Chapter Four

She was new and transferee from one of the exclusive school in America. She was force to leave her country because of her father's job She's nice and soft hearted and so alone and aloof but after meeting me we instantly become friend. We almost have the same common interest and we really hit but after meeting Aki – my world starts to crumbling.

' Sapphire, I told you this first because I don't want you to get unprepared. I know everybody at school thinks that I'm you boyfriend which I didn't correct them because I thought that I would protect you somehow. But – '

I smiled at him. Always a gentleman. Aki really has a kind heart.

' Do you love her? ' Aki looked at me directly into the eye. I saw it and believe it. He was indeed falling inlove. The emotion is clear in his eyes.

' Then there is nothing to talk about right? Besides it is actually my intention? '

' Your intention? What do you mean by that? '

I slowly stood and went toward one of the window of our living room.

' I came close to you and be the best girl-friend you have and stayed to you until you could find someone who you could love. All those things that I've been doing to you is just an act of a girl toward her brother. You like a big brother to me Aki, I never have one. ' I said smiling trying hard to keep all emotion to myself.

' Are you saying that all those this you've done is just an act? ' he said tightly

I laugh loudly then answered:

' Why yes, Aren't you happy about it? That is why you shouldn't have to consult me about you courting Ishtar. You can do whatever it pleases you '

' Oh yeah I almost forgot. Who are you anyway to even bother me to tell you this things. So there is nothing more to say right? '

' Nope '

' Good coz I'm going home ' he said then stood abruptly and walk away without looking back.

" I've waited until Aki was out of sight before I fell down on our carpeted living room floor. All strength drained in my body. I can't do anything even a slightest move with out hurting my heart. As if there is a sharp knife sliced it from the inside and a fragment of movement will be enough to tear it apart.

It was a lie of course the one I told Aki about him being my big brother but it was the only reason I come up with at that moment. I don't want him to be guilty if I told him what I truly feel. It will only hurt him more.

I know somehow he feels deceived… I mean who wouldn't be angry if someone told you that you are just the best stud around that is why I'm giving you my affection? I would be furious! But I like Ishtar and I love him so much letting go is the only way I could do for him to be happy.

And Ishtar is falling to… I saw it and felt it every time Aki was with us. What a girl should do if the people you love and like so much love each other but can't let their feelings show because they are trying to protect you for being hurt?

I let out a sob. At least Aki has the decency to tell me what his about to do. Not like Gerome that after reviling my true feeling for him he just disappear and didn't speak to me ever again.

I can't believe it! It happen again. First, Gerome then Aki. When would I learn. Another sob went out of my mouth without noticing it.

If Love is a choice.. who would choose such exquisite pain? I remember Tuptim saying those word to Me'm Leonwens of the movie Anna and The King.

'I would.' I said thinking but Tuptim is braver than I am. Instead of enduring this pain I'm feeling now.. she had the courage to fight for her love even though it means death to her.

I'm a coward when it come to love. I know that! All I do was to understand everything or at least tried to understand.

' It's pure stupidity ' Miss Leananelle said. Yes, I guess you may call it that way but then again all I want is for every body to be happy. My feelings are not important.

It's been weeks after me and Aki have that conversation. A week without any communication between us and when we accidentally meet at school ground… we just exchange simple smiles.

Everyone notice our changes and rumors starts to spread. Someone says that we have an LQ others telling everyone that I dump him or him to me but the only true about the talk in school is the way Aki is courting Ishtar.

' Are you okay? ' Jess once asked me when we had our lunch break. She of all the people know what truly happen.

' Still holding on I guess ' I said sadly.

' Does Ishtar know what you feel about him? '

' No and I plan to keep it a secret forever '

Jess took a deep breath then continue:

' Would you like to come with me? '

' Where? ' I asked confuse of the way she change the subject.

' As you are well aware of.. our summer vacation is fast approaching and since we have a month as a free time, I'm planning to go to my grandmother's house. I guess it will better for you to have a different place to recover '

I smiled warmly, the first real smile I have after that dreadful talk with Aki.

' You're such a nice friend Jess '

' I just wanted you to be happy even for a few days. I want my friend who I meet last two years ago came back… not someone who is doing her damn best to act normal even though she's hurting inside '

' I'm sorry if- '

' You don't have to say that, it's hard I know that and I can't change a thing about it but what could I do is to make it a little easier for you to bare it. I just hope that time would heal your pain quickly '

" No one has ever done that to me, you know. Jess really is a treasure worth keeping. A precious gem I found in the midst of my journey in life "