Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs
to JRR Tolkien. All Authors and OCs used with permission.
Author's Note:
Just an announcement that my home site has been updated. It's read and black with classical techno and Linkin Park galore... well, for sound. If you visit it, beware of Carmina's 'Death March' blasting in your ears. Site URL is http://naheka.tripod.com/
Also, Dragon Eye Ryunarasu has new pictures and profiles have been rearranged so that pictures don't overlap text. CHIBIS! And I drew them all on Paint! THEY'RE CUTE! For cute chibis, go to http://naheka.tripod.com/dragoneyeryu
The File Cabinet
Only one way to go: forward. Precarious of knowledge of what really lay ahead of us in that wickedly dark, dark tunnel, we set out into Shadow with desperate hopes that we would live to find a way out. The single, dying flashlight was our only source of light, and with predictions that the battery would soon pass into the afterlife (if that's where batteries go) none of us were too happy to be---
"Stuck in an evil cave with Sues on our tails!" groaned Vana.
"Re-word that," muttered Phantom. "Stuck and lost in an evil cave with evil Sues on our stuck and lost tails."
"Only too true," sighed Europa.
"That's a really bad thing, isn't it?" said Kitty sarcastically.
"No!" I exclaimed. "Really! It's the best thing ever! We're on a quest! A quest to---"
"Get out of here with our lives," finished Hoshiko.
"Exactly!"
"We all sincerely hope that it's possible," grunted Penelope.
"Well, everyone knows that with hope, all things are possible!" cried a new voice. The spoken words had their element of thoughtful faith in them, but the tone it was pronounced in was simply ridiculous.
"...Who said that?" asked Amarth, waving the flashlight around.
"We did, silly!" giggled the voice again.
There was another long pause.
"Mary-Sue Authors!" whispered Sammy.
The light of the flashlight finally caught a sparkle of blue; a glitter message of a shirt. For the moment the light lingered on the message, I could spot, "#1 LOTR GURL".
"Oh no," moaned several of the eleven Authors around me.
Suddenly, a great light, obviously brighter than the flashlight we held, blazed into existence, as if shattering the darkness in a swift strike. The tunnel became lighted with six torches, three on one cave wall, the remaining few on the opposite wall. Each torch was occupied by a golden white flame, dancing on the flint like a whirlwind that blew in only one place. A new Author was pouring some oil into one of the lights from a golden container. She was dressed in long flowing robes of black with gold trimmings. Her white blonde hair flowed down her back and ended in a curl; it was obviously done by a heated curling iron.
Three other Mary-Sue Authors watched their fellow tend to the torches observantly, yet blankly. One was definitely a hobbit-fan, dressed exactly like Rosie Cotton. Another was in light pink. Her short black hair was unusually shiny. The third, like practically all the Pro-Sue Authors, was dressed like an elf. However, with her white tunic and leggings, but gold and silver tiara with flowers in her hair, it was excruciatingly difficult to tell whether she was aiming for Noldorin warrior, or Galadhrim princess. But knowing the characteristics of several Mary-Sue Authors, it did not matter, for they were all ignorant movie-fans.
I eyed each Author carefully with silence. Oddly enough, as there were twelve of us, there were twelve of them. How uncanny. I had to make a statement to this interesting situation!
"Dude! It's like, attack of the clones! Except... not!"
I blinked. I wasn't the only one who said that line at that moment. Who? Who else was idiotic enough to pronounce anything as silly as that? I looked around, but my pursuit ended quickly. Another girl had long, dark brown hair and brown eyes. There was nothing absolutely special about them; nothing radiant; nothing glorious. Just a person. She stared back at me with the exact same confused stare, the one I bore.
Breaking the silence. "Clone!" we both exclaimed, pointing at each other with identical insane tones. We ran up to each other and met at the line that divided ourselves from the Mary-Sues. "Freakish!"
"You look like me!"
"I look like you!"
"I have a low attention span!"
"So do I!"
"I don't even know what an attention span is!"
"Neither do I!"
"I found my clone!" we hollered simultaneously.
My clone blinked at me, and I blinked back. There was silence. Rapidly, the blissful insanity faded away. I shoved my opponent. "What're you up to, you devious impostor?"
She shoved me back. "You're trying to steal Legolas from me, aren't you? You're a poisonous snake! He's my hottie!"
"Damn him! I'm going to kill him!"
"No you aren't! You die!"
"Die!"
"Hold it!" shouted two Authors from both sides of the tunnel. They grabbed our collars in attempt to restrain the Naheka-clones from killing each other.
"It's not the best thing to hurt strangers!" barked the girl with white blonde hair to the brown haired girl. She looked up at the opposing side. She gasped. "Of all people... you!" She pointed at Phantom who had released me once she was sure I wouldn't jump. Oh, how I wished I had a knife for that Sue's throat. "You're that person who flamed me!"
"Flamed?" asked Phantom, her expression turning from concerned to puzzled. "Er..."
"Honest? Hah! I think not!" She released the Naheka-clone. "Go ahead! Kill her!"
I definitely must've at least bent a bone as I fell to the floor in attempt to dodge the first blow... and then came the next... and the next... and the next....
~*~
And in the silence of stillness, they waited. Oh, how silent it was. Even the slightest breath of a nervous warrior, or the lightest shift against the earth, was compatible to the volume of a bellowing Ent. It was dark on the opposing side of the battlefield. Angawende had mounted a horse, a silky black mare, and currently rode softly, yet valiantly towards the enemy, leading a medium-sized army of young women, all donned in jackets of mithril. Onikunshu rode no beast, for he thought it was lowly as to depend on another's strength to lead you. He only sat on one knee, kneeling at the front-center precipice. Everything and everyone was ready to the best of his knowledge. The only matter that was unsure was time.
Joe had been able to scrounge up several thousand OCs willing to fight against the Mary-Sues; but though their population rivaled, skill was left unidentified. Onikunshu grunted and shook his head. Were these OCs even good enough fighters? Sure, most of his blood-related fellows, the hundred or so Ryunarasu in the front line, were capable. Yet some of them... looked quite frightened.
His concerned train of thought faded into abrupt reality again as he heard struggling noises behind him. Ari was tugging at Morikallo's collar hurriedly. Kallo himself was crouching in the corner, clutching a tumbler of coffee to his chest. "Get up, Kallo!" Ari whispered. "Stop obsessing over--"
"My coffee!" hissed Morikallo in reply. "It's mine! All mine! You'll never get it from meeee!" He hissed again as he turned to block Ari's reaching hand. "Mine! My prrrecioussss...."
"She's right Morikallo," said Ted from a ledge above him. "You might miss something in the battle if you don't---"
"What do YOU know about it, eh, boy?" barked the elf in reply. "You mortal fool! It's all mine! Mine! MINE!" He snickered to himself as he took a swig of the caffeine. "My lovely caffeine."
"Code: red," groaned Trisha. "We have an OC going OOC."
"YOU don't know anything about it either, you strange girl!"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Narcisuss from the sixty something yards away from them. In freakishly swift time, thunder rolled and a white bolt of lightning struck the front-center precipice. It would've killed Morikallo if he had been any closer to it. But of course, with such wicked and abnormal force, something violent was bound to happen. Well, a quarter of the front-center precipice cracked and collapsed, bringing Ari, Morikallo, and Ted down with it.
Crack! Crumble. Silence. Foom! Down the ledge went. A longer period of silence.
"We're okay... I think... ow."
Onikunshu paled even whiter than his face usually was. "Oh... my.. GAWD! NOOOOO! THIS IS ALL WRONG! NO! NO! NO!"
"SHUT UP!" hollered Narcisuss again.
"NO! I HAVE A BETTER REASON TO COMPLAIN! YOU SHUT UP!"
"SHUT UP!"
"YOU SHUT UP!"
"YOU!"
"YOU!"
"YOU!"
They both stopped for a while to catch their breath before screaming again simultaneously, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
But then---
"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
"OH GAWD! ONIKUNSHU GOT SHOT!"
Onikunshu was muttering darkly to himself as his last glance fell upon the White General, the Iron Maiden, laughing loudly as she lowered her bow and unsheathed her long sword. He cursed her and her evil laugh, the same laugh she had inherited from him. The pain the arrow that she had fired into his left arm was nothing in comparison to what hate he felt at that moment. As her horse reared on two legs, Angawende's first command was, "Charge!"
Like a swarm of locusts, well, graceful locuts, the army of Mary-Sues surpassed the general and rushed forth into the battlefield, swords drawn and make-up on. They were confident that like most battles, they would overcome the enemy unscathed. In this climactic beginning to a war... it seemed that this first battle would end just as the battles in the story ended: the white side wins.
~*~
I gasped, kicking whatever strength I had left into my legs, which were bruised from several swings and kicks from my clone. Unfortunately, very unfortunately, all of my fellow Authors were also pulled into the brawl. Counterpart to counterpart. Why did there have to be twelve of them? My face, already half caked in dirt, reddened. This was just unfair... well, actually, more like stupid.
"I hate you!" screamed a Mary-Sue Author, preparing to launch on Coffeegirl. She ducked as Penelope came flying overhead, another Author preparing to strangle her. Vana was pushing another Pro-Sue off. She half stumbled over Europa who was trying to yank a Sue off Hoshiko. Sammy and Jiana were practically running laps around the arena; some of the Sues were carrying dangerously sharp hair clips!
Phantom was absolutely not happy to have to pry Mary-Sue fingers off both her own neck, and Amarth's neck. Unfortunately, the Sue's combined force brought them both to the ground. Newmoon was desperate enough to take a random corpse bone and throw it at an opponent, who screamed at the touch of a dead thing and smashed right into Kitty.
My clone... my horrid Mary-Sue clone, used every move I did. Now I realized how much it really hurts to have an elbow come swinging into your stomach.
"Damn you!"
"Damn you!"
"Legolas is mine!"
"Keep the stupid elf! I'll gouge both of your eyes out and make you eat them later!"
"You can eat your own eyes!"
"That's stupid!"
Pow! Both of our fists came flying directly into each other's. Our knuckles bruised. We backed up and staggered, pressing our hands to our bellies. We eyed each other with ultimate hate and spite. I saw her as a mark of immaturity and disgrace. She probably saw me as a mark of... immaturity and disgrace... Simultaneously our glares changed to appalled stares. A mirror-like glance was exchanged. A mirror-like glance...
We sighed. "Oh, no."
Author's Note:
Just an announcement that my home site has been updated. It's read and black with classical techno and Linkin Park galore... well, for sound. If you visit it, beware of Carmina's 'Death March' blasting in your ears. Site URL is http://naheka.tripod.com/
Also, Dragon Eye Ryunarasu has new pictures and profiles have been rearranged so that pictures don't overlap text. CHIBIS! And I drew them all on Paint! THEY'RE CUTE! For cute chibis, go to http://naheka.tripod.com/dragoneyeryu
The File Cabinet
Only one way to go: forward. Precarious of knowledge of what really lay ahead of us in that wickedly dark, dark tunnel, we set out into Shadow with desperate hopes that we would live to find a way out. The single, dying flashlight was our only source of light, and with predictions that the battery would soon pass into the afterlife (if that's where batteries go) none of us were too happy to be---
"Stuck in an evil cave with Sues on our tails!" groaned Vana.
"Re-word that," muttered Phantom. "Stuck and lost in an evil cave with evil Sues on our stuck and lost tails."
"Only too true," sighed Europa.
"That's a really bad thing, isn't it?" said Kitty sarcastically.
"No!" I exclaimed. "Really! It's the best thing ever! We're on a quest! A quest to---"
"Get out of here with our lives," finished Hoshiko.
"Exactly!"
"We all sincerely hope that it's possible," grunted Penelope.
"Well, everyone knows that with hope, all things are possible!" cried a new voice. The spoken words had their element of thoughtful faith in them, but the tone it was pronounced in was simply ridiculous.
"...Who said that?" asked Amarth, waving the flashlight around.
"We did, silly!" giggled the voice again.
There was another long pause.
"Mary-Sue Authors!" whispered Sammy.
The light of the flashlight finally caught a sparkle of blue; a glitter message of a shirt. For the moment the light lingered on the message, I could spot, "#1 LOTR GURL".
"Oh no," moaned several of the eleven Authors around me.
Suddenly, a great light, obviously brighter than the flashlight we held, blazed into existence, as if shattering the darkness in a swift strike. The tunnel became lighted with six torches, three on one cave wall, the remaining few on the opposite wall. Each torch was occupied by a golden white flame, dancing on the flint like a whirlwind that blew in only one place. A new Author was pouring some oil into one of the lights from a golden container. She was dressed in long flowing robes of black with gold trimmings. Her white blonde hair flowed down her back and ended in a curl; it was obviously done by a heated curling iron.
Three other Mary-Sue Authors watched their fellow tend to the torches observantly, yet blankly. One was definitely a hobbit-fan, dressed exactly like Rosie Cotton. Another was in light pink. Her short black hair was unusually shiny. The third, like practically all the Pro-Sue Authors, was dressed like an elf. However, with her white tunic and leggings, but gold and silver tiara with flowers in her hair, it was excruciatingly difficult to tell whether she was aiming for Noldorin warrior, or Galadhrim princess. But knowing the characteristics of several Mary-Sue Authors, it did not matter, for they were all ignorant movie-fans.
I eyed each Author carefully with silence. Oddly enough, as there were twelve of us, there were twelve of them. How uncanny. I had to make a statement to this interesting situation!
"Dude! It's like, attack of the clones! Except... not!"
I blinked. I wasn't the only one who said that line at that moment. Who? Who else was idiotic enough to pronounce anything as silly as that? I looked around, but my pursuit ended quickly. Another girl had long, dark brown hair and brown eyes. There was nothing absolutely special about them; nothing radiant; nothing glorious. Just a person. She stared back at me with the exact same confused stare, the one I bore.
Breaking the silence. "Clone!" we both exclaimed, pointing at each other with identical insane tones. We ran up to each other and met at the line that divided ourselves from the Mary-Sues. "Freakish!"
"You look like me!"
"I look like you!"
"I have a low attention span!"
"So do I!"
"I don't even know what an attention span is!"
"Neither do I!"
"I found my clone!" we hollered simultaneously.
My clone blinked at me, and I blinked back. There was silence. Rapidly, the blissful insanity faded away. I shoved my opponent. "What're you up to, you devious impostor?"
She shoved me back. "You're trying to steal Legolas from me, aren't you? You're a poisonous snake! He's my hottie!"
"Damn him! I'm going to kill him!"
"No you aren't! You die!"
"Die!"
"Hold it!" shouted two Authors from both sides of the tunnel. They grabbed our collars in attempt to restrain the Naheka-clones from killing each other.
"It's not the best thing to hurt strangers!" barked the girl with white blonde hair to the brown haired girl. She looked up at the opposing side. She gasped. "Of all people... you!" She pointed at Phantom who had released me once she was sure I wouldn't jump. Oh, how I wished I had a knife for that Sue's throat. "You're that person who flamed me!"
"Flamed?" asked Phantom, her expression turning from concerned to puzzled. "Er..."
"Honest? Hah! I think not!" She released the Naheka-clone. "Go ahead! Kill her!"
I definitely must've at least bent a bone as I fell to the floor in attempt to dodge the first blow... and then came the next... and the next... and the next....
~*~
And in the silence of stillness, they waited. Oh, how silent it was. Even the slightest breath of a nervous warrior, or the lightest shift against the earth, was compatible to the volume of a bellowing Ent. It was dark on the opposing side of the battlefield. Angawende had mounted a horse, a silky black mare, and currently rode softly, yet valiantly towards the enemy, leading a medium-sized army of young women, all donned in jackets of mithril. Onikunshu rode no beast, for he thought it was lowly as to depend on another's strength to lead you. He only sat on one knee, kneeling at the front-center precipice. Everything and everyone was ready to the best of his knowledge. The only matter that was unsure was time.
Joe had been able to scrounge up several thousand OCs willing to fight against the Mary-Sues; but though their population rivaled, skill was left unidentified. Onikunshu grunted and shook his head. Were these OCs even good enough fighters? Sure, most of his blood-related fellows, the hundred or so Ryunarasu in the front line, were capable. Yet some of them... looked quite frightened.
His concerned train of thought faded into abrupt reality again as he heard struggling noises behind him. Ari was tugging at Morikallo's collar hurriedly. Kallo himself was crouching in the corner, clutching a tumbler of coffee to his chest. "Get up, Kallo!" Ari whispered. "Stop obsessing over--"
"My coffee!" hissed Morikallo in reply. "It's mine! All mine! You'll never get it from meeee!" He hissed again as he turned to block Ari's reaching hand. "Mine! My prrrecioussss...."
"She's right Morikallo," said Ted from a ledge above him. "You might miss something in the battle if you don't---"
"What do YOU know about it, eh, boy?" barked the elf in reply. "You mortal fool! It's all mine! Mine! MINE!" He snickered to himself as he took a swig of the caffeine. "My lovely caffeine."
"Code: red," groaned Trisha. "We have an OC going OOC."
"YOU don't know anything about it either, you strange girl!"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Narcisuss from the sixty something yards away from them. In freakishly swift time, thunder rolled and a white bolt of lightning struck the front-center precipice. It would've killed Morikallo if he had been any closer to it. But of course, with such wicked and abnormal force, something violent was bound to happen. Well, a quarter of the front-center precipice cracked and collapsed, bringing Ari, Morikallo, and Ted down with it.
Crack! Crumble. Silence. Foom! Down the ledge went. A longer period of silence.
"We're okay... I think... ow."
Onikunshu paled even whiter than his face usually was. "Oh... my.. GAWD! NOOOOO! THIS IS ALL WRONG! NO! NO! NO!"
"SHUT UP!" hollered Narcisuss again.
"NO! I HAVE A BETTER REASON TO COMPLAIN! YOU SHUT UP!"
"SHUT UP!"
"YOU SHUT UP!"
"YOU!"
"YOU!"
"YOU!"
They both stopped for a while to catch their breath before screaming again simultaneously, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
But then---
"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
"OH GAWD! ONIKUNSHU GOT SHOT!"
Onikunshu was muttering darkly to himself as his last glance fell upon the White General, the Iron Maiden, laughing loudly as she lowered her bow and unsheathed her long sword. He cursed her and her evil laugh, the same laugh she had inherited from him. The pain the arrow that she had fired into his left arm was nothing in comparison to what hate he felt at that moment. As her horse reared on two legs, Angawende's first command was, "Charge!"
Like a swarm of locusts, well, graceful locuts, the army of Mary-Sues surpassed the general and rushed forth into the battlefield, swords drawn and make-up on. They were confident that like most battles, they would overcome the enemy unscathed. In this climactic beginning to a war... it seemed that this first battle would end just as the battles in the story ended: the white side wins.
~*~
I gasped, kicking whatever strength I had left into my legs, which were bruised from several swings and kicks from my clone. Unfortunately, very unfortunately, all of my fellow Authors were also pulled into the brawl. Counterpart to counterpart. Why did there have to be twelve of them? My face, already half caked in dirt, reddened. This was just unfair... well, actually, more like stupid.
"I hate you!" screamed a Mary-Sue Author, preparing to launch on Coffeegirl. She ducked as Penelope came flying overhead, another Author preparing to strangle her. Vana was pushing another Pro-Sue off. She half stumbled over Europa who was trying to yank a Sue off Hoshiko. Sammy and Jiana were practically running laps around the arena; some of the Sues were carrying dangerously sharp hair clips!
Phantom was absolutely not happy to have to pry Mary-Sue fingers off both her own neck, and Amarth's neck. Unfortunately, the Sue's combined force brought them both to the ground. Newmoon was desperate enough to take a random corpse bone and throw it at an opponent, who screamed at the touch of a dead thing and smashed right into Kitty.
My clone... my horrid Mary-Sue clone, used every move I did. Now I realized how much it really hurts to have an elbow come swinging into your stomach.
"Damn you!"
"Damn you!"
"Legolas is mine!"
"Keep the stupid elf! I'll gouge both of your eyes out and make you eat them later!"
"You can eat your own eyes!"
"That's stupid!"
Pow! Both of our fists came flying directly into each other's. Our knuckles bruised. We backed up and staggered, pressing our hands to our bellies. We eyed each other with ultimate hate and spite. I saw her as a mark of immaturity and disgrace. She probably saw me as a mark of... immaturity and disgrace... Simultaneously our glares changed to appalled stares. A mirror-like glance was exchanged. A mirror-like glance...
We sighed. "Oh, no."