Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs
to J.R.R. Tolkien. I do not own the idea of 'exploding into many clones',
or the Emancipation Proclamation. The clone idea belongs to Lily C., and
Abraham Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. All authors and OC's
used by request with permission.
Author's Note:
Well, I suppose it's time to respond to reviews! I... don't think I directly asked for reviews... but... er... I kinda' got a lot of 'em! I'm near ninety on me tenth chapter! Goodness! I'm... honored. I am honored. Honored to be the one responsible for a piece of fanfiction that has recieved such excellent feedback! Not a single flame! It's... magnificent! Really.... Well, my policy is still the same; don't care for the quantity, just the quality.
Thank you everyone. Thank you.
Cheers, thanks, and... what's this? Oh! A bowl of Joe's chocolate gateau (bread pudding. It's quite good),
Naheka
And... to Frodofan... who did not leave his/her e-mail address:
I understand your complaints and the purpose of your inquiry. However, if you would kindly read the note in the fine, yet noticeable print at the bottom of every single page on my Legolas Torture Site (http://naheka.tripod.com/legolasviolentdeath) you will note that my policy is not to bring any offense or totrue or torment etc., to JRR Tolkien's original Legolas Greenleaf. Please see the very first restriction rule on the Restrictions page. I stress that ALL visitors to my site please view those paragraphs before moving onto others.
And I like my black and red. I appreciate your kind and honest suggestion, but that is the theme of the site. Why? BECAUSE RED AND BLACK ROCKS! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Thank you and have a nice day,
Naheka
TALLY-HO! YEE-HAW! ON WITH THE FIC!
THE FILE CABINET
"What's this plan you've got here, Joe?" inquired Phantom with interest, following closely behind the Wraith as he strode across a field of smoke and ash.
"You'll see," he replied coolly, turning east into Shadow, towards a labyrinth of rocks and volcanic earth.
Instead of taking us out of the Mordorian-like landscape and back into FFNH's common, he led us deeper into the Darkness, surpassing the boundaries probably none of us had crossed. Through a corridor of ash, and down a valley of sulfur-smelling rocks, we clambered up a steeping rock hill, and peaked over the edge. No one could resist gasping in awe.
There was a vast plain of rocks sweeping down into a horizon that seemed to end like death at the border of distant mountains, whose peaks curled like gnarled fingers with chipped nails. It was difficult to see the exact shape of the black mountains, for the sky too was tainted black with smoke and defeated flames. Although, there was a red, red sun glaring at us through the clouds of wickedness. A ring of blood-red dripped from the disc of the sun, but drops failed to fall and splatter onto the land that had died there probably so many years ago.
"This place..." muttered Amarth, nudging into Penelope as we all huddled together in an uncomfortable tension, "gives me the creeps."
"Well," sighed Kitty, trying to be positive, "at least no Mary-Sue would dare to cross here."
"No one," I corrected, "would dare to cross this place."
"Frodo and Sam did," said Phantom. "And those two were starving on lembas and everything."
"Then I wish Frodo and Sam were here."
"We still have a journey to go," announced Joe, tapping his metal-covered foot on the earth. "This is only the main entrance of the Mordor/Emyn Muil lands. If anyone wants to turn back now, you may go."
No one moved.
"Then we're off!"
~*~
It had been so many years since I've held her close to me again. It had been so many years since I've felt that strange presence in my chest. It beats like my mind when I am thinking too quickly. When I lose myself in thoughts and feelings. That was what it was like now, when I cannot sense my actions... yet I feel every fiber in my skin, my hands, caress her delicate, smooth cheek like I had those thousand years ago. It feels so wonderful to remember them again.
I looked up across the silky sea of green grass towards my daughter. She was fair, enchanting, graceful, beautiful... like her mother, whose head now rests in my lap, eyes closed in a peaceful daydream. It is all so perfect now, all so tranquil...
But then I remembered that I despise tranquil perfection... especially when it is peaceful.
"What am I doing?!"
Narcisuss' eyes snapped open and narrowed as she slapped a hand over my mouth and tugged me behind a silver tree with bright gold leaves. With one arm, she kept my mouth shut, while the other arm was around my neck. That damn woman had me in a headlock! How dare she attempted to demote me! She pressed me against the soft bark, she removed her arm around my neck, but instead held me against the tree by my collar. Finally, she removed her hand from my mouth.
"Hush," she snapped quietly. "Don't speak, don't nag, don't fuss. You almost became full prey to the Sue's back there! And you call yourself an almighty dragon-lord! Your people are in shame."
I returned her comment by cursing her with the foulest words ever played on my own tongue. I wasn't quite sure how I had actually come up with those words myself... all in one sentence.
"Well, you've made an excellent recovery," the woman said, a slight glint of worry and fear in her eyes. "Good for you." She tapped me on the nose. My left eye twitched. "Enough of that. We've got to get out of here."
"Like I haven't noticed," I replied acidly.
"Sarcasm. Simply cannot get enough of it, eh?"
"Never."
"Shut up. I was being sarcastic."
"I noticed."
My eluded intentions to get her as frustrated as possible worked efficiently. "...Wonderful! Beautiful! Excellent! Great! Terribly splendid of you!"
"Hey." I slapped my own hand over her mouth. "Don't speak, don't nag, don't fuss! We've got to get out of here!"
"Argh!"
She let me drop to the earth, turning red with anger. I was also turning red, but from hysterical laughter. I love making people upset. That is my neglected inner child. My stomach hurt as I clutched it, rolling against her feet as I could not control my actions in my happiness.
"Hey!" cried a clear anonymous voice out of nowhere. "They aren't romancin' anymore!"
"That is not right!" shouted another.
"...uh-oh..."
Amazingly, the woman kept up with me as I sprinted off in a random direction to escape the stirring Mary-Sue's. In fact, she was almost surpassing me. She defied me again. Curse her.
"Hurry up!" she called over her shoulder. "Can't you run any faster?"
"I can fly much faster, if that is the proper answer to your inquiry," I replied flatly.
"Then get us out of here!"
"'Then get us out of here!' Nag! Nag! Nag! This that blah blah, me, me, me. Is that all you're about?"
"No, but for now it is!"
She suddenly halted and jumped on top of me. I could feel that itching desire to scream bloody murder again. I sincerely wish she would stop pouncing on me like that. According to my chiropractor, it is actually very terrible for my spine. But the issues concerning my physical health were abruptly pushed aside as a delicate silver arrow came flying out of the sky and caught Narcisuss' tunic. The next one cut off a strand of my own hair.
"Fine then! I'll move!"
I never give rides to any human or to any being, but apparently she wouldn't let go of my tail as I transformed into a dragon and took off as fast as I could. I was semi hoping that she would fall off and die on the earth, but knowing the dreaded evils of the Mary-Sue's... I figured that no one deserved such torture.
"Faster! Faster! Faster!"
My sharper eyes caught blackened land far into the east. I could smell it clearly. Perhaps that would be a satisfactory sanctuary for myself and the dratted female that kept shouting in my ear.
~*~
"Okay," I cleared my throat and crossed my legs, careful not to let my jeans tread on the rock I was sitting on. "My idea is to wear tinfoil on our heads, and walk around while reciting the Emancipation Proclamation, backwards, holding a bucket of oysters spiced with Cajun barbecue sauce! The Mary-Sue's will be so confused, that they shall explode!"
"Well, you got the confused part right," muttered Phantom.
"Oh, but there's a downside to that!" I exclaimed suddenly. "Suppose the Sue's explode into many clones! Then there'll be even more---Hey! How about we explode into many clones, and overpower the Mary-Sue population!"
"Er..."
"Yes! We shall be called The Immensely Invincible Multitude of Anti-Mary-Sue Clone Army!"
"That title doesn't quite make any sense---"
"Hurry! We must explode! Swiftly!"
"Naheka," Amarth put a hand on my shoulder. "What exactly are we going to do when the Sue's have been defeated, and we have a million Naheka-clones wandering about?"
"...You could sell them?"
Hoshiko, a newly added member to our rag-tag team of Mary-Sue haters shook her head. "Suppose we accidentally sell the original clone? I mean, you?"
"...Then I'm doomed."
Sammy Took, also a fresh addition, inserted a comment. "Well, what is one thing that Mary-Sue's cannot stand?"
"A broken nail!" suggested Coffeegirl.
"Something similar to that..."
"What is something Mary-Sue won't expect?" asked Penelope.
"Defeat," grunted Morikallo.
"Great," sighed Ari. "Ever since Onikunshu left, you've been twice as grouchy."
"The empty presence of grouchiness disturbs me," he replied darkly.
"Disturbed?" I inquired. "I'm disturbed!" I hugged my shins to my chest. "Do you hear the voices? They haunt me..." I started rocking back and forth maniacally. "They haunt me so..... Listen! They sing now! They sing! Bwahahahaha!"
"The lack of her own OC's has driven her mad," sighed another new recruit, Jiana.
Boom!
"Hark!" I cried. "The voices tell me something has happened!"
"Something definitely has happened!" remarked Newmoon. "Europa and Vana and the other OC's are out there!"
We all got up and headed out of the semi-secluded arena of rocks Joe had led us to. He told us to council one another and begin plotting as he left to go round up more reinforcements. The exit was a narrow crevice, so we each had to sneak out one by one.
"Europa!" called Jiana through a sudden dark mist that had passed by. "Vana! Are you all right? Hello?!"
"We're fine, Jiana," coughed Vana. She staggered out of a corridor of rock, around an angular corner. Europa followed closely behind her, occasionally looking back over her shoulder. "And everyone else is fine. The OC's can't die, remember?"
"Of course."
"What was that?" asked Hoshiko, peering through the mist.
"Something huge fell from the sky and crashed..." explained Europa. "Unfortunately, I think it smashed the Muses and the OC's."
"It better not be anything associated with Mary-Sue," grunted Phantom, tracing her steps into the direction which Europa came from. She looked around the corner. She gasped. "Naheka... It's Narcisuss! And Onikunshu!."
"Meeee!" I squeaked, bounding around the corner after Phantom, half stumbling over my feet. I forgot to apologize as I also almost pushed her over.
Narcisuss was holding onto Onikunshu as usual, gibbering senseless and useless words. She looked like she could not be any happier to be alive, as he... well, at first I thought Onikunshu had died. His garments were covered in soot, dirt and ash, as he was laying flat face down on the earth. He appeared to be motionless.
"Holy Eru!" I screamed, grabbing Narcisuss by the collar and shaking her furiously. "You killed him! What did you do? What did the Mary-Sue's do to him! Tell meee!"
"I don't know!" she shouted in retort. "We're both just lucky we made it out at all! It's just that... I think he got electrocuted by a random flying spaceship driven by aliens that were tossing... something burning out of their window."
Onikunshu stirred.
"He's alive!"
Narcisuss stepped aside, allowing him some room to get up without whacking anyone in the face if he reacted to violently once realizing that he was filthy and beat-up. Onikunshu grumbled. He warily rose to his knees, but sat down quickly again. He looked up at the sky as if he had never seen it before. His eyes trailed from the bleeding sun, to the craggy mountains, to the earth. Then, far off at the other Author's, at me, and at Narcisuss. Looking carefully down her figure, his eyes finally rested at her hips.
"What?" she snapped, crossing her arms self-consciously. "What is it?"
Onikunshu pointed at her waist. "Toast."
In a flash, he slipped his hand into her left pocket, and retrieved a small, rounded slice of bread. It was nearly burnt completely black. He blinked at it for a few seconds before putting half of it in his mouth, the other half sticking out. The toast slightly drooped. He crossed his legs and put his hands on his ankles, gazing curiously up at Narcisuss' face.
"I have toast!" he exclaimed in a joyful, yet muffled tone. "And it's buttered!"
Narcisuss' eyes suddenly went out of focus as she fainted beside Onikunshu. He looked down at her with the same curious look before nodding his head and blinking happily. "I like toast," he said to himself. A snicker came out in a light burst from my lips. I smirked. Then, I started laughing... maniacally. Sitting down on the spot, I started rocking back and forth again.
Phantom frowned slightly. Turning to Amarth, she inquired, "Do you think Mary-Sue's are against insanity?"
Okay... I apologize, but it is going to be literaturely (that ain't a real word) impossible to fit another character as a direct role in this story, as there are still more OC intros I gotta' do in the next chapter. I will have to close off the offer. Sorry.
And... I won't be able to update any of my sites for an unknown amount of time because Tripod is screwing up on me... :(
Author's Note:
Well, I suppose it's time to respond to reviews! I... don't think I directly asked for reviews... but... er... I kinda' got a lot of 'em! I'm near ninety on me tenth chapter! Goodness! I'm... honored. I am honored. Honored to be the one responsible for a piece of fanfiction that has recieved such excellent feedback! Not a single flame! It's... magnificent! Really.... Well, my policy is still the same; don't care for the quantity, just the quality.
Thank you everyone. Thank you.
Cheers, thanks, and... what's this? Oh! A bowl of Joe's chocolate gateau (bread pudding. It's quite good),
Naheka
And... to Frodofan... who did not leave his/her e-mail address:
I understand your complaints and the purpose of your inquiry. However, if you would kindly read the note in the fine, yet noticeable print at the bottom of every single page on my Legolas Torture Site (http://naheka.tripod.com/legolasviolentdeath) you will note that my policy is not to bring any offense or totrue or torment etc., to JRR Tolkien's original Legolas Greenleaf. Please see the very first restriction rule on the Restrictions page. I stress that ALL visitors to my site please view those paragraphs before moving onto others.
And I like my black and red. I appreciate your kind and honest suggestion, but that is the theme of the site. Why? BECAUSE RED AND BLACK ROCKS! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Thank you and have a nice day,
Naheka
TALLY-HO! YEE-HAW! ON WITH THE FIC!
THE FILE CABINET
"What's this plan you've got here, Joe?" inquired Phantom with interest, following closely behind the Wraith as he strode across a field of smoke and ash.
"You'll see," he replied coolly, turning east into Shadow, towards a labyrinth of rocks and volcanic earth.
Instead of taking us out of the Mordorian-like landscape and back into FFNH's common, he led us deeper into the Darkness, surpassing the boundaries probably none of us had crossed. Through a corridor of ash, and down a valley of sulfur-smelling rocks, we clambered up a steeping rock hill, and peaked over the edge. No one could resist gasping in awe.
There was a vast plain of rocks sweeping down into a horizon that seemed to end like death at the border of distant mountains, whose peaks curled like gnarled fingers with chipped nails. It was difficult to see the exact shape of the black mountains, for the sky too was tainted black with smoke and defeated flames. Although, there was a red, red sun glaring at us through the clouds of wickedness. A ring of blood-red dripped from the disc of the sun, but drops failed to fall and splatter onto the land that had died there probably so many years ago.
"This place..." muttered Amarth, nudging into Penelope as we all huddled together in an uncomfortable tension, "gives me the creeps."
"Well," sighed Kitty, trying to be positive, "at least no Mary-Sue would dare to cross here."
"No one," I corrected, "would dare to cross this place."
"Frodo and Sam did," said Phantom. "And those two were starving on lembas and everything."
"Then I wish Frodo and Sam were here."
"We still have a journey to go," announced Joe, tapping his metal-covered foot on the earth. "This is only the main entrance of the Mordor/Emyn Muil lands. If anyone wants to turn back now, you may go."
No one moved.
"Then we're off!"
~*~
It had been so many years since I've held her close to me again. It had been so many years since I've felt that strange presence in my chest. It beats like my mind when I am thinking too quickly. When I lose myself in thoughts and feelings. That was what it was like now, when I cannot sense my actions... yet I feel every fiber in my skin, my hands, caress her delicate, smooth cheek like I had those thousand years ago. It feels so wonderful to remember them again.
I looked up across the silky sea of green grass towards my daughter. She was fair, enchanting, graceful, beautiful... like her mother, whose head now rests in my lap, eyes closed in a peaceful daydream. It is all so perfect now, all so tranquil...
But then I remembered that I despise tranquil perfection... especially when it is peaceful.
"What am I doing?!"
Narcisuss' eyes snapped open and narrowed as she slapped a hand over my mouth and tugged me behind a silver tree with bright gold leaves. With one arm, she kept my mouth shut, while the other arm was around my neck. That damn woman had me in a headlock! How dare she attempted to demote me! She pressed me against the soft bark, she removed her arm around my neck, but instead held me against the tree by my collar. Finally, she removed her hand from my mouth.
"Hush," she snapped quietly. "Don't speak, don't nag, don't fuss. You almost became full prey to the Sue's back there! And you call yourself an almighty dragon-lord! Your people are in shame."
I returned her comment by cursing her with the foulest words ever played on my own tongue. I wasn't quite sure how I had actually come up with those words myself... all in one sentence.
"Well, you've made an excellent recovery," the woman said, a slight glint of worry and fear in her eyes. "Good for you." She tapped me on the nose. My left eye twitched. "Enough of that. We've got to get out of here."
"Like I haven't noticed," I replied acidly.
"Sarcasm. Simply cannot get enough of it, eh?"
"Never."
"Shut up. I was being sarcastic."
"I noticed."
My eluded intentions to get her as frustrated as possible worked efficiently. "...Wonderful! Beautiful! Excellent! Great! Terribly splendid of you!"
"Hey." I slapped my own hand over her mouth. "Don't speak, don't nag, don't fuss! We've got to get out of here!"
"Argh!"
She let me drop to the earth, turning red with anger. I was also turning red, but from hysterical laughter. I love making people upset. That is my neglected inner child. My stomach hurt as I clutched it, rolling against her feet as I could not control my actions in my happiness.
"Hey!" cried a clear anonymous voice out of nowhere. "They aren't romancin' anymore!"
"That is not right!" shouted another.
"...uh-oh..."
Amazingly, the woman kept up with me as I sprinted off in a random direction to escape the stirring Mary-Sue's. In fact, she was almost surpassing me. She defied me again. Curse her.
"Hurry up!" she called over her shoulder. "Can't you run any faster?"
"I can fly much faster, if that is the proper answer to your inquiry," I replied flatly.
"Then get us out of here!"
"'Then get us out of here!' Nag! Nag! Nag! This that blah blah, me, me, me. Is that all you're about?"
"No, but for now it is!"
She suddenly halted and jumped on top of me. I could feel that itching desire to scream bloody murder again. I sincerely wish she would stop pouncing on me like that. According to my chiropractor, it is actually very terrible for my spine. But the issues concerning my physical health were abruptly pushed aside as a delicate silver arrow came flying out of the sky and caught Narcisuss' tunic. The next one cut off a strand of my own hair.
"Fine then! I'll move!"
I never give rides to any human or to any being, but apparently she wouldn't let go of my tail as I transformed into a dragon and took off as fast as I could. I was semi hoping that she would fall off and die on the earth, but knowing the dreaded evils of the Mary-Sue's... I figured that no one deserved such torture.
"Faster! Faster! Faster!"
My sharper eyes caught blackened land far into the east. I could smell it clearly. Perhaps that would be a satisfactory sanctuary for myself and the dratted female that kept shouting in my ear.
~*~
"Okay," I cleared my throat and crossed my legs, careful not to let my jeans tread on the rock I was sitting on. "My idea is to wear tinfoil on our heads, and walk around while reciting the Emancipation Proclamation, backwards, holding a bucket of oysters spiced with Cajun barbecue sauce! The Mary-Sue's will be so confused, that they shall explode!"
"Well, you got the confused part right," muttered Phantom.
"Oh, but there's a downside to that!" I exclaimed suddenly. "Suppose the Sue's explode into many clones! Then there'll be even more---Hey! How about we explode into many clones, and overpower the Mary-Sue population!"
"Er..."
"Yes! We shall be called The Immensely Invincible Multitude of Anti-Mary-Sue Clone Army!"
"That title doesn't quite make any sense---"
"Hurry! We must explode! Swiftly!"
"Naheka," Amarth put a hand on my shoulder. "What exactly are we going to do when the Sue's have been defeated, and we have a million Naheka-clones wandering about?"
"...You could sell them?"
Hoshiko, a newly added member to our rag-tag team of Mary-Sue haters shook her head. "Suppose we accidentally sell the original clone? I mean, you?"
"...Then I'm doomed."
Sammy Took, also a fresh addition, inserted a comment. "Well, what is one thing that Mary-Sue's cannot stand?"
"A broken nail!" suggested Coffeegirl.
"Something similar to that..."
"What is something Mary-Sue won't expect?" asked Penelope.
"Defeat," grunted Morikallo.
"Great," sighed Ari. "Ever since Onikunshu left, you've been twice as grouchy."
"The empty presence of grouchiness disturbs me," he replied darkly.
"Disturbed?" I inquired. "I'm disturbed!" I hugged my shins to my chest. "Do you hear the voices? They haunt me..." I started rocking back and forth maniacally. "They haunt me so..... Listen! They sing now! They sing! Bwahahahaha!"
"The lack of her own OC's has driven her mad," sighed another new recruit, Jiana.
Boom!
"Hark!" I cried. "The voices tell me something has happened!"
"Something definitely has happened!" remarked Newmoon. "Europa and Vana and the other OC's are out there!"
We all got up and headed out of the semi-secluded arena of rocks Joe had led us to. He told us to council one another and begin plotting as he left to go round up more reinforcements. The exit was a narrow crevice, so we each had to sneak out one by one.
"Europa!" called Jiana through a sudden dark mist that had passed by. "Vana! Are you all right? Hello?!"
"We're fine, Jiana," coughed Vana. She staggered out of a corridor of rock, around an angular corner. Europa followed closely behind her, occasionally looking back over her shoulder. "And everyone else is fine. The OC's can't die, remember?"
"Of course."
"What was that?" asked Hoshiko, peering through the mist.
"Something huge fell from the sky and crashed..." explained Europa. "Unfortunately, I think it smashed the Muses and the OC's."
"It better not be anything associated with Mary-Sue," grunted Phantom, tracing her steps into the direction which Europa came from. She looked around the corner. She gasped. "Naheka... It's Narcisuss! And Onikunshu!."
"Meeee!" I squeaked, bounding around the corner after Phantom, half stumbling over my feet. I forgot to apologize as I also almost pushed her over.
Narcisuss was holding onto Onikunshu as usual, gibbering senseless and useless words. She looked like she could not be any happier to be alive, as he... well, at first I thought Onikunshu had died. His garments were covered in soot, dirt and ash, as he was laying flat face down on the earth. He appeared to be motionless.
"Holy Eru!" I screamed, grabbing Narcisuss by the collar and shaking her furiously. "You killed him! What did you do? What did the Mary-Sue's do to him! Tell meee!"
"I don't know!" she shouted in retort. "We're both just lucky we made it out at all! It's just that... I think he got electrocuted by a random flying spaceship driven by aliens that were tossing... something burning out of their window."
Onikunshu stirred.
"He's alive!"
Narcisuss stepped aside, allowing him some room to get up without whacking anyone in the face if he reacted to violently once realizing that he was filthy and beat-up. Onikunshu grumbled. He warily rose to his knees, but sat down quickly again. He looked up at the sky as if he had never seen it before. His eyes trailed from the bleeding sun, to the craggy mountains, to the earth. Then, far off at the other Author's, at me, and at Narcisuss. Looking carefully down her figure, his eyes finally rested at her hips.
"What?" she snapped, crossing her arms self-consciously. "What is it?"
Onikunshu pointed at her waist. "Toast."
In a flash, he slipped his hand into her left pocket, and retrieved a small, rounded slice of bread. It was nearly burnt completely black. He blinked at it for a few seconds before putting half of it in his mouth, the other half sticking out. The toast slightly drooped. He crossed his legs and put his hands on his ankles, gazing curiously up at Narcisuss' face.
"I have toast!" he exclaimed in a joyful, yet muffled tone. "And it's buttered!"
Narcisuss' eyes suddenly went out of focus as she fainted beside Onikunshu. He looked down at her with the same curious look before nodding his head and blinking happily. "I like toast," he said to himself. A snicker came out in a light burst from my lips. I smirked. Then, I started laughing... maniacally. Sitting down on the spot, I started rocking back and forth again.
Phantom frowned slightly. Turning to Amarth, she inquired, "Do you think Mary-Sue's are against insanity?"
Okay... I apologize, but it is going to be literaturely (that ain't a real word) impossible to fit another character as a direct role in this story, as there are still more OC intros I gotta' do in the next chapter. I will have to close off the offer. Sorry.
And... I won't be able to update any of my sites for an unknown amount of time because Tripod is screwing up on me... :(