Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs
to JRR Tolkien. All Authors and OCs used with permission.
Author's Note:
Phantom gave me some creative critique and said that it was a bit difficult to tell when the story switches POV's. I was so happy. I love Creative Critique. If I don't get it then sometimes it tells me that I might be turning into a Mary-Sue (ultimate perfection). Anyways, I'm not quite sure how to make it easier, but I suppose I can put the speaker's name between the asterisk break (this thing: ~*~).
Is that a good idea or is there a better way to illustrate this?
Thanks,
Naheka
The File Cabinet
I tripped and stumbled for a moment, but nothing could stop me from getting to my feet again and continuing to run like a wild one. The roll of the boulder along the earth was like a thundering earthquake heading after us. Deeper than the hooves of the horses of Bruinen, and louder than the roar of an unstoppable tornado running across Kansas, I had hoped that maybe we'd land in Valinor if the Wicked Witch was really behind all of this. Maybe she was. I shuddered. I thought that if anyone wrote a crossover between The Lord of the Rings and The Wizard of Oz, it would surely be a Mary-Sue.
"A DEAD END!"
Yes, there it was. A nice, big, black wall waiting for us at the end of the tunnel. A spot of gentle sunlight shone there and there was a slight dip in the earth, a perfect groove for the boulder to land in once it had smushed us flat. In the blur of what probably would've been the last few moments of my life, I heard someone say to get their prayer books out and start praying like there was no tomorrow, for there would be no tomorrow.
"Fight like there's no tomorrow!" I heard Naurglahad's voice shout. I sighed and depressed sigh. It was probably my mind expressing a fond memory. This would be the last time I would remember it.
We halted in front of the wall. It was a very even, vertical wall. No grooves to climb on, no slopes to scramble up; just that flat emotionless surface.
"Good-bye," sobbed Jiana to all who were doomed, hugging Europa around the neck. She sniffed and returned the hug, her own face stained with tears.
"It was really, really nice knowing you, Phantom," whimpered Amarth. "There were a lot of good adventures in the fiction forest, chasing after Mary-Sues."
"I wish I didn't have to die!" Phantom cried in return.
"I never thought..." whispered Hoshiko to herself.
"Thought we'd finish like this," finished Penelope.
"We tried so hard, and got so far," I sang lamely, totally off key in my drowning sorrow, "But in the end, it doesn't even matter!"
"We're going to die and lose it all," continued Sammy.
"Stop singing!" screamed Newmoon, apparently going hysterical with all of the death thoughts passing around.
The boulder was coming. It was not going to stop. We all went hysterical. Here it comes, there it was, it's right here, now it's...
Someone gave a rough shout. "Punt!"
Whap!
"OUCH! MY ARSE!"
When I opened my eyes one millionth of a second later, I was flying. Am I in Heaven? I thought blankly, watching white clouds pass over my face. But then, as I dove in elevation, someone caught me with both hands. "NO! YOU'RE HERE! THIS MUST BE THE OTHER PLACE!"
"Seeing a Nazgul doesn't necessarily mean you've entered Udun!" shouted Joe. "You're lucky to be alive!" His metal hands were holding me up by the collar of my shirt. The silence between us was disturbing. Tears splooshed down my face again.
"I WANT MY MOMMY!"
"Agh! Evil Author child person!"
"Joe! Drop her and catch the next one!" called another voice. It sounded like Ember's.
I was still crying and screaming and throwing a fit as Joe tossed me over to the side and caught the next Author. Amarth looked like someone had tried to snap her spinal cord in two as she was thrown some three feet away from me. As she tried to stand, her face was red and was actually hobbling a few inches out of the landing range before Phantom came flying through and knocked her to the earth again.
Newmoon looked thoroughly shocked with a face so white it was turning blue. The same was for Kitty, who came in fifth, and Penelope who flew in right after her. Coffeegirl shot out like a bullet from a pistol. Hoshiko and Sammy nearly collided into Newmoon as they came simultaneously, and Europa and Jiana were gasping for breath mere moments after.
"Say, Naheka?" gargled Coffeegirl, "Does Naurglahad play football by any chance?"
"Yeah," I coughed in reply, "she played for the Fighting Uruk-Hai in high school. Won lotsa' games with that kickoff of hers..." Realization dawned on me. "Don't tell me she was---"
"Most likely." Then, Coffeegirl shuddered and fell the ground in weariness.
Phantom did not bother to move from her half-dead position on the ground as she asked, "Okay, out of the twelve Authors that are here right now, who got the best landing?"
"Twelve?" said Kitty. "There's only... eleven of us."
We all looked around with partially open eyes. Kitty was right.
"Vana!" I ran up to Joe, who had slouched in relief. "Hey!" I yanked his hood down roughly. I knew he hated it when I did this, and that's exactly why I did it. "Where's Vana?"
"Er..." answered the Nazgul. "Uh-oh..."
Then at that exact moment, Vana came flying.
"Ahhh!"
"Ouch!"
The Head Muse chuckled from his observing position near Joe. "This'll make an interesting banter!"
"What did I--ai! Ai!" Joe gave a quick shudder as Vana backed off him with an unusual amount of energy, considering how much effort we had to use as we were being chased by that stupid rock-- "I'm sorry!" "Huh?" "I totally smashed into you and I didn't mean to and--" "Well, that was actually a fault on my part; I was supposed to catch--" "I didn't hurt you, did I?" "No, you--" "Of course you wouldn't be hurt! You're too great of a Ringwraith to be so injured by just little me, so I'll be off and hopefully I'll never smash into you so rudely again, oh ever-powerful Nazgul! Haveanicedaygoodbye! Ta ta!" She said this last line very quickly.
"I believe that's enough sugar for all of you," said Muse #4.
"We haven't had any sugar for... days," answered Amarth.
"Then that's enough excitement for all of you," he re-stated.
"You can say that again," said Sammy.
"Then that's enough excitement for all of you."
I could've sworn I heard Onikunshu's voice scream something like "Shut the" insert bad curse word "up before I rip your livers out!" Apparently, no one else heard this shout, for everyone ignored it.
"Retreat!" came the cry of a random soldier. "Retreat! The Mary-Sues are too powerful! Retreat! By order of second captain!"
"Looks like you've started the war already," said Penelope to Joe.
"Hours ago," replied the Nazgul. "And by the looks of it," he turned his head to the west, where the Mary-Sues continued to advance upon the departing army. "we'll be fighting for weeks."
~*Joe*~
"We are losing the battle, our men are tired, we're running low on a weapon supply, and our captain is dead!" Morikallo stood up with such swift motion that we thought he was going to explode in anger. "This is a lost cause! We are going to die here!"
"Tell me about it," muttered Naurglahad, taking a sip of soda with extreme causality.
"Sarcasm is not going to help us, Naurglahad," said Ember. "We need a better plan! You are the general's daughter; you should be the one to call the commands."
She chuckled lightly to herself. We stared at her as if she were going mad. "You silly elf. What would that do for us?"
"You have identical battle tactics," explained the Head Muse. "You'd be the next best thing to Onikunshu."
Everyone jumped as she flew to a stand even quicker than Morikallo's. "And it is because of him that we are losing!" In a flash she crushed the soda can and thrust it aside, taking a slow pace around the night campfire with a devious sneer on her pale face. "The battle strategies my father and I use are a specific type of strategy! There is no possible way for it to work out as well as it has to if we use it here. What totally surprises me, now that I dare to think of it, is how stupid both of us were to overlook the fact that we were both completely unfamiliar with our soldiers and our battle grounds." She stopped pacing and put a hand to her chin. "And come to think of that, it's really thanks to me that you're all still alive. If my plans were as perfect as they could be, then the Mary-Sues would have overtaken this surrendering fort hours ago. And ergo," she said in a concluding tone, "if you elect me as your general...you will all die in a blazing, fiery, Mary-Sue death. And my head will be made a relic of evil as it sits on a stake; a memory of the Sue that betrayed them."
There was complete silence as she bowed then reclaimed her seat next to me. I had to tug my robes a bit to get her to shift off my sleeve.
"We still need a head leader," said Morikallo. "We shall lose this war just as it begins."
"You should be our leader," I stated. "You were second command before the captain fell, and it is only common sense that you should take his place."
"Joe, Naurglahad just stated the reason why I should not be captain. My plans also have their similarities to Onikunshu's."
"Does this mean we're leaderless?" asked Muse #3, continuing to knit a violet scarf as he spoke. "Forever? Until the Ice Age?"
"Enough with that Ice Age prophecy," muttered Jack, rubbing his forehead with a stressed look on his face.
"Well, by my opinion, impending doom is a wonderful idea!" exclaimed Naurglahad. She turned to me and raised an eyebrow. "I'm somewhat surprised that you, you freakish undead Wraith, don't agree with me! Doom upon all!"
"Naurglahad," I replied dully, "that's just stupid."
"Shut up," she grumbled in reply. And being the bloody assassin/ ruthless warrior/ football player/ anti-goodness person she was, she took no hesitation in swinging her elbow into my chest, of course concluding in a messy topple of black fabric and metal. Unfortunately, in the process my sword was knocked out of its sheathe.
Several gasps were heard. Even Naurglahad gave a small scream. As I rose to my feet, spots of dirt staining my once clean, pure midnight black robes, I realized that all of the OCs had fled to the other side of the campsite. Ari was hiding her face in Morikallo's shirt, whose brown eyes had gone out of focus. Ember grabbed a hold of Wisdom's wrist before the cleric nearly fell over and squashed the Muses. Elenmir was backed up into the corner, and the three outlaws merely looked totally confused, but had backed up in caution, just to be sure. Strangely enough, Naurglahad had actually dared to cling onto Blue's shoulder in terror.
"Who... who are you?" several stuttered softly.
I did not answer. Instead, I silently picked up my sword, and put it back in its sheathe. Why did they need an answer? 'Twas technically none of their business. No one had to find out about it; not now.
And slowly, step by step, Naurglahad came forward with a shocked, unsure stare ringing through her wild green eyes. As she stopped, she gave a solemn, approving nod to her fellows. Then, to my utter surprise, she did not make a sudden strike to kill me. Instead, ironically instead, she bent on one knee and...
"I shall do as you ask, Milord," she whispered gauntly. "You are our new captain."
I could not find any words to express the horror I felt at that moment, watching all the OCs suddenly bend on knee and recite the exact same thing. But this did not make any sense. I just dumped one of my biggest secrets, and one of the first things they do is to bow before me and claim me as alpha? This was indeed the strangest deviltry I had seen yet.
Morgoth, help me.
Author's Note:
Phantom gave me some creative critique and said that it was a bit difficult to tell when the story switches POV's. I was so happy. I love Creative Critique. If I don't get it then sometimes it tells me that I might be turning into a Mary-Sue (ultimate perfection). Anyways, I'm not quite sure how to make it easier, but I suppose I can put the speaker's name between the asterisk break (this thing: ~*~).
Is that a good idea or is there a better way to illustrate this?
Thanks,
Naheka
The File Cabinet
I tripped and stumbled for a moment, but nothing could stop me from getting to my feet again and continuing to run like a wild one. The roll of the boulder along the earth was like a thundering earthquake heading after us. Deeper than the hooves of the horses of Bruinen, and louder than the roar of an unstoppable tornado running across Kansas, I had hoped that maybe we'd land in Valinor if the Wicked Witch was really behind all of this. Maybe she was. I shuddered. I thought that if anyone wrote a crossover between The Lord of the Rings and The Wizard of Oz, it would surely be a Mary-Sue.
"A DEAD END!"
Yes, there it was. A nice, big, black wall waiting for us at the end of the tunnel. A spot of gentle sunlight shone there and there was a slight dip in the earth, a perfect groove for the boulder to land in once it had smushed us flat. In the blur of what probably would've been the last few moments of my life, I heard someone say to get their prayer books out and start praying like there was no tomorrow, for there would be no tomorrow.
"Fight like there's no tomorrow!" I heard Naurglahad's voice shout. I sighed and depressed sigh. It was probably my mind expressing a fond memory. This would be the last time I would remember it.
We halted in front of the wall. It was a very even, vertical wall. No grooves to climb on, no slopes to scramble up; just that flat emotionless surface.
"Good-bye," sobbed Jiana to all who were doomed, hugging Europa around the neck. She sniffed and returned the hug, her own face stained with tears.
"It was really, really nice knowing you, Phantom," whimpered Amarth. "There were a lot of good adventures in the fiction forest, chasing after Mary-Sues."
"I wish I didn't have to die!" Phantom cried in return.
"I never thought..." whispered Hoshiko to herself.
"Thought we'd finish like this," finished Penelope.
"We tried so hard, and got so far," I sang lamely, totally off key in my drowning sorrow, "But in the end, it doesn't even matter!"
"We're going to die and lose it all," continued Sammy.
"Stop singing!" screamed Newmoon, apparently going hysterical with all of the death thoughts passing around.
The boulder was coming. It was not going to stop. We all went hysterical. Here it comes, there it was, it's right here, now it's...
Someone gave a rough shout. "Punt!"
Whap!
"OUCH! MY ARSE!"
When I opened my eyes one millionth of a second later, I was flying. Am I in Heaven? I thought blankly, watching white clouds pass over my face. But then, as I dove in elevation, someone caught me with both hands. "NO! YOU'RE HERE! THIS MUST BE THE OTHER PLACE!"
"Seeing a Nazgul doesn't necessarily mean you've entered Udun!" shouted Joe. "You're lucky to be alive!" His metal hands were holding me up by the collar of my shirt. The silence between us was disturbing. Tears splooshed down my face again.
"I WANT MY MOMMY!"
"Agh! Evil Author child person!"
"Joe! Drop her and catch the next one!" called another voice. It sounded like Ember's.
I was still crying and screaming and throwing a fit as Joe tossed me over to the side and caught the next Author. Amarth looked like someone had tried to snap her spinal cord in two as she was thrown some three feet away from me. As she tried to stand, her face was red and was actually hobbling a few inches out of the landing range before Phantom came flying through and knocked her to the earth again.
Newmoon looked thoroughly shocked with a face so white it was turning blue. The same was for Kitty, who came in fifth, and Penelope who flew in right after her. Coffeegirl shot out like a bullet from a pistol. Hoshiko and Sammy nearly collided into Newmoon as they came simultaneously, and Europa and Jiana were gasping for breath mere moments after.
"Say, Naheka?" gargled Coffeegirl, "Does Naurglahad play football by any chance?"
"Yeah," I coughed in reply, "she played for the Fighting Uruk-Hai in high school. Won lotsa' games with that kickoff of hers..." Realization dawned on me. "Don't tell me she was---"
"Most likely." Then, Coffeegirl shuddered and fell the ground in weariness.
Phantom did not bother to move from her half-dead position on the ground as she asked, "Okay, out of the twelve Authors that are here right now, who got the best landing?"
"Twelve?" said Kitty. "There's only... eleven of us."
We all looked around with partially open eyes. Kitty was right.
"Vana!" I ran up to Joe, who had slouched in relief. "Hey!" I yanked his hood down roughly. I knew he hated it when I did this, and that's exactly why I did it. "Where's Vana?"
"Er..." answered the Nazgul. "Uh-oh..."
Then at that exact moment, Vana came flying.
"Ahhh!"
"Ouch!"
The Head Muse chuckled from his observing position near Joe. "This'll make an interesting banter!"
"What did I--ai! Ai!" Joe gave a quick shudder as Vana backed off him with an unusual amount of energy, considering how much effort we had to use as we were being chased by that stupid rock-- "I'm sorry!" "Huh?" "I totally smashed into you and I didn't mean to and--" "Well, that was actually a fault on my part; I was supposed to catch--" "I didn't hurt you, did I?" "No, you--" "Of course you wouldn't be hurt! You're too great of a Ringwraith to be so injured by just little me, so I'll be off and hopefully I'll never smash into you so rudely again, oh ever-powerful Nazgul! Haveanicedaygoodbye! Ta ta!" She said this last line very quickly.
"I believe that's enough sugar for all of you," said Muse #4.
"We haven't had any sugar for... days," answered Amarth.
"Then that's enough excitement for all of you," he re-stated.
"You can say that again," said Sammy.
"Then that's enough excitement for all of you."
I could've sworn I heard Onikunshu's voice scream something like "Shut the" insert bad curse word "up before I rip your livers out!" Apparently, no one else heard this shout, for everyone ignored it.
"Retreat!" came the cry of a random soldier. "Retreat! The Mary-Sues are too powerful! Retreat! By order of second captain!"
"Looks like you've started the war already," said Penelope to Joe.
"Hours ago," replied the Nazgul. "And by the looks of it," he turned his head to the west, where the Mary-Sues continued to advance upon the departing army. "we'll be fighting for weeks."
~*Joe*~
"We are losing the battle, our men are tired, we're running low on a weapon supply, and our captain is dead!" Morikallo stood up with such swift motion that we thought he was going to explode in anger. "This is a lost cause! We are going to die here!"
"Tell me about it," muttered Naurglahad, taking a sip of soda with extreme causality.
"Sarcasm is not going to help us, Naurglahad," said Ember. "We need a better plan! You are the general's daughter; you should be the one to call the commands."
She chuckled lightly to herself. We stared at her as if she were going mad. "You silly elf. What would that do for us?"
"You have identical battle tactics," explained the Head Muse. "You'd be the next best thing to Onikunshu."
Everyone jumped as she flew to a stand even quicker than Morikallo's. "And it is because of him that we are losing!" In a flash she crushed the soda can and thrust it aside, taking a slow pace around the night campfire with a devious sneer on her pale face. "The battle strategies my father and I use are a specific type of strategy! There is no possible way for it to work out as well as it has to if we use it here. What totally surprises me, now that I dare to think of it, is how stupid both of us were to overlook the fact that we were both completely unfamiliar with our soldiers and our battle grounds." She stopped pacing and put a hand to her chin. "And come to think of that, it's really thanks to me that you're all still alive. If my plans were as perfect as they could be, then the Mary-Sues would have overtaken this surrendering fort hours ago. And ergo," she said in a concluding tone, "if you elect me as your general...you will all die in a blazing, fiery, Mary-Sue death. And my head will be made a relic of evil as it sits on a stake; a memory of the Sue that betrayed them."
There was complete silence as she bowed then reclaimed her seat next to me. I had to tug my robes a bit to get her to shift off my sleeve.
"We still need a head leader," said Morikallo. "We shall lose this war just as it begins."
"You should be our leader," I stated. "You were second command before the captain fell, and it is only common sense that you should take his place."
"Joe, Naurglahad just stated the reason why I should not be captain. My plans also have their similarities to Onikunshu's."
"Does this mean we're leaderless?" asked Muse #3, continuing to knit a violet scarf as he spoke. "Forever? Until the Ice Age?"
"Enough with that Ice Age prophecy," muttered Jack, rubbing his forehead with a stressed look on his face.
"Well, by my opinion, impending doom is a wonderful idea!" exclaimed Naurglahad. She turned to me and raised an eyebrow. "I'm somewhat surprised that you, you freakish undead Wraith, don't agree with me! Doom upon all!"
"Naurglahad," I replied dully, "that's just stupid."
"Shut up," she grumbled in reply. And being the bloody assassin/ ruthless warrior/ football player/ anti-goodness person she was, she took no hesitation in swinging her elbow into my chest, of course concluding in a messy topple of black fabric and metal. Unfortunately, in the process my sword was knocked out of its sheathe.
Several gasps were heard. Even Naurglahad gave a small scream. As I rose to my feet, spots of dirt staining my once clean, pure midnight black robes, I realized that all of the OCs had fled to the other side of the campsite. Ari was hiding her face in Morikallo's shirt, whose brown eyes had gone out of focus. Ember grabbed a hold of Wisdom's wrist before the cleric nearly fell over and squashed the Muses. Elenmir was backed up into the corner, and the three outlaws merely looked totally confused, but had backed up in caution, just to be sure. Strangely enough, Naurglahad had actually dared to cling onto Blue's shoulder in terror.
"Who... who are you?" several stuttered softly.
I did not answer. Instead, I silently picked up my sword, and put it back in its sheathe. Why did they need an answer? 'Twas technically none of their business. No one had to find out about it; not now.
And slowly, step by step, Naurglahad came forward with a shocked, unsure stare ringing through her wild green eyes. As she stopped, she gave a solemn, approving nod to her fellows. Then, to my utter surprise, she did not make a sudden strike to kill me. Instead, ironically instead, she bent on one knee and...
"I shall do as you ask, Milord," she whispered gauntly. "You are our new captain."
I could not find any words to express the horror I felt at that moment, watching all the OCs suddenly bend on knee and recite the exact same thing. But this did not make any sense. I just dumped one of my biggest secrets, and one of the first things they do is to bow before me and claim me as alpha? This was indeed the strangest deviltry I had seen yet.
Morgoth, help me.