...
What of the rest of the characters? She cared for them for the most part but with the indifference of acquaintances. They were too new in the story for her to truly reach down inside of herself, snatch a piece of her soul and breathe life into them. She had been too preoccupied with him at that time.
Give it a rest, Usagi, her mind snarled at her annoyingly. Yes, her mind was no longer hyperactive. It's approximate miles per hour equaled 1.2 x 10 to the negative eighth power, to be precise. Yes, she should give it a rest. It was impossible for her love to be fulfilled and live to see a happy ending. It will come to its end, sputter, and die out even if only watered by one simple fact -- he wasn't real. The flame guttered dangerously as she finally truly leaned against the wall and plummeted into dreamland, hoping very much to meet him there.
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ARG! The Wufei section was so pathetic! What do I like about this chapter? Nothing really ... but if I had to chose I'd opt the section with Trowa. It's short. That's the factor that led to its winning this prize. Yay. As for the rest ... I said a lot about a nothing. The art of spewing out words when you're really saying nothing. My type of job ^^