Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs
to JRR Tolkien. 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' was from Moulin Rouge.
I re-wrote a couple lines, so I own that. All Authors and OCs used with permission.
Author's Note:
Early chapter, late Christmas gift. There.
This one might seem a bit short, but I'd rather post early than later. I'll be gone from December 26 to December 30, visiting relatives. Enjoy the chapter and the insanity!
Naheka
THE FILE CABINET
Onikunshu had warned us to stay close to each other, and to not leave the deep parts of Mordor. So, all twelve of us (excluding the Mary-Sue Author, who was now screaming and kicking in her position tied to a rock) were sitting around doing absolutely nothing. The boredom was maddening. It was even worse than Writer's Block on a Friday eve. We were all feeling unclean, starved, tired, and above all, frightened of the immense horrors that lurked just outside our location. The sound of arrows strung into bows and twangs of strings, swords clashing, screams of pain, and other terrible noises were the only thing we could count on to tell what was happening.
"This. Is. Just. So. Exciting," muttered a tone-dead Kitty, prodding the earth with a drooping finger.
"So exciting," grumbled Phantom, not even bothering to give tune to the lyrics, "The audience will stomp and cheer. So delighting---"
"It will run for fifty years!" shouted Ari, suddenly jumping into the scene.
Penelope fumbled with her words. "What are you---"
Wisdom interrupted her with, "Spectacular Spectacular!"
The words of no vernacular," in a very whimsical voice.
"Can't describe this great event," recited Ember in the same tone. "You'll be dumb with wonderment!"
"Rewards are fixed at ten percent!" added Jack. He went up to Phantom, who looked like she was being attacked by a mob of rabid lunatics. "You must agree that's excellent!"
"What's wrong with you people?" I wanted to scream at the OCs. But it was too late to stop them. The only thing the Authors could do was to huddle in the corner and watch.
"And on top of your fee," sang Narcisuss.
"You'll be involved artistically." The pricks on the napes of our necks shot up in realization that Onikunshu could sing.
All the OCs gathered together and put their hands on each other's shoulders. "So exciting," they all sang together. "The Authors will all stomp and cheer. So delighting, it'll run for fifty years! So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting it'll run for fifty years!"
They jumped apart.
"Mary-Sues!" sang Elenmir.
"And Dragon Lords!" added Narcisuss fondly.
"Elvish blood!" sang Blue.
"And countless wars!" went Trisha.
"Twelve Authors!" exclaimed Morikallo.
"And mad OCs!" sang all four of Vana's muses.
"Bloody deaths!" cried Ember.
"Fire breathers!" shouted Ted.
"Rocks thrown at the Mary-Sues," sang everyone in harmony. "Intrigue, danger, but no romance!" Narcisuss and Ari frowned. "Eccentric fights! The creamery!"
"And all the electricity!" boomed Jack.
Again, the OCs jumped together. "So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting, it'll run for fifty years! So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting it'll run for fifty years!" By now, the Authors were of course huddled together, taken aback by the sudden break out of song. "Spectacular Spectacular! The words of the vernacular! Can't describe this great event! You'll be dumb with wonderment!"
Then they started dancing. "The hills are alive. With the sound of killing!" Onikunshu dropped Narcisuss once he realized that she jumped into his arms.
Altogether, "So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer!" They were jumping up and down on the spot like maniacs. "So delighting, it'll run for fifty years! So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting it'll run for fiiiiiftyyyyy yeeeeeaaaaaars!"
No one spoke as they finished the song in a college-like position; every OC in a dramatic pose facing the audience... the Authors.
"...Then what?" asked Phantom. Half of the Authors jumped on her and slapped a hand over her mouth.
As we were all pulled into a semi-wrestling match, the OCs ran around and extracted materials out of nowhere. Our fight was immediately as we heard Onikunshu shout, "Why am I the one up here?"
"Just do it!" hissed Elenmir from behind a curtain. Our jaws dropped as we saw a whole entire mini stage assembled; lights and all.
"Ahem." I paled. My OCs-- all of our OCs were singing and dancing. What a nightmare. Onikunshu stepped aside as the curtain pulled apart, revealing Trisha pretending to attack Ted and Wisdom. "The land is caught by Mary-Sues," he sang, " and so of course a war ensues." Actually, none of them were really bad singers....
"But in the end they hear this song," sang Narcisuss from the opposite side of the set.
"And the pain is just too strong." Onikunshu winced as Narcisuss winked at him.
"This is, like, totally stupid!" sang the Mary-Sue Author, sitting against the rock in the far corner. "This stu-upid song!"
"Shut up."
Dust flew into her face as the OCs began singing and dancing again. "So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting, it'll run for fifty years!"
"The OCs very secret plan, " continued Onikunshu. Ember and Morikallo jumped on stage and waved a piece of parchment around. "Will bring death to the MS clan." Trisha, still pretending, gasped and collapsed on the ground. "And though the fangirls rant and rail, it is all to no avail."
Ari and Elenmir rose gracefully to their feet as if they were rising out of the ground. Elenmir cried, "You can, like, never defeat us!" Ari gave a cute wave to Morikallo, who chuckled and blushed. Onikunshu slapped his head.
"You people really scare me," commented Amarth from the middle of the Author crowd.
"We know we do," replied Jack.
"So exciting!" sang the OCs again, "We'll make you scoff, we'll make you cry. So delighting---"
"And in the end should someone die?" asked Phantom, recalling what had been said where 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' currently originated.*
The OCs blinked. "So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting! It will run for fiiiiifty yeeeeaaaars!"
Voosh!
Then they were all gone, and the sound of battle-training slowly reclaimed the exhausted silence.
~*~
Three hours after the 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' escapade, I still had that handy little tune stuck in my head. Everyone had the tune stuck in their heads.
"I wonder if they'll sing anything else?" pondered Phantom aloud.
"I'll need mental therapy if I ever see something like that again," muttered Hoshiko.
"I need mental therapy right now!" exclaimed Sammy.
"I dunno'," I sighed. "I thought it was kinda' cool."
"You are insane," said Vana.
I bowed graciously. "Thank you!"
The laughter that followed... tragically did not last long. Our screams of terror were heard by none as something huge, and purple came swooping down on us, emitting a shrill sound of purity. We scattered like marbles dropped high above stone, without knowledge of our attacker's identity. I had pressed myself into the nearest wall, where a roof of volcanic rock provided a very feeble shelter. As someone screamed again, I looked up and gasped to see that the attacker was not anything hellish such as a winged beast of the Nazgul; far worse; much worse.
It was a flying horse. A pegasus. Generally, I find Pegasus's as a rather masculine horse that valiantly bears his rider into perilous dangers. That was cool. But this particular pegasus had a sparkly horn protruding from its cranium, and a gleaming coat, brushed to perfection. Its mane was gorgeous and pink and flowing and prettiful and beautiful and... disgusting. But the most hideous trait of this creature was its eyes.
They were huge, bulbous things! They were shiny and blue! They were... begging for cute and cuddly hugs... even if horses can't receive a hug like a human being!
"Like my pretty pony?" inquired a loud, enchanting voice. We screamed again as we realized that a Mary-Sue was mounted upon the horse's back. Her scarlet hair flowed gracefully in the wind... even if there was no wind (save the beating of the horse's wings, but that was blowing in a different direction).
In a smooth scrape of metal, she unsheathed her golden sword and raised it into the air. Her battle cry was that of an opera singer's highest note. Down she came at us, swinging her blade as if she beheld Xena's warrior skills thirty-fold. Boom! Ash flew into the air as all twelve of us took off deeper into the blackened lands. This was of course very treacherous, sprinting off into unknown territory with a guide or whim of where we were headed.
"There!" hollered Newmoon. She pointed to a small, dark, dark cave in the far corner. "Hide!"
No one took hesitation in opposing her suggestion. Three by three, we dove into the shadowed sanctuary and huddled as deep as we could into what space we had. Apparently, there was a lot of space in the area, but due to plain darkness, there was no way we could find out what exactly lurked inside. Another Mary-Sue war cry was heard, and in a thunder of rocks, the entrance of the cave closed on us.
We had been locked in.
*I've heard that 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' was not written by the producers of Moulin Rouge (the original "Roxanne" by The Police terrified me and gave me nightmares). However, the most recent origination is from Moulin Rouge, so that's just the way it's going to go.
This version, along with 'Doom to Mary-Sue', is the theme song for this fic. Two theme songs. Wowee... -__- (grins maniacally)
Author's Note:
Early chapter, late Christmas gift. There.
This one might seem a bit short, but I'd rather post early than later. I'll be gone from December 26 to December 30, visiting relatives. Enjoy the chapter and the insanity!
Naheka
THE FILE CABINET
Onikunshu had warned us to stay close to each other, and to not leave the deep parts of Mordor. So, all twelve of us (excluding the Mary-Sue Author, who was now screaming and kicking in her position tied to a rock) were sitting around doing absolutely nothing. The boredom was maddening. It was even worse than Writer's Block on a Friday eve. We were all feeling unclean, starved, tired, and above all, frightened of the immense horrors that lurked just outside our location. The sound of arrows strung into bows and twangs of strings, swords clashing, screams of pain, and other terrible noises were the only thing we could count on to tell what was happening.
"This. Is. Just. So. Exciting," muttered a tone-dead Kitty, prodding the earth with a drooping finger.
"So exciting," grumbled Phantom, not even bothering to give tune to the lyrics, "The audience will stomp and cheer. So delighting---"
"It will run for fifty years!" shouted Ari, suddenly jumping into the scene.
Penelope fumbled with her words. "What are you---"
Wisdom interrupted her with, "Spectacular Spectacular!"
The words of no vernacular," in a very whimsical voice.
"Can't describe this great event," recited Ember in the same tone. "You'll be dumb with wonderment!"
"Rewards are fixed at ten percent!" added Jack. He went up to Phantom, who looked like she was being attacked by a mob of rabid lunatics. "You must agree that's excellent!"
"What's wrong with you people?" I wanted to scream at the OCs. But it was too late to stop them. The only thing the Authors could do was to huddle in the corner and watch.
"And on top of your fee," sang Narcisuss.
"You'll be involved artistically." The pricks on the napes of our necks shot up in realization that Onikunshu could sing.
All the OCs gathered together and put their hands on each other's shoulders. "So exciting," they all sang together. "The Authors will all stomp and cheer. So delighting, it'll run for fifty years! So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting it'll run for fifty years!"
They jumped apart.
"Mary-Sues!" sang Elenmir.
"And Dragon Lords!" added Narcisuss fondly.
"Elvish blood!" sang Blue.
"And countless wars!" went Trisha.
"Twelve Authors!" exclaimed Morikallo.
"And mad OCs!" sang all four of Vana's muses.
"Bloody deaths!" cried Ember.
"Fire breathers!" shouted Ted.
"Rocks thrown at the Mary-Sues," sang everyone in harmony. "Intrigue, danger, but no romance!" Narcisuss and Ari frowned. "Eccentric fights! The creamery!"
"And all the electricity!" boomed Jack.
Again, the OCs jumped together. "So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting, it'll run for fifty years! So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting it'll run for fifty years!" By now, the Authors were of course huddled together, taken aback by the sudden break out of song. "Spectacular Spectacular! The words of the vernacular! Can't describe this great event! You'll be dumb with wonderment!"
Then they started dancing. "The hills are alive. With the sound of killing!" Onikunshu dropped Narcisuss once he realized that she jumped into his arms.
Altogether, "So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer!" They were jumping up and down on the spot like maniacs. "So delighting, it'll run for fifty years! So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting it'll run for fiiiiiftyyyyy yeeeeeaaaaaars!"
No one spoke as they finished the song in a college-like position; every OC in a dramatic pose facing the audience... the Authors.
"...Then what?" asked Phantom. Half of the Authors jumped on her and slapped a hand over her mouth.
As we were all pulled into a semi-wrestling match, the OCs ran around and extracted materials out of nowhere. Our fight was immediately as we heard Onikunshu shout, "Why am I the one up here?"
"Just do it!" hissed Elenmir from behind a curtain. Our jaws dropped as we saw a whole entire mini stage assembled; lights and all.
"Ahem." I paled. My OCs-- all of our OCs were singing and dancing. What a nightmare. Onikunshu stepped aside as the curtain pulled apart, revealing Trisha pretending to attack Ted and Wisdom. "The land is caught by Mary-Sues," he sang, " and so of course a war ensues." Actually, none of them were really bad singers....
"But in the end they hear this song," sang Narcisuss from the opposite side of the set.
"And the pain is just too strong." Onikunshu winced as Narcisuss winked at him.
"This is, like, totally stupid!" sang the Mary-Sue Author, sitting against the rock in the far corner. "This stu-upid song!"
"Shut up."
Dust flew into her face as the OCs began singing and dancing again. "So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting, it'll run for fifty years!"
"The OCs very secret plan, " continued Onikunshu. Ember and Morikallo jumped on stage and waved a piece of parchment around. "Will bring death to the MS clan." Trisha, still pretending, gasped and collapsed on the ground. "And though the fangirls rant and rail, it is all to no avail."
Ari and Elenmir rose gracefully to their feet as if they were rising out of the ground. Elenmir cried, "You can, like, never defeat us!" Ari gave a cute wave to Morikallo, who chuckled and blushed. Onikunshu slapped his head.
"You people really scare me," commented Amarth from the middle of the Author crowd.
"We know we do," replied Jack.
"So exciting!" sang the OCs again, "We'll make you scoff, we'll make you cry. So delighting---"
"And in the end should someone die?" asked Phantom, recalling what had been said where 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' currently originated.*
The OCs blinked. "So exciting! The Authors will all stomp and cheer! So delighting! It will run for fiiiiifty yeeeeaaaars!"
Voosh!
Then they were all gone, and the sound of battle-training slowly reclaimed the exhausted silence.
~*~
Three hours after the 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' escapade, I still had that handy little tune stuck in my head. Everyone had the tune stuck in their heads.
"I wonder if they'll sing anything else?" pondered Phantom aloud.
"I'll need mental therapy if I ever see something like that again," muttered Hoshiko.
"I need mental therapy right now!" exclaimed Sammy.
"I dunno'," I sighed. "I thought it was kinda' cool."
"You are insane," said Vana.
I bowed graciously. "Thank you!"
The laughter that followed... tragically did not last long. Our screams of terror were heard by none as something huge, and purple came swooping down on us, emitting a shrill sound of purity. We scattered like marbles dropped high above stone, without knowledge of our attacker's identity. I had pressed myself into the nearest wall, where a roof of volcanic rock provided a very feeble shelter. As someone screamed again, I looked up and gasped to see that the attacker was not anything hellish such as a winged beast of the Nazgul; far worse; much worse.
It was a flying horse. A pegasus. Generally, I find Pegasus's as a rather masculine horse that valiantly bears his rider into perilous dangers. That was cool. But this particular pegasus had a sparkly horn protruding from its cranium, and a gleaming coat, brushed to perfection. Its mane was gorgeous and pink and flowing and prettiful and beautiful and... disgusting. But the most hideous trait of this creature was its eyes.
They were huge, bulbous things! They were shiny and blue! They were... begging for cute and cuddly hugs... even if horses can't receive a hug like a human being!
"Like my pretty pony?" inquired a loud, enchanting voice. We screamed again as we realized that a Mary-Sue was mounted upon the horse's back. Her scarlet hair flowed gracefully in the wind... even if there was no wind (save the beating of the horse's wings, but that was blowing in a different direction).
In a smooth scrape of metal, she unsheathed her golden sword and raised it into the air. Her battle cry was that of an opera singer's highest note. Down she came at us, swinging her blade as if she beheld Xena's warrior skills thirty-fold. Boom! Ash flew into the air as all twelve of us took off deeper into the blackened lands. This was of course very treacherous, sprinting off into unknown territory with a guide or whim of where we were headed.
"There!" hollered Newmoon. She pointed to a small, dark, dark cave in the far corner. "Hide!"
No one took hesitation in opposing her suggestion. Three by three, we dove into the shadowed sanctuary and huddled as deep as we could into what space we had. Apparently, there was a lot of space in the area, but due to plain darkness, there was no way we could find out what exactly lurked inside. Another Mary-Sue war cry was heard, and in a thunder of rocks, the entrance of the cave closed on us.
We had been locked in.
*I've heard that 'Spectacular! Spectacular!' was not written by the producers of Moulin Rouge (the original "Roxanne" by The Police terrified me and gave me nightmares). However, the most recent origination is from Moulin Rouge, so that's just the way it's going to go.
This version, along with 'Doom to Mary-Sue', is the theme song for this fic. Two theme songs. Wowee... -__- (grins maniacally)