Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs
to J.R.R. Tolkien. All authors have been used with permission.
Author's Note:
Sorry again for the late update. Expect this to be the pace for chapter uploading. I get most of my writing stuff done on the weekends, and It only took me two days to write this one, which took place on Saturday to today, Sunday. I haven't much energy on weekdays now, and homework tends to boot fanfiction writing out of my mind. But I do promise that I will try to get back to my spontaneous state as I had been in the summer. Yet I doubt it will have much effect, as I get home three hours later than I did before. Chapters come one Sundays.
Attempting my very best,
Naheka
THE FILE CABINET
"Let's hunt some Mary-Sue!"
We all cheered in agreement. We just couldn't help shouting for joy when it cam to Mary-Sue hunting. It was just too good to be true! Like the three hunters when they had sped off from Amon Hen after Boromir's departure, Phantom, Amarth, Newmoon, and I raced off into the courtyards and fields behind the Disclaimer Desk, leaving all planned duties of our own behind. We were still singing the Entish Mary-Sue-Doom song, by the way. "With doom we come, with doom we come!"
We were careful enough to run around the orc herd whom were all sitting cross-legged in an adjacent circle, holding hands as they sang "Kumbaya" over a smoking campfire. A familiar scarlet banner was burning to shreds within the flames. And as for the fangirls who had been carrying the banner... well, they were off forging a new blue and yellow banner with "FRODO LIVES!!!" on it. They were sulking under a tree to the left of the orcs, arguing on whether the banner should be midnight blue, or sky blue.
"The address on the paper," said Newmoon, still jogging as she held up the fluttering orange banner. "Says... 'Don't call us, we'll call you.'"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. We all stopped in our sprinting to take a breath and to examine the paper. Phantom took it and re-read the information.
"...That's what it says," she replied in confusion. "Don't call us, we'll call you? That's not a street address."
"Wait a minute," said Amarth, putting a hand up. "This could be a set-up, a trap."
"You mean... it's fake?" I asked again in appall.
"It's a possibility." Amarth answered sadly.
I dropped to my knees and cast my right open hand in a half arch, left hand an angst-worn fist clenched below my chin, hollering, "Nooooooooooo!" in the lowest tone my soprano lungs could bear, pressing out all of the despair and torment I could muster in five seconds. I took a deep breath. "Noooooooooooo!.... Noooooooooo!"
"Shut up!" barked someone from a random place of which none of us could identify.
"Geez. Sorry..."
We all sat down in attempt to figure out what exactly the message meant. Well, there were several possibilities, but none of them really guided us anywhere. "Is it a code?" "Nah. Mary-Sue domination is too big of a topic to classify." "Maybe we have to sit next to a telephone?" "How will they know us?" "I dunno'. It happens in the movies. " "Ring! Ring! You have seven days to live! Bwahahahaha---" "You haven't even seen that movie yet." "Well, a lot of people talk about it. Why can't I?" "You know what it means to be lectured about facts, don't you, Naheka?" "Yeah." "So it really wouldn't be the best to say anything about it." "What? Have you become a Tolkien-Purist too?" "There is nothing shameful about being a Tolkien-Purist... and I'm not one of them, by the way---" "Hey!" "We're getting off topic here!"
Okay, so we strayed off our concentration a good five categories, but really, that's the way conversations go, no? Well, eventually the sugar that must've been in our previous meals had worn off, and now we were all laying silently on the grass, out of ideas and too tired to get up. We knew that there were probably more of these flyers laying around the next corner, so I permitted myself to tear up the useless advertisement to entertain myself with origami.
"...Hey!" I cried suddenly. My three companions turned up and looked at me. "I have... I have... an idea!"
~*~
"Wheeerrrr! Pow! Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! Oh no! My spine!"
"The enemy has been injured! Release the troops!"
"Ah! General Amarth has attacked the fleets! Oh no!"
"Watch out! Here comes Lieutenant Phantom! Vroom... pow!"
"Aieee! Sergeant Newmoon! We're all gonna' die!"
Well... I had kinda' gotten carried away with the origami. In the time span of fifteen or so minutes, I had folded twenty, bright, orange paper cranes. I can't help it. I love folding paper cranes. I could waste my life folding paper cranes... nah. I'd rather waste it on the Internet. Anyway... my twenty paper cranes were split among the four of us, and the small circle that we were lying in became an imaginary bloody and smoking battle field. According to our vivid minds and fantasies, General Amarth, Lieutenant Phantom, Sergeant Newmoon, and I, Commander Naheka were supposed to be alliances against the terrible, powerful, almighty, and abominated Mary-Sue Army. But it was a one-crane army, and the left wing was on the verge of being torn off by one of Lieutenant Phantom's soldiers.
"Hah hah!" she cried, jabbing the flimsy beak at the tear. "Die, evil Mary-Sue! Die! Die!"
"Excuse me, but do you know where we can find the Anti-MarySue Group?"
The four of us turned from our battle to look up at blonde elf with blue eyes. She looked a bit confused, but a grin was on her face as she bore the familiar orange flyer in her left hand. Standing next to her was a girl with similar features, save the pointed ears of an elf, and someone I had recognized around FFNH as Coffeegirl.
"'Don't call us, we'll call you'" Phantom suggested, accidentally leaning on the Mary-Sue crane. "Oops. Squashed it."
"The enemy has been defeated!" cheered Newmoon. I fell back on the earth laughing hysterically.
"Sorry," answered Amarth to the she-elf's question. "We haven't been able to locate the Anti-MarySue group either."
"Hey!" I said suddenly, bolting up from my fallen position, dusting the flattened paper cranes off of my back. "Oh dear. Sorry, Amarth. I just killed your fleet wonder how Onikunshu and NahekaOC are doing?"
"Onikunshu?" questioned the girl suddenly, turning an interested gaze at me. "What does he look like?"
"Shoulder length black hair and disturbingly evil green eyes," I recited. "Either that, or a coal black dragon with... disturbingly evil green eyes. You've seen him on the verge of strangling a few people, haven't you?"
"Well... yes. That, and one of my OCs has been getting some sort of advice from him."
"Does it have to do with knife throwing? Because Onikunshu makes a very good teacher when it comes to---Aiee!"
NahekaOC had jumped out of nowhere and took refuge behind Phantom. She quivered and slowly edged away from the assassin, who was behaving rather strangely, twitching nervously like a rabbit with a gun to its head in the cartoons. She was sweating cold fear, not bothering to pick the remains of the Mary-Sue crane off of her boot. She had trampled it on her way over my head.
"Now what happened?" I groaned.
"M-m....My mother has finally captured my father."
"Oh no. Let the doom commence."
"Hey! This is serious!"
"Why?"
"She might help the Mary-Sue side!"
Everyone gasped. Had I just created another alliance to the Mary-Sue'rs?
"Narcisuss was not a Mary-Sue," I grunted, the only one who hadn't gasped. "Onikunshu would not let it be that way."
"...Really?"
"He's a friggin' evil bounty hunter. What do you think?"
"No one ever told me-e! I've been lied to, you forsaking, pride-breaking, mislead author!"
"Naurglahad*, just suck it up and move on."
"...Fine then."
She crossed her arms and turned her back to me, legs folded Indian-style.
"Oh great. Now my OC is angry at me." I stood up and began waving my arms around hysterically. "So now I gotta' watch out for assassin stalkers! Like I'm paranoid, looking over my back! Great! Now I have a Linkin Park song stuck in my head! And it's my favorite song too! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
Well, I don't think I really did say 'blah' after that, but I definitely know that I had launched off into a rant. That's what rants sound like. Come to think of it, that's how all of my teachers at school sound like. Rants and lecture. But I'm probably boring you now, aren't I? Thought so.
As I was overflowing with random comments and stressed frustrations, the girl was introducing herself and her OC. "I go by Kitty," she explained. "And this is Elenmir."
"Greetings!" chirruped Elenmir.
"Hi, Naheka," said Coffeegirl, waving her hand in front of my face in attempt to get me to shut up.
At that moment, I stopped babbling and plopped back onto the grass beside NahekaOC, trying to look as sullen as possible.
"Meep all of you," I grumbled. "And no, it's not an insult."
"all right," announced Phantom. "Now, our problem is finding where exactly this Anti Mary-Sue Committee is."
"It could be fake," said Amarth, frowning slightly.
"Or it could be a riddle," added Newmoon.
"I'll contribute the thought," said Kitty, "that perhaps a phone---"
"Will just fall out of the sky and hit someone's head!" finished Coffeegirl excitedly.
It was definitely inevitable.
A whistle came out of the sky.
Bonk!
Seething and cursing simultaneously, the last image I saw was Phantom, Newmoon, Amarth, Kitty, Coffeegirl, and Elenmir standing over me with looks of concern on their faces. In Coffegirl's hand was a shiny, black, cordless telephone. It was ringing.
*NahekaOCs real name. I'll be changing it gradually through all of my fics.
Author's Note:
Sorry again for the late update. Expect this to be the pace for chapter uploading. I get most of my writing stuff done on the weekends, and It only took me two days to write this one, which took place on Saturday to today, Sunday. I haven't much energy on weekdays now, and homework tends to boot fanfiction writing out of my mind. But I do promise that I will try to get back to my spontaneous state as I had been in the summer. Yet I doubt it will have much effect, as I get home three hours later than I did before. Chapters come one Sundays.
Attempting my very best,
Naheka
THE FILE CABINET
"Let's hunt some Mary-Sue!"
We all cheered in agreement. We just couldn't help shouting for joy when it cam to Mary-Sue hunting. It was just too good to be true! Like the three hunters when they had sped off from Amon Hen after Boromir's departure, Phantom, Amarth, Newmoon, and I raced off into the courtyards and fields behind the Disclaimer Desk, leaving all planned duties of our own behind. We were still singing the Entish Mary-Sue-Doom song, by the way. "With doom we come, with doom we come!"
We were careful enough to run around the orc herd whom were all sitting cross-legged in an adjacent circle, holding hands as they sang "Kumbaya" over a smoking campfire. A familiar scarlet banner was burning to shreds within the flames. And as for the fangirls who had been carrying the banner... well, they were off forging a new blue and yellow banner with "FRODO LIVES!!!" on it. They were sulking under a tree to the left of the orcs, arguing on whether the banner should be midnight blue, or sky blue.
"The address on the paper," said Newmoon, still jogging as she held up the fluttering orange banner. "Says... 'Don't call us, we'll call you.'"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. We all stopped in our sprinting to take a breath and to examine the paper. Phantom took it and re-read the information.
"...That's what it says," she replied in confusion. "Don't call us, we'll call you? That's not a street address."
"Wait a minute," said Amarth, putting a hand up. "This could be a set-up, a trap."
"You mean... it's fake?" I asked again in appall.
"It's a possibility." Amarth answered sadly.
I dropped to my knees and cast my right open hand in a half arch, left hand an angst-worn fist clenched below my chin, hollering, "Nooooooooooo!" in the lowest tone my soprano lungs could bear, pressing out all of the despair and torment I could muster in five seconds. I took a deep breath. "Noooooooooooo!.... Noooooooooo!"
"Shut up!" barked someone from a random place of which none of us could identify.
"Geez. Sorry..."
We all sat down in attempt to figure out what exactly the message meant. Well, there were several possibilities, but none of them really guided us anywhere. "Is it a code?" "Nah. Mary-Sue domination is too big of a topic to classify." "Maybe we have to sit next to a telephone?" "How will they know us?" "I dunno'. It happens in the movies. " "Ring! Ring! You have seven days to live! Bwahahahaha---" "You haven't even seen that movie yet." "Well, a lot of people talk about it. Why can't I?" "You know what it means to be lectured about facts, don't you, Naheka?" "Yeah." "So it really wouldn't be the best to say anything about it." "What? Have you become a Tolkien-Purist too?" "There is nothing shameful about being a Tolkien-Purist... and I'm not one of them, by the way---" "Hey!" "We're getting off topic here!"
Okay, so we strayed off our concentration a good five categories, but really, that's the way conversations go, no? Well, eventually the sugar that must've been in our previous meals had worn off, and now we were all laying silently on the grass, out of ideas and too tired to get up. We knew that there were probably more of these flyers laying around the next corner, so I permitted myself to tear up the useless advertisement to entertain myself with origami.
"...Hey!" I cried suddenly. My three companions turned up and looked at me. "I have... I have... an idea!"
~*~
"Wheeerrrr! Pow! Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! Oh no! My spine!"
"The enemy has been injured! Release the troops!"
"Ah! General Amarth has attacked the fleets! Oh no!"
"Watch out! Here comes Lieutenant Phantom! Vroom... pow!"
"Aieee! Sergeant Newmoon! We're all gonna' die!"
Well... I had kinda' gotten carried away with the origami. In the time span of fifteen or so minutes, I had folded twenty, bright, orange paper cranes. I can't help it. I love folding paper cranes. I could waste my life folding paper cranes... nah. I'd rather waste it on the Internet. Anyway... my twenty paper cranes were split among the four of us, and the small circle that we were lying in became an imaginary bloody and smoking battle field. According to our vivid minds and fantasies, General Amarth, Lieutenant Phantom, Sergeant Newmoon, and I, Commander Naheka were supposed to be alliances against the terrible, powerful, almighty, and abominated Mary-Sue Army. But it was a one-crane army, and the left wing was on the verge of being torn off by one of Lieutenant Phantom's soldiers.
"Hah hah!" she cried, jabbing the flimsy beak at the tear. "Die, evil Mary-Sue! Die! Die!"
"Excuse me, but do you know where we can find the Anti-MarySue Group?"
The four of us turned from our battle to look up at blonde elf with blue eyes. She looked a bit confused, but a grin was on her face as she bore the familiar orange flyer in her left hand. Standing next to her was a girl with similar features, save the pointed ears of an elf, and someone I had recognized around FFNH as Coffeegirl.
"'Don't call us, we'll call you'" Phantom suggested, accidentally leaning on the Mary-Sue crane. "Oops. Squashed it."
"The enemy has been defeated!" cheered Newmoon. I fell back on the earth laughing hysterically.
"Sorry," answered Amarth to the she-elf's question. "We haven't been able to locate the Anti-MarySue group either."
"Hey!" I said suddenly, bolting up from my fallen position, dusting the flattened paper cranes off of my back. "Oh dear. Sorry, Amarth. I just killed your fleet wonder how Onikunshu and NahekaOC are doing?"
"Onikunshu?" questioned the girl suddenly, turning an interested gaze at me. "What does he look like?"
"Shoulder length black hair and disturbingly evil green eyes," I recited. "Either that, or a coal black dragon with... disturbingly evil green eyes. You've seen him on the verge of strangling a few people, haven't you?"
"Well... yes. That, and one of my OCs has been getting some sort of advice from him."
"Does it have to do with knife throwing? Because Onikunshu makes a very good teacher when it comes to---Aiee!"
NahekaOC had jumped out of nowhere and took refuge behind Phantom. She quivered and slowly edged away from the assassin, who was behaving rather strangely, twitching nervously like a rabbit with a gun to its head in the cartoons. She was sweating cold fear, not bothering to pick the remains of the Mary-Sue crane off of her boot. She had trampled it on her way over my head.
"Now what happened?" I groaned.
"M-m....My mother has finally captured my father."
"Oh no. Let the doom commence."
"Hey! This is serious!"
"Why?"
"She might help the Mary-Sue side!"
Everyone gasped. Had I just created another alliance to the Mary-Sue'rs?
"Narcisuss was not a Mary-Sue," I grunted, the only one who hadn't gasped. "Onikunshu would not let it be that way."
"...Really?"
"He's a friggin' evil bounty hunter. What do you think?"
"No one ever told me-e! I've been lied to, you forsaking, pride-breaking, mislead author!"
"Naurglahad*, just suck it up and move on."
"...Fine then."
She crossed her arms and turned her back to me, legs folded Indian-style.
"Oh great. Now my OC is angry at me." I stood up and began waving my arms around hysterically. "So now I gotta' watch out for assassin stalkers! Like I'm paranoid, looking over my back! Great! Now I have a Linkin Park song stuck in my head! And it's my favorite song too! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
Well, I don't think I really did say 'blah' after that, but I definitely know that I had launched off into a rant. That's what rants sound like. Come to think of it, that's how all of my teachers at school sound like. Rants and lecture. But I'm probably boring you now, aren't I? Thought so.
As I was overflowing with random comments and stressed frustrations, the girl was introducing herself and her OC. "I go by Kitty," she explained. "And this is Elenmir."
"Greetings!" chirruped Elenmir.
"Hi, Naheka," said Coffeegirl, waving her hand in front of my face in attempt to get me to shut up.
At that moment, I stopped babbling and plopped back onto the grass beside NahekaOC, trying to look as sullen as possible.
"Meep all of you," I grumbled. "And no, it's not an insult."
"all right," announced Phantom. "Now, our problem is finding where exactly this Anti Mary-Sue Committee is."
"It could be fake," said Amarth, frowning slightly.
"Or it could be a riddle," added Newmoon.
"I'll contribute the thought," said Kitty, "that perhaps a phone---"
"Will just fall out of the sky and hit someone's head!" finished Coffeegirl excitedly.
It was definitely inevitable.
A whistle came out of the sky.
Bonk!
Seething and cursing simultaneously, the last image I saw was Phantom, Newmoon, Amarth, Kitty, Coffeegirl, and Elenmir standing over me with looks of concern on their faces. In Coffegirl's hand was a shiny, black, cordless telephone. It was ringing.
*NahekaOCs real name. I'll be changing it gradually through all of my fics.