Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings, it belongs to JRR
Tolkien. I do not own Fanfiction.net, they own themselves. The gang of western
outlaws specifically belongs to Phantom, as was requested. Erm... Kitty owns
Elenmir, Penelope owns Ember and Wisdom. All authors used by request and permission.
I disclaimer with over two lines of text... fascinating!
Author's Note:
I bet you all thought I died, didn't you? Sorry. Homework shall die.
Well, I'm going to have to refuse all requests for character inserts, as the story is pretty much booked up, and has enough characters to keep it running until the end of the story. NO MORE REQUESTS.
Tank-q.
-Naheka
THE FILE CABINET
Amazingly, I had not found myself in the Hospital Quarters as I had thought I would be when I recovered. I was still laying in the same spot that I had been knocked out in earlier. "Oh fritters," I thought reluctantly. I strongly desired the free moist chocolate brownies they gave out to all Hospital Quarter patients. Dark chocolate was my favorite. Why didn't I go in when Aldarion was smashed into me earlier?
Brushing off my state of unconsciousness, I rolled over on the grass and looked around for my Anti-MarySue companions. Judging by the bright blue sky, stroked with the occasional wispy white clouds, I had been unconscious for... five minutes. Not bad. Not really. I dusted more squashed paper cranes off of my back before turning around to face Elenmir's back. I nudged backwards and stood up, only to observe that everyone was crowded around something.
"Did you hear it?" asked Coffeegirl. She seemed to be in a state of shock, as were Newmoon and Kitty. But Phantom and Amarth looked rather suspicious, giving puzzled glares to the black cordless phone in Phantom's left hand. Elenmir looked rather curious, and so was NahekaOC.
"What did the telephone say?" I blurted out immediately.
"It replays a message every thirty seconds," said Amarth. Phantom nodded and handed me the phone. I put it up to my ear. "Listen."
I waited, pressing the speaker of the phone into my ear as tight as I could, accidentally occasionally pushing a few buttons. Then the message came. "Suilad, all Anti-MarySue'rs." The voice was a rotting whisper, a ghostlike hoarse voice that seemed even more chilling than a Wraith's voice. "We know what you want. We know what you need. You must find us. You can help us. We can help you." It slightly annoyed me that this person simply did not know how to use a comma, and the word 'and'. But the choppy effect was frightening enough. "But you must find us first." I know that already... "Our first clue is to look where fire becomes ice. And ice becomes fire." Then, the dead dial tone came. I sighed, releasing the pressure of the phone off of my ear, but the speaker was still close to my ear. And then the phone screamed in my ear! A blood curdling shriek that somewhat re-awoke the most terrifying and horrible memories that existed in the very depths of my own past and mind. I screamed. I got scared, thrusting the phone back onto the grass, still crying out like a frightened child. But at that moment, I was a frightened child.
"Goodness, that really scared you, didn't it?" said Kitty, a look of concern coming across her face as a single tear streamed down my cheek.
"Yes! I'm scared!" I hollered in reply. "Not once have I ever been able to stand a sudden scream directly in my face! The e-mails! The stupid prank e-mails! The screams! The pictures! The evil pictures! The screaming! The screaming! Aieee!" After that, I went off into this confessional, tormented, mindless babble of how I feared of sudden shrieks. Everyone watched me in pity and exasperation.
And then---
Bang!
The sudden gunshot in the air got me hysterical again, and I found myself taking refuge in my own gray, pullover jacket, my head shrinking in like a turtle into its shell. When I had peeked over the rim of the neckline, I saw NahekaOC holding the phone with an accusing look on her face as she pointed to a man who looked in about his thirties.
"What d'ja do that for?" she screamed, waving her arms in the air.
"It was just laying there," replied the man with a relaxed sort of grin.
"You don't shoot things just because they're still!" she retorted. Grabbing things with the greatest of ease was a skill NahekaOC had learned as an assassin and thief. This was proved true when she snagged the man's pistol, and gave it a few fancy twirls through her slender finger before pulling the trigger at a bird in a nearby tree. It was the mockingbird that I had seen at lunch earlier. As soon as its limp form had hit the earth, she shot it a second time. Poor mockingbird. I wanted to cry again.
"You have to make sure the thing's dead first," she explained, neatly handing the smoking pistol back to the man. He blinked, looked down at the gun in his hand, and shrugged, slipping it back into its holder at his waist. "And by the way," NahekaOC added. "Who the hell are you?"
"OC!" I snapped, almost instantly coming out of my horrified, jumpy mode. "Don't talk like that to other OCs! It's rude!"
"Hey, I have a name! Stop calling me a stupid acronym!"
For some reason, I had this sort of sense that our argument was suddenly cluttering, sort of like bunching a conversation into one, big, long paragraph. "Oh? Then what is it?" "Naheka." "No! That's my name!" "You lie. It's mine!" "Mine! My pen name!" "Your name is not Naheka! It's Catherine!" "Silence!" I yanked NahekaOC by the collar and started shaking her madly. "I will not tolerate my Catholic name uttered among these people! This is the Internet, you fool!" "What? Now you have prejudice against your own religion? You are mad!" "Of course I'm mad! And I don't have prejudice against my Faith! I just don't want the plot to lead to Catholic matters!" "Plot? What plot?" "This story is against my norms!"
"Ya' know," said Coffeegirl, tilting her head. "It's rather difficult to read your conversation if it's bunched up into one, big, long paragraph..."
Both I and NahekaOC snorted, "Huh?"
Coffeegirl handed us a white piece of parchment with a typed paragraph in 12 font, Times New Roman. The text in the paragraph, oddly, described and listed the exact argument we just had. Like the feeling I had before, and true to Coffeegirl's words, the conversation was bunched up into a single, thick paragraph.
"And maybe you should lay off the italics," commented Amarth. "There's a lot of 'em drifting around... No. Scratch that. Skip the italics and GO INTO ALL CAPITOLS! YES!!!"
"Well, both formats should work," interrupted Phantom as Newmoon put a hand on Amarth's shoulder in attempt to prevent her from going insane. "And to answer your question... er..."
"Her real name is Naurglahad!" I seethed through gritted teeth. NahekaOC, or Naurglahad, smacked my forehead. "Ouch! I mean--- OUCH!!!"
"HOORAY FOR CAPITOLS!"
"Calm down, Amarth."
"Ahem! To answer your question Naurglahad!" continued Phantom, starting to get a bit impatient. "This is my gang of western outlaws." She pointed to three men that were sitting around behind her. Frankly, I never noticed that they were there five seconds ago. But then I remembered that sometimes, people tend to pop out of nowhere, OC or author... or Mary-Sue. (I sense that agitated twitch coming from your right eye. I know it's there.) "Stand up and introduce yourselves!"
The man Naurglahad had stolen his pistol from was currently re-tying his shoelace. He looked up for about three seconds. Then he grunted and went back to his boot. He shook his head at the younger outlaw next to him. Staring at Phantom, he also shook his head and sat down next to the older man. The third and final man on the left dusted his hands and waved.
"My name is Ted," he said politely. Everyone smiled and waved, but Naurglahad grinned evilly at him.
Pointing a slender finger at him, she hissed at him, "I senssse your sssoftenesss... weakling!" She cracked up and began laughing hysterically. A look of deep concern crossed Ted's face as I pounced on Naurglahad.
"Agh! She's delirious!" I cried. "And don't insult other OC's! Whether you're delirious or not, you're giving me a bad name!"
"Nah," she said suddenly in a dull tone. She smirked at me. My jaw dropped. "Just fooling. And you two," she snapped at the pair of men that remained mute. To the man who had tied his shoes instead of listening to Phantom, "You're Jack. And you," she said to the other, "you're Blue."
"How'd you know?" asked Blue, amazed that this psychotic female recognized him.
"That's what I'd like to know," muttered Jack, a hand brushing lightly against his pistol.
"Don't bother," Naurglahad warned at the sight of this. "And I know you because you were... last... Tuesday's traditional water balloon victims!" The expected look of accusation crossed both men's faces.
"Wait a minute!" said a new male voice.
There was another elf approaching us from behind, followed by a Mortal and another person whom I had accounted as Penelope, although her pen name was Princess of the Dark Abyss. The elf was Ember Whitefire, as I remembered Penelope explaining to me, and the Mortal was Wisdom Blade. They were both wandering travelers that had the tendency to fall into an adventure. I couldn't wave to Penelope or her OC's as I was still trying to restrain my OC with both hands. Ember continued to speak.
"Were you the one who set up the buckets of water on every door of FFNH on Halloween?" Ember inquired in a serious tone.
"Yeah," Naurglahad replied cheerfully, smiling at her own 'brilliance'. "The Thousand Pails of Wetness. I assume that you enjoyed one of my finer and more ingenious plots?"
"That was you?" I shrieked suddenly in realization. "You, my own creation? You were the one who set them up?"
"Yup."
"Do you have any idea how much destruction that caused?"
"Well... yeah."
"JOE'S FINGERS AND SHOES RUSTED, AND THE DESERT I WAS CARRYING IN TURNED FROM PUMPKIN ICECREAM TO PUMPKIN SLUDGE!!!"
"Hmm.... Maybe you should stick to italics."
I started screaming again. Then I remembered all of the OC's started coming up with replies and retorts, eventually pulling the Author's into the argument. Soon enough, Naurglahad had thrown a missed punch at someone. Of course, he or she had replied with a rivaling strike. Unfortunately, all the OC's just happened to be carrying weapons and... well... off it went! It all happened so fast. I couldn't hear anything except gun blasts and the clash of blades. But it all stopped when suddenly---
"I hear something!" announced Ember. Everyone stopped moving. It seemed odd looking because Naurglahad was standing with one foot in the air with a knife ready to fling at Ted, who was trying to escape under Wisdom, who was frozen in the position of pouncing on Jack. Jack was about to bump right into Elenmir, who was on the verge of strangling Blue, who had caught a hold of Ember's foot. Ember had caught Naurglahad's wrist.
I lay on my back, ignoring the remaining soldiers from the Paper Crane Wars pressed in their final flattening. We could all hear something in the distance. Phantom, Newmoon, Amarth, Kitty, Coffeegirl, Penelope, and myself remained still with the OCs. It was a voice, coming from the nearby trees. It was pure, melodious, perfect... ever so terribly hideous.
"It's a Mary-Sue!" whispered Newmoon. Phantom nodded. All of our eyes were turned into the darkness of the trees.
"Should we attack it?" asked Kitty.
"I... I don't think we should," said Penelope. "Judging by the voice and stats of introduction, this one looks like..."
"A really Mary-Sue-ish Mary-Sue," said Amarth. "I wasn't quite ready for this one to come now... Not as the first one."
"What's a Mary-Sue?" inquired Blue.
"It's a monster," said Naurglahad quickly, lowering her knife. Slowly, all of the OC's lowered their defenses and attacks, sliding into a standing position. "Its attacks and abilities are great... terrible... and powerful." Surprisingly, she didn't smile at the young outlaw's look of appall. "We cannot face this."
"Then... what should we do?" I asked finally.
Phantom took a deep breath...
"RUN!!!"
I'll see if I can get chapters to come on every Sunday.... ^_^ -Naheka
Author's Note:
I bet you all thought I died, didn't you? Sorry. Homework shall die.
Well, I'm going to have to refuse all requests for character inserts, as the story is pretty much booked up, and has enough characters to keep it running until the end of the story. NO MORE REQUESTS.
Tank-q.
-Naheka
THE FILE CABINET
Amazingly, I had not found myself in the Hospital Quarters as I had thought I would be when I recovered. I was still laying in the same spot that I had been knocked out in earlier. "Oh fritters," I thought reluctantly. I strongly desired the free moist chocolate brownies they gave out to all Hospital Quarter patients. Dark chocolate was my favorite. Why didn't I go in when Aldarion was smashed into me earlier?
Brushing off my state of unconsciousness, I rolled over on the grass and looked around for my Anti-MarySue companions. Judging by the bright blue sky, stroked with the occasional wispy white clouds, I had been unconscious for... five minutes. Not bad. Not really. I dusted more squashed paper cranes off of my back before turning around to face Elenmir's back. I nudged backwards and stood up, only to observe that everyone was crowded around something.
"Did you hear it?" asked Coffeegirl. She seemed to be in a state of shock, as were Newmoon and Kitty. But Phantom and Amarth looked rather suspicious, giving puzzled glares to the black cordless phone in Phantom's left hand. Elenmir looked rather curious, and so was NahekaOC.
"What did the telephone say?" I blurted out immediately.
"It replays a message every thirty seconds," said Amarth. Phantom nodded and handed me the phone. I put it up to my ear. "Listen."
I waited, pressing the speaker of the phone into my ear as tight as I could, accidentally occasionally pushing a few buttons. Then the message came. "Suilad, all Anti-MarySue'rs." The voice was a rotting whisper, a ghostlike hoarse voice that seemed even more chilling than a Wraith's voice. "We know what you want. We know what you need. You must find us. You can help us. We can help you." It slightly annoyed me that this person simply did not know how to use a comma, and the word 'and'. But the choppy effect was frightening enough. "But you must find us first." I know that already... "Our first clue is to look where fire becomes ice. And ice becomes fire." Then, the dead dial tone came. I sighed, releasing the pressure of the phone off of my ear, but the speaker was still close to my ear. And then the phone screamed in my ear! A blood curdling shriek that somewhat re-awoke the most terrifying and horrible memories that existed in the very depths of my own past and mind. I screamed. I got scared, thrusting the phone back onto the grass, still crying out like a frightened child. But at that moment, I was a frightened child.
"Goodness, that really scared you, didn't it?" said Kitty, a look of concern coming across her face as a single tear streamed down my cheek.
"Yes! I'm scared!" I hollered in reply. "Not once have I ever been able to stand a sudden scream directly in my face! The e-mails! The stupid prank e-mails! The screams! The pictures! The evil pictures! The screaming! The screaming! Aieee!" After that, I went off into this confessional, tormented, mindless babble of how I feared of sudden shrieks. Everyone watched me in pity and exasperation.
And then---
Bang!
The sudden gunshot in the air got me hysterical again, and I found myself taking refuge in my own gray, pullover jacket, my head shrinking in like a turtle into its shell. When I had peeked over the rim of the neckline, I saw NahekaOC holding the phone with an accusing look on her face as she pointed to a man who looked in about his thirties.
"What d'ja do that for?" she screamed, waving her arms in the air.
"It was just laying there," replied the man with a relaxed sort of grin.
"You don't shoot things just because they're still!" she retorted. Grabbing things with the greatest of ease was a skill NahekaOC had learned as an assassin and thief. This was proved true when she snagged the man's pistol, and gave it a few fancy twirls through her slender finger before pulling the trigger at a bird in a nearby tree. It was the mockingbird that I had seen at lunch earlier. As soon as its limp form had hit the earth, she shot it a second time. Poor mockingbird. I wanted to cry again.
"You have to make sure the thing's dead first," she explained, neatly handing the smoking pistol back to the man. He blinked, looked down at the gun in his hand, and shrugged, slipping it back into its holder at his waist. "And by the way," NahekaOC added. "Who the hell are you?"
"OC!" I snapped, almost instantly coming out of my horrified, jumpy mode. "Don't talk like that to other OCs! It's rude!"
"Hey, I have a name! Stop calling me a stupid acronym!"
For some reason, I had this sort of sense that our argument was suddenly cluttering, sort of like bunching a conversation into one, big, long paragraph. "Oh? Then what is it?" "Naheka." "No! That's my name!" "You lie. It's mine!" "Mine! My pen name!" "Your name is not Naheka! It's Catherine!" "Silence!" I yanked NahekaOC by the collar and started shaking her madly. "I will not tolerate my Catholic name uttered among these people! This is the Internet, you fool!" "What? Now you have prejudice against your own religion? You are mad!" "Of course I'm mad! And I don't have prejudice against my Faith! I just don't want the plot to lead to Catholic matters!" "Plot? What plot?" "This story is against my norms!"
"Ya' know," said Coffeegirl, tilting her head. "It's rather difficult to read your conversation if it's bunched up into one, big, long paragraph..."
Both I and NahekaOC snorted, "Huh?"
Coffeegirl handed us a white piece of parchment with a typed paragraph in 12 font, Times New Roman. The text in the paragraph, oddly, described and listed the exact argument we just had. Like the feeling I had before, and true to Coffeegirl's words, the conversation was bunched up into a single, thick paragraph.
"And maybe you should lay off the italics," commented Amarth. "There's a lot of 'em drifting around... No. Scratch that. Skip the italics and GO INTO ALL CAPITOLS! YES!!!"
"Well, both formats should work," interrupted Phantom as Newmoon put a hand on Amarth's shoulder in attempt to prevent her from going insane. "And to answer your question... er..."
"Her real name is Naurglahad!" I seethed through gritted teeth. NahekaOC, or Naurglahad, smacked my forehead. "Ouch! I mean--- OUCH!!!"
"HOORAY FOR CAPITOLS!"
"Calm down, Amarth."
"Ahem! To answer your question Naurglahad!" continued Phantom, starting to get a bit impatient. "This is my gang of western outlaws." She pointed to three men that were sitting around behind her. Frankly, I never noticed that they were there five seconds ago. But then I remembered that sometimes, people tend to pop out of nowhere, OC or author... or Mary-Sue. (I sense that agitated twitch coming from your right eye. I know it's there.) "Stand up and introduce yourselves!"
The man Naurglahad had stolen his pistol from was currently re-tying his shoelace. He looked up for about three seconds. Then he grunted and went back to his boot. He shook his head at the younger outlaw next to him. Staring at Phantom, he also shook his head and sat down next to the older man. The third and final man on the left dusted his hands and waved.
"My name is Ted," he said politely. Everyone smiled and waved, but Naurglahad grinned evilly at him.
Pointing a slender finger at him, she hissed at him, "I senssse your sssoftenesss... weakling!" She cracked up and began laughing hysterically. A look of deep concern crossed Ted's face as I pounced on Naurglahad.
"Agh! She's delirious!" I cried. "And don't insult other OC's! Whether you're delirious or not, you're giving me a bad name!"
"Nah," she said suddenly in a dull tone. She smirked at me. My jaw dropped. "Just fooling. And you two," she snapped at the pair of men that remained mute. To the man who had tied his shoes instead of listening to Phantom, "You're Jack. And you," she said to the other, "you're Blue."
"How'd you know?" asked Blue, amazed that this psychotic female recognized him.
"That's what I'd like to know," muttered Jack, a hand brushing lightly against his pistol.
"Don't bother," Naurglahad warned at the sight of this. "And I know you because you were... last... Tuesday's traditional water balloon victims!" The expected look of accusation crossed both men's faces.
"Wait a minute!" said a new male voice.
There was another elf approaching us from behind, followed by a Mortal and another person whom I had accounted as Penelope, although her pen name was Princess of the Dark Abyss. The elf was Ember Whitefire, as I remembered Penelope explaining to me, and the Mortal was Wisdom Blade. They were both wandering travelers that had the tendency to fall into an adventure. I couldn't wave to Penelope or her OC's as I was still trying to restrain my OC with both hands. Ember continued to speak.
"Were you the one who set up the buckets of water on every door of FFNH on Halloween?" Ember inquired in a serious tone.
"Yeah," Naurglahad replied cheerfully, smiling at her own 'brilliance'. "The Thousand Pails of Wetness. I assume that you enjoyed one of my finer and more ingenious plots?"
"That was you?" I shrieked suddenly in realization. "You, my own creation? You were the one who set them up?"
"Yup."
"Do you have any idea how much destruction that caused?"
"Well... yeah."
"JOE'S FINGERS AND SHOES RUSTED, AND THE DESERT I WAS CARRYING IN TURNED FROM PUMPKIN ICECREAM TO PUMPKIN SLUDGE!!!"
"Hmm.... Maybe you should stick to italics."
I started screaming again. Then I remembered all of the OC's started coming up with replies and retorts, eventually pulling the Author's into the argument. Soon enough, Naurglahad had thrown a missed punch at someone. Of course, he or she had replied with a rivaling strike. Unfortunately, all the OC's just happened to be carrying weapons and... well... off it went! It all happened so fast. I couldn't hear anything except gun blasts and the clash of blades. But it all stopped when suddenly---
"I hear something!" announced Ember. Everyone stopped moving. It seemed odd looking because Naurglahad was standing with one foot in the air with a knife ready to fling at Ted, who was trying to escape under Wisdom, who was frozen in the position of pouncing on Jack. Jack was about to bump right into Elenmir, who was on the verge of strangling Blue, who had caught a hold of Ember's foot. Ember had caught Naurglahad's wrist.
I lay on my back, ignoring the remaining soldiers from the Paper Crane Wars pressed in their final flattening. We could all hear something in the distance. Phantom, Newmoon, Amarth, Kitty, Coffeegirl, Penelope, and myself remained still with the OCs. It was a voice, coming from the nearby trees. It was pure, melodious, perfect... ever so terribly hideous.
"It's a Mary-Sue!" whispered Newmoon. Phantom nodded. All of our eyes were turned into the darkness of the trees.
"Should we attack it?" asked Kitty.
"I... I don't think we should," said Penelope. "Judging by the voice and stats of introduction, this one looks like..."
"A really Mary-Sue-ish Mary-Sue," said Amarth. "I wasn't quite ready for this one to come now... Not as the first one."
"What's a Mary-Sue?" inquired Blue.
"It's a monster," said Naurglahad quickly, lowering her knife. Slowly, all of the OC's lowered their defenses and attacks, sliding into a standing position. "Its attacks and abilities are great... terrible... and powerful." Surprisingly, she didn't smile at the young outlaw's look of appall. "We cannot face this."
"Then... what should we do?" I asked finally.
Phantom took a deep breath...
"RUN!!!"
I'll see if I can get chapters to come on every Sunday.... ^_^ -Naheka