I'm Sorry-2
IceAngelDarkMoon
~~~~~~~~~~So sorry it took me so long to update but I've been really busy and I had to update some other stories first. Please tell me what you think of this!~~~~~~~~~~
*******This story does contain shonen-ai or slash or whatever you want to call it. I don't own CCS either. The poem is mine though and you may not take it!*********
Toya was glad that he was an early riser the next morning. He woke to find Yuki snuggled very comfortably in his arms. Toya found that he had his arms around Yuki's waist holding him close and protective. And to his shock Yuki had snuggled very close to Toya and had an arm around Toya as well, and his head we nestled into Toya's shoulder. His soft breath tickle Toya's neck, but defiantly didn't mind. Toya could do nothing for a while but look on at his sleeping angel. Yuki's face was peaceful and looked like an angel with a little grin on his face. His silver hair was sleep tousled and made him look years younger and vulnerable.
Toya sighed as he slowly untangled himself from the one he loved. He knew the best way to wake Yuki up was to cook him breakfast, besides he needed some time to think. Toya took one last look at his sleeping angel, and felt the urge to kiss Yuki's brow, but he made himself stop, saying he would not take advantage of Yuki while he slept. But he did whisper as he left "You have no idea how much I love you…" Yuki frowned in his sleep as Toya left his side, but he didn't wake up. Toya shuffled slowly to the kitchen area of the cabin and went to the refrigerator to take out the food for breakfast. He soon became completely absorbed in cooking the breakfast and thinking of how he could let Yuki know how much he loved him.
Yuki woke as he felt the warmth next to him suddenly disappear. And just as he was on the verge of waking up he could have sworn he felt Toya lean close and almost kiss him and then back up while he whispered, "You have no idea how much I love you…" But Yuki decided it must just have been his imagination over reacting, again. He was about to just turn over and go back to sleep when caught a whiff of the breakfast Toya was cooking, this made his stomach growl and he could not go back to sleep. He stood slowly and stretched lazily until he was standing on his tiptoes with is arms stretched above him. He found his glasses and then slipped quietly out of the bedroom he and Toya shared.
Yuki could see Toya working in the kitchen and he watched the one person who meant the world to him work quietly. Toya was totally focused on his cooking; he gave his all to everything he did. Yuki loved that about him, he did everything for real or it wasn't worth it in the first place. Toya looked extra adorable in the morning, he had on pajama pants and an old t-shirt on that made him look really huggable! And then his sleep rumpled hair was really adorable. Yuki quietly walked into the kitchen until he was right behind Toya, then he waiter for Toya to put down his cooking utensils and frying pan, and then he reached up and put his hands over Toya's eyes (he waited to for Toya to put the stuff down so when/if Toya was surprised neither of them would get hurt in the process, I know from experience that it is not a fun experience!) Toya couldn't hide the fact that he had been so focused on cooking and lost in thought that he hadn't noticed Yuki sneaking up on him, he about had a heart attack.
"Guess who?" Yuki whispered a few inches from Toya's ear. Toya could hardly suppress the shudder Yuki's warm breath on his ear gave him, and the husky air the morning gave Yuki's voice. Toya decided to play along to humor his friend.
"Gee I don't know could it be some sleeping snow bunny that is always hungry, and the only reason it's up is because it smells food?" Toya teased his love. Yuki still had his hands over Toya's eyes, but because of their heath difference Yuki was pressed up against Toya's back and up on his toes. Their closeness was getting to both of them and Yuki knew he couldn't stay like that much longer (^_~) Yuki grudgingly lowered his hands and stepped back while he smacked Toya good naturedly.
"How did you know it was me? And before you say it no the food was not the only reason I am up!" Yuki teased Toya right back and after he had finished speaking he stuck his tongue out at his best friend.
"I don't know maybe it's the fact that you're the only other person here in this cabin!" Toya teased as he went back to his cooking, he couldn't let the breakfast for his love burn now could he?
They ate the breakfast like they had spent so many other mealy together. Yuki babbled on about something neither of them really listened to and Toya nodded and occasionally laughed or asked a question. And while they were doing that they each snuck glances at the other and if they ever happened to catch the other's eye they both quickly turned away and blushed. It would have been a very interesting thing for anyone else to watch but it was like torture to the two of them. Neither could work out the right words or way to tell the other what they felt. Both felt sure they stood no chance with the other and that this façade was killing them both!
After they had finished their breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen it was almost 10 in the morning. They decided that they would do just as they had done every other time they had been there and go swimming first and then go on a hike later on in the afternoon. They went to their shared room to get into their swimsuits. It had been an easy thing when they were younger they would just turn around and each change and trust the other not to look. But now with their hidden love neither knew what to do. Toya decided he didn't want to make Yuki suspicious of anything so he got his suit and turned his back to Yuki and started to change into his suit. Yuki had been wondering how they were going to work changing this year was relieved that Toya had taken the initiative. But Yuki suddenly found he couldn't look away from Toya as he changed into his suit. Yuki watched as Toya pulled off his sleep shirt over his head which amply showed off his well tanned muscular physic. Then Toya still unaware of his audience slide his pajama bottoms down and reached for his suit. Yuki couldn't help where his gaze strayed but he could feel the color rising to his checks and he turned away quickly before Toya noticed and then asked something.
Toya finished pulling on his suit and then put is sleep clothes away and turned to wait for Yuki to finish. But he was surprised to find that Yuki was still changing. He was now lifting his shirt over his head; he had only taken off his glasses so far. Toya could find no way to avert his eyes from his best friend' lithe body. Who knew that Yuki had small but well defined muscles? Then Yuki slide his pajama pants down and groped around for his suit blindly Toya had to turn away after he figured out that his eyes had wandered to off limit areas, and he didn't want Yuki to notice. Presently both Yuki and Toya were composed enough to go out to the lake.
Yuki suddenly got an almost evil idea, or dirty if you can believe he could have a single dirty thought in his head (little innocent YukiJ) He had very delicate skin and needed to put on his sun-block and that sparked is idea!
"Toya would you help me put on the sun-block, you know my skin will fry without it. And I can't reach my back, do you mind?" Yuki put on his best innocent puppy eyes. Toya was himself having trouble controlling his mind and keeping it clean. But he nodded his consent and took the bottle from Yuki. His face turned a bright tomato red when he reached out and started to rub the lotion into Yuki's back. Toya worked rubbing the lotion in, in a circular motion. Yuki was fighting with all his might not to moan in the pleasure of the action, but despite his efforts one slipped out. Toya grinned to himself because he knew Yuki was enjoying this, maybe later he would offer to give Yuki a real massage. Than Toya got a wicked come back for what Yuki had put him through just then.
"There you go; I got your whole back. But now I need you to get my back if you could." Toya asked as he handed to bottle back to Yuki. Yuki looked stunned but then smiled his usual smile.
"Sure, but you never burn anyway."
"Yes I do, at least a little every time, just never as bad as you." Toya replied as Yuki started to put the lotion on Toya's back. Now it was Toya's turn to try and not moan, and he was more successful than Yuki. Yuki suddenly remembered that he had wanted to help Toya get over Kaho and started to think about how best he could do that. After all their sun-block was properly applied they went to pass several hours in the lake. They spent a lot of time swimming, and splashing. But less water grappling than in previous years, both were afraid of the closeness it meant.
They decided it was time for lunch. Yuki suggested the make their food and then bring it outside for a picnic. They worked in almost silence to make the sandwiches and to grab the stuff they would need. Toya put everything in a picnic basket and Yuki went ahead of him outside to spread the blanket under the old Oak tree that sat all alone and secluded. Yuki had the blanket spread and was waiting for a little bit when Toya finally arrived.
"What happened, you get lost on your way here?" Yuki asked to tease his friend and Toya smiled and shrugged his shoulders. But he looked a little upset about something. It had taken him at least 10 extra minutes to get out to the tree and Yuki was now really hungry, but he was now worried about Toya. "What happened, I know something happened, and don't say it didn't because I know you better than that!"
"I can't hide anything can I?" Toya asked his snow bunny while he thought to himself 'Except my love'. "And before you have to force me to answer I just got a call from Sakura in England."
Yuki now knew why Toya was so bent out, not only was he not able to watch over his younger sister right now but she was with Kaho. "And is anything wrong with Sakura?" Yuki could tell she was fine but he would feign dumb now.
"No she's fine, she's better than fine, she's having the time of her life right now. And she says that Eriol the guy who was in her class for a while, who was actually dating Kaho. Well he just purposed to her and she …" his voice broke here and he had to stop for a moment. Yuki could feel his heart clinching at the pain that Toya was in and that he felt so much for her still after what she had done to him. Yuki hated it he felt so helpless now, so he did the only thing he could. He scooted forward and held Toya close to him and comforted him. Although Toya wasn't crying this was as close as he ever got, and Yuki could still see how much pain he was in. Toya leaned in close and gripped Yuki tightly like he was afraid that if he let go Yuki would leave him, just like Kaho had done. Yuki just kept rubbing Toya's back and whispering to him softly until Toya had calmed down again. Toya pulled back just a little to finish his story, but he still held Yuki.
"And she accepted. Sakura said she said she had finally found the one she loves." Toya took a very shaky breath. Before Yuki could say anything to try and comfort Toya, Toya continued. "Let's go ahead and eat, I've already delayed our picnic." Toya gave Yuki a very strained smile, which caused more pain to Yuki. He could see how much Toya was hurting, but Toya wouldn't let him help because he didn't want Yuki to see he was still so hurt. But Yuki knew he could not press his best friend or else he would be completely cut out, so he would just have to wait for Toya to let him help, and it was really frustrating!
"Did you bring the mustard?" Yuki asked as he got out a sandwich fro himself and Toya.
"I knew I forgot something, here let me go get it, I'll be back in a minute." Toya rose quickly and set off back towards the cabin. Yuki hadn't even had time to say he didn't need the mustard. He would have called Toya back but something caught his eye, mixed in with Toya's stuff was the little red journal. Yuki knew he really shouldn't read it but he had to find out if there was anything in there that might let him know how to help Toya. The journal didn't have a lock so Yuki could just flip through it. There was a lot written in the little book, and it made Yuki realize that Toya was very good with words, just not saying them out lout. He stopped flipping on a page that looked like it had been cried on many times, and the sight almost made him cry too. He slowly began to read the poem his love had written.
"I wish you had taken my broken heart
You must have heard it crack as you left me in the dark
This wasn't how it was suppose to be
You should have taken my broken heart
It should have been like a shadow to you
Everyone could see how you shattered me
You should have to put up with my broken dreams
Broken world
Broken thoughts
Broken self
You should have tried to help
But you ran leaving me on the bench
The petals of flowers tangled in my hair
You use to pick those out for me
Do you even feel a bit of pain for what you did?
My tears were a storm
My broken heart should have been your responsibility
It's all you fault
You made me think you were the one
But you left me by myself
You didn't even explain (coward!)
I don't think I could ever hate you
No, I loved you and probably always will
Will you even remember me?
Do you ever think of me?
Or how you broke my heart?
I know years from now it will make senses
But not now, I can't let it
You were the only one I let see me
The one others never dreamed of
But you betrayed me."
Yuki could feel the tears slipping down his cheeks. He knew from the rest of the Kinmoto family that he and Kaho had been close and the break up had really hurt him, but that was an understatement. Toya had believed he was in love and she just left him and never came back. How could he ever compare to her, Toya would always love her, there was nothing he could do. Yuki was so upset he didn't even realize that Toya had come back with the mustard. Toya saw Yuki with tears streaming down his face and dropped the mustard and ran to his friend's side.
"Yuki what happened?" Toya was very confused it didn't look like anything could have happened, Yuki hadn't even moved. Yuki glanced up at his best friend with tears still coming from his eyes. Toya was taken back by the despair he saw in Yuki's eyes. "Please tell me what happened?" Toya now pleaded.
"I…I'm so sorry Toya." Yuki stuttered and looked down, unable to look at Toya. Toya was really confused now. Then he saw his journal in Yuki's lap and was going to tell Yuki, that if he had wanted to read it all he had to do was ask, but Yuki spoke again. "I'm so sorry; I wasn't there for you Toya. I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough friend that you could come to me with your feelings. I'm so sorry."
Toya couldn't help a small smile that feel on his face. It was so like Yuki to try and blame himself for all Toya's problems. "If your talking about Kaho, I didn't go to anyone, I just needed some time to think it out myself. And I'm over her now I think." Yuki looked up at the last part, and shook his head no.
"You took the news of her engagement so hard and from this it doesn't sound like you'll ever get over her." Yuki was still really depressed he had failed to help Toya. Toya knew he had to let Yuki in on his secret soon now.
"Yuki, the news of her engagement just really took me by surprise, and I guess it just finalized things. But you didn't read the end of that poem did you?" Toya was now pointing to his red journal in Yuki's lap. Yuki looked a little confused about what Toya had said and then a little embarrassed that he had been caught with his friend's journal.
"I read it all, the entire page of it." But this only made Toya grin more at his snow bunny, and he shook his head.
"I've worked on that poem ever since she left me, there's a new part on the next page." His voice was soft and held a feeling in it that Yuki could not recognize clearly, but knew he had heard it before, but only when Toya was talking to him.
Yuki turned the page and saw that there was a little more to the poem and he began to read quietly to himself.
"The only comfort you said over your shoulder
Was that we each would find another
One we would really love
How could you be so sure?
I can still eel the pieces of my heart in my chest
IT will take true love to mend it
Curse those words because I though tit was you
But maybe I'm already moving on
You broke my heart
But now I am glad you left it with me
You will not hold me back anymore
I have found my real love
And it's not you"
Yuki felt a small stab of happiness that his friend was over Kaho. But it was overshadowed by the fact Toya was in love with someone else and they were the one he really loved. Yuki could feel more tears slide down his cheek. But before he could completely break down he felt a hand come up and brush away his tears. The hand was strong and a little calloused from work but it was gentle for him. The hand then slid down to cup his cheek. Yuki was very confused at to what Toya was doing.
"Yuki there's something I've needed to tell you for a while. And now that I feel completely free, I think now is the best time to tell you." Toya had lifted Yuki's face to face him and their eyes were locked. Yuki knew that if Toya kept holding him like this he might lose it and kiss him. Their closeness was intoxicating to both of them.
"What is it?" Yuki asked in a breathy voice that sent shivers down Toya's back. Toya moved his face a little closed to Yuki's.
"I've never been good at expressing myself with words out loud." Toya said and moved a little closer so that now there were only a few inches of space left between them. His voice picked up more huskiness as he went on "So I'll just show you." With that Toya leaned in and touched his lips to Yuki's soft ones. Yuki was only shocked for a moment and then he returned the kiss to Toya with all the passion he felt and they both increased the kiss. Toya had his hand still on Yuki's cheek and the other was now wrapped around Yuki's small waist. Yuki's hands were now wrapped around Toya's neck and tangling with his hair. They pulled apart grudgingly when they needed to breathe. Yuki's tears had stopped and a smile that could rival the sun was on his face. Toya knew he must have looked very similar.
"I love you so much." Yuki whispered.
"I love you too." Toya returned and they kissed again. Both knew they had the rest of the weekend alone together!
THE END
Thank you very much for reading this. I was going to originally have Yuki fall into the lake and hit his head and Toya save him by mouth to mouth. But I couldn't work in the poem which would lead to the title so this is what happened instead. I hope you liked it and please review and let me know how I can improve it (besides spelling and grammar things, I have a beta reader but she was busy, so this was my best attempt without her!)