Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.
All Authors and OC's used with permission.
The File Cabinet
"MINE!"
"MINE!"
"MINE!"
Oh, the many Mary-Sues that were blinded by the dust those two made. Traveling by at least two-fifty* miles per hour, Angawende the Mary-Sue general, and Narcisuss the former Mary-Sue, were racing each other with the fiercest feelings of competition burning between them. If anyone, Sue or non-Sue, was stupid enough to fall into their path, they were brutally murdered with a quick stampede of two pairs of feet.
"Give it up, you old hoot!" barked Angawende, starting to accelerate ahead of Narcisuss.
"Shut up!" the mother replied angrily as she regained equal distance with her daughter.
"Even if you did make it there first," continued Angawende, forgetting to apologize as she trampled a random soldier, "you would not succeed! My Mary-Sue charms will get him any day!"
"Mary-Sue charms? Hah! You call those Mary-Sue charms? I could naturally seduce anyone back in my day!"
"Yeah! So long ago, you twit!"
"If it was once possible, then in fiction it is always possible!"
Ember almost got hit as he tried to grab a hold of at least one of the two. Watching them cause destruction on the battlefield, he had guessed that the chaos would definitely increase if they both stopped and focused their attention on one object. But it was too late. They had already used their amazing Mary-Sue skills to bound up the cliff walls in a few swift, graceful jumps.
I got shot by an arrow today, wrote Onikunshu in his web log as he tossed the empty can of soda over his shoulder. I am going to die very soon, but I am confident that once the Authors are recovered, my life will be granted to me once more. I am curious as to whether Authors have the ability to grant life to themselves. Is it possible for them, or can that only be done by the Lord of the Real World? The Author merely calls him 'God'. I've seen her stalking around the office cursing herself because she said the name in vain. The oddness of such a motive haunts me.
Pow!
"Oniii!" "Daddyyyyy!" "How was your day--" "Oh great and wonderful father? I know that--" "You're feeling tired and stressed. Why don't you--" "Get rid of Mom and spend time with meeeee?!?!?!" "Forget you daughter. I'm better medicine for you." "She's lying. She's going to poison you." "Silly child! ...Go away." "See? She's just mean and stupid! Make her go away! Shoo! Shoo!" "Oh, you pesky person! Behave, won't you?" "She's evil. She wants to kill you." "You kill everyone." "Again! She's---" "WHAT DO YOU CRAZY WOMEN WANT WITH ME?"
"Awww..." whined both Angawende and Narcisuss. "Don't yell at us..."
Onikunshu opened his mouth to reply, but fell dumbstruck once they started staring innocently at him with their identical huge, glamorous, dazzling, pulsing--I mean-- er... sparkly, green eyes. They had gone totally Mary-Sue, and no force on earth could stop them from taking over FFNH. Luckily, they were only aiming for one person, who at the moment was totally paralyzed and could not move a muscle. The eyes had ensnared him.
"How dare they!" screamed Ari. "They used the eyes!" She swiped up Morikallo and shook him furiously by the collar. "How dare they use my trademark! Kallo, kill them or something! Aaarrrgh!... Kallo?"
Ari's angered face turned to a curious expression as she noticed Morikallo's face went parchment-white, his brown eyes focusing on something near the ground. She turned and looked down. A tumbler, probably filled with coffee, was rolling along the rocks and heading toward the edge. And before Morikallo could do anything about it, the tumbler flew over the edge and spiraled down to the next ledge, where it probably continued to roll and roll and roll.... splat!... until it landed on someone's head.
"OUCH! HOT COFFEE! HOT COFFEE!"
"Argh! Where's Ted when you need him?"
"Here! Hold still, Jack. Let's hope that coffee won't leave a burn."
"It's like the time that horse knocked you over into the---"
"Hot campfire remains. Don't remind me, Blue."
Morikallo stood on the spot and listened to the outlaws continue their banter. Then, very silently, he took out a small chalkboard from out of nowhere and started scribbling on it with a piece of white chalk. Ari watched him very curiously with extreme interest. When the elf-warrior was finished, he gave the chalkboard to her, drew his sword, and suddenly ran off screaming hysterically.
Then she heard him give a command, which was followed by several high-pitched Sue screams and more hysterical laughter. The four muses were cackling evilly as they loaded another cream pie into a small catapult and launched it into the crowd of fighters. Ari paused to watch them continue pie Sues from overhead before turning her attention to the chalkboard. Upon it, in neat capitol letters, there was:
EYES = MARY-SUE = ENEMY = RESPONSIBLE FOR KNOCKING OVER COFFEE = MUST BE DESTROYED = CREAM PIES
"Fascinating calculations," muttered Ari to herself, tossing the chalkboard to the side. However, as she sat down on the most comfortable rock she could find (which was luckily some odd twenty feet away from Oni, Narcisuss, and Angawende) a very faint, very withered, and very frightened sound approached her keen elvish ears. It sounded not perfect like the scream of a Mary-Sue impaled upon the blade of a sword, but more... more terrified and chaotic. There were several of the voices, and they sounded like they were being chased... by something huge... and rolling... and solid.
"Kallo!" called Ari, scrambling to her feet and heading behind a rock wall, where a safe passage was built. It was also a wall for the archers, should the Mary-Sues overtake the shoal of stone and force the OC's (the anti-sue ones) deeper into the Black Lands. For now, it was a healing quarter, where Ari found Wisdom pacing about a throng of injured soldiers.
"Have you seen---"
"The Authors?" finished Wisdom. "No. They've been missing for quite some time. I worry..."
"Well from what I've just heard," said Ari, crossing her arms and hanging her head, "they might be in grave danger at this very moment."
"Where have you seen them? asked Wisdom urgently.
"I heard them in the east. They seem very deep underground somewhere."
"Lead the way."
Ari turned to take the mortal cleric out of the healing quarters, until---
Boom! A furious, bellowing roar would've caused lightning to crash through the skies had sound the power to do so. A large black tail came swinging through the rock wall that was the fort to the healing quarters. It waited there for a few moments before it came whipping up into the air again and slapping the earth with a powerful whap.
"Angawende's lost her temper," groaned a nearby dead soldier.
"Hey!" cried Wisdom, backing up away from the corpse. "I thought you died some five minutes ago! I saw you!"
The dead soldier grinned and stuck up a thumb. "S'called reincarnation, baby!" Then he died again.
"...Woah."
"We had better get moving!" urged Ari, yanking Wisdom to his senses and pushing him across the gap the tail had made, and back to the scene where she heard the screaming. But as they took a peek to check how the battle ws moving on, they stopped.
Everyone on the battlefield was completely still. The Mary-Sues had stopped fighting. In steady awareness, the other OCs used this silent time to take a breath. It would have made more sense to kill the Sues while they were not looking, but it seemed that something, something wrong for all OC's... was happening. Even Morikallo, and Ember, and the Muses, and even Joe had stopped.
Either that or the Sues had cast a spell on them to make them still.
But the only thing that moved, save time itself, was Angawende, breathing fast and furiously. Onikunshu had kinda' died, and Narcisuss was parchment white with shock. "I hate you both!" screamed the Mary-Sue general. "I hate you both! I'm going to be a sore loser! And I'm going to like it! I'll be on my own, now! You suck!"
A soprano gasp was made by every Mary-Sue on the battlefield.
"That's not a Mary-Sue quality!" shrieked Estelia. "She lost! Mary-Sues never lose the fight!"
"Let's kill her for lying to us!" hollered another Sue.
"Yeah!"
Angawende's angered gaze widened. The Mary-Sues were turning towards her with weapons aimed and faces grinning.
"How dare you betray us, Angawende!"
Angawende shook her head for a moment, staring down at her white robes, which were now stained in dirt and rock. Stained...
"Pure Angawende might've not been a loser and honest to her people..." she muttered to herself. Then, she sat up and looked down into the battlefield. "But Naurglahad will do whatever she wants whenever she wants!" She leapt to her feet and grinned wildly into the Mary-Sue crowd. "And she doesn't care if it's going to hurt anyone in the process!"
Off came her white robes, revealing her old, tattered, un-modest, rebellious black robe and belts. She turned to Narcisuss and smiled somewhat insanely. Narcisuss nearly screamed as Naurglahad launched herself at her and hugged her tight. "Mom," she said honestly. "Screw you." Leaving the sorceress in a paralyzed state, she went to her dead father and gave him a hug. Nothing happened.
"Good!" she laughed. "He's straight dead!" Then, she reached behind him and pulled out several knives and a hand-size sack of items. "He always told me not to play with these... poisoned knives." She sniffed the blade of the knife like a primitive hunter. "But now that he's DEAD, I can do stupid stuff!" She took a dive over the edge and headed out into the battlefield. But before she began fighting, she turned back. "Boys!" she called to the three outlaw men, who were midway through deciding what to do with Jack's coffee burn. She raised a knife into the air.
"Get out there and fight like there's no tomorrow! Yeehaw!"
*That's two-fifty as in 250 mph.
The File Cabinet
"MINE!"
"MINE!"
"MINE!"
Oh, the many Mary-Sues that were blinded by the dust those two made. Traveling by at least two-fifty* miles per hour, Angawende the Mary-Sue general, and Narcisuss the former Mary-Sue, were racing each other with the fiercest feelings of competition burning between them. If anyone, Sue or non-Sue, was stupid enough to fall into their path, they were brutally murdered with a quick stampede of two pairs of feet.
"Give it up, you old hoot!" barked Angawende, starting to accelerate ahead of Narcisuss.
"Shut up!" the mother replied angrily as she regained equal distance with her daughter.
"Even if you did make it there first," continued Angawende, forgetting to apologize as she trampled a random soldier, "you would not succeed! My Mary-Sue charms will get him any day!"
"Mary-Sue charms? Hah! You call those Mary-Sue charms? I could naturally seduce anyone back in my day!"
"Yeah! So long ago, you twit!"
"If it was once possible, then in fiction it is always possible!"
Ember almost got hit as he tried to grab a hold of at least one of the two. Watching them cause destruction on the battlefield, he had guessed that the chaos would definitely increase if they both stopped and focused their attention on one object. But it was too late. They had already used their amazing Mary-Sue skills to bound up the cliff walls in a few swift, graceful jumps.
I got shot by an arrow today, wrote Onikunshu in his web log as he tossed the empty can of soda over his shoulder. I am going to die very soon, but I am confident that once the Authors are recovered, my life will be granted to me once more. I am curious as to whether Authors have the ability to grant life to themselves. Is it possible for them, or can that only be done by the Lord of the Real World? The Author merely calls him 'God'. I've seen her stalking around the office cursing herself because she said the name in vain. The oddness of such a motive haunts me.
Pow!
"Oniii!" "Daddyyyyy!" "How was your day--" "Oh great and wonderful father? I know that--" "You're feeling tired and stressed. Why don't you--" "Get rid of Mom and spend time with meeeee?!?!?!" "Forget you daughter. I'm better medicine for you." "She's lying. She's going to poison you." "Silly child! ...Go away." "See? She's just mean and stupid! Make her go away! Shoo! Shoo!" "Oh, you pesky person! Behave, won't you?" "She's evil. She wants to kill you." "You kill everyone." "Again! She's---" "WHAT DO YOU CRAZY WOMEN WANT WITH ME?"
"Awww..." whined both Angawende and Narcisuss. "Don't yell at us..."
Onikunshu opened his mouth to reply, but fell dumbstruck once they started staring innocently at him with their identical huge, glamorous, dazzling, pulsing--I mean-- er... sparkly, green eyes. They had gone totally Mary-Sue, and no force on earth could stop them from taking over FFNH. Luckily, they were only aiming for one person, who at the moment was totally paralyzed and could not move a muscle. The eyes had ensnared him.
"How dare they!" screamed Ari. "They used the eyes!" She swiped up Morikallo and shook him furiously by the collar. "How dare they use my trademark! Kallo, kill them or something! Aaarrrgh!... Kallo?"
Ari's angered face turned to a curious expression as she noticed Morikallo's face went parchment-white, his brown eyes focusing on something near the ground. She turned and looked down. A tumbler, probably filled with coffee, was rolling along the rocks and heading toward the edge. And before Morikallo could do anything about it, the tumbler flew over the edge and spiraled down to the next ledge, where it probably continued to roll and roll and roll.... splat!... until it landed on someone's head.
"OUCH! HOT COFFEE! HOT COFFEE!"
"Argh! Where's Ted when you need him?"
"Here! Hold still, Jack. Let's hope that coffee won't leave a burn."
"It's like the time that horse knocked you over into the---"
"Hot campfire remains. Don't remind me, Blue."
Morikallo stood on the spot and listened to the outlaws continue their banter. Then, very silently, he took out a small chalkboard from out of nowhere and started scribbling on it with a piece of white chalk. Ari watched him very curiously with extreme interest. When the elf-warrior was finished, he gave the chalkboard to her, drew his sword, and suddenly ran off screaming hysterically.
Then she heard him give a command, which was followed by several high-pitched Sue screams and more hysterical laughter. The four muses were cackling evilly as they loaded another cream pie into a small catapult and launched it into the crowd of fighters. Ari paused to watch them continue pie Sues from overhead before turning her attention to the chalkboard. Upon it, in neat capitol letters, there was:
EYES = MARY-SUE = ENEMY = RESPONSIBLE FOR KNOCKING OVER COFFEE = MUST BE DESTROYED = CREAM PIES
"Fascinating calculations," muttered Ari to herself, tossing the chalkboard to the side. However, as she sat down on the most comfortable rock she could find (which was luckily some odd twenty feet away from Oni, Narcisuss, and Angawende) a very faint, very withered, and very frightened sound approached her keen elvish ears. It sounded not perfect like the scream of a Mary-Sue impaled upon the blade of a sword, but more... more terrified and chaotic. There were several of the voices, and they sounded like they were being chased... by something huge... and rolling... and solid.
"Kallo!" called Ari, scrambling to her feet and heading behind a rock wall, where a safe passage was built. It was also a wall for the archers, should the Mary-Sues overtake the shoal of stone and force the OC's (the anti-sue ones) deeper into the Black Lands. For now, it was a healing quarter, where Ari found Wisdom pacing about a throng of injured soldiers.
"Have you seen---"
"The Authors?" finished Wisdom. "No. They've been missing for quite some time. I worry..."
"Well from what I've just heard," said Ari, crossing her arms and hanging her head, "they might be in grave danger at this very moment."
"Where have you seen them? asked Wisdom urgently.
"I heard them in the east. They seem very deep underground somewhere."
"Lead the way."
Ari turned to take the mortal cleric out of the healing quarters, until---
Boom! A furious, bellowing roar would've caused lightning to crash through the skies had sound the power to do so. A large black tail came swinging through the rock wall that was the fort to the healing quarters. It waited there for a few moments before it came whipping up into the air again and slapping the earth with a powerful whap.
"Angawende's lost her temper," groaned a nearby dead soldier.
"Hey!" cried Wisdom, backing up away from the corpse. "I thought you died some five minutes ago! I saw you!"
The dead soldier grinned and stuck up a thumb. "S'called reincarnation, baby!" Then he died again.
"...Woah."
"We had better get moving!" urged Ari, yanking Wisdom to his senses and pushing him across the gap the tail had made, and back to the scene where she heard the screaming. But as they took a peek to check how the battle ws moving on, they stopped.
Everyone on the battlefield was completely still. The Mary-Sues had stopped fighting. In steady awareness, the other OCs used this silent time to take a breath. It would have made more sense to kill the Sues while they were not looking, but it seemed that something, something wrong for all OC's... was happening. Even Morikallo, and Ember, and the Muses, and even Joe had stopped.
Either that or the Sues had cast a spell on them to make them still.
But the only thing that moved, save time itself, was Angawende, breathing fast and furiously. Onikunshu had kinda' died, and Narcisuss was parchment white with shock. "I hate you both!" screamed the Mary-Sue general. "I hate you both! I'm going to be a sore loser! And I'm going to like it! I'll be on my own, now! You suck!"
A soprano gasp was made by every Mary-Sue on the battlefield.
"That's not a Mary-Sue quality!" shrieked Estelia. "She lost! Mary-Sues never lose the fight!"
"Let's kill her for lying to us!" hollered another Sue.
"Yeah!"
Angawende's angered gaze widened. The Mary-Sues were turning towards her with weapons aimed and faces grinning.
"How dare you betray us, Angawende!"
Angawende shook her head for a moment, staring down at her white robes, which were now stained in dirt and rock. Stained...
"Pure Angawende might've not been a loser and honest to her people..." she muttered to herself. Then, she sat up and looked down into the battlefield. "But Naurglahad will do whatever she wants whenever she wants!" She leapt to her feet and grinned wildly into the Mary-Sue crowd. "And she doesn't care if it's going to hurt anyone in the process!"
Off came her white robes, revealing her old, tattered, un-modest, rebellious black robe and belts. She turned to Narcisuss and smiled somewhat insanely. Narcisuss nearly screamed as Naurglahad launched herself at her and hugged her tight. "Mom," she said honestly. "Screw you." Leaving the sorceress in a paralyzed state, she went to her dead father and gave him a hug. Nothing happened.
"Good!" she laughed. "He's straight dead!" Then, she reached behind him and pulled out several knives and a hand-size sack of items. "He always told me not to play with these... poisoned knives." She sniffed the blade of the knife like a primitive hunter. "But now that he's DEAD, I can do stupid stuff!" She took a dive over the edge and headed out into the battlefield. But before she began fighting, she turned back. "Boys!" she called to the three outlaw men, who were midway through deciding what to do with Jack's coffee burn. She raised a knife into the air.
"Get out there and fight like there's no tomorrow! Yeehaw!"
*That's two-fifty as in 250 mph.